“My first witness is Ivy, the adopted daughter of the wood elves,” Suijin announces and, with a clap of his hands, muck starts to form on top of the middle bronze pyramid between the one me and the goddess Naunet are standing on and Suijin’s one. The muck first forms a platform and then morphs into the fair maiden Ivy I so “fondly” remember. Green, shoulder-length hair with wide strands, which makes them look like leaves. The dress, however, while simple, is blood-red. Fitting, for unicorn blood-drinking monsters.

Suijin floats from his platform on a wave of water and arrivers next to Ivy.

“Tell me, Ivy,” Suijin says, holding his hands behind his back, walking back and forth on his manifested water wave, “Do you know the accused, Lilith?”

“Yes, I do,” Ivy answers. “She saved me and a couple of other girls from some ruffians and offered to guide me back home.”

“What happened then?” Suijin asks.

“I offered to show them around the Magical Rainforest and rest at my village as a token of my gratitude. But, as soon as she met my kin, Lilith cast fiery inferno magic in all directions, burning countless men, women, and animals alive. She destroyed my home, she killed me!”

“You’re the one who planned to feed me to those hellspawn unicorn blood-suckers!” I protest hearing an unfair one-sided story.

“SILENCE!” The Cupid shouts from above. “You will not speak unless spoken to!”

“I did warn you,” Naunet whispers to me, again. “Better not do that again.”

“I have never heard magical unicorns described in such a way as the defendant did,” Suijin comments. “Do you have any idea why she would say such awful things?”

“No idea,” Ivy says. “Those pretty beings were the most adorable creatures I’ve ever met. They wouldn’t hurt a fly!”

“Thank you, that will be all,” Suijin says and looks upward to Aphrodite. “Clear evidence of hate crime, your honor.”

“Against the wood elves or the unicorns?” Aphrodite asks, rising slightly from her comfy lay.

“Both, your honor,” Suijin says and returns to his pyramid on the water wave.

Then Naunet rides a large green snake with blue zig-zag stripes to the pyramid and faces Ivy before asking, “Did Lilith ever attack you directly?”

“… No, but her fire vortex was almost impossible to avoid and she cast it several times.”

“Did Lilith ever state or display any signs that she cast her spell with the intent to harm you because you were wood elves?”

“N-no,” Ivy answers, “But—”

“Enough “buts”, little human girl. “Yes” or “No” only,” Naunet interrupts Ivy before asking the next question. “Did Lilith state or display any intent to cause harm to the Unicorns just because they were unicorns?”

“Yes!”

“Really?” Naunet seems surprised. “Do elaborate, human girl.”

“Her mood changed completely when my kin talked about our deep bond with the unicorns. She went from considering a stay with us, to unprovoked fire attacks in a matter of seconds.”

“Then you would testify that Lilith was prejudiced against the unicorns of you Magical Rainforest, not the wood elves?”

“Yes!”

“No more questions.”

No more questions!? They were going to. Feed. Me. To. The. Unicorns. My silent rage must be clearly written on my face as Naunet simply puts her index finger to her lips as a “hush” sign while she rides her snake back to our pyramid.

“Do you have any additional evidence to back these unicorn hate crime allegations of yours, Suijin?”

“I can testify!” I hear a familiar voice coming from below. In his tacky golden robes, Casper waves his hands, drawing attention to himself, still standing on the white steps with Mr. Claw, the two robots and Cyra.

“Perfect!” Suijin says and claps his hands. At that moment Ivy collapses into a pile mud, taking form somewhere back on the Pyramid of Order, and a water wave picks up Casper and brings him to the stand on top of the central bronze pyramid. Casper gracefully adjusts his golden locks while Suijin approaches him.

“State your name to the Court,” Suijin says.

“Casper Bellevix the Third,” Casper says and adjusts his golden locks again.

“And do you have to say to the Court regarding the allegations of Lilith’s Hate Crimes against the Unicorns?”

“Earlier today, when I was talking with the lovely girl Cyra about the existence of truly evil beings in this world, Lilith jumped at the chance and named unicorns as an example.”

“What did she say exactly?” Suijin asks.

“Have I heard of baby-eating unicorns.”

Countless shocked gasps sound from the pyramids in unison.

“Have you ever witnessed or heard of unicorns eating babies?” Suijin asks.

“No, of course not! It is common knowledge that unicorns are one of the purest things in existence. They are so pure that the only place they even live any more is the Magical Rainforest, which is a literal paradise. A small island of hope and light in this disease and war-torn world! I knew the girl was trouble from the moment I met her!”

“Thank you, for your testimony!” Suijin departs and Naunet takes his place.

“You would never lie, correct, Mr. Casper the Third?” Naunet asks him.

“Of course not!”

“Good to know, good to know. Have you ever told anyone that you love them?”

“Objection!” Suijin shouts from his pyramid. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Overruled!” Aphrodite says. “I will not permit objections to love in my courtroom.”

“Well?” Naunet asks.

“Yes, I have,” Casper answers.

“More than once?”

“Yes...” Casper is eyebrow rises, he doesn't seem to understand what is the point of these questions.

“Have you ever said “I love you” to two or more different boys in the span of one week?”

“Wait, boys!? Ew, no!” Casper grimaces in disgust.

“And what exactly do you have against boy love?” Aphrodite asks, rising from her gore monstrosity.

“Eh, nothing, I just—”

“You just said “ew” at the thought of loving a boy?”

“I, I mean… I thought she was asking about girls and I… I’m not the one on trial here!”

“You are now!” Aphrodite says as dramatic plot-twist music plays in the background.

“Have you ever kissed a boy?” Aphrodite asks Casper, still standing over three hundred feet higher than him. Of course, this does not prevent any of us from hearing her every word clearly.

“No, of course not! I’m straight!” Casper answers, with a strong conviction in his orientation.

“Then how can you possibly speak of love if you have not even once felt a man inside you?” Aphrodite asks slides her hand across her bulge.

“I… I believe in love between men and women!”

“Pff!” Aphrodite snorts. “Typical ignorance! Tell me, “loverboy”, continuing Naunet’s well-guided questioning but adjusting to your shallowness, have you ever said “I love you” to two or more different girls in the span of one week?”

“Y-yes.”

“More than two?”

“… Yes.”

“Were you ever lying to those girls?”

“I’m capable of loving many girls!” Casper tries to weasel out. “They’re all different and special! Each in their own way!”

“How many times have you broken a girl’s heart” Aphrodite ignores Casper’s excuses.

“I… Sometimes things don’t work out—”

“So you would hurt the poor gullible girls, lie about love when you yourself cannot possibly have the faintest idea of what it means, and then expect this Court to take your testimony seriously?” Aphrodite asks but does not wait for a response. “I have heard enough! Cupid, take this one to the Realm of All-Encompassing Pleasures. I’d like to show this one what he’s been missing out on.”

“With pleasure,” Cupid says and descends to Casper.

“W-wait, I don’t need that! I’ll learn on my own!” Casper screams and jumps off his pyramid to avoid capture, but Cupid catches him gracefully into his arms and after a kiss on the cheek says, “Don’t worry, I’ve gotcha!”

“Suijin, if you have no more evidence, I’m throwing out these hate charges,” Aphrodite says, her calm voice effortlessly overrides Casper’s horrified but futile screams as he’s carried higher and closer to Aphrodite who lies down back into her gory cushion. “I hope for your own good the rest of your case is not so flimsy.”

“I understand,” Suijin is less than pleased but does not go against Aphrodite’s will.

“We will take a… thirty-minute recess,” Aphrodite says when Cupid returns to her with struggling Casper in his arms. Then her, Cupid’s, and Casper’s bodies morph, turning into pink hearts that break apart and fly in different directions before quickly disappearing in thin air.