《The Devil is a Stoner》Chapter 8: A Trip to Outer Space
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Life here kind of sucks to be honest...
Abner was inside the Emperor's castle cafeteria enjoying a bottle of liquor and a bowl of chicken soup. He had been summoned a week ago and wasn't happy with the change in his life. He couldn't accept the sudden awakening and was complaining in his thoughts.
Jerrick, that dick! What kind of leader deals with their problems by dumping them on a random citizen from a different world? This motherfucker just gave me the title of hero expecting me to save their country? What the fuck is wrong with people?
Like I appreciate the free liquor, but honestly, after a week of drinking, I'd rather smoke weed instead.
Abner had woken up inside a strange room with a giant hangover. He didn't remember much from the night before, but getting kidnapped by an old man, who is cosplaying as an emperor was something else even for Abner. The old man was claiming that Abner was a "Hero" and that their world needs to be saved. It all sounded like a bunch of bullshit, but the old man was offering a free bottle of liquor, so Abner decided to play along in hopes of obtaining it.
Shockingly it turned out, that the old man actually wasn't bullshitting, and Abner had really been summoned to another world. The old man was the supreme leader of essentially all humans on the continent. The city they were in was called Reinhardt, and the old man was called Emperor Jerrick the Fifth.
Abner had been summoned in order to win a war against demons, as their Demon King had perished. However, he wasn't interested in playing real-life Doom with a bunch of weirdos. The Emperor claimed sending him back to earth was impossible before defeating the demon race. To Abner, this sounded like a bunch of bullshit, but he had no other choice. He knew that if he tried to escape, the emperor would probably hunt him down and kill him.
The Emperor forced Abner to go through hellish training in order to defeat the demons threatening humanity. Abner quickly learned all kinds of overpowered spells and powers, but the training wasn't pleasant considering he was constantly drunk or hungover from all the free liquor bottles he'd been drinking. He could have just stopped drinking them, but Abner had sworn to never pass up a free shot let alone an entire bottle.
The magic powers are kind of cool I guess, but for fuck's sake it just isn't worth the pain I have to go through just to learn them. The magic teacher is somehow even worse than my high school gym teacher! Two hours of his gym class each week was already painful enough, but now I have to go through eight fucking hours each day?! It's completely insane!
I wonder if Cole got summoned here as well. He must be enjoying life and smoking weed right now... Someone save me from this mess!
"Hero Abner! It's time for combat training! Today we will be sparring using the techniques we've learned throughout the week! Today I won't allow any slacking like yesterday!"
Fuck! Here he fucking comes again.
"Sigh... I'm coming..."
As he got up, a bunch of maids started talking behind his back just loud enough, so he could hear them. They were obviously making fun of him while they giggled.
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"Isn't that the Hungover Hero? He looks just as pathetic as the rumors say. Why did the Emperor summon that drunk?"
"Shh, he might hear you."
Oh yeah, I completely forgot about this bullshit as well. Someone gave me the nickname of "Hungover Hero", and now they won't shut the fuck up about it. It's not my fault the Emperor keeps giving me these bottles.
Abner wanted to run away but couldn't. The magic teacher was still many times stronger, and he had no hopes of escaping him. Unlike Cole, Abner hadn't been morphed into a demon and gaining immense power right away. Instead, he had to train in order to reach the same level. His potential was just as high though, and he could surpass Cole if he trained hard enough.
Abner continued his hellish training while cursing at the gods.
"Do you guys not have weed in this city?"
"No, I've never heard of this 'weed' before."
"Damn! You guys have been missing out on so many nights of passing out on the couch."
Cole was currently excitedly explaining what weed is to Rogg. He sounded like a nerd rambling about their niche hobby to someone who is willing to listen.
"Well, I'll just show you how it works. Do you have any apples here?"
"Yeah, I've got apples. Here! What do you need an apple for though?"
Rogg threw Cole an apple, wondering how apples and the weed were related. He looked closely as Cole carved holes into the apple.
"There! This is a classic way of smoking. It's called an apple pipe."
"Ohh! So, what do you do with this 'apple pipe'?"
Rogg had no idea what Cole was talking about but sounded excited nonetheless. He thought this information could possibly be used to earn a profit.
"This is where we put the weed flower. Now, watch closely."
"Fire!"
Cole loaded the apple pipe with cannabis and used fire magic. Rogg was looking closely as Cole hit the pipe. He took a small hit and inhaled for around three seconds exhaling afterwards.
"Wow, that's cool! What happens now?"
"Haha, that was it. Try it and you'll understand."
"What? Is there nothing else? Well, I guess I'll try it if you say so. I can't use fire magic though."
"That's fine. You can use one of those candles instead."
Rogg was slightly disappointed as nothing crazy happened. He was expecting something magical, but instead, Cole just breathed out smoke. This was a cool trick, but you couldn't make a fortune out of it. He decided to try it anyway not expecting much.
Cole once again loaded the bowl and handed it over to Rogg. Rogg was now sitting with the apple pipe in one hand and a candle in the other.
"As you light the weed, inhale through the hole in the apple. Make sure you get the smoke inside your lungs or it won't work."
Rogg was ready to perform the trick using Cole's instructions. He put his lips against the apple and lit the weed using a candle.
Rogg succeeded in inhaling the smoke. It seemed like Rogg was a natural, as he didn't cough at all. He exhaled and immediately felt something. For a lot of people, it takes a while for the effects to kick in especially on their first time, but for Rogg, it seemed to work instantly.
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"What the hell? Where am I? Cole, what's going on?"
"Haha! Relax man, you're just high. Grab something to eat and enjoy yourself!"
Cole had been waiting for this moment his entire life. One of his friends had finally smoked with him. Back on earth, his only stoner friend was Abner, so it was amazing to finally have someone else to smoke with.
Rogg reached into the food cabinet, grabbing a basket filled with bread. He felt as if he'd transcended into another dimension. The whole room seemed so different from the usual room he was used to. He looked at the chuckling Cole and couldn't help but laugh as well. He grabbed a slice of bread and bit into it. It seemed like the power also reached his taste buds, as the bread he'd been eating for the past year somehow tasted amazing.
"What the... hell? Cole... you need to try... this bread. It's Amazing!"
Rogg had trouble speaking as he handed over a slice of bread to Cole. The bread reminded Cole of a wheat bread sold in bakeries. It was soft but solid enough to not break. Overall, it was a decent looking bread. Cole dug into it and carefully tasted it first.
"Hooly shit! You're right! This is the best fucking bread I've ever had!"
Cole had only eaten apples after coming here, so this bread was his first meal in a week. Cole had never tasted bread better than this. Even the best grilled cheese didn't compare to the taste of Rogg's bread. It felt like God himself had made it in heaven. Rogg had already eaten his slice and reached for another.
"Maan, where'd you get this stuff Cole? It's amazing! Do you have more?"
"You bet I do! I've got two big-ass plants filled! Wanna go for round two?"
The two kept smoking more and more throughout the night. For the most part, they just laughed at random things such as cracks in the wall and ate a lot. The bread basket was long gone, and they had moved on to eating next week's food supplies. They had already defeated a week's worth in just a few hours.
It was currently just over 1am. Cole and Rogg had smoked enough to officially leave the planet's atmosphere. Eventually, they both dozed off on the wooden chairs.
After a long night's sleep, Rogg was about to wake up first.
Damn, my back hurts. Why did we fall asleep on the chairs?
Rogg's mind wasn't as clogged as you'd expect from smoking all night, but it wasn't necessarily in top condition either. He decided to make breakfast and reached into the cabinet where his breadbasket used to be.
What?! Where's the breadbasket? Don't tell me! Did we eat it all?
He and Cole had eaten all of the bread saved up. It was supposed to be sold for profit, but now it was all gone. It would be much harder to make money now.
Well, I guess it can't be helped. I should start getting money through customers now since the thieves are now gone. I'll have to eat carrots instead.
Rogg opened the door to his food cabinet hoping to find carrots to eat. Instead, he found it almost empty.
"WHAT!?"
"Bread, carrots, beans, apples, ALL GONE?!"
"COLE WAKE UP!"
Rogg frantically shook the sleeping Cole. The situation was critical, as he didn't have enough money to buy food for the week.
"Ughh... Rogg? What's going on? Let me sleep..."
"The only food left is fucking cabbage! I'm going to starve to death!"
"Huh? Starve? What are you talking about?"
Cole was still sleepy and couldn't understand what the panicked Rogg was saying. Back on earth, he'd always had enough food to eat, and never had to worry about starving.
"We ate all of my food yesterday! I'll need to get money or I'll starve!"
Cole finally realized what was going on. They had gotten way too high and eaten all of Rogg's food.
"Oh shit! I'm sorry, I didn't know you were struggling to afford food... How much does bread cost here?"
"Well, it doesn't really matter how much it costs considering I only have two useless bronze coins left. Ahhh! What do I do now?"
"Rogg relax! I got a few coins from those bandits yesterday. I'm sure it's enough to buy some bread."
Cole reached into his pocket and grabbed the money bags he received from the bandits. He dumped the coins on a table. In total, he had 22 bronze coins and three silver coins.
"That... I can't take money from you! Isn't this my problem? I'd hate to be even more indebted..."
"Come on Rogg, just take them! Didn't you say the thieves robbed your customers? That means the money is basically yours anyway. I wouldn't be able to live knowing someone died because I ate all their food."
Cole wouldn't usually give out money to people, but this time he was making an exception. Indirectly killing someone by getting them high, and eating all of their food wasn't something Cole wanted to bear. He didn't even need money himself, as he could survive for months without food.
"But... You don't even have a place to live. Isn't this all the money you got? How will you survive if you give these to me?"
"Sigh... I have survived living inside a forest before. I can manage myself out of all kinds of problems. Just let me buy you some food please."
Rogg was about to cry. He had never met anyone as nice as Cole. He didn't know about Cole's powers and thought giving away money would cause his life to become hell. Rogg jumped to hug cole while sobbing. Cole wasn't used to getting hugged and didn't know what to do.
"Thank you! I don't know how I'll ever repay this! You can stay at the inn for as long as you'd like!"
"Alright Rogg, I get it! That's enough. Aren't friends supposed to help each other anyway?"
Friends? Does he consider me a friend?
Rogg was ashamed. He had seen Cole as just someone who helped him out, and not thinking of him as a friend. Rogg was once again about to start sobbing.
"Come on Rogg, let's go buy some food. I'm new to town so you'll need to show me around."
"Yes, Let's go!"
Just like that, Cole had made his first friend in the new world.
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