《Beta Zero》22-Questions and Answers (Everyone Loves Beyonce)

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Alright, potential future inheritor, you're probably wondering where all the sanity in this otherwise sensible tale went. To answer that question I have to reveal a biiig secret...Ready?... The whole story is in my mind!... Not in the sense that it's not real (depending on your definition of that malleable and misleading word,) in the sense that the narration and point of view are both mine. Dun, DUN, DUN!

Now remember how I just had the whole outer shell of my humanesque brain lawnmower manned? Yeah... Holes, miss-remembered and missing pieces of information, up to this point, should honestly be worse but inter-dimensional mind's pretty spiffy. If you weren't born with it or have it already, you should invest as soon as possible. * This inheritance memory bridge journal brought to you by Hephaestus/Vulcan Multi-reality Creative LTD * Just kidding but that really is the name of the company who's logo decorates most material SYSTEM rewards and anything I made with the Schematic Ring. As above, so below. Anyone who's from or has ever had the unfortunates to visit Earth will understand. Yay capitalism!

To help you, my theoretical future inheritor, understand that what's going on is not a David Bowie love song, I've inserted a little summary of the most unclear events.

Why is Hiidan saying he's my father?...This one's pretty simple, for all that it's kinda fucked up.

The Race change reward for the Spy mission was a gambit move. It was his intention for me to win the Spy mission. That was when I was biologically ganked by Hiidan. He gave a metaphorical left nut to do it too...

When I melted the old hard drive trying to be 'Spaaaace Maaaan' I also shredded my astral body. For those not in the know, that's the part of you that survives after death. Technically what's 'in' that is your soul. I don't even want to know how literal 'soul seed' is but when Hiidan used his on me, that's when he became my pops on the metaphysical scale as well.

There is less than 1% of my original self left and that's only from my astral body. If, somewhere down the line, that piece gets lost I lose the 'Death twice denied' flaw. It also would mean that the original me is really dead and I can be considered a full fledged reincarnate.

Who's my mom? As far as I'm concerned, it's a wonderful old lady who's still alive back on Earth. I refuse to acknowledge that Troy's deranged sexual frustration fantasy fills that role. I mean, come the fuck on! Can't really blame Hiidan for that bit of mental trauma since he put me right in front of Lilly. Then again, if I can believe her, Lilly said her two main crushes were Benedict Cumberbatch and Niall Horan so maybe I didn't get off as unlucky as I thought. Then again 'again' who we fantasize about being with and what we fantasize about rolling in the sheets with tend to be totally different ideas but what do I know about a 16 year old (technically 18) girl's sexual fantasies

What is the story behind the 'Shadowspring Woods Realm', The Heartwood and the 'Void Genesis Seed'?... Too complicated but I'll tell ya what I know.

Lilly's wedding gifts are remnants of Glaucous' mother.

The 'SWR', as I like to call it, is the dead shell of ol mom's sub-dimensional home. It was grown from an astral genesis seed given to her by her lover (just guessing.) The 'time' aspect of it's space-time is faaast as fuuuck. This is illustrated by the fact that Lilly has roughly spent two years in there training in the month+ she's had it.

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The dusk willow heartwood came from her hamadryad (She was some kind of dryad then, again, just guessing,) infused with the gathered bits of her daughter's (Glaucous' sister who mostly died in some kind of invasion) partially digested soul and life force. Gives a whole new and creepy meaning to keeping your lost loved ones in your heart.

Lilly bound both of these weird thingies to her and she's bound to me, who has a growing subspace that she has access to a part of. Viola, dimensional and essence pool logistical fucking nightmare. I could have cared less about it if it wasn't a potential hindrance to my own personal growth. Even then I might have tolerated it because heartwood's paying rent but it's actually a metaphysical cancerous tumor to me. Realm trumps sub-space so realm eats subspace and grows.

Void genesis seed is Hiidan's answer to my 'growing' problem. Astral genesis seeds come with all kinds of secondary benefits like being able to generate additional livable space that's sensitive to it's owner's whim as it grows and boosting AE regeneration/storage. Void genesis seeds are only good at one thing beyond upgrading my subspace to a realm, more room. It's a huge ass DIY (do it your fucking self.) Within one day of having it I went from a small garage to a small apartment. It has amazing insulation qualities so it's not all bad. Oh, it's outer edge is pretty malleable too so I can overlay it with my current location and bounce in and out to imitate a really nice teleportation mimicry thanks to dimensional calculation assistance and the sub-dimensional space assistance knowledge upgrade for it.

I've taken back as much of my subspace from Jaden and Lilly as I can by handing it over to my realm and void space insulated my realm's connection to theirs. This took their bonded resource hogging from 'three with a fourth on the way' back to roughly what just Lilly herself was taking. They've got their own shit, they don't need mine too. It's was worth keeping that bit of an assistance line open though, so I could still collect spirit healing rent from the heartwood.

What's up with all the changes in powers?... This one's both simple and complicated. Simple because what I understand is enough to roll with. Complex because what I don't understand about it might bite me in the ass.

My race is Maelstrom Born. The Maelstrom is a theoretical border between 'all that is' and 'all that is not'. It is safer to surf along the event horizon of a black hole than it is to approach a Maelstrom ejection area. What normally gets shot from such places are super dense packets of one or more types of essence. Every once in awhile a batch of SE/LE mix nuggets get ejected. Those that develop astral bodies become souls, the rest are pac-man pellets. Once or twice a full expansion/contraction of a reality they spit a handful of amalgam nuggets (imagine the whole bag of trail mix crunched into a single peanut). One of three things happen to them: become a maelstrom born when they encounter another living being, become some alien entity with little connection to any other living thing or a super pac-man pellet which other entities below a certain level of power will fight to the death for.

Maelstrom Born are super evolvers, so are their terrifying cousins and so too become those who eat the duds. To borrow a worn adage; What doesn't kill us makes us stranger. No two are exactly the same and only those descendants who are made through fertility sacrifice have the same malleability as the parent. That's not saying those born the good old-fashioned way can't become just as powerful, they're just limited to inheritance like everyone else.

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I am not a cookie cutter of my papa! My major screw-up was likely guided by inherited instinct but I was already going my own way. It wasn't a good way (Schizophrenia). Who knows what kind of way it is now. My class tickled the balls of my race, who while blushing, turned my constructs and very impressionable young sprites into my tulpas. When I almost died, my race called my class a cock tease (because it didn't deliver) then proceeded to bend it over a table and had its way with my class (ate all my tulpas). It's a love turned rape story... (All this is educated conjecture. For all I know, primal brain went:'I'm dying, lets eat all the other me's in here and maybe I won't.')

My astral body looks like a me version of Hiidan's called form with a rainbow nimbus around my head. I would totally rock that for gay pride month events. Hey, just because I used to be full hetero, it didn't make me a bigot.

Energy(Solas) + Void(Tartarus) = Portal... Portal + Spectral Transportation = Jump Drive? Didn't feel like frying my brains again to find out.

Okay, if you're still confused, potential inheritor, then consider how I felt at the time. Bite pillow and relax cause the show must go on. Aaand that brings us to Troy, his horrible dictation skills and the moment my mind and astral body recovered enough to kick my full mental and emotional capacity back on.

If you've ever had a really bad concussion then you'll probably know what I'm talking about. It's like stumbling out of a room of cotton into a crystal clear version of wherever you are. You'll likely remember that moment very well for a really long time because before that, short term memory's taking a nap and your right brain is stuck in one mode. I'm lucky mine was 'so happy to be alive'. It could have just as easily been 'hulk smash' or 'self cutter emo'. Probably has a lot to do with where you cracked your noggin.

***

“- then she put the arcane well in the box. That means she won't be here tonight because she's going to be moving it. You , Little Gray and I, really don't have anything to do tomorrow outside of what we want to do to help. We just have to spend some time tomorrow collecting the larger sun crystals from the river bed. By tomorrow night, sun cave is going to start getting really dark. I mean you have a light ball but everyone else-” Troy trailed off as he noticed Wren looking at him funny.

From Wren's perspective, for a brief moment it was like he was seeing Troy for the first time. A stranger who was rambling away at him for no good reason. Then everything started clicking into place. It was doing so at a pace so fast it left Wren dizzy on his feet. The pavilion, which perpetually looked like mid-twilight, took on a midday clarity and then slid to normal.

“I'm going to lay down now,” Wren said almost mechanically as he turned and started walking towards the rest area.

“ You're not going to clean up first? You look kind of dirty. Like the new threads there, by the way.” Troy said, just starting to pick up something was off.

“Oh, thanks. I'll make you one tomorrow.” Wren said with a little more focus.

“Wren, what happened to you out there? I felt a moment earlier today where you were really scared and excited, then nothing for a half an hour or so.” Troy trailed after Wren to the washroom with Grimalkin trotting behind.

“I went brain dead trying to get rid of a thing but I'm better now. It made me think about a lot of things afterwards though. I don't remember them right this second but they're coming back to me.” Wren stripped out of his suit and rinsed it off before getting in the shower stream.

Troy was struck into a bemused stupor as Wren started cleaning himself.

“Hold on a bit and we'll talk,” Wren said as he was looking at Troy, who was looking everywhere on Wren but his face. “Little Gray, would you mind giving us some privacy for a bit, after you're done cleaning up?”

Grimalkin locked eyes with Wren. A lot of unsaid words danced behind his dark pupils before he silently rinsed off lather and walked away.

“What was that about?” Troy nervously chuckled.

“I only have a good idea but I'm not certain,” Wren said as he finished soaping up.

“Can I take this as an okay to join you under there?” Troy said huskily.

“Huh? Oh, um, I didn't really think about it. It's probably not a good idea though. At least not right now.”

Troy's nervous anticipation went cold. In it's place was a type of slowly rising dread.

“Don't you think acting so casual about my feelings for you is starting to get a little cruel?” Troy's voice became thick for a different reason.

“ Yes, but this really wasn't on purpose. The stuff before this was though. That's part of what I want to talk about. Not to marginalize our personal issues but it's not the most important thing I need to say either.” Wren said as he dried off and got dressed. Troy, at that moment, was facing away and trying to get his emotions back in check.

“Might as well get the worst over with. I won't ask you not to get angry but I'd like to ask you to let me get all my thoughts out before you take the floor. Is that doable?”

Troy slowly nodded to the opposite wall.

“I kinda got a little turned on at one point by Grimalkin. It was only for like a second and it didn't really mean anything, just a bit of tense moment physiology but still. A bit after that, right before I, before...” The temporary numbness was turning into the beginnings of a nervous breakdown but Wren held it back as best he could till it subsided.

Wren could feel that Troy wanted to go to him, to help him through whatever this mixed feeling was but his own feelings and the uncertain circumstances of the moment stopped him from moving at all as he continued to stare the other way but now it was the floor.

“ As much as I want to blame it on the moment or one specific tulpa, I kissed Little Gray before I jumped down to something that I thought... that I felt I didn't have very good odds of surviving. I mean I was pretty sure it was better than fifty-fifty but I was nowhere near thinking I'd be alright. The point is, I probably confused him a lot and now I'll have to deal with that but I want to make sure you don't take it out on him. I'm not saying you would or anything but this was my bad.”

Wren noticed that Troy subtly flinched at the mention of the kiss but didn't move.

“The reason I'm being blunt and up front about all this isn't because I don't care. It's because I'm taking us seriously. I don't want a small omitted truth to be the reason shit gets complicated later. And if I wasn't such a jumble of 'I don't know how I'm feeling' I probably wouldn't have minded if you got under there with me. Don't know how far things would have gotten before I freaked but I'll be ready to find out once I get back to sane. So get your say out but if I start crying, screaming or laughing while I hug myself, it's probably not your fault.”

“Do you find me attractive...I mean physically, not with all the bond excuse stuff? Do you just let me hold you because it's good for us, like the way a person eats the vegetables in their dinner whether they like it or not?” Troy asked. The vibrations coming the their bond told Wren that it had taken a lot of courage for Troy to ask that because Troy already more than half believed the answer he was going to get was the one he didn't want.

“If you asked me that a couple of days ago I probably would have hurt your feelings, one way or another. Right now, I'm not sure because a lot has changed. Troy, do you remember what I looked like before I was what I am now.”

“Yeah, why?” Troy asked shakily, still refusing to look at Wren.

“Would you have wanted to sleep with me then?”

“I don't...Is that your answer? Troy sounded like he was a lot closer to having a moment than Wren. Somehow, in a twisted kind of way it helped Wren untangle some of the emotional knot he was choking on.

“No. That was my answer but he's dead. Half of him died there, in that big white room. The other half, all but just the smallest part, died this afternoon. I have all the same memories. My soul is the same but if you want to believe the Hindus and Buddhists, the soul doesn't give a rat's ass about that kind of stuff. The half that you want and was confusing that man on what he wanted is still right here. The new half of me I don't even know myself. To put it in another way, the half of me that says I need you even if it's only cause you're vegetables doesn't have to fight with the part that only felt comfortable as seeing you that way because he is gone.”

“Then can I kiss you?”

“If you promise to stop there and mean it then I kind of wish you would.”

Contrary to Wren's expectations, Troy didn't rush up to him or even hurry. There was even a bit of hesitation as if Troy was afraid that after he did, Wren might figure out he didn't want Troy to. He reached an unsteady hand out to the side of Wren's face before pulling him closer.

Wren had never seen Troy's eyes so close before. The only impression he'd had of them was vaguely thinking they were hazel but up close he had a much different impression.

“Incense smoke floating across jade, how many hearts have those solemn eyes of yours broken, Troy?” Wren surprised himself a little with the flippant comment he blurted out, realizing that he was a lot more nervous about this than he originally thought. A small amount of the usual confidence Wren was used to seeing on Troy's face came back as it broke into a roguish grin.

“Is that your round about way of saying you think my eyes are pretty, Wren?”

“The eyes of a holy man on a perv is cheating. That's what I'm say-, umph!”

It's just a kiss. It's not like I haven't done this hundreds of times before...wha?

A sensation more soothing than the trickle of heartwood energy and just as dangerously euphoric as life essence passed between them. It was the sweet whisper of a demon, the comforting promise of an angel and it was just an echo of what full union between bonded would bring, Wren's instincts intimated. It lasted only seconds before fading, the over spill of two months' chaste interaction. As if by mutual consent, they released and backed away from each other, both a gentle caress away from an embarrassing accident.

That was what old man Hiidan was talking about. I've been doing this all wrong. When a spirit is healthy, it builds SE until the container is full and then releases the rest. People with strong beliefs subconsciously collect that extra into prayer/worship and send it in a special condensed form called faith.

For me, when I make someone a bonded I form a connection with their soul and give a place for excess SE to gather and condense, waiting to be stimulated into release. I bet the old man has never had a bonded that wasn't a lover. That's why he sees my other bonded as a waste but I wonder. If I can key into the exact type of 'emotional bond' I have with someone, I can stimulate the release of the condensed SE they're holding.

If that's how it works then theoretically that SE can be stimulated by others but only by small amounts. It would explain why Jaden can't seem to get enough of Lilly and if that's true then it suggests that a lover's bond is the most efficient type but it doesn't have to be the only one. There's only one way to find out.

Wren turned and started walking like someone had lit a fire under him.

“W,wait Wren! Does this mean we're good?” Troy said with more than a little concern.

Wren stopped and turned around. He realized what his 'leaving like a house is on fire' actions might have looked like considering what just happened. “We're more than good Troy. What I think I just figured out is fucking fantastic!” The completely undisguised excitement on Wren's face left no room for negative interpretation.

“So, does that mean you don't like girls anymore?” Troy said hopefully.

“Nope. My little soldier tried to salute Ephyra for a half second before I reminded him she's a cannibal,” Wren delivered bluntly and regretted it as he saw a kicked puppy expression cloud over Troy's face. “Hey, now. You can take some pride in the fact that nobody's gonna be able to pop my cork like you can unless I bond a girl who's coo coo for my coco puffs and I'm not gonna do that unless she's cool with you. If you use that against me to give a girl I'm sweet on a hard time, I will get pissed though.”

Troy didn't look or feel much better through the connection.

“Look at me Troy. It's not like I don't get it. You are the only dude who I can see giving the key to my back door. I think I even like you, might even...The point is I may have played around a little in the past but nowhere near as much as you have. I was even looking to be a one person kinda person. It's not like I'm looking to be a harem master or something. You're my Mister plus one I'm just gonna keep looking till I find my Misses plus one and that's all I want. There might be a girl here and there till I find her but your position is solid okay.

“The only thing I'm not sure about is Little Gray. It's not in a sexual way mind you, well maybe just a little bit, but I'm just trying to figure out where he fits into OUR lives. He's hurt all kinds of different ways all the way down and I can't help but want to do something about that. If what I did has made him want things from me then I don't know how I'll deal with it but I'll make you a promise. If part of making him a whole person includes those kinds of things I want you there with me. We can heal him together.”

“ I can't help but feel jealous of him when you're talking about being intimate with him. We haven't even done anything yet and you're already talking about having a threesome!”

No, Troy. I'm not. I'm talking about showing him, in any way I can, that he's not the sacrificial pawn he thinks he is, believes all he's worth. I've blown you off a lot. I even feel bad about how hard I've fought against my feelings about you but if that little guy ever gets up the nerve to proposition me I'm scared he might kill himself if I turned him down. He's one hair's width from full on suicidal and I really can't blame him for it after all the shit he's been through. His only wish is to either die beside me or for me. If he shows even a smudge of a wish for something else I want to give it to him because, goddamnit, he deserves something good. I really don't see him growing that big of a pair any time soon but the way shit keeps tripping me up I don't want to start dropping stones on my own foot too.”

“I can't believe I'm the one saying this but what if he likes girls. What if he's mistaking his attachment to you as something more than what it actually is. Maybe he's desperate to feel needed and it'll be him thinking it's what you want... Damn it, don't even answer! Shit!”

“Hold up Troy. You could be right. I shou-”

Troy raised his hand up to stop Wren, “Don't even waste your time. A few weeks back, Jaden came and asked me to take Little Gray on as a sparring partner for a few days, his face all screwed up, because Lilly stopped taking her bouts with Little Gray seriously. Apparently she started using them to big sister bully him a little. Ending their bouts with tickle torture and things like that.

“Jaden asked why she did stuff like that when she gets cruel with any other guy she spars with, even him sometimes. She told him 'her little kitten' doesn't so much as look at her boobs and even goes as far as missing counter attacks to keep from getting 'personal' with her. Just to test her 'theory' about little Gray, she grappled him in one of the more stimulating but less effective positions and he didn't look anything but miserable till she let him go. That's when she found out he was ticklish though. After that she said is was far more fun to see that too-serious kid face of his giggling than banged up.

“The first time I sparred with him, I pretty much treated him the same way I treated you. I'm just saying this for the record but the last few weeks has been hard on me because I'm all pent up and frustrated.” Troy gave Wren an accusatory look before continuing, “It didn't take long for him to start breathing hard and I knew it wasn't because he was winded.”

“ Much in the same vein as Lilly, I decided to test him out. Remember that move where I lunged at you, released the practice foil and wrapped you up from behind with my arms? Remember how I ended by grinding into you a few times and patted your junk with the flat of the main gauche's blade?”

“Yeees...” Wren replied with the ghost of old irritation in his face.

“He seized up so violently he dropped his daggers before nearly going limp in my arms. Wren, he looked at me like he thought I secretly poisoned him. He had no idea why he reacted that way. I'd be surprised if he knew what masturbation was. He's like nineteen years old! So yeah, I get it but the little bit of warm and fuzzy I have for the poor guy doesn't even come close to how much it burns that I know he's got a place in there-” Troy poked Wren in the chest, “But I don't know if I do, Not really.”

So, in the end that's what all this is really about. The biggest reason he's getting bent out of shape whenever I talk about being close with someone else isn't because he want's me all to himself, though I'm sure he'd be more than fine with that, it's because he feels insecure. So, maybe he just needs to hear something solid from me.

“Enough about that. You and I may not have sealed the deal, so to speak, but there is now no question in my mind about it... Gawd, it's so fucking embarrassing to say this... You're my man Troy. You feel me? I like it and if you want me to I'll even put a ring on it and fuck you for making me say it!”

Troy froze up, speechless. As he stood there staring at Wren, his eyes misted up a little as he started to faintly tremble. The sheer amount of happiness reverberating through the bond set Wren's teeth on edge.

Well, as much as I hate the mushy stuff at least he seems to get-

Troy burst out into a riot of laughs. Tears were running down his face from the previous efforts to hold it in.

“I do, Wren! I'd * gasp* like you t-to put a ring on it...B-beyonce though? No, wait! I'm sorr-he he! * gasp *”

“Fine, then I got stuff to do. We can finish talking about it later.” Wren was back in 'house on fire' mode but for an entirely different reason as he quickly exited, his head burning all the way down to his collarbone.

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