《Beta Zero》21-Daddy Issues

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He was disoriented. Thoughts would try to form only to break apart again. A screen flickering with a multitude of symbols and images clamored for his attention but he couldn't focus enough to read it. Warm bodies and feelings of comfort and concern for him kept the rising panic to a controllable level as he remained relaxed and tried to piece things together.

Who am I?I'm Wren. Who are these people that are holding me?...

After a few minutes of speculation with something deeper inside of himself answering those and many other basic questions, he finally asked about what was answering him. Once he knew the answer to that question, Inter-dimensional mind began answering a lot of things, from the beginning. Blanks in his mind began filling rapidly but he had lost so much.

Jaden and Lilly feel that I'm stable and recovering so they're going to leave me with Grimalikn. They have important things to attend to but they trust that one to keep me safe. But I can't feel him like the others. Oh, he's not a bonded like them. I know all kinds of words and I think I can talk now.

“I have a lot of blanks in my mind, Grimalkin. Don't look so worried, okay. They're filling in but until they do, I won't remember much. If it's safe here, I'd like to just take it easy until I'm more me,” Wren said, not sure what his relationship was with this dark skinned, funny eared kid.

“It will be as you say. If you are hungry, I could prepare a simple meal?”

He seems pretty eager to please me. Is he like my servant or something? That'd be cool.

“Oh, that sounds good. Whatcha gonna fix? Oh, maybe that egg? Is it safe to eat that. It looks pretty, like a big opal. I think I remember someone telling me that colorful things you find in the woods might be poisonous but I think that's only plants and animals.”

“I-I guess we could but you told me to keep it safe and give it to Troy. I think it might have been important to you, brother Wren.”

“Oh, then we probably shouldn't eat it. Wait, we're brothers? Do we share a mother or father? Never mind that last question.”

God, I'd hate to hurt his feelings if he was adopted... Or maybe I'm the one who's adopted!?

“I believe that resting until you are more yourself is a wise decision, brother Wren,” Grimalkin said, looking a bit out of sorts.

Oh, the windows are back... The one on the top looks new.

Inheritance mission completed... Do you accept NDA and Non-peaceful acquisition restraining order agreements?

Yes or No?

Um sure. Why not?

Something inside of Wren but elsewhere, felt a temporary constricting feeling.

Rewards for inheritance mission are as follows:

250 achievement points

Tier IV personalized equipment

bonus reward for unanticipated hazard during mission (approved by Usuway Umberdeep)

Before Wren could read older windows two new ones popped up.

Material reward aquisition proxy request issued by party member Lilly Easterbrook-Riverson

Accept or Decline?

Well, she seems like a nice girl. She's probably just picking it up for me... Okay.

Request for compensation from contracted entity for a use not covered under current agreement. Actions of previously stated entity resulted in life preserving actions requiring expenditure of rare material (soul seed: estimated worth- 2k achievement points)

Requested compensation: current accumulated achievement points

Accept or Decline?

Um...well according to this the contracted thing saved me so it seems fair...Besides, if the thing that saved me is willing to go above and beyond I'd rather keep in it's good graces. Besides, It's just some points right?

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Transaction complete:

achievement points spent- 1.75k

goodwill gift aquired- sub-dimensional space assistance knowledege added to spacial calculation assistance

Wren noticed that some of the remaining windows shrank a little.

Guess there's no use in notifications of points you're about to get if you're not getting them. I feel like I better get some more of me back before I keep going. If important decisions are being made here, I wanna know exactly what I'm agreeing to.

By the time Jaden and Lilly had returned and they had enjoyed the meal provided by the effort of Grimalkin, Wren had recovered most of his lost self, though he had discovered that there were still quite a few holes in his earliest memories of life along with a few small ones here and there that weren't so bad that he couldn't think around them to figure things out. He had come to the grim realization that there were now a few pieces of himself that were permanently gone.

“That was an enlightening experience, brother Wren. I'm glad that you brought this to the attention of my father. I'm a participant like Lilly and yourself now. Yet another piece of my beloved's life that once left me feeling an outsider has been granted to me!” Jaden said jubilantly.

Wren noticed Lilly looking at the oblivious Jaden worriedly but felt her effort to be happy for him thrumming through their bond.

He's under some pretty messed up assumptions right now. Guess it's my job to slap him with a little reality check. The irony of me being a blank slate amnesiac not but two hours ago isn't lost on me either.

“Jaden, you just signed up for a job where almost all of your bosses are dicks who hope you're crazy and suicidal enough to do stupid dangerous shit for raffle tickets and good job stickers. I am heavily relieved that you and Lilly have each other to increase your chances of survival but I hope you can appreciate that Lilly probably has a lot of mixed feelings about you being dragged into this mess.”

“I- I think I understand what you're saying, brother Wren, but you could have let me enjoy the moment for a bit longer,” Jaden said, a little irritated.

“Maybe I should have and probably would have let you understand all this on your own but I've already dealt with something similar several years ago. I signed up for the army of my country and served a relatively peaceful enlistment but a few of my friends who signed up with me, some after, got caught up in a conflict I narrowly avoided. When they came back home, aside from the one who didn't, they were changed men. They were damaged men. Their healing wounds, worn and crippled bodies, weren't even the worst part. That kind of damage you can see, maybe even help with but they were damaged in mind and spirit as well. They were haunted by the things they had seen and done. I'd rather crush your eagerness and joy now to spare you the self loathing later.”

Of all the holes in my moments of happiness that I lost how come there are so few in the misery? Of course I know the answer but it would be nice if pain wasn't the best teacher, that suffering makes a person stronger if it doesn't break them. Our brains evolved to help us survive and the wishes we made over birthday cakes or visits to the amusement park just don't make the cut for that.

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“I'm not saying there aren't any perks, because there are, quite literally. I just want you to think very carefully about what prices you're willing to pay for those opportunities, prices you might be forced into paying whether you're willing or not.”

“If it is so dire, why did you even tell me about this? Was it for the rewards?”

“No, Jaden. I talked this over with your father long before and we agreed that if you and Lilly didn't end up together that this would have never been brought up to you. We knew that if you ended up together you'd not give her up and so you might as well get the benefits along with the risks.”

Wren tuned Jaden and Lilly out as they both went on a rant about one thing or another, organizing his queue for what he thought most relevant to learn or remember next. He projected patient understanding for a time, hoping that this was all just some hotheadedness needing a vent but as anger led to accusations and misunderstandings he had reached the end of his patience.

This is kinda my fault for only half listening but for gawd fucking sake!

“Parts of my brain melted like cheese on a goddamn grill and I'm still in the process of stitching everything back together. So if you don't fucking mind, I'd like to get back to that! Jaden, talk to your dad if you got problems with how things were handled. You aren't gonna listen to anything I have to say at this point anyway. Lilly, of course you have a right to know shit but I was in the middle off balancing our lives between a society that wanted to use us and entities that could kill us if they fart too hard. Yes, I could have shared that burden with you and Troy but I didn't because if it was only me who fucked up there was a chance you two could still survive. Give me some fucking dignity as an older adult to want to shield the both of you from that! It might not have been fair of me or even right but I own it and still feel like I did what I thought I could live with.”

“Pull your head outta your arse, Wren. What I see is a self righteous shite of a man who's growing a mighty big messiah complex. If you leave me in the dark about important things like this again then I'm going to break my size 8 off in your keister. See if I don't!” Lilly said as she threw a bundle down at Wren's feet and stormed away.

“If all that you say is true, it was my choice to make,” Jaden said calmly but anger still simmered down the connection.

“You're gonna be a father someday Jaden, god willing. It might even be soon for all we know. Wait till you face and hopefully survive a few more missions with your wife. Then I want you to think about how much you'd want your child to go through that when you're not going to be able to be there to help them. If you still feel the same way as you do now, then I'll give you a heartfelt apology, right after you demand one from your father.”

Jaden paled a little at the implications of Wren's final statement. The small enlightenment of insight, brought on more by ingrained reverence of his father than any real implications of fatherhood within himself, awakened enough sympathy to allow Jaden to let his anger go.

“I could see where taking a stance my father did not favor as your own would be something most would not desire. I was unnecessarily judgmental of you, brother Wren. I'll try to get Lilly to see that.”

I'm more than willing to let the tiny misunderstanding at the heart of that truth to stand.

“If you would, tell Lilly I do owe her an apology and I'll give it to her as soon as I'm done pulling my head out of where she wants to place her foot.”

Skating close to thin ice of a lie but I do feel bad for making her feel bad. That's gotta be enough... Alrighty then. Lets get the rest of these windows outta the way, check the loot and get our asses back.

Astral body integrity 48% [

Participant resources lost:

All primordial tulpas

Combat tulpa Lustitia, Terror

Support tulpa Liberalitas

Discovered: Embodiment upgrade (apprentice)- Void Walker(aligned to -error- neutrally aligned Host no longer exists): the voices of your tulpas no longer clamor for attention or cloud your reason as they have joined you once more. (5% EE PPM, cost type and amount variable for lesser embodiment)

Discovered: Manifestation addition- Evoke(novice): Through intuition and communion, the elements heed your call. (Sprite imitation/temporary sprite construction, AE variable[permanent creation possible, EE/SE/LE variable])

Title lost: Returned Saint [inferior redundancy]

Title gained: Witness of the Boundary

Local reputation: +5 with Avatar of Nature (Tethyr) for the eradication of country level threat [gift of goodwill- conjuration model: nature kin]

Unknown source: [Eldritch construct]

Jebus Crabst, that was a lotta hooha... Ooooh sneeky, sneaky my secret buddy.

While his queue was unpacking the sub-dimensional space assistance, he discovered a message from Hiidan.

***

Bet you're all kinds of confused right now. If you're not, then you're even more messed up than I thought... So let me get to it. You're synapses we're firing so fast that you cooked the outside layer of your brain. Lucky for you, there's a hard drive back up or you'd likely be learning everything from scratch. Frankly, before you had inter-dimensional mind you could have been classified as handicapped by the rest of our race. If the day ever comes, and I doubt it will given how stupidly suicidal you are, that you reach beyond a mortal planetary existence, losing your head is a decade to century event. Hells, if you become an asura or demon (blah, blah, labels)it could be a daily event. Don't let that eight pounds of dead weight on your neck take too much damage right now.

Do the K to tha muthafracking P thing like yesterday please. It would be nice to have a heart to heart... XOXO If any fishies try to bully you on your school trip, call me and I'll beat them up for you. Daddy luvs u pumpkin...

***

All the time he's spent, wherever he is, has obviously unhinged him. Is it the ha ha kind of crazy or the uh oh kind of crazy? Whatever... Goodies!

Wren pawed through the package at his feet as Grimalkin patiently waited for him to proclaim the fate of the egg he was cradling.

A TSSR (thermal stabilization and self repair) suit, aka the teaser suit, is the tar monster surprise bonus?Other than fixing itself, it's a morph suit with air conditioning that only works properly if it's the only thing you're wearing except... OMFG, it has the same logo as the jock straps...That underwear is the only kind that can be worn comfortably with this outfit. Even supernatural beings understand the value of brand recognition and exclusive compatibility. Okay, so it actually has some defensive value and it's got some aesthetic additions but I can still see someone running around in it going, 'It's morphin time!' File that away...I might have to try it once when no one's looking. Ooooh, it has a hood and a turtleneck like piece that acts as...alright... so it's actually pretty cool.

What's in the box maaan? The Seven reference too dated? Oh...it's a ring...

A ring loaded with all kinds of schematics for weapons, tools and assorted odds and ends that's keyed to my psychic signature! This ain't for my job, it's for my profession. By itself it's a circular flash drive but with my powers and perks it's a shortcut cheat! Everything I make with it will have that little logo on it, a tilted smith's hammer in an equilateral triangle surrounded by a circle. That's a lot of symbolism for a little logo.

“Hey, Little gray. Come here. I wannaaaAhhh, my Little Omelet! I'm so sorry! daddy would never eat you!”

Officially shittiest father of the year...Luckily he hasn't hatched yet so there's plenty of time to improve. Okay, back into the pool room.

“Sorry about that Little Gray. Meow, where was I? Oh, yeah. I wanna try to make some stuff for ya before we head back. Can you bring me as much dead wood and fallen branches as you can in the next few?”

“Are you feeling alright, brother Wren?”

“Other than a little manic and geeked from the cool stuff I got, I'm pretty good.”

“Then it will be as you say.”

As Grimalkin wandered off, Wren started thumbing through his schema to find some relatively easy stuff to make. A bit later, Jaden approached Wren.

“If you're recovered enough, we should return, brother Wren. Lilly seems calm enough to accept your apology but refuses to let this issue go until she hears it from you. On a separate note, Lilly and I have agreed to the ten point expenditure to use the obelisk to travel directly to the arcane well that we think refers to the hole by the Riverside Pavilion.”

“Starting from the top... I will go to apologize as soon as we are done speaking. Aaaand then, there is no need to pay, as long as you hold on to me, but we will be stopping at the Wellness Vestibule instead since the ley line runs through it. I have business there and it wouldn't be a bad idea to let that gizmo give us a once over. It's a tradition of your people anyway. We'll just use the Mark of Passage from there.”

Wren took some time to make up with Lilly as Grimalkin finished gathering some wood.

“Before I get started. Could you guys sign over your EE recovery rights to me?”

Confused but curious, Jaden and Lilly complied as Wren converted the wood to carbon compounds which earned him a warning from the safe zone.

Chill eco-warrior, I'm not planning on littering. This is an example of, 'reduce, reuse, recycle'.

After taking some measurements of Grimalkin, Wren used the ring and materials to produce a mundane version of their suits before upgrading the hidden weapons to carbonized steel.

Gaaa! So easy and efficient!After all the rough gathering of the past few months, I can finally see the light. Oh the things I can make now that I have blueprints... There's even a cap loading derringer-like weapon design in here. I'm sure there's more but some of the info is locked because of planetary limitations on tech.

Grimalkin was looking at his new equipment with fanatical reverence and Jaden looked pretty wowed too but Lilly was still a bit surly so Wren decided he'd tested everyone's patience enough.

“Alright everybody. I've had this knack for awhile now but never got a chance to use it. Just hang tight to me and I'll get us into the transit.”

Jaden and Lilly each grabbed an arm while Grimalkin hugged Wren tightly from behind.

These suits let quite a bit of tactile sensation through. Guess this means that Troy's gonna have a whole new way to harass me in the future. Lilly~ your fingers are hurting me...Jaden~ I'm losing feeling in my hand...Little Gray~ my ribs are creaking...That's weird. The Ley line is slowly getting fainter. Better hurry.

Wren reached out with 3.5 mind and just a touch of spirit before they passed through into the ley line via the obelisk.

So, is this what a letter in a vacuum tube container feels like?

Before Wren had even fully formed his thought, the group was spit out at the Vestibule of Wellness in nauseating suddenness. The only things different from the last time he was here was a little dust and a brown sash woman, clearly pregnant, kneeling to the Kyter Pulse like it was an idol. Wren even noted a few colorful sprigs of something or rather laid at it's base.

“Guys you can let go now,” Wren wheezed through his groaning ribs.

“Shadows defend!” the woman quickly stood and cried out at Wren's sudden verbal intrusion into the silence.

Wren let Jaden handle the situation as he was an easily recognizable figure and therefore more likely to solve this situation with the littlest fuss. After a little consoling and congratulations delivered with an awkwardly given blessing to her unborn child, the woman went on her way.

A part of me is curious but at the same time I really don't care enough about why she would be praying to a large, glowing metal gourd to ask.

Wasting no time, Wren opened to the calling mark and said goodbye to a percent of LE after agreeing to the Balance Keeper NDA. He sent out his own kind of small prayer that what he was doing wouldn't end up giving him a headache, or even better, no regrets. Not knowing what to expect, he was a little disappointed when all that happened was a little dimming of light before a 6' 3” cutout of reality unfolded.

Seeing the figure walk over and put his hand into the Kyter Pulse Jaden said, a little panicked, “Um, what are you doing Wren?”

“Allow me to answer,” A familiar rusty voice said, though not as strained sounding as before. “I am copying a component of this device and updating it's parameters to potentially be of help against a future threat. I must admit it won't be that effective unless you can get your hands on some spirit stones but some strong light element enchanted diamonds will do in a pinch. Using this device in such a way for prolonged periods of time will shorten it's life span significantly but since it's smuggled goods in the first place I don't see the harm in that. This may be a bit rude but I need to speak with Wren privately and psychic communication here is not that private.”

“Alright guys, let me open the mark of passage and-” Wren said before being cut off by Lilly.

“We'd like to stay here if it's all the same.”

Jaden looked like he wanted to say something but Lilly's sharp glance his direction made his words shrivel and die in his throat.

“I'd hate to have to waste Wren's Eldritch Essence to prove to you that this isn't up for debate but I will. What I need to share with him is too important for someone who doesn't have a certain type of mental protection to hear. Needless to say, pestering him about it after the fact would do nothing but put Wren in a difficult position, a position that is already far more difficult than it should be. Please be understanding. Wren...”

Wren opened the Mark of Passage. Jaden gave Lilly a little extra urging as she reluctantly walked through. Grimalkin lingered for a moment before walking through after Wren gave him a reassuring nod.

“As usual with our meetings, for one reason or another, I'll try to keep this brief. This time because if I stay for much longer I'll need to consume more of your life as your spirit is still surprisingly weak. Take this-” The figure reached into itself to pull out a small, light absorbing marble. “It's a void genesis seed. Place it in your sub-space. It will help you combat and even give you the ability to disconnect Lilly's parasite realm. It's not intentional on her behalf but I would wager that your fishy gal knew what she was doing when she gave it. A void genesis seed won't help you immediately as much as others could but it's growth will be exponentially faster. You'll just have to find ways to fill it yourself. Not that it should be a problem if you survive long enough. Don't worry. It won't hurt your precious cargo.

“I'm not entirely certain if you'll still be around this mud ball when all the hells break loose here, figuratively. I'm sure I'll have other opportunities to speak to you about that but there is an approximate year timer counting down... You've made some poor additional choices in bonded, Wren. Not their character mind you, they seem lovely. What I mean is the purpose that bonded serve. Ideally, they benefit from your unique heritage and in return they help you replenish and grow your spirit. Other than Troy, I don't see that happening. In fact, aside from her wonderful character Lilly isn't offering you much except for additional burdens to your growth which will quickly become problematic and far more than her own worth outside of sentimentality. That she has brought another who is even of less value to you, into your bonds frustrates me greatly in your stead.

“You may not be willing to accept this now but I shaped you into my own child, more thoroughly than most natural births even could. You could say that my connections to you are not much different than your egg. I know you have memories of a father who raised and nurtured you but in this life I am now attempting to raise and nurture you as the new fledgling you are, in an existential realm you know no better than a newborn would know it's world. Do me the courtesy of listening to me even if you have no intention of heeding or I will worry over your ignorance.”

“I feel you but I just don't think I can do the whole second dad thing with you. Maybe that'll change with time but as far as I'm concerned now, I'm a man fully grown and capable enough in my own right,” Wren said.

“And that mindset is what I fear the most for you. You need much more knowledge and experience to be 'capable' of doing more than mere surviving at the whim of others as you are now. In the eyes of our race you are little more than newly born, even at a century. You have over a third of a lifetime as a human. To us a human life time is an infancy but enough of that. Time and understanding will open your eyes to this truth without my harping on it.

“Wren, all of my children are dead aside from you. I am the last of a Host that was eradicated by the other three when my superior and a large number of us that followed him decided to abandon our duty to seek shelter within the Balance Keepers. Perhaps he was wise to do so. I would not even carry grudge against him if he had not used a past indiscretion of mine to place myself and my children into the path of our enemies to cover his own retreat, a retreat I knew nothing of.

He carries secrets, secrets that I discovered and placed in his hands. Secrets that he wanted me and my family dead to keep for himself. If you survive and grow strong enough to benefit from them I will share them with you but now they would only be another burden you could scarcely afford.”

“Others draw near and they are not friendly. Let us move to one last venue so I may clear a problem for you before you should dismiss me. When you recover a goodly amount of life or build your spirit to health you should call on me again. Other than that call on me only when need is dire. Anon.”

A Subtle dimming and they were standing at the bank of the Riverside Pavilion. A lively discussion died on the lips of all present as Hiidan walked across the water to where Ephyra stood, holding a bejeweled chest.

“Ephyra, I've read interesting stories of you recently. I heard that you once devoured an entire ship of Greek soldiers because their war band wore particularly garish asymmetrical armor out of some trite tradition. So perhaps you might appreciate the sentiment when I tell you that I once devoured an entire solar system for it's particularly erratic orbits. Please treat the one I name son and heir with equanimity and lack of unnecessary guile. I may be moved to see you in a favorable light.”

The living cutout of reality leaned in to whisper a few words in Ephyra's ear before nodding to Wren. After a couple of seconds and a bit of embarrassment, Wren realized he was being signaled to release the calling and so he did. And for all the effort of intimidation that Hiidan laid, Ephyra looked no more ruffled than a genteel lady who was informed that the particular scone she wanted served with her tea was out of stock.

“Well, as enlightening as that was, it's time to move on to our next order of business. Troy, you may bring Wren up to speed as I continue to inform the rest.”

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