"I thought you said we were safe on the road," Caertonn said to Kinenhael.

"Yes, we're safe from beasts and animals, but not other adventurers."

"Bonjour, gentlemen," the unarmed man said.

"'Bawn joor'?" the elf mocked. "What does that mean?"

"It eez how I say 'ello before I rob people. I try to be carteous whenever eet eez possible. I am Ranenc ze Bold and zees 'ere is ze Greedy Guild."

Kinenhael scoffed. "I don't care what that enpisi says, he likes to take advantage of lower-level adventurers by holding them at drawn before they've had their morning piss."

The man tsked. "Gentlemen, zere eez no raisin to be mean about zis. We can get true zis, ah, quickly, no? Just give uz yar valuables and we will leave wizzout any pain or bloodshed."

"That's the thing, though. When you rob low-level adventurers, you get nothing. We just left my village yesterday!"

"But, you are not level wans, no? And I see you 'ave some nahce equipmon'." Ranenc stroked his pointed beard, then twitched his mustache. "Eez zat an incremental elemental, level fahve?"

"Fuck," Kinenhael said under his breath. He unhitched it from his pack and threw it towards them. "There, that's all I have of worth. Now, can we go?"

"Eef only we could trast one anozzer, mmm? One who 'az somezink like zat must surely 'ave ozzer zings az well. Search zem."

While one man searched each of the adventurers in turn, the other three kept their arrows pointed at their hearts. A small pile was made of almost everything.

"You zere, wiz ze blond hair. Change into your drabs."

"Drabs?" Caertonn asked his elven friend.

"Your corsair clothes. He wants your high level outfit."

When it appeared that he was going to have to do so in front of six pairs of eyes, he flushed and tried to do it quickly. He sighed in disappointment, then held out his scabbard and ranger outfit.

"And, of carse, we 'ave zee leetle robot over zere."

"Oh, Smythe is incredibly devoted to me. He'd never leave...my...side..." Smythe scurried past the two of them and stood next to the pile of items. "Smythe, you're a shitty shuttler, you know that?"

"Zere. I do believe ar beezneez eez fenished. Adieu, gentlemen, and good lack een yar travels."

Once they had melted back into the woods, Kinenhael yelled, "I hope you get fucked by a selkie and you have ugly seal babies!" He began to pick through their belongings. "What kind of man takes another man's only auto-lighter? What do I have left? My goggles, my clothes...Well, hey, I guess he isn't all bad if he left my sticky ichor alone. Of course, I have nothing to light it with, but at least I have my bud."

"Great. I'm glad you're happy," Caertonn sulked. "I lost all the gifts I was given. All I have left is the guild corsair stuff. We don't even have any money to buy anything new."

Kinenhael brightened and snapped his fingers. "Great point, guild stuff!" He slapped his goggles down, tapped a few things in the air, and waited. "My clothes were looking pretty haggard anyway. I'll get some fresh clothes and a bomb sleeve, so at least I'm not defenseless."

"I thought for sure we'd be headed back to your place."

"Ooh no-ho-ho, no way. I am not going back there to see all those smug faces. 'Look, it's that Goldenleaf boy, the one that's somehow worse than his druid and mana shop brothers. What, did you forget something? Oh, you were robbed and you have to go get something. Oh, only level six. I see."

"I can see you've thought about that quite a bit."

"No, it's just always there, this miasma in the Elder Ring where you just cannot be less than perfect. Your two options are to keep inching up by stepping on other people's faces or remove yourself completely. I'm done. When I return, it will be to say goodbye to my mother and take the rest of my shit and live in my new gigantic toadstool in Metraft."

Caertonn smirked. "I hear those are pretty cramped. Not mush-room in a toadstool apartment."

Kinenhael laughed. "Good one. All righty, let's look. Hey! We just got robbed and our spirit bars are still pretty high!"

Just then a hole formed in the ground not too far from them and a dead drop bear poked his furry little head out. "I got it!" Caertonn said, running over and pulling the little guy out. "I'm sorry I don't have anything for you; we were robbed and all of our food was stolen." The bear didn't seem too upset to receive scratchies instead. "Say, what's to stop us from asking for ten new guild packets, then selling it at the nearest town for profit?"

"Your guild, that's who. They don't care if you take more than one, but you can't sell those items. No merchant will take them; they're basically worthless."

"Oh," Caertonn said, disappointed. "What should we do about money?"

"Well, I'm hoping our illustrious third member can spot us a little cash." He popped his goggles over his eyes, then frowned after a few moments. "He hasn't moved since last night."

"Neither have we," Caertonn pointed out.

"That's 'cause we're lazy and we were robbed. It's already mid-morning. You think he'd have moved at least a little. I think we should pack up and close the gap."

As they walked west, Caertonn managed to scrounge up some food that wasn't far from the road. His fencing skills had increased so that he could dispatch most creatures in the area in a just few hits. Kinenhael lobbed a few bombs when needed, but he was obviously bored by fighting with them, since they did so little damage.

As they munched on a handful of blueberries, Kinenhael kept checking the map. After a few times, he knocked the side of his goggles with the heel of his hand. "Can you check your book and see where the healer's position is?"

Caertonn pulled the book out from his very light pack. "Says he's ahead about three miles away."

"My thing's not broken, then. His dot on the map has been moving away from us at a steady pace. I swear to all things explosive, if he's changed his mind and he's running away from us, I will build a machine to pluck every one of his body hairs out one at a time."

"That's a tad harsh," Caertonn said, eyeing his friend, who he was beginning to suspect was sadistic. "If he has decided not to join us, then we should wish him well on his own journey."

"It would be nice if he could meet us in person and tell us that," Kinenhael grumbled.

"Maybe he intends to. Or maybe there's a number of other things going on. What if he took a quick quest on his way over, for instance?"

"I suppose that could be true."

"Let's give him the benefit of the doubt, hmm? Hopefully by tonight we'll have cleared up this little mishap up and we'll have full bellies and a new friend around our campfire."

"You can be infectiously optimistic, you know? Fine, let's go get him and start doing some quests."

They had a lengthy, involved discussion on healers and what their role was for the group. Since they didn't have their brute yet, it was also decided that Caertonn would take that modified role until they included their final member. Therpis would spend most of his mana and focus on keeping Caertonn alive while he took the hits instead of Kinenhael and the healer.

"Have you ever died?" Caertonn asked.

"No. I hear it's not all that bad. It's dark and quiet for some time, then your healer resurrects you."

"What if you don't have a healer?"

"Oh, the Big Death. These are the kinds of questions I like to ponder, my friend. I think it's a lot like the darkness of dungeon dying, but you're not aware that you should be seeing or hearing or moving. You just...aren't. Your thoughts cease and...Hmm. Our healer is up there," he said, pointing up a hill.

"That's off the road. Is it safe?"

"Definitely not, but we're in luck. There is a trail that leads up there. That'll offer us some protection."

The two stepped off the main road and heard the chimes from Caertonn's book. He drew his foil and took the lead.

The trail opened quickly to a wide, cleared area with small, blue buildings with curved tops on either side. Caertonn furrowed his eyebrows, wondering why they seemed familiar.

"What place is this?" he asked Kinenhael.

"It's still part of Pokore." He made a plucking action with his fingers in the air in front of his face to adjust his map. "Uh, this is called Stablo. Says it's a small village with no shops or vendors."

"Or people. Where is everyone? And it's strange how I've been to Nomager about two dozen times, but I've never seen this trail before."

Out of the corner of his eye, Caertonn saw movement. Instinctively, he ran to the side of one of the buildings and peaked around. A very large man in a viking helmet and cape was walking away from them, headed up the dirty, cluttered street.

"Smells like shit," Kinenhael said, "but also something good. I wonder what they're having for a barbecue and if we're invited."

"Shh, let me think." He stared across the way at the building as he let his peripheral vision pick up any motion. Caertonn could smell more than charring meat and cow plops; there was hay and grass, the musk of animals and campfire smoke and grease. It smelled familiar. He focused on the building, then turned to look at the building they were leaning against. "This is a barn."

"It's blue, though. And there are no houses."

"I know. Why would you only have barns?"

They dashed to the back of the next building, then kept their pace as they moved up the hill, ducking between enclosures and barns in a labyrinthine fashion. They could see smoke was starting to thicken and the smell from the fire filled the air with a mouth-watering scent.

Caertonn turned to look around the corner once more, then snapped his head back quickly. He looked once more, then blew air out of his mouth slowly through his lips. "What?" Kinenhael whispered. "What did you see?"

"I saw a lot of things."

"Pick one."

"So, there's a fire."

"Yes."

"And there are a bunch of people around the fire."

"I'm with you."

"And they are...cow people."

"Cow. People. Like, cows standing on legs?"

"No, no, they are thick, tall people with feet and hands, but only three toes and three fingers. And horns. And faces that look long, but still sort of human."

Kinenhael paled at this. "Oh, fuck, we need to get out of here. Those are minotaurs."

"That's not all," Caertonn said, turning a little green. "I found our healer."

It took a few moments for the elf to understand. "Oh, fuck, oh, fuck! Shit, fuck! What do we do? Wait, is he...?"

"Yes. There's a spit turning and everything."

"I think I'm going to be sick."

"And they had a knife and they were-"

"If you finish that sentence, I will open your knapsack and vomit inside, all over your book, which you will then have to spend an ample amount of time cleaning because you can't find another one of them."

"Sorry. We need to go. Let's...uh..." He looked around and realized he didn't know where they were. The smoke had thickened so that it was hard to see clearly. "Back this way," he said.

They spent the next half hour moving from one barn to another, carefully trying to avoid anything they saw in the smoke (which they realized belatedly was mixed with a fog rolling in before a storm). It was so hard to see that Caertonn had to hold his foil out and Kinenhael had to wrap his hand in a bandage and hold the tip.

"Are we close?" the elf asked.

"I have no idea. I think we're going down, I can barely see you, never mind any landmarks."

"If you're trying to get back to the road, you're going the right way," a deep voice said.

"Thanks!"

"I don't suppose you'd want a guide to help you out, would you?"

"It's taken us a long time to get to this point. If you know a faster way that won't get us caught by any of the minotaurs, then we'd greatly appreciate it."

"I do. Are you trying to escape them?"

"Sort of," Caertonn said. "Kine and I were trying to find our healer. He was supposed to meet us on the road. Come to find out he's on the minotaurs spit at this moment."

"Oh, I'm so sorry," the voice said. "That is detestable. Listen. If I bring you to the road, will you help me escape, too?"

"That is a deal," Caertonn said.

"Just give me a moment and I'll be back."

"Hello?" Kinenhael asked, but there was no reply. "I swear if he's getting the minotaurs, I will find out who he is and I'll make punjee sticks from his leg bones and shove him onto them."

"You are having a real rough day, aren't you, my friend?"

"No fire, no smoke."

"I thought there was enough smoke here."

"Hello?" the voice asked.

"Hi! Are we ready to go?"

"Yes. All set. Follow the sound of my tongue clicking."

They began walking carefully again, trying their best to avoid the deep holes and rocks along the way. After a few minutes of incessant clicking, Caertonn had a better idea. "So, my friend, what is your name?"

"Lyd."

"Lyd?" Kinenhael said. "Well, I hope you're going to lead us out of here."

"I plan on it."

"Um, so my name is Caertonn Jimson and this is my partner, Kinenhael Goldenleaf. We're adventurers."

"Cay-er-ton? That is a nice name. What does it mean?"

"'Slayer of beasts'."

"That's kind of a kick-ass name," Kinenhael said quietly. "Mine just means 'tended plant'."

"Oh," Lyd said. "Have you slain many beasts?"

"Not really. I hunted with my dad when I was younger. Kinenhael and I have done a few quests, but nothing bigger than a boar. Maybe someday I'll be taking out dragons and hydras and whatnot. Oh, probably not hydras; I don't like the water."

"What if they're nice beasts?"

"Well, I think there's some room for negotiation. There's no need to go around killing every creature just because a quest tells you to. How do you feel about that, Lyd?"

"I think it's all a matter of perspective. It's best to spend some time on thought."

"You seem like a good man, Lyd. It just so happens that we're out a healer. Do you have any plans once we reach the road?"

"No, I don't," he said. "I'll admit I don't know very much about healing, but I am a fast learner and I like reading."

"Great! What do you think, Kine?"

Just at that moment, they reached the edge of the fog just by the road. For about three seconds, they both thought there was a tree in front of them, due to the size of the creature standing there. Then, he turned and gave a friendly wave.

"Nope. Nope, nope, no we are not having a minotaur as a healer," Kinenhael said.

"You're a minotaur, Lyd?" Caertonn asked, though there was no question about it. He stood clear of eight feet tall and must have weighed at least four hundred pounds. He wore torn clothing that didn't seem to be made of human skin, a plus in a long list of minuses. At least he looked like a nice minotaur, maybe more like a cow than a bull. Not that he looked feminine, per se, just more domesticated than other minotaurs. He had friendly eyes, large and round, and his ears kept twitching at all the noises around him. In fact, he looked friendlier than Kinenhael did with his sharp, feline features.

The massive man-bull's humped shoulders slumped. "I thought you knew. I'm so sorry."

"I thought we were saving another human. Or, being saved by another human. Do you see how grouping together might be a problem if you want to eat us?"

Lyd put his three-fingered hands in front of him. "No, no! I don't eat humans. I think it's sickening to eat creatures that can communicate with you. You're...not interested in eating me, are you?"

"I don't think we could take you down with a ballista," Kinenhael said. "Look, thank you very much for leading us out of your village, but I don't see this working out."

"Hold on a moment, Lyd," Caertonn said. He turned away and drew Kinenhael in by the shoulder. "Other than the dietary issue, why shouldn't we invite him in as our healer?"

"The people of Balobaer aren't exactly the kindest when it comes to people of other races. Everywhere we travel we'll be harassed by people who don't want to be manburgers."

"And I won't have to deal with this? And you won't?"

"Not as badly!"

"Do you like that prejudice is a thing?"

"No, of course not."

"Then we will need to show everyone why they're wrong."

"Yes, but we don't have to do that! We're already working at a deficit, with the late start and being robbed." He sighed. "Does he even have a pinkie to link with?"

They turned back. "All right, Lyd. We'd like to have you join us. This means you'd be our healer, whichever path you choose, and you'll have to pull your own weight. Which isn't a plow joke!" he said quickly.

"Thank you," he said, his ears perking up. "I appreciate you accepting me. What do I need to do?"

Kinenhael held out his pinkie finger. "Hold out both of your outside fingers and we'll do the same. Now, hook...or as close as we can...and there! Now we're linked."

"Good," Lyd said. "How can I tell?"

"You need a Book of Yu'ai, which...oh. That's going to be a problem. We got both of ours from Gilghest, the wizard who sent us on our quest. I'm not sure if he's going to turn up to give you one or not. "

"What does it look like?"

"It's, well, carved wood with two green jewels on the front and a few pages inside."

"Like that?" he asked, pointing to a book hanging from a nearby tree.

"Well, yes, exactly like that."

Once he had grabbed his book, the three decided to stop risking capture or a fight and made their way to the main road. Both books chimed in unison when they stepped over the bounds.

"Now, you have three choices as a healer," Kinenhael said. "You can be a priest, which is the holy path, a sage, which is the normal path, or a mentalist, which is on the disciplined path. Do you have any connections with any god? Do you like doing daily chores?"

"Not really to both of those," he said, opening his book. "Look, my bars are high!"

"So will I be after all this is over. Okay, you'll probably want to be a sage. You get to read a lot as a healer."

"I like that."

"Do you happen to have something to light a fire?"

Still looking at his book with a fascinated awe, Lyd pulled flint and tinder from his pack.

"Great, I'll take it."

"Good luck getting a fire going," Caertonn said. "You need Assembly for that."

"I don't, but you do," the elf said, grinning. "Let's go to that camp we were at, get a fire going, relax and talk things out."

"Not a bad idea."

"I can't understand the squiggles," Lyd finally said, holding the book out far from his face. "I like the little moving pictures of you two, though."

"The squiggles are called 'writing' and we'll help you with that. For now, let's head to camp," Caertonn said.

The fog from the hills had spilled down into the valley. By the time they reached their camp, things were difficult to see again. Caertonn was able to get a fire going and before long Kinenhael was laid out on his back, a pool of tensionless elf.

"How do you feel about cooking?" Caertonn asked the minotaur.

"I did this back in the village, as well as many other things."

"If I may ask, why did you want to leave?"

Lyd snorted and shook his neck and shoulders. "I am not a strong minotaur. I think and speak with caution instead of charging into dangerous situations. I may have been an elder in the village some day, but at this point they laugh at me and tell me to do things other than fight with honor. I'm tired of it."

"Yeah, I can understand that. If you don't want to cook, I can still do it. It would be easier for me if I picked up another skill that would help the group, but I don't want you to feel bad about it."

"I'll cook, if it helps the group. I just don't want you to think less of me."

"We would likely feel better about you! I can barely stop the eggs from burning."

Caertonn moved over so that he was right next to Lyd. He moved the book so that it was between them and opened up to the front page. "If you want to be a sage, press this button." Lyd did his best to carefully use the corner of his finger to do so.

Caertonn flipped to the next page. "This one is for Assembly. This one is for Communication, so learning to read and speak different languages and understanding the history and culture of people."

"Is this why you're so nice to me? The other human doesn't seem to like me."

"Kinenhael is actually an elf. See the pointy ears and his sharp features? Well, maybe we all look the same to you, but he and I are from different races. He gets a little grumpy when he's under stress. And I try to be nice to people who are nice to me. I don't know much about minotaurs, but my best friend for a while was a cow."

"What?"

"Never mind. Oh, the dead drop bear is here with your stuff."

"It's a cute little creature," he said, looking at the little bear that had started to climb out of the hole in the ground.

"I agree. Do you have a carrot by chance?"

Caertonn spent the next few minutes holding the bear and letting it nibble on a carrot while Lyd changed into his drabs. He proudly stood with his minotaur-sized staff before him. "I feel good about this."

"I'm glad. Hey, Kine? Are you ready to get going?"

The elf sat up. "Mmm, yeah. Do we have anything to eat?"

"How about I make fried potatoes, then we'll pack up and go east."

"Yessssss!" he said. "You are awesome, you know that, Curt?"

"I do, but feel free to tell me as often as you'd like."

Everything was ready to go. The mist was starting to clear as they kicked out the fire. They turned to leave when they saw five figures standing on the other side of the road, four with arrows knocked at their chests.

"Bonjour, gentlemen," Ranenc said.

"Fuck," Kinenhael said.