“Madam Elnor.”

“Hmm?” Elnor mumbled, the sleep crust making it difficult to open her eyes.

“Madam Elnor.” Mrs. Sari called a little louder.

“Yes,” Elnor replied, opening her eyes. She realized she had fallen asleep on the bench on her porch.

“Sorry to wake you, but a messenger came a few minutes ago. He said that I should deliver it to you immediately.” The housekeeper handed Elnor a letter.

Elnor looked up at the sky as she accepted the letter. The sky was bright, but she could tell it had fallen from its peak. She overslept again, the winter night now close by. Elnor took the note and saw the seal of the knights of Ronan. She ripped the seal and read the letter inside. Her eyes widened as the memories of the past had returned to haunt her.

The housekeeper, seeing her mistress’ hands shaking, asked. “Is everything alright, madam?”

“He’s alive,” Elnor whispered, rereading the letter. “He’s at the capital.”

The housekeeper placed a hand on Elnor’s. “Go. I’ll tell the girls.”

Elnor looked up to Mrs. Sari and nodded as she left to fetch her horse.

Nevan breathed deeply to calm his heart and keep his footing balanced. He stood on a tight rope, one wrong step, and he would fall into the darkness below. There was no one to help him crawl his way out this time. He inhaled deeply and took a step, exhaling as the foot he lifted landed on the rope. “One step at a time,” he muttered to himself.

Elnor’s horse galloped through the city of Sutra. She reached Ronan’s headquarters right as the winter night approached. There was thundersnow that night, marking that winter is almost over and made the journey more tedious than need be. She reached the gates and dismounted her horse. She held the leash of her horse and ran to the guardhouse. The knights inside jumped as Elnor slammed her badge on the guardhouse’s window. “Let me in!”

Two guards immediately left to open the gates. One of the guards went and fetched Elnor’s horse while the other saluted. “A man was brought here today from Fort Darah. Where can I find him?” she asked the guard.

“He’s still in the infirmary, Commander.” The knight answered, not needing any further details.

Elnor made her way to the infirmary, her coat shielding her from the snow. She entered the building with a red serpent symbol. A healer took her coat off of her and hung it in one of the coat stands. “Ishan Ditadari,” Elnor said to the healer. “Where is he?”

The healer winced when she heard the name. “This way, Commander. I’ll take you to him.” The healer led Elnor through the hallways until they reached a door. Elnor felt conflicted as she walked, uncertain about what emotions she was going through. There were not many rooms in the infirmary; most injured would leave once tended by a healer.

“He’s inside,” the healer said to Elnor and stepped aside. “I’ll wait out here.”

Elnor opened the door. She saw her squire sitting on one side of the bed, facing the window and his back towards her. She was not sure if he heard her enter or simply ignored her. He was naked. His arms and legs were covered with a thin layer of gauze, and she could see his burnt skin underneath. His back was covered with a thick layer of bandages that seeped with the blood from his still-open wounds. Elnor turned to face the healer. “Why has he not been healed?” she whispered angrily.

The healer turned to eye the squire and frowned. “He would fight if any healers came close. I fear that whatever happened to him made him afraid of us. He would only allow our non-sorcerers to tend to him.” The healer turned back to face Elnor. “We tried holding him down, but he was strong. And we were afraid that some of his wounds would get worse if he struggled.”

Elnor breathed deeply. “I’ll talk to him.” Elnor stepped into the room and closed the door behind her.

Nevan had heard Elnor whispering to a healer. He turned his body to face her as she entered and shut the door. “Commander,” he lifted a hand to his forehead in a salute.

“I’m glad to see you, Ishan,” Elnor said to him and smiled sadly. She saw the burnt skin on his scalp and the short hairs that grew from the unburnt areas in odd patches.

“I’m glad to be here,” Nevan replied, returning a smile layered with pain.

“Why haven’t they healed you?” Elnor asked, inspecting the bandages that covered her squire from head to toe. There were no wounds on his face, but she could tell he had lost a lot of weight. His sharp cheekbones and sunken eyes told Elnor what her squire had gone through. She was unable to shift her gaze away from his face.

Nevan took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “They used healers to torture me, Commander.” He shifted his gaze to the side and away from Elnor to calm his heart. He wanted to say more but was unable to bring himself to do so.

“I’ll stay here while they heal you,” Elnor said and paused. “If you want me to,” she added. “We can’t wait any longer. The wounds could get infected and might leave scars if we delay any further.”

Nevan gazed down to the stone floor, wishing that the ground would open up and swallow him. “I’d like that,” he said slowly.

“All right. I will,” Elnor nodded and whispered grimly. “Good.” She turned to open the door.

Before she could turn the knob, her squire spoke. “Is that it, Commander?” He asked. And Nevan felt himself losing his footing and began to fall off of the tightrope.

Elnor heard the pain and betrayal in his voice, but she did not look back. “We have a lot to talk about,” she said solemnly. “We’ll talk after you’re healed.”

“Look at me, Commander,” Nevan said bitterly.

Elnor felt her hands shaking and gripped the doorknob to make them stop.

“Look at me!” Her squire yelled. “Don’t you dare look away!”

Elnor turned back to meet her squire’s sunken eyes. They no longer glistened, replaced by a sea of red veins on black. She kept her face impassive.

Nevan looked at his Commander. Their eyes stared at each other, and one would think a battle of will was taking place. “Did you know what they did to me?” he seethed.

Elnor did not shift her gaze away nor answered. She only frowned.

“You told me you were coming for me. But you never did, did you?” Nevan spoke sullenly. “They wanted to know where you took the scroll.” He found himself having trouble breathing and panted. Nevan’s pupils dilated, and he felt the blood draining from his face. “They broke me,” his voice quivered. “I would have told them what they wanted if I had known. I was begging them to kill me!” Nevan raised his voice slightly. “I swear after a while, they were only torturing me for their own amusement.”

Elnor did not reply, keeping herself quiet as she stared at her squire’s eyes. She saw anguish, grief, and betrayal in them. And all of those were there because of her.

“Say something!” Nevan screamed at her. But Elnor could not, only managing to open her mouth, and no words would come out. “They poured honey and milk on me,” Nevan smiled and giggled insanely. “And chained me in an infested room, so the mice and insects could nibble on my flesh,” he looked down and covered his mouth, trying to stop his laughter. But he failed, and his loud laughter filled the whole room. The laughter slowly turned into sobs. “They placed me inside a bronze cauldron and set it on fire.” His face turned sinister. “Oh, then the healer comes. Always present every time I wish they weren’t.” Nevan smiled again, now seemed to be talking to himself. “No, no. They would not heal me fully, of course, just enough to keep me from dying and as long as I can feel the pain.” He looked up at his Commander. “And all that time, I was praying for you to come and save me.”

Nevan noticed that Elnor’s gaze had not shifted away from his face. He turned his back towards her. “Look at it!” he cried. He turned his neck so he could see where her gaze was. It was still on his face. “Look, damn it. Don’t you dare look away!”

Elnor watched as her squire began to rip the bandages off of his back. Blood began to pour out of the reopened wounds. “They cut me and placed salt in my wounds!” Nevan continued to shout as he faced towards the window. Nevan savagely tore the bandages, unable to feel the pain he was causing himself. "Look at me, Commander!"

Nevan felt a hand touched his gently. “Please,” Elnor whispered. “Please stop,” her voice trembled. “I’m sorry.” Nevan looked back to see Elnor holding his hand, and a tear had run down her cheek. She had felt pieces of her heart ripped off alongside every bandage that Nevan tore. She saw the hideous wounds on his back and forced herself to act, not wanting to see it anymore. “I’m sorry,” she sobbed again. “Please, just stop.”

Nevan turned his body to face her. Tears began to collect on his eyes. “They broke me,” he said softly. “During my escape, I jumped off of a cliff.” He recalled what he felt that night and shuddered. “I was hoping to die.” He buried his head onto her stomach. “I’m sorry,” he cried, his tears falling free from his eyes.

Elnor placed her arms around her squire, careful not to touch his wounds, and pulled him tight. She strokes his back delicately, around the deep cuts, and felt what she had caused. “No,” she said gently as her tears also began to drip. “I’m sorry.”

Nevan shuddered at the intimacy of her touch. He did not feel the pain of his wounds. The two just remained like that for a while, holding each other close as lightning continued to thunder outside.

Elnor held her squire’s hand as the healer tended his wounds. Nevan had screamed and even recoiled a couple of times, but Elnor remained patient and soothed him. Elnor saw how skinny her squire was as the healer grew his skin back. She could see his ribs protruding sickly from his skin. The nails on his fingers that had been removed were not grown back. “He had lost too much weight,” the healer had said.

Elnor stayed in the room as her squire slept; one of the healers had brought her a chair. She sat by his bedside throughout the night, looking out the window towards the stars. Nevan had yelled numerous times throughout the night as he woke up from nightmares, and Elnor was always there to ease him.

Nevan’s last nightmare was worst than the ones before. Elnor saw him bending his back, and due to how skinny he was, it looked unnatural. He screamed and punched the enemies that only existed in his dream. Elnor shook him, dodging the punches that came at her. “Ishan!” she shouted. Her squire did not answer, continuing to punch and kick at the air. Elnor climbed on top of him and pinned his arms. Her squire’s leg kicked underneath, to no avail. He was so weak, Elnor realized. She looked at the struggling man underneath her and frowned. The clothes the healers had brought for him hung loosely on him, and it made him look even thinner. “Ishan,” she whispered again as she saw tears pouring out of his closed eyes.

Her squire opened his bloodshot eyes. “Commander,” he trembled.

Elnor saw her squire’s pained eyes. She got off of him and sat back in the chair. “It’s okay,” she said to him.

“I can’t stay here,” he said, looking up to the stone ceiling. “It reminds me too much of where they tortured me.”

“All right,” Elnor answered. “We’ll go. Now, if you like.”

“Please.”

“Let's go then.” She stretched an arm to help her squire get up.

Nevan did not reach for it. “Could you give me a moment to myself, please?”

Elnor nodded worriedly. “As long as you need. I’ll prepare the horses. Meet me outside whenever you’re ready.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Elnor smiled at his words before she left.

Nevan got up once the door shut. He limped towards the chest of drawers on the other end of the room. He pulled out the bottom drawer and picked up the sigil inside. The sigil that he had brought with him wherever he went. He held it in his palms and knelt as he felt his legs losing their strength. “I’m sorry,” he cried. “But I don’t think I’m strong enough.”

Elnor had hired a carriage for them. Her squire came not long after she had found a coachman that was willing to take them.

“Where are we going?” Nevan asked Elnor as he joined her in the carriage.

“My estate,” Elnor answered him. “I’ll tell my housekeeper to prepare the guest bedroom for you. You should rest as soon as you can.”

Nevan looked out of the carriage window to the dark sky. “The sun should be rising soon.”

“The sun had already set an hour before you last woke,” Elnor looked at him.

“That long?” he asked, still gazing at the sky.

“You’ve been through a lot,” she said before turning to face her own window to see the sky.

The carriage came to a halt, and Nevan awoke from his sleep. He did not even realize he had fallen asleep.

“We’re here,” Elnor said to Nevan as she exited the carriage and paid the coachman.

Nevan exited after her and saw the estate. It was large, with a front garden and a gate. It reminded him of the homes he used to own. He wondered how Brada, Bastian, Rina, and the others are doing. It had not been long since he parted ways with them, but it had felt like a different lifetime to him. He hoped wherever they are, they are happy.

Mrs. Sari exited the front door of the house and made her way towards the front gate. “Madam Elnor,” she greeted Elnor. “This must be Ishan,” she said to the squire as she opened the gate.

“Nice to meet you,” Nevan said to the housekeeper.

The old lady smiled at Nevan as he and Elnor entered. “Nice to meet you too. I’m Mrs. Sari.” She turned to Elnor. “I just finished making dinner. You both should join the children while I prepare the guest room.”

“Elnor!” Hua shouted from the front porch. Both her and Safia ran to the Commander.

“There they are,” Mrs. Sari gingerly said.

Elnor knelt and hugged the two girls. She whispered something to the children’s ears that Nevan was unable to hear. Elnor stood up, holding the girls’ hands in each of hers, and introduced her squire to them. “This is Ishan, my squire.”

Nevan bent down and smiled. “Hi there,” he said. “You two must be Hua and Safia.” Hua must have been the slightly older one with similar red hair to Elnor, while Safia had black.

“You’re skinny,” Hua said to Nevan curiously.

Nevan’s smile did not waver. “The food the army gives us aren’t the best,” he chuckled.

“You should try Mrs. Sari’s cooking,” Safia spoke up. “I’m sure it's way better.”

“She cooked beef rendang and turmeric rice tonight!” Hua said excitedly.

“Sounds delicious,” Nevan replied.

“Come on,” Safia pulled Nevan’s hand towards the house.

“Yeah, we’re hungry,” Hua said, also pulling Elnor’s hand.

They went into the house. It was simple, but Elnor had always found it comforting. They sat around the dining table, passing around the bowls of beef and rice. Nevan never realized how he missed having dinner at a dining table. He usually ate his meals in a courtyard with the other knights. Hua and Safia shared their day at school and how their teacher started teaching them additions and subtractions. They all smiled as they ate, including the squire. The children were right, Nevan thought. The food was delicious.

“Elnor, would you read to us tonight?” Safia asked.

Elnor shook her head lightly. “Not tonight, darling. I have to write a message to the capital.”

Hua frowned.

“Tomorrow night,” Elnor added.

The children turned to look at Nevan and frowned playfully. Nevan saw their eyes. They looked at him as to how Nalia always did when she wanted something. Nevan chuckled, “I’ll read you a book.”

The children cheered, and Elnor closed her eyes and placed a hand on her forehead. “Ishan needs some rest, girls. He’s been through,” Elnor paused.

“A long mission,” Nevan turned to Elnor and smiled. “But I’ve slept a lot recently. I think I had plenty of rest.” He turned back to the delighted children.

“All right, all right,” Elnor said to the children. “You two get changed to your pajamas. I need to speak to Ishan first.”

The children left excitedly, leaving the two knights alone.

“They’re lovely,” Nevan said to Elnor.

“They are,” Elnor smiled. “Don’t tire yourself too much, Ishan.”

“I won’t,” he returned her smile.

Nevan went to the children’s bedroom, where they were already in bed waiting for him. He looked around the room; there were toys, dolls, and a massive bookshelf.

“Which book do you two want me to read?” Nevan asked.

“That one,” Hua whispered, pointing to a book placed on top of the self.

Nevan took the book. He blew the dust off the leather cover and read the title. “The Queen of Sadara,” he said.

The children opened their mouths in excitement but kept their voices low. Nevan sat on the chair by the bed. He extinguished one of the two lanterns in the room, just enough for him to be able to read. He started reading.

There was once an empire called Sadara ruled by a Queen named Kietna. The people of Sadara were happy underneath the Queen’s rule. The Gods of Sadara loved Kietna and gave her and her kingdoms good fortunes and blessings. The Queen was kind, loved, and caring. She prayed to the Gods every day, thanking them for their kindness. She built temples for each god around her empire to show her loyalty and love for them.

But the Kietna was lonely, for she had no lover nor family. The gods had made her themselves, and thus she had no parents either. The people around Kietna loved her, but the Queen had always wanted something more, something more intimate.

She prayed to the gods one night. “I have no right to ask for more than what you all have given me. But I am lonely. I see others with companions, and I can’t help but want such a bond myself.”

The gods took pity on her, for they themselves had such bonds with the other gods. They knew how wonderful it was to have such a companion.

The following day, Kietna found that she had a new member in her Queen’s guard. She sat in the throne room, surrounded by the rest of her guard and council members. The latest member of her guard introduced himself to her. “My Queen,” he knelt. “My name is Sir Xing. I hereby swear to protect you at all cost, even at the cost of my life.”

Kietna lifted a hand, signaling him to rise. The man stood before her throne. He was young and tall with a muscular build. “You’ve traveled a long way, Sir Xing,” she said to him.

“I have, my Queen.” Sir Xing bowed to her.

“Tell me how you came to join my guard,” she ordered. It was part of the ceremony when a new member joined the guards. Some guards had said they received messages and signs from the gods to join the Queen’s guard. While others told Kietna that her rule had brought prosperity to their families, and they wanted to give back.

Xing was unlike the rest, however. He smiled at her. The satisfied smile an archer would make when their arrow hit its mark. “I come from the city of Tiong,” he said. “It's far in the southern region.” Kietna had never visited that city; her empire being so large made it almost impossible to see all the places. “I grew up in a family of fishermen, my Queen. My dad was known to have caught the largest snakehead fish ever seen. At least in the southern region.” He made a gesture to show how long the fish was.

Some of the guards and members rolled their eyes. Kietna just stared at the man, not sure where his story is leading. The man just continued to smile at her as he continued. “When my father took the fish to the market to be sold to the highest bidder, we passed a gallery.” His purple eyes stared into Kietna’s white. “I saw a painting, my Queen.” He bit his bottom lip playfully as their eyes continued to stare into each other. “It was a woman with light blue hair and white eyes,” he said, describing Kietna’s most prominent features. “The worker there told me it was a painting of the Queen. I was still a boy, but I knew at that moment that I was in love with you.” A few groans came from the crowd, but Xing continued. “I’m here, my Queen. To get close to you and one day marry you.”

The sound of complaints and anger rose from the crowd, but Xing ignored them and continued to smile at her. He spoke with such confidence that for a second, Kietna did not know how to respond. “You dare disrespect the Queen!” yelled the captain of the Kietna’s guard. “Sir Janus,” Kietna said to the captain and raised a hand. The guard bowed immediately and went back to stand behind her throne. The whole room was silent.

“Adolescent infatuation,” Kietna said to Xing.

His smile never changed. “An infatuation that I’m going to chase after.”

“Your bold, Sir Xing. I’ll allow it as you are still young.” Kietna smiled at him. “But I’m going to warn you. Be careful with that boldness of yours; it could lead to trouble for you.”

“As long as it leads me to you.” He grinned. “I think I’m going to remain this way.”

“Very well,” Kietna replied. She held her right hand out, “Welcome to my guard.”

Xing went up and knelt. He kissed her hand and did not bother to hide his feelings. His lips remained on her hand much longer than customary. “Thank you, my Queen,” he whispered so only Kietna could hear.

No one in the room except Xing expected it. But with time, the young guard managed to sneak his way into the Queen’s heart. As bold and young as Xing was, he was kind. And the people of Sadara grew to love him. They were inseparable and married eventually. The two were unable to have children. However, they found each other’s company to be more than enough.

The gods began to question Kietna’s loyalty, for they had feared that she had started to forget them. She did not pray to them as often as before, most of the time preoccupied with her beloved. The gods decided to test her.

A plague spread through the empire of Sadara. Crops began to stop growing. Sadara’s food reserve would run out soon, and the people would starve. Kietna prayed to her gods for help, and she received an answer. One of the gods whispered to her in her sleep. “Sacrifice your husband to us, and the plague would end.”

Kietna heard and remembered the message from the gods. But how could she ever do such a thing? How could she ever kill the man she loved? She kept it a secret, and her people began to starve. The gods’ patience with Kietna began to deplete. Xing had been praying to them too, but they had never answered him. The next time he prayed for the plague to end, the gods answered him. “Ask your wife. For we had told her how to save your people,” Xing heard a whisper.

Her husband came to Kietna immediately, demanding to know what the gods had told her. She broke into tears as she told him. “They want you to die,” she cried. He pulled her into a hug and whispered into her ear. “I love you. Always remember that.” He ran to the large window in their bed chamber and opened it. He took one last look at his Queen and jumped.

Kietna ran after him and managed to caught his arm.

“You have to let me go,” Xing said to her.

“I won’t,” she cried. “I would never!”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “But I can’t let you die.” He began to pry her fingers off of his with his other hand.

Nevan paused for a moment before he continued.

The Queen would not let go, and with sudden strength, she managed to held tight and pulled her beloved back up. She fell backward with him on top. Kietna held him in place, not willing to let him go. “Don’t you dare!” she yelled. “Don’t you dare do that again.” She buried her face onto his shoulder.

“You have to let me go,” Xing whispered to her.

“Never!” she yelled back. “What if I was the one meant to die instead. Would you let me do such a thing?”

Xing did not answer immediately.

“Answer me!”

“No,” he finally said. “Never.” He held her tightly too. “Then what are we going to do?”

“We leave,” she answered.

The lovers ran away from the empire, where they found comfort in a simple life and hid from the gods. The gods realizing their mistake tried searching for them, but the couple had disappeared. The jealousy of the gods caused their own downfall. The people of Sadara starved, and the empire the gods had built crumbled. Feeling betrayed by the gods, the people stopped praying. Without any prayers, the gods slowly lose their existence until they eventually turned to nothing but dust. Meanwhile, Kietna and Xing lived peacefully for the rest of their lives.

Hua mouthed an ‘o’ sleepily while Safia had already fallen asleep.

“Good night, Hua,” Nevan said, placing the book on the shelf.

“Good night,” Hua yawned. “That was a good story.” She turned to sleep sideways. “Thank you.”

Nevan smiled before extinguishing the last lantern and left.

He went to the front porch, where he saw Elnor sitting on the bench, looking up to the stars.

“Commander,” he said as he joined her.

She did not turn to face him, just staring at the sky. “You changed it,” she said.

“I did,” he answered. “You were listening?”

“Yes.” Elnor had avoided telling the children that book. She had heard her squire reading the story and almost stopped him from continuing. “Why?” she asked him.

“They’re children. I don’t think the ending was suitable for them.”

“You don’t think they should learn the harsh realities of this world?”

“No,” Nevan said. “And I don’t think you want them to learn that either.”

“No.” Elnor agreed. “I want to shield them from that.”

“Me too.”