Oz put his hand over his chest and traced the scar line, it had been two years since that day. It was a constant reminder. Do it well, or not at all. His five-year-old mind was not capable of higher adult processes, but this one. This one thought was powerful, there was more behind it than just this failed assassination, it was backed by a nebulous urging from deep within himself. That day was particularly memorable for another reason, that was the day they discovered his talent — or lack of talent to be more precise. The warm afternoon breeze gently touched his skin. He closed his eyes and soaked in the memories.

Where the prick did the knife come from?! Ashes! Ashes! Ed jumped out of bed, the shock wiping all tiredness from his eyes and grabbed Oz in his arms and dashed down the stairs — avoiding his screaming daughter — and shouted, “Baby! Stay with the girls, I’m going to the apothecary!” Edna shouted something back at him, but Ed was too busy crushing blood clotting pills into the boy's wound to hear what she said. He jumped over the last steps and landed heavily, regained his bearings and ran. He reached blindly to the coat rack as he sped out the door, grabbing what he thought was his leather jacket.

He cursed under his breath. Damn! The knife is in the heart!

The low-grade healing pills Ed had could only go so far, it was dangerous to feed pills to non-cultivators. He looked down at the boys lolling unconcious head. Oz's form was limp and his body was getting cold. He needed a professional and there was only one man in town he trusted... somewhat. Ed dashed through the rain, the cracks of thunder illuminating his form as he ran through the Victorian style town. Puddles and rocks made his sprint down the cobblestone road painful and perilous, but he didn't even notice the cuts on his feet. After a couple twists and turns Ed sped down a narrow alley, his bare feet loudly sloshing on the muddy street and echoing off the buildings. He frowned, looking a round with anxiety as the rain poured down. He stopped and turned into a dilapidated doorway with a faded and worn-down sign, it read: Marley And Friends, Stay in the Black!

His wet feet tramped on the wooden floor, the door was unlocked, he opened it quietly. A small glowing orb was suspended in the centre of the room, casting a dim light, barely illuminating shelves piled high with books and a random assortment of goods. It looked more like an office, or a bookstore than a healthcare centre. The shop used to be a money lending business, until the owner — Jacob Marley — passed away due to some undisclosed illness. His good friend Ebenezer, took over the shop and turned it into an Apothecary Hut — keeping the old name in honor of his friend. Ebenezer Black was his full name, a dropout from the sect. Apparently, he was once a top Alchemist, but had lost his license because of some… shady reasons. His cultivation was also not that impressive, Lieutenant Grade. But he had a peculiar plant-based cultivation method that extended his lifespan, he was thought to be well over 800 years old, but the unfortunate side-effect of this method is that he looked a bit more like a tree every year. It was rumored that if he didn’t advance his power he would eventually turn into a tree, a rumor that seemed validated by his peculiar ingredient orders and constant experimenting and the strange screams that drifted from his shop in the wee hours of the evening.

“Ebenezer are you in?! My boy! He needs help!” Ed’s frantic cries resulted in the thrashing of papers and bottles as a spindly figure stumbled into the shop floor from a back room. Ebenezer was a strange looking man. His fingers abnormally long and knobbed. His face long and narrow and body thin and slight. All his skin had a weird wooden varnish to it and his face resembled a wizened oak tree. A long patchy goatee and spectacles contrasted with his tousled hair. He wore a patchy looking robe with a hood, a loose fitting shirt and leotards for pants. The colours of his clothes barely discernable in the dim light. No shoes and his big toe poked out of the stocking on his right foot. It was the outfit of a man who was perpetually tired and his face looked the part. The man's face was wrinkly and droopy, his eyes almost narrow slits. Seeing the knife in the boy’s chest Ebenezer’s eyes went wide, he rushed forward and took Oz, placing him on a table near the back of the room.

"Bloody hell, I only just fixed him up a couple days ago," the old apothecary mumbled with irritation as he cracked his knuckles.

Ebenezer pulled a small bag of rocks from his pocket and placed them under Oz's nose.

"This'll make sure he doesn't wake up..."

Ed's face was confused, "Git out... why's he need to —"

Without pausing, Ebenezer ripped the knife from Oz's chest — blood spurting up from the reopened wound — Ebenezer shoved a hand directly into the chest cavity. His eyes narrowed. Then taking both hands he pried open the boy's chest cavity with a sickening crunch. Ed shouted. Ebenezer ignored him and quickly pulled a strange vial from his pocket and poured a sticky green liquid directly onto Oz’s heart, massaging the fluid in and withdrawing his hand when the wound closed up automatically, the skin rapidly being knit together before their eyes. Both men heaved a sigh of relief as the Oz’s breathing returned to normal. Ed eyed the strange liquid with interest, your average healing pill was typically too potent for a toddler, feeding even the lowest grade healing pill to a child could result in death. What strange stuff this guy’s got… After taking Oz’s vital signs and mumbling to himself, the old apothecary had wobbled around and was about to go back to wherever he came from when Ed spoke.

“Eb, since I gotcha here, want to take a look at this boy’s talent for me? My Bloodreader ain’t the latest model, it’s not so good with telling potential.” Ed casually tossed a coin to the old man.

Ebenezer frowned at the coin, bit it and stowed it away. He looked expectantly at Ed. Ed grunted a bit and tossed another ducat over. Ebenezer frowned again and pocketed that one too. Ed huffed in anger and tossed another one over ­— it too disappeared into Ebenezer’s wallet.

“Dammit you old coot! You robbin’ me blind?!”

A wheezy and nasally laugh sounded out. Ebenezer simply pointed to the empty poultice vial and the bloody knife on the table and shined his two fingers together. Ed groaned and peered closely at the vial and noticed a price tag. He took a glance at the tag on the vial, his eyes bulged.

“Prick me old man! You damn snake oil swindler! 10 ducats for a healing poultice?! That’s robbery old man… don’t you have a soul?” Ed’s last comment came out as a whimper.

Ebenezer’s nasally voice replied, “Ducats is ducats.”

“Ya damn scrooge,” Ed hissed and grabbed a handful of gold coins from his jacket pocket. Without a word he tossed the ducats casually — letting them go wild in the air. Ebenezer’s eyes glinted and his hands moved like a professional boxer, jabbing each coin and stuffing it in his pocket. Ebenezer smiled warmly, his face resembling a grinning oak tree, “Now, what’ll it be, old chum?”

“Pah! I’d be amazed if you had a friend in the world.”

“I just made ten more friends today: Ducat 1, Ducat 2, Ducat 3 —”

“Alright, alright you creep. How much to check his potential?”

“Hmmm… for such a forthright customer as yourself, a small fee of 20 ducats.”

“… Damn man… I’ll just borrow one from someone in the sect tomorrow.”

“Hehehe! If you want inferior results go ahead, my Bloodreader provides the most accurate grading in all the Kingdoms and its talent reading is unsurpassed.” Ebenezer’s face beamed proudly, his face went harsh and he pointed at the sign dangling by the entrance, “See that there?! The price is fixed, 20 ducats or not at all, I’m no swindler… every penny earned is a penny damn well earned.”

“How witty.”

“Get out damn Psycher! Nobody asked your opinion!”

“Fine, fine… here,” Ed wearily tossed a small bag of coin over that clinked as Ebenezer caught it. The stingy man unwrapped the bag and smelled the money, “One of these ducats weighs half as much as the others… it’s Soviet currency isn’t it?”

“Oh? I don’t know!”

Ebenezer fished into the bag and pulled out a notably smaller ducat, he looked at Ed with venom, “You swindler! You thought I wouldn’t know the smell of gold? What am I?! Some colour-blind dog!”

“Here, here, stay calm Eb, I didn’t know. Have another.” Ed tossed another ducat, a full ducat, over. Ebenezer smiled and tossed back the Soviet coin. Ed looked confused at the display of generosity.

“I don’t take more than the listed price, ever! Good old Star-Spangled monies… only the best coins minted in the past hundred years!” Ebenezer looked longingly at the gold Ed had tossed him and kissed the coin before putting it in the bag. He grinned lovingly at Ed and bowed, “Thank you for your business sir, I’ll be right back.”

Ed’s face was wrinkled in confusion as Ebenezer walked out of the room. The surprise only grew when he returned pushing a massive steel dome with four wheels. The bizarre object went up to Ebenezer’s waist and had a strange assortment of knobs and a large glass screen on the front. Ebenezer twisted a knob and a panel popped open, revealing a hose with a needle on the end. He grabbed the hose and stabbed it into Oz’s arm in one fluid motion. Nothing happened. Ed snickered. Ebenezer raged.

“Horse skin! I forgot to turn the damn thing on!” He flicked a switch and the machine hummed to life, whistling and whirring like an old steam engine. A strange yellow and green smoke puffed out of the back of the machine. It smelled... dangerous. Ed stepped a little further from the machine. The screen lit up and small hourglass started rolling while the machine beeped monotonously. Ebenezer withdrew the needle, stood back and waited. Ed started at the rotating hourglass with wonder.

“I’ve never seen that before…”

“I programmed it in, makes the wait a little more bearable.”

“Hmmm, I agree, something to look at is always nice.”

“Speaking of things that look nice... You can’t get enough of my shop can you eh? Second trip this month! Such an unlucky kid… maybe I’ll get jinxed…” Ebenezer’s eyes darted nervously to Oz’s still form.

“Shut up dammit, it’s not the boy’s fault he had his arm torn off!”

“Hell Ed, I didn’t even mention the arm yet… damn disgusting stuff… we almost lost him when you brought him in a few days ago — I panicked tonight — thought all my hard work would be undone.”

“Just a damn unlucky kid…” Ed hugged himself, his black leather jacket warming his wet and cold body. It was indeed his leather jacket that he had snagged on his way out the door. But his bottom half wasn't so lucky, he was only wearing a pair of rough boxers. Ed cast a sidelong glance at Ebenezer… the damn weirdo didn’t even notice Ed was nearly butt-naked in here. Ed stared at the ceiling. Ebenezer stared at the floor and fiddled with his fingers. The beeping of the machine making the silence uncomfortable. Ebenezer broke the quiet.

“Say Ed, what model of Bloodreader do you have?”

“I have the X Alpha.”

Ebenezer sputtered, “That’s the first mobile model!”

“Yes, it is.”

“Came out 200 years ago?”

“I bought the first one ever sold.”

“Get out?!”

“Nah, I really did.”

“How much you want for it?”

“I couldn’t part with the old gal for the world.”

“How’s 10 Spirit Stones sound?”

“Deal.”

The men shook and exchanged a small sack and an old cellphone.

“Hehehe… excellent.”

“No problem Ebbie, I got another one if you want it.”

“YOU HAVE TWO? What were they on sale?”

Before Ed could respond the machine beeped and bopped with uncanny joy, its metallic voice intoned. “Congratulations human overlord! Your overall talent rating is Abysmal, you have no talent for cultivation! May your enemies fear and tremble before you, the worlds shake in your wake!”

“What the prick?” Ed exclaimed in anger.

“Uh… changing the default message for differing grades was considered… offensive… so we just keep it the same for everyone… it only sounds really bad at moments like —”

“Not that, that!” Ed pointed at the screen in fury.

Ebenezer grimaced when he saw the screen, then his eyes went wide. “Hot damn.”

Overall Potential

Abysmal Potential Categories Potential Rating Abnormal Energies None Atmospheric Energy Affinity Abysmal Psychic Potential Abysmal Elemental Affinity None IQ Potential Abnormal??? Longevity Diminished Muscular Potential Average Soulish Affinity Abysmal??? Current Vigour Extremely Weak [Potential Limited???] Current Vitality Average [Potential limited???]

“Hmmm…” Ebenezer looked thoughtful and provided the full explanation, “So he has no non-standard powers… no potential for Magery… no psychic potential… no affinity with any element… that’s really rare — in a bad way — but still rare. He’s smart for his age… but seems like it will balance out when he’s older… oh dear… the low life span is a little bit of a doozy, diminished means something like 50’s? Oh, but he has no arm, so that’s probably why the machine reads it like that. He’ll probably have a normal lifespan… eh? He has no arm?! Totally forgot about that… should have input that in the machine. Muscular potential… he’ll be about as strong as everyone else… oh my… typically we all have a bit of Soulish Affinity, it’s tied with mental cognition after all… his thinking processes appear to be currently impaired? A little odd considering his apparently abnormal cognitive faculties… very odd. But this,” Ebenezer gestured at the screen, “This is the bad one… not even average vigour? Sad… but at least his lifespan won’t be affected by his lack of vitality… I’ve never heard of average Muscular Potential and weak vigour… it seems… impossible. What a rare case.”

"What does it all mean?"

"The typical mortal will score Average on everything, maybe a couple Terribles or Sub-pars, then as they transition into becoming a cultivator they'll hit a ceiling — and be stuck at the Understudy Grade. Your boy's probably not breaking Ensign Grade."

Ed felt like the room was spinning, he reached out his hand and steadied himself on Ebenezer's Bloodreader “…So is the machine accurate?” Ed began slowly and carefully.

“Completely… this boy is destined for nothing… Even if you get him the best prosthetic arm money can buy, he has no elemental affinity… so it will never be fully functional.” Ebenezer took a sidelong glance at Oz’s unblemished skin, “He’ll make a great house husband, he looks like he’ll become a handsome lad at least. Teach him how to cook and seduce women and he might find himself with a great life!”

“…How… How can you even suggest that?”

“It’s that or probably die young… I doubt he’ll live too long. You see… to be Abysmal in one category is not uncommon, nor harmful. Sometimes it’s good! Prevents the body from being out of sorts. If you have amazing talent in all areas, you’ll probably die young, your body all confused and contorted by the competing energies… the inverse has the same result. He could live a full life, if he spends a lot of money and gets all the herbs necessary to balance out his body in someway. But it won’t be cheap.”

Ed rubbed his bald head so harshly that he winced in pain, “This can’t be real… this poor boy.”

“I would recommend delaying before sending him to school — so he can build up some muscle. He’ll probably get bullied… maybe hire a private tutor? Hide him somewhere… maybe in the basement.” Ebenezer half-heartedly finished. Ed stared daggers at the old medicine man, rage evident in his eyes.

“Do not speak of my son that way ever again.”

“Ha! You don’t scare me, you damn shopkeeper,” Ebenezer turned around to walk away and then let out a choking sound when Ed levitated him and everything else in the room with his mind. Ed turned the man around to face him… fear plastered on his face, Ebenezer screeched, “You advanced?!”

“Major Grade.” Ed showed pearly whites in the dim firelight, “I have a couple powerful sponsors… no one would blink if I killed you.

“Ed put me down! I’m sorry, I’m just an apothecary!”

“Damn viper, I know you could probably kill me if you tried.”

Ebenezer nodded furiously but the fear and panic did not leave his voice, “Yes, I can! But do you know the cost in potions?! I’d be bankrupt! Put me down so we can talk like reasonable men!”

Ed put down the old apothecary and dusted off his shoulders and straightened his clothes. That damn McCarthy’s rubbin’ off on me… Ed stepped back and asked a question through clenched teeth, “Is there any cure?”

Ebenezer thought for a moment, twisting his scraggly beard and pulling on and off his patchwork hood with the other hand. He paused, murmured and continued his bizarre ritual. Ed waited. Ebenezer slowly said, “Cure is not the word… he’s not technically sick… it would be impossible to increase his Magery, Psychic or Elemental Affinity without greatly harming his body. So, the first stage is to strengthen his body, then he can pick… something… we can focus on. But it won’t be cheap… 10’s of thousands of Spirit Stones to bring up an Abysmal rating to a Terrible… that’s only the increase of one grade… Sub-Par would be the next after that… I don’t know if it’s possible to even get him to Average… But we shall see.” He smiled wickedly, “If you have the money.”

Ed winced and was about to retort when Ebenezer raised a hand and said, “I am the best at using medicines, pills and poultices to modify the body. Such things always produce an inferior result to actual potential, surgery and training. But, your boy has no potential and is too weak to train, the only other option is surgery… and that kind of barbaric practice of swapping organs is only done by Devilish Cultivators and Witches.”

“I’ll just go to the Head of Alchemy instead, I’m sure he won’t charge me an arm and a leg.”

“Eleazer does not study this branch of Medicine — since he deals only with improving geniuses — no one in the sect has ‘potential’ problems, or you end up outside the sect… like myself.” Ebenezer frowned at that last bit and touched his woodish face, a look of sadness momentarily crossing his face. Ed did a double take, he’d never seen such a… human expression on Ebenezer’s face. He blinked. The soft forlorn expression had been replaced by a money grubbing sneer. He sighed.

“What’s the price?”

Ebenezer’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, “My dear friend, let us not speak of prices and finances — when it comes to the life of a poor orphan —”

“He’s not orphaned.”

“— Formerly orphaned boy. Rather, let us think of our common humanity! I am human, you are human, he is human… we’re all human.” Ebenezer gestured expansively, his robes flapping ridiculously as he moved.

“What’s your point?”

Ebenezer sighed and wrapped an arm around Ed, “This is no rabies shot. We’re in this for the long haul my friend, and I might bankrupt myself procuring items… and if you back out without reimbursing me… all of this precious time (and resources) will be for naught. And my time is limited.”

They both looked at a wooden model of the human body in the corner.

Ebenezer continued, all signs of mirth gone from his voice, “Helping your boy will be a full-time job. Time is money… much preparation needs to be made. I might need to buy things suddenly — as they become available on the market — and bill you later… I can’t have you abandoning me partway through.”

“Oh, just spit it out!”

“Contract. You need to sign a contract.”

“Sure, no problem.”

“With your house and pension as guarantee.”

“…” Ed hesitated. Did he trust this old codger with such a dilapidated deal, one that clearly was not tilted in his favor… it was insane! Give this crazy alchemist the power to just give him any random bill — and if that bill should sink Ed — let him take the house and his damn pension. Bloody ungrateful elf-skin, what a pricking knave! But Oz… he couldn’t explain why, but he loved this boy. Maybe he felt a connection, Ed was missing his left hand and Oz his left arm, they were kindred souls in an sense. Whatever the reason, at first sight he wanted to adopt him, there was never a doubt in his mind and with each passing moment that affection grew stronger — as if they had been close friends a long time ago. But this kind of price…

“Now Ed… I see that you are worried about this contract, so tell you what. I’ll increase your power too — at a discount rate — for a small fee...”

“What did you say?!” Ed seized the old man with his right hand and pulled him close. Ebenezer simply smiled, as if he was in the most comfortable position in the world.

“I. Can. Increase. Your. Power.”

“HOW?!” His eyes narrowed, “Is there going to be another ridiculous price?”

“Hmmm… no… not at all. Psychic Cultivation is not too hard to increase, but I simply need you to do a favor for me.”

Ed cocked an eyebrow, “Oh?”

“In the contract, I will add a clause.”

“Just spit it out!”

Ebenezer grinned like a thistle, “Kill Deloris for me, the Head of the Deacon House. She has an item in her possession… an item that I — no we — all need.”

Ed dropped Ebenezer with a plunk and backed away, “You’re mad… everyone knows that McCarthy personally commissioned her… He personally signed her commendation! Do you know how important she is in his Research Department? There are even rumors…” Ed trailed off, fear gripped him and he felt pain in his left hand, the hand that was no longer there.

“Don’t be silly… Deloris spread those rumors to solidify her control over the Deacons.” Ebenezer huffed angrily, rubbing his butt where Ed had dropped him on the floor. “You of all people, what working close with McCarthy these past couple of years, you should know he’d never marry again.”

Ed’s eyes widened, “What the prick is up with you man, how do you know all this?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It ain’t matter he says?! I ain’t got a death wish knave!”

“Whenever you’re mad you slip into the oddest of dialects…” Ebenezer dusted himself off, his eyes held a mischievous yet unfathomable glint, “I want her Commendation Certificate, I want the paper that has McCarthy’s signature. I need it for… certain plans.”

“No deal. No deal. I won’t conspirisize —”

“Conspire.”

“Whatever! Whatever it is, I won’t do it, for any price!” Ed turned and started walking towards the door, he called out over his shoulder, “I’ll be back for the boy in the morning!”

“You are in Major Grade correct? I can make you jump to Commander Grade.”

Ed stopped at the door. He turned around. Ebenezer smiled.