Tears flooded my eyes, swamping them in an instant, for to face her death demanded them in infinite number! Luca lingered there for much longer than a casual touch, and it was the most comforting discomfort I’d ever known. 

The grip of his hand tightened painfully upon my arm, but I did not dare to ask that he remove it! I knew that if he were to let go: I should feel that terrible weight fall upon me again in whole, and I could not bear to suffer it alone!

I cried out in anguish as I was confronted with the terrible happenings of that night, and Luca held me through it all. He must have held me as tightly as he could, for I writhed to escape as though possessed, and would surely have lashed at myself and come to injury were I not so well restrained!

To still live on when she did not was maddening… no: it simply madness itself! I would spout reason against the fact that she’d died in my very arms, and I’d say to it that she must surely yet live! Despite her evading my person at every turn: she’d… she’d done to me as always before; with the teasing and those pleasant torments, and I just knew that she’d never abandon me!

This dichotomy of reality and strangeness I’d been experiencing had entirely taken my logic from me. That strange blackness seemed to carry her will, and it was real enough to clean my person in such an invasive manner! Her dark powers enabled my healing of Petyr from that deathful state, and even Luca told me he’d seen its works: it was surely beyond argument! She was here, and damned be any argument to the contrary!

But that night returned to me despite my protests, and an animalistic dread overwhelmed me. I gripped Luca so tightly around his back that my knuckles went white, so utterly overcome was I with the fear of remembering what I mustn’t. Nobody should ever have to relive such a terror as I was consumed with then, itself but the mere echo of that harrowing affair!

Would that I could have perused a gentler part of that day; perhaps I could have smiled again as I was with Elena as we talked over her young girl’s health, having just finished treating a minor cold in the household, but a sudden horror came as a realization struck me: I’d recommended she keep Pamela at home that night, instead of sending her to play at the Fredricksons! Oh I could have just kicked myself if I couldn’t feel Luca holding me so tight as to make me unable… and I might still have managed, if I weren’t drawn inexorably into the further horrors that night yet held for me!

I’d taken a short stop back home for a wash, as it wouldn’t do to spread the sickness to the other children. I’d distracted my Arianna with a short kiss, and I didn’t know then that it would be the last time I would see her so wholly intact and beautiful, as she pored over some silly acane matter — Mercy, but I love her so. I soon had myself redressed and with my present in hand, and I was off to the Fredrickson’s.

Talia’s birth had been so dangerous that Lisset and I had ended up bonding after a while, as I’d nursed her back to health, and I’d rather figured she could still use a little help in watching over the whole town’s worth of underfoots. Though their house was all the way on the other end of town and then some: I’d been making good time when something unusual had shown up on my route.

Despite the lingering heat of summer, a gaggle of overdressed priests had come into town, and although it was in truth but a disguise for villainous magisters with designs against us: I was then none the wiser! Although I gave them a curious glance, I nonetheless left them to their conversation with Nestor, despite the monied exchange that seemed to be taking place.

Nestor was always the kind of man who put himself first, and I’d figured that he must have found some way to scam those ridiculously dressed missionaries; perhaps had I been in his situation: I might have done worse, as I would’ve never allowed for them to infest the children with their evil faiths! If I really had it to do again, though: I would have immediately run home to warn her of what was to come!

Her response to the attack was so very delayed almost none of us had survived, and if Petyr’s state is to be judged by: it was also very nearly entirely too late for us too! Luca hadn’t told me specifically how Petyr had come by those injuries, and didn’t have to: his bloodied body was a canvas painted with history! 

It was spears that had rent open all those holes, and indeed Petyr was very lucky that so many strikes failed to strike his vitals! He was entirely of Lisset’s heritage, and he was truly lucky for that, as his immense size must have come to his salvation that night! Where he’d gotten injured, well that was no mystery to me either, for how could he have avoided the same vanishment that had affected all of my neighbors and our attackers if he weren’t near to his own house in the first place?! If he had taken even a single strike more…

Arianna, why did it take you so long to act? Given my very limited knowledge of ‘witchhunting’ practices, I’d suspected that they’d lowered a binding over her aether, but that they weren’t strong enough to hold her forever. They came prepared for her, for they must have known of her tremendously magical presence, as otherwise: why would they have come in secret with so many sorcerers? They already knew they could not match her without trickery, and so was our fate sealed… as was theirs.

I’d continued on for a while, and had just stopped as Stella approached me for an evening chat, and we spoke about how she and her baby were doing, when all of a sudden: a great light flared to life in the sky, and an alarming array of weapons were shortly upon us. The shock was tremendous, as neither of us could fathom why anyone would even want to attack us, let alone how they’d managed to transport enough supplies out here to sustain an attack, but animosity ran high in town regardless of the reasons behind their unforeseeable assault upon us!

Who’d started killing whom first, I couldn’t say, but Vance was the first neighbor I saw to die, and in such a horrible grisly fashion before his own wife… skewered to his house with two spears in his gut, and yet he was not immediately slain! Instead of pulling them from what should have been his corpse: they tore Stella cruelly away from him, and they were blind to her protests and grief, and also to my horror!

Their ignorance meant that they didn’t see her pull the dagger — she’d always loved so to practice strange tricks with it; the number of times I had to care for knife wounds leapt dramatically when the Roddericks came, and I was endlessly fretting that she would hurt her baby in more recent times — and those two fell to her, but death came also for Stella and her baby, as she was lanced through the neck, and a terrible gurgling scream went out as they put her down!

I felt immensely nauseous as I remembered these gruesome deaths, but still that strange feeling from before seemed to haunt my memory of them. Something about the situation was awfully appealing to me, though I could not for the life of me indicate what, and all throughout those memories of death and blood: that disgusting feeling refused to disappear, and it even grew in strength!

So quickly they had overrun the Roddericks, and as I wasn’t about to fight back: all I could do was run towards home, to where I knew she still must be, but they were faster than me by several lengths, and they shortly had me in hand. The soldiers seemed to be terribly confused by what was happening in those few moments I had to endure them, and they spoke panickedly in the first language we’d ever learned; one we’d rightly meant to never hear again! These men belonged to her father, and I felt such a rage towards them that not even their horrible actions could explain!

Still, I don’t believe they’d meant to kill us; it was actually a mournfully accidental affair it seemed from their conversation, but it wasn’t as if they could allow us to live to spread the truth about such a colossal ‘mistake’, and so I soon witnessed them slaying my other neighbors in evermore deliciously stomach turning ways! They were skewered, and beheaded, and stabbed, and some women were not so lucky as to have been caught by mere murderers! 

I could only be thankful that their contemptible fate was so short-lived, but as I looked around my memories of all the bodies and the blood, and that sweet scent came from immediately before me: I felt a strange overlap between them, and my vision was being taken over at the edges by a red fog.

That incredibly strange feeling was shaking me from the memory of that night, and I shortly found myself staring at my son in my arms as if our murdered acquaintances were overlaying with him! For… for some awful indecipherable reason: I couldn’t fully shake the thought that he too would be delicious. 

I swallowed back some of my gathering saliva, and I really was ravenously hungry, but for such a thing to even occur to me, for Mercy’s sake: he was like a son to me — nay! He’s my own son! I’d always struggled with his adoption, for I’d tried to put Carmen first, as it was the least I could do after she left us… but today I could finally admit to my own selfishness! 

Why I only knew that now… now that I couldn’t be his mother anymore; I could only cry as this aberrant hunger set me against my own son! I wanted so badly to ignore this unnatural hunger which hurt me so, but I felt my jaw opening of its own accord, and I clenched it back shut as longed for the return of normalcy to this life where my Arianna couldn’t be beside me anymore!

My stomach was gurgling so painfully, such that I was sure my Luca must have heard it, and as he broke the wonderfully warm embrace we’d shared: a chill I’d never known was present returned to me. Were it just that horrible cold that affected me, I might have simply wrapped myself in the blankets… but another feeling was flaring to life inside me!

As contact with his body left me, I felt a terrible rage erupt from inside me, and a growing part of me seemed incensed that such a morsel should escape from me! But obviously: I wouldn’t listen to something so utterly insane and absurd, and I wasn’t having it for even a single damned moment!

Luca sniffed, having clearly been crying some himself, and I remembered that she too was like a mother to my poor Luca, and this self-evident truth was about to set me off again for he’d lost us both in the same day, but he’d spoken to me before I could go off bawling again, 

“I’d better get you something to eat.” He further moved to grab a pillow from the bed, and he placed it in my arms, “It’s a poor substitute, but I’ll be back with food soon, okay?”

I could only nod as I came out of that strange haze, and when he left I began to meditate upon the realization sinking into me, because something… something wasn’t at all right. I couldn’t quite put a finger on it consciously, for I was longing in such a peculiar manner, but I felt that I was only delaying myself from having to face it, and so I’d meant to.

But whatever was happening to me would have to wait, as another spate of indecipherable feelings overwhelmed me as my Arianna’s voice again came to comfort me. This, this of all things, I could not bear. She was dead, and I could not stand to be comforted by her now!

That pillow endured the kind of pressure that could break a mere person, and I begged that she stop speaking, since I couldn’t grieve for her death properly if she kept talking to me. Her voice couldn’t be real, and I knew it! Nobody else seemed able to hear her, and I felt such a longing for her to hold me as she spoke that I collapsed onto the bed with a weariness that went through to my very bones!

This sort of emotion was beyond my scope to handle, but before I was even able to properly attempt to process it: Luca had returned so soon, and along with him came that sweetness I’d been smelling across the day, and when he helped me back to a sit: I could finally see the sweetness for what it really was!

Gruel, I supposed it technically constituted, but the warm bowl was a mercy to my fingers, which seemed to have been taking on quite a chill. Still, a strangeness again surfaced, as although I shouldn’t have been bothered by the dull-looking porridge, as I’d long grown used to the blandness of frontier life: an odd sense of distaste came to my tongue before I’d even had it, and instead my eyes had flowed towards Luca before I’d noticed.

I forced myself to look back at the food I held, and it seemed that he’d given me quite the serving of it. So much infact that I couldn’t possibly eat it all; I found myself suddenly thinking up ridiculous excuses not to feed myself while I was so starved for nourishment! 

So irritated I was by the prospect of turning away the gruel that I drew the spoon to my mouth as if in defiance of that absurdity… though my hand seemed oddly wont to betray me. My fingers bent with such a fierce rejection of my resolve, as if they were gripped with an otherworldly force intent on flinging the bowl to the floor and making a dreadful mess!

Ridiculous! So I ‘ate’, or perhaps ‘drank’ what I could, which turned out not to be so great an amount of it, as I found it absolutely distasteful. It was like swallowing still-burning ashes rather than drinking a refreshing liquid! It burned in my throat, and I was set to coughing for a while, but I recovered soon enough. I took another spoonful, expecting that I’d simply swallowed some of that sustaining broth into my lungs, and I was baffled when the material again tasted of hot ash!

Luca looked at me with a dreadful despair upon his features when I gave the bowl back to him, hardly emptied at all. I rather didn’t know what to say, but I was ashamed. While I was distracted by figuring out what to tell him, my traitorous eyes settled upon his arm, as if it were so irresistibly delicious that they couldn’t help but to eat him up. Unbidden, and rather uninvited: the thought came to me that all I had to do was lean over a little and I could… and I actually felt myself gravitate towards him before I shook myself of that startling influence.

Something seemed to be snapping inside me, and tears just poured from from my eyes, for possibly the fiftieth time that day; had I ever really stopped crying? I saw Luca coming back to hug me, but I pushed him away with as much force as I could muster, for I felt myself rapidly losing control over my actions, and a fear was again settling upon me, from somewhere I’d never before experienced it: myself.

This disturbing longing was just too much for me, and I giggled aloud nervously. ‘Strange symptoms are best handled cautiously,’ I'd taught him so before, and to Luca’s credit as my student: he'd already backed up a step towards the door. He always had good instincts, and I suddenly felt very glad to have him out of arm’s reach.

“Luca, dear… I’ve been feeling most unnaturally, and I believe it might be best if you lock the door behind you when you leave-” I started calmly, before feeling something shift inside of me, as if demanding that I chase down my son, and so I continued with a sudden shout,

“Immediately! Under no circumstances are you to open that door!”

His eyes poured with hateful tears… and I wondered how long he'd known what I'd refused to even acknowledge, for his eyebrows were lowered with a bitter frustration as he bit hard upon his bottom lip, and though his fists were clenched: he didn't contest me even a little on this. 

He didn't even seem surprised as he followed my directions with a careful silence, and even though his eyes were so sodden: he never took them off me until the door closed to seperate us. I heard the desired click, but my boy didn't stop there, no, for a while I could hear the scraping sounds of furniture as he barricaded me inside the room!

I was so damned proud of him, and I found myself wishing that I could continue to avoid the realization taking shape in me. It occurred to me that he may well have to lead all those other children through the wilderness of the frontier, with only the limited grasp of medicine and magic we’d left him. 

Not even her arcane notes, or my medical journals remained for him to inherit, and I imagined that he might feel so lost and alone without us, and so I was soon entirely swept up in this solemn mood.

We’d never really gotten around to teaching him about so many things, Arianna and I… we came here together with his genetic mother so many years ago. Carmen was a very pretty thing, though she often seemed lonely after her husband, Luca’s namesake, had died a mere seven months after their whirlwind meeting. We'd been sure to keep her company as oft we could, for we both cared for her immensely, and the both of us had long been sweet on her.

When Luca was born was the happiest I’d ever seen her, and it was the sweetest delivery I’ve ever since performed; easy on the mother and the baby, and full of the warmth only the closest of friends can feel for one another. She was so happy every time we saw her… she looked so happy that what happened always burdened us both with a guilt indescribable.

Two years after his birth, although she’d never once indicated she would do so: she’d hung herself, and left Luca to us; as if she had weaned him, and only then finally allowed herself to die! I’d suspected that the trauma we'd brought her away from had overcome her in the end, but regardless: Arianna was inconsolable for months, for she blamed herself most of all. Almost a whole year went by before I saw her smile again, and I was left distraught to look after her and Luca all the while.

But I never can distract myself from the haunting truth for long, for it always finds a way to come back to me in each and every tangent, and I finally knew the reason for Arianna’s paled face that night. I’d seen that look upon her features only once before, and it was as we’d first found Carmen's body. I knew now why she’d recoiled from me in terror when she should have been able to laugh at the mere concept of dying before me!

I understood now, after thwarting that attempt on her life: she’d primed herself for ascension, just as she’d planned to do for so many years, albeit not for a while longer yet, as she’d still had many aspects to refine, and she wasn’t supposed to be in danger of dying during the process! 

Focus is tantamount in such situations, and I’d shattered hers when I’d thought she’d finished with her chanting. It wasn’t a long process, but the effects were permanent, and I was the very reason she wasn’t able to sit beside me anymore!

When Carmen left us, my Arianna had been so terribly aggrieved that her recovery began with an insane quest into the aetherstream. She’d sought an arcane answer to the horror inherent in death, and she never once feared for the terrible possibilities which arrayed themselves before her! 

Even though such horrific mistakes often accompany those who attempt to cheat death: she wasn’t about to harm anyone else for the privilege, and in this way her soul remained pure, and we should both have lived through that terrible night!

But both of us didn’t, and only because she’d seen me at the worst possible juncture. The energy she’d harnessed must have shattered to pieces in her rage and distress, and she’d been forced to channel all that she still could into the pendant around my neck, so as to preserve as much of herself for me as she could… but she’d likely lost much of what could have been.

It took me a long while to contemplate what I should say to her, and so I was silent for a long time, but I couldn’t help but to tell her what I’d been meaning to say to her all this time! Although I’d gotten distracted so often, and I’d tried to ignore it at other times, and I’d even almost managed to convince myself otherwise: she had to know, as useless as it was for me to say after so long.

So I clutched the precious red gem I held onto, and I imagined that I held her in an embrace as I kissed the stone she’d surely become. I breathed deeply, all the while trying my hardest to ignore the hunger that gnawed at my very bones; I really did my best to displace it as my tears came down in a cascade.

My voice cracked with heaving sobs when I whispered to Arianna, whose face I might never see again, “I… I’m sorry, Rianna… I’m sorry I,” I was almost unable to continue, but finally I'd forced the words out of my shaking lips in full,

“I’m sorry I died, Rianna… I really ruined it all this time.”