《I Have to Text my Ex, or the World Explodes》14. Maybe if I mess his life up enough he'll like me
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In this time loop cycle, Andrew replied to Pink Anne's message and just let everything unfold. Being enslaved by Anne, meeting Joddy Ferdinand, escaping to Canada, getting captured again. . . everything went according to the last time it happened. However, he wasn't going to let himself suffer by his ex for the sake of the world, at least not for forever. During his stay at Anne's resident, he mentally mapped out all entrance and exit points, every single sex toy Anne used and which one of those can cause lethal damage, and what types of cutlery he could use as murder weapons.
The execution must be splendid. Pink Anne was perhaps the most powerful person on Earth, and one slight mistake might cause Andrew his 108th life. Therefore, he didn't plan just one, but five different killing method that would go off in the same day. He filled Anne's room with low concentration of toxic gas; planted a chip bomb in her most often-used sex toy; poisoned her dinner; and smuggled in an army Swiss knife. If he needed to kill Anne ten times, he would do it.
That day, Anne didn't come back home until late. Andrew paced around the entrance, stopping once in a while to stop himself from sweating and shivering. When the gate to Anne's mansion creaked, he had to bit his lips to keep himself from jolting.
Anne walked past the gate with a half-affectionate, half-maddening smile on her face. "Awww." She clutched her chest. "How romantic of my sweet little Andrew, coming to the gate just to greet me. How come you're suddenly so gallant today?"
"Ah, ha, ha. You know me. The sweet, romantic, do-everything-for-you-and-never-run-away-from-the-cage Andrew."
However, Anne's smile soon turned into a fiery scowl, and her eyes burned with rage and hatred. The sky hollered with thunder and the gust shooked the trees.
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Andrew had been found out. He had to think of something. Fast.
I'll lure her into the toxic gas chamber, thought Andrew. Once she's weakened, she'll recuperate by masturbating, and the sex toy will explode. That should level the playing field. I'll wait that exact minute to jump in and destroy her with my Antimatter Gun.
"Do you think I'm a bloody fool? What are you plotting, you—"
Suddenly, Andrew realized there was conveniently a banana peel right in front of Pink Anne.
"Don't watch out!" He screamed, but it was too late.
Anne slipped on the banana peel and fell, hitting her head on the floor. Life retreated from her half-closed eyes, and her mouth gaped open.
"Anne? Are you okay?" Andrew asked, but there's no reply. Maybe. . .
Is she dead?
Andrew ran over and checked her pulse and breathing. There wasn't any.
"She's really dead," he murmured in disbelief. "She's dead. She's dead. She's dead."
Turned out, it was really that easy. He should've done this a hundred loops ago.
Andrew destroyed Anne's body with an antimatter gun, cleaned up the crime scene, then bought some Bizcoins at the price of $2 per coin. A day later, Bizcoin grew to $2 million and he exchanged them for a one-way plane ticket to the safest country on Earth: North Korea, where he could stay away from all danger.
Andrew was stopped at the North Korean airport by authorities. The guards told him, "No foreigner could enter this country without permission."
Knowing the local customs, Andrew approached the guard and whispered into his ears while sneaking a few dollars into his shirt pocket. "I've received permission from this guy Benjamin Franklin in this note."
"Sir. . . I am an upright citizen. I will never. . ."
"Have I mentioned Benjamin also has a twin?" He sneaked another bill into the guard's pocket.
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"You are through."
With his friend Benjamin, Andrew climbed the social ladder and became a close friend of Surpreme Leader Kim Chi in less than a year. He was rewarded with a beach-front villa and a beautiful coastline all for himself.
Lying on the serene beach, he sighed in relief. "This are finally alright," he assured himself. "I've finally saved the world."
Of course, when Andrew stated that things were alright, it was a clear sign that he was about to get fucked over. It was a common trope by now.
All of a sudden, an armed army of more than a billion people raided the coast. They surrounded Andrew and pointed guns against his face. "Hands in the air, now!" They shouted.
"Who are you people?"
One of them replied. "We are the police, the justice enforcers! You have been arrested for murder, all your testimony can and will be used against you!"
"Justice? This is North Korea. There's no justice!" Andrew shouted. However, those people didn't give a damn.
"We'll take you to execution!" The head of the police team declared. "Follow us now!"
"W-wait! You have no evidence. You can't arrest people without evidence!"
A police officer walked forward and pushed an unloaded gun into Andrew's hand. "He has a gun!" the officer yelled. "He's 100% a murderer!"
"This is your gun!"
"Capture him!" The head shouted, and all men jumped at Andrew, pinning him on the ground.
"You can't arrest me!" Andrew said. "I'm a friend of Supreme Leader Kim Chi. I can make a public statement saying I've learned from my mistakes and will refrain from murdering, then you can let me go!"
The police officer shook his head then held a newspaper in front of him. "Yesterday, this country changed hands. Learn to read."
Andrew squinted at the paper and realized the face printed on it was somewhat familiar. Plump face, creamy white skin, and wavy crimson hair drooping to her chest.
"That's the fucking Goddess!"
"Enough!" The policeman shouted. "Bring him back for execution!"
"No. No. No! I'm not going back!"
A few days later, Andrew was executed. He woke up in his studio again, in another loop. The Goddess was already on his bedside.
Fuelled by rage, he jumped at her and screamed, "It was you all along! I knew it! You were conspiring this against me! You only exist to make me miserable! I'll kill you; I'll fucking kill you!"
The Goddess let him push her to the floor without protestt. Andrew assaults her with a barrage of words, but she just lowered her eyes in resignation.
Then, tears started to form from the corner of her eyes.
Andrew growled, "Are you playing victim now? Why the hell are you crying, you donkey-ass?"
Her reply was barely audible. "I just want you to love me. Is that too much to ask?"
"What?"
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