May 30th, 2012

Mom was like: “You’re seriously going to waste your life like your brother?! Don’t you want to continue your fame in college and have the time of your life there? I know I did.”

And I was like: “I’m not gonna become a drug addict. Besides, I don’t want to be in debt. I don’t need a piece of paper to prove I’m worth something.”

“Then let us pay for you! You know we’re more than willing.”

“Uh, no.” I said, “First of all, that’s Clint’s money. Second, I want nothing to do with him.”

“He’s your step-father!”

“Yea! And you broke up with my real father because he was in debt. You were being superficial, not me.”

“Oh, your entire life is superficial, Elizabeth!”

I felt my phone vibrate in my hand. “Whatever. Megan’s here. One more year and you’ll get rid of me, tough it out, Mom.”

“And where will you go?!” Her yell was muffled by the closing of the front door.

My mood was almost lifted by a smiling Megan in her brand new Toyota, almost. My hatred against her keeps me back from caring too much. I still can’t believe she would do that to me, after everything we went through.

Ugh, I still can’t believe I dated Chad. Seriously, what kind of name is that? What was I thinking?

“Hey, you sexy bitch. Today the day,” Megan greeted me as I got in her car.

“Not sexy. Bad. I’m a bad bitch,” I said, fixing my hair over my ears. “We’re seniors after today. No more Jessica Lynn

trying to one-up us. And hey, we might even pick up the next queen.”

“Amanda thinks she’s getting the spot once we graduate,” Megan snickered, “But my money’s on Jana. She’s such a sweetheart.”

I shake my head, “Jana isn’t hot enough. My money’s on Lindsey.”

“The freshman?”

“I see myself in her. She’ll do it. Amanda will be so mad.”

Megan laughed as we were stopped at a light. “Yeah. She’s so pathetic. Honestly, it should have been her to-” I stopped Megan because I didn’t want to remember that. Anything but what I did. I looked over at the car stopped next to us. It was Emily’s. Cody was with her, talking to her, making her laugh. He’d noticed me but not Emily. “Emily is so pretty. God, I wish I had her hair. Shame she followed Cody when she was with us.

Yeah. Emily was pretty. Still is. She’s not hot like me, but pretty. Emily is a joy to look at, even when she’s at her worst. We knew she had some disease that sometimes lets her stay home for a week or two. When she came back she would have these heavy black bags under eyes, but even when she did, she was still pretty.

Cody looked back at me and smiled.

I remember the first day I met Cody: Seventh grade, third period, Science. He sat next to me and our teacher declared whoever we sat next to at a table was out lab partner. It’s a cliche way to meet, but one nonetheless.

Back then, I wasn’t known and neither was he. I was six months away from discovering the secrets of makeup and popularity but he was about a month away from making friends with the cool kids. From that first day, we were two months away from dating. I don’t think Emily liked that because she would never talk to one on one when we would hang out.

Two months into dating, I would let Cody take my virginity in his room after spending five hours together watching movies. It was as awkward and embarrassing and unpleasant as anyone’s first. We broke up a few weeks later but stayed friends.

Eventually, Cody and I drifted apart and then completely became strangers to each other a few weeks into freshman year.

But that never stopped my little crush on him from fading away.

The final rang. With final now over and summer officially starting, everyone rushed out of the classroom. I was the last one to leave, as always. 8th period is the only class I didn’t share with anyone I know. Well, anyone cool worth knowing.

Alyssa and Amanda were waiting for me on our side of them hall commons, right behind the main stairs but away enough where people can admire us. Carlos and Connor were with them. They were talking about Alyssa’s party on Friday. Carlos informed us that Andrew was bringing a load of drugs for us. Carlos is the only one of us who actually talked to Andrew enough to be friends with him, he’s our hook up.

“Wanna try a line today?” Connor asked.

I shook my head, never one with drugs. “I’m good, thanks.”

All of my friends smoke and blow lines. It’s part of the privileged world we live in where they can spend all the money they want on it. I’ve never smoked weed or did a line of cocaine. I never rolled on ecstasy, never got lifted on Winter. That’s what makes me so cool, so levelheaded; someone to look up to.

Everyone in Darkwood, Washington was always on something. I think it has to do with the constant gray skies. It’s either raining for months, or there’s a drought for months. There’s never any in between. The weather plays people. It doesn’t help that the only thing to do is to get messed up or drive 20 minutes to Seattle to find something to do.

Darkwood is called Darkwood because in the middle of the town is a big forest that’s impossible to navigate through in the night because all the light from the city fades away inside. We often do campfires about a mile inside using a trail that some graduates made a long time ago. It leads to a small open area where about twenty people and eight cars can fit. (Yes, I counted)

Actually, a campfire is what we always do after the last day of school.

At eight PM the whole crew was already there. I’ve had about three beers and was already feeling pretty buzzed when I notice Megan was talking to Chad. The bitch. If I really wanted to, I could expose her to everyone right there. I could tell them the story of then Megan was 14 she thought she was pregnant because she sat on the toilet where her little brother peed on little. Then there’s the time where she got so drunk she slept on her puddle of puke for twelves hours. There’s more, but there’s no point in hating snakes.

I noticed among everyone here, is Cody and Emily. They’re together, as always. She’s laughing, always laughing as she sat on his lap on the trunk of her car. Carlos goes up to them and asked, “Seriously, how are you not together?”

“We’re just friends, Carlos,” Emily smiled.

Carlos placed his arm to his heart, “A moment of silence for our brother.”

Cody tapped him on his shoulder, “Don’t be an idiot.”

“Emily, I heard you broke up with Derek. Want to come get a drink with me?”

Emily laughed, “No, but you can go get me one.”

Emily and Cody have been best friends since the day they met 12 years ago. Everyone knows this. Nobody knows why they aren’t a couple even though they act like it. But we’re proven wrong every time Emily gets a new boyfriend once every six months, or when Cody walks out of a bedroom with a random girl from another school at one of the many parties we all go to.

Cody glanced at me, I look away and pretend to talk to Alyssa next to me. “You okay? You look distracted,” he said seconds later.

Alyssa looked over first, tapping me in my thigh so Cody didn’t notice. Cody seemed to tower over me even though he was a foot taller standing. He looked down with those watchful eyes of his. Safe eyes.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I replied, marking our first conversation we’d had for about a year. “Thanks for asking.”

“You want a beer?” he looked over at the cooler in between Carlos’ truck and Lucas’ Hummer.

I looked over at Emily, who was too busy talking to Carlos to notice. No, she noticed but probably couldn’t do anything about it. “Emily wouldn’t mind?”

Cody shrugged then shook his head, “She’s just my friend. Always has been, still is.”

I looked back at Cody, whose eyes were more caring now than concerned. “Sure, Cody,” I made sure to smile.

“Oh my god, what was that all about?” Alyssa tapped my shoulder why Cody had his back turned to us.

I shrugged, “I don’t know. Let’s find out.”

“I’ll give you two time to talk,” she giggled, before getting up and calling Amanda’s name to meet up with her.

“Where your group of friends?” I asked when Cody returned with a cold glass bottle.

“I don’t you really care.”

I made sure to giggle, “You’re right, I don’t. I do care why you’re talking to me now, though.”

Cody laughed taking a swing at his beer, “I’m bored.”

“Aren’t we all?”

This is where everything began. By the end of it, I’ll be dead and everyone will be running around wondering why. That freshman girl, Grace, would go on to take a leave of absence for the first two weeks of school. She would go on to see a therapist to talk about what I did to her. Grace would go on to spend hours reading and watching the news about me trying to find a reason why I did that to her.

Then two weeks later she would go on to smell the petrichor that day and meet Emily.