"I wish I could live forever like you."

"No you don't. Besides, it's impossible."

"What do you mean it's impossible? You're doing it!"

"Not really, right now would you say you are living?"

"Yes."

"Would it also be correct to say you are dying right now?"

"I am perfectly healthy!"

"Are you one minute closer to death than you were one minute ago?"

"Well if you put it that way, I suppose I am dying."

"Yes you are, and you are also living. In my perspective, living and dying are practically the same thing, and I and those like me can do neither."

I came to in a deserted classroom. Creepy. Tied to a chair. What?! Joshua and Erin were sitting calmly in front of me. My mind instantly started racing. School, pretty girl, Violence, Bill/Ted, Joshua, Creepy, Violence, Trapped. Incoherent words and phrases filled my mind, no longer thoughts, but rather impulses, and fear, lots and lots of fear.

"Erin, he's panicking, maybe going into shock! Kiss him!" Joshua's voice was urgent. My mind grabbed hold of it.

"No way! Why would I do that?" I am starting to get some words now, what is this conversation about?

"Because this is your fault Erin! You knocked him out unnecessarily and tied him to a chair!" So the violent girl did this.

"What does that have to do with kissing!" Kissing?

"Don't question it! It always works in the movies!" I don't like where this is going.

"Why are you two talking about kissing?" I said, cutting into the conversation. This is not how I want my first kiss to go.

Joshua and Erin turned to look at me, Joshua with a mischievous smile; Erin's face was red from anger and perhaps some embarrassment.

"If only you gave me five more minutes Bill/Ted," sighed Joshua. "I could have seen a very interesting sight. Oh well, perhaps another time."

"Die you jerk!" Yelled Erin as she delivered a lightning fast karate chop to Joshua's throat. Strangely Joshua showed no reaction, I know if it was me I would be clutching my throat and choking. He's tough.

"Ahem, moving on from the current subject. What in the world is going on right now?" I've got to be careful, these siblings are insane. The best thing to do is to stay calm and cooperate.

"Erin, care to explain?"

". . . . Fine. You are one unlucky person Bill/Ted. This monster over there," she said jerking a thumb at Joshua, "has decided that he wants you to be his personal assistant."

"Remember to tell him why he was knocked unconscious and tied up Erin. That was not my fault." Interjected Joshua.

"I may have been a little harsh in capturing you for interrogation. But since I went through all the trouble of knocking you out, I figured it would be best to do it proper and tie you up for good measure." Erin stopped speaking and folded her arms.

"Erin, remember to say you're sorry." Gently chided Joshua.

"I'm sorry Bill/Ted." Recited Erin.

"Um, I forgive you I guess? Um... Can I please be untied now?" Erin undid the knots she tied but I had a nagging suspicion that I hadn't heard the worst of my situation yet. Didn't they say something about being an assistant?

"So who exactly are you people and what is this whole assistant thing?" I may be untied but that girl could still take me out as easily as she did the first time. Gotta play along.

"Well Bill/Ted, basically you are now my most privileged servant. Congratulations on your promotion from normal humanity. You should feel honored. Your services and duties include staying by my person whenever possible and doing whatever I say. In return I will truthfully answer any questions you ask within reason. Your housing and food will be provided for. I will also give you four favors per year of your service, one per quarter. Any questions?" Concluded Joshua.

I'm literally stunned. Am I being asked to join some sort of gang? I'll just be frank. If I keep playing along it could be dangerous. But what if they kill me? I guess that will be the first question.

"What happens if I refuse to do as you wish?" Got to keep cool.

"You receive your favor at the beginning of the quarter, so you have one now. You may use it to leave my service, iIf you so choose. I will ,however, require a promise from you to not tell anyone of what occurred in the duration of your servitude. If you break that promise I will have your life become unlivable, then make you live it. But I suggest you stay with the job for at least one month." Joshua smiled like he had some great secret. Fine then, I'll bite the baited question.

"And why would that be?" Better be good or I'm out of here.

"Because you will be important, you will be respected, you will have access to power, my power. And because for at least the next month you will be homeless otherwise." Joshua's grin still hadn't faded yet.

"Ignoring for now all that other stuff, what do you mean by homeless?" I have a very nice house and parents!

"Well Bill/Ted, you have been unconscious for roughly seven hours. In that time I took the liberty of examining your father's business. He's not doing too well I'm afraid. In fact, if it were me I would've declared bankruptcy a year ago.-"Bankrupt?"-Your mother also has a nasty gambling habit that has drained away all their savings. -"Gambling?"- My representative made the offer to pay all their debts and $30,000. In return, your parents are selling the house and moving to Africa for a month to build water wells, without you. -"AFRICA?"- Officially you are temporarily under the custody of one John Sterling for one month. Your parents left on a plane bound for Africa about an hour ago. -"THEY WHAT?"- I'm afraid if you leave or run away the law will look into the situation, and that would likely cancel out the agreement. Leaving your parents to once more drown in debt." Joshua folded his arms and looked extremely pleased with himself. Meanwhile, my pillars of reality broke down.

"So this is really a joke right? I've heard about this, hazing right? Ahahaha so funny!" I was grasping at straws and I knew it. Even though it was completely irrational, I was inclined to believe every word Joshua had said.

"Here." Erin handed me an envelope with a look of pity in her eyes. The envelope was addressed to me. I tore it open and read,

Dear son, you must know that we both love you very much. But you are almost a man now, even though you can't legally vote yet you have kept the house and our clothes clean, bought the groceries, and cooked the food for a long time. As adults we are probably failures. By now you should be aware of our poor financial situation. You don't deserve to inherit our debts. Be nice and obedient to our nice friends the Sterlings. Our plane is leaving soon. Love, Mom and Dad.

". . . . So this is all for real then?" I knew it was all true. My mind was numb from everything that had happened to me, and I was ready to accept it.

Joshua nodded solemnly, "It is all true."

"...Fine then, I'll be your assistant, for now. But can I get some time to think through all this?" I had so many questions that I needed to sort through, and sleep. I need some sleep.

"Of course, come with us. We will show you your new home. Take the rest of the evening off in your room." Joshua stood up and began walking from the classroom. Erin followed him. So did I.

As I fell in line, Erin sort of hit me on the back a couple times. Even though it hurt, the gesture felt gentle. The unexpected kindness, if a bit clumsy, was very welcome.