May 29th, 2012

First, let me start off saying that I die in the end. Actually, I kill myself. No, I don’t do it because I was miserable or felt alone. I don’t even do it get revenge on someone or for the attention. I do know that it was in front of this girl who was trying to apologize for throwing up on me. She looked 12 but was a freshman to my school. Her name is Grace. I forever changed her life.

Second, It’s nobody’s fault despite what anyone tries to say otherwise. It wasn’t Cody’s fault. It wasn’t Andrew. It definitely wasn’t Lyle even though he’ll let himself believe it and take full credit with his ego. It’s my fault. There is nobody to blame but myself.

Third and last, I don’t regret it.

So let’s start a little bit before the beginning:

“I can’t believe Chad is trying to hook up with me,” Megan opens the scene. Its fifth period, lunch, two days before school is over and we officially become seniors. Megan held up her phone showing us a text conversation between her and my recent ex of two weeks.

Snakes in the grass.

“Uh, ew,” Amanda laughed, “What a total creep.”

“I know right?”

“What kind of parent names their kid Chad?” I joked, making my table of friends laugh. “Chad is the stupidest name in the world.”

“Here, here,” Alyssa giggled.

Snakes in the grass, all of them.

“I’m gonna tell him that,” Megan, my best friend back then, said while texting back. She was my best friend since middle school. We practically sisters.

Megan and I started to run this school at the start of our Junior Year. We became what we always thought we would become; the two queens. Then she had to ruin all that when she decided to hook up with Chad two weeks before we broke up. I found out, naturally, and broke up with him. None of my friends knew I knew this, not even Chad. So I found it cute that she was trying to hide her sin by lying to all of us.

That’s how I knew they were all snakes in the grass.

Everyone was, even myself. We were all just trying to put on this facade that we thought was important. I think Alyssa understood this the best as she never tried to take my place in the social hierarchy. She was the richest girl at Mickle Ray High and prettier than I was but never once she wanted the spot. Instead, she was content playing friends and tagging along. But now that everything is over, I think she was the only one who really cared.

Amanda, like everyone else, was just kind of there. She never stood out and used us just to be popular herself. She had this constant need of self-validation so there wasn’t a day without a selfie or an Instagram post of her dog.

There were others too, like Connor, Lucas, Carlos, and Jana. However, they were floated along our group, coming and going as they pleased. Once summer started I barely saw them but that never changed the fact that everyone is a snake in the tall grass.

Amanda tried to try to trip one of the girls walking by our lunch table. Her name was Sara, who was walking with Emily to their table. They both gave us a glare as Sara recovered, “Freak!” Amanda yelled out.

“Amanda, stop it,” Alyssa said.

“What? They’re both weird.”

I looked over to their table across the cafeteria room where they sit next to the band geeks. There was sitting Cody who glanced over to me. His eyes are those that make you feel like he’s always watching, always protecting, always concerned. They were like that when he was my boyfriend in the seventh grade, they’re like that now too.

Cody’s group is an odd one. They were never outcast, never popular, never in between. They were a mix of all and none of it at the same time. Cody Martin is one of the more popular kids in school. He even was part of our group a few weeks into freshman year alongside with Emily. They named us most likely to become prom king and queen on their senior year at the end too. Except he never liked our crowd so he started his own.

Emily Crowe. Cody’s girlfriend, or best friend, or sister. We don't know, but they’re inseparable. She’s this fiery redhead with long and fluffy hair that get’s everywhere. Emily stands out from any crown as she always wears sweaters with skirts or with shorts over leggings.

Then there’s the brother and sister twin duo, Andrew and Sara. Everyone wants to be Andrew’s friend. Everyone wants to go along with him as he’s always the most fun person to be around. That is until they realize how crazy he is and can’t handle his recklessness. Sara is the polar opposite. A goth girl with black and blue hair to contrast her brother’s light blonde. She’s quiet and keeps to herself most of the time. I see her around Emily a lot.

Across Cody is Chris, the school’s drug dealer but I doubt anyone really knew that. Rumors at the time were that he was always on some kind of drug and if you talked to him he would get in your head with crazy talk. He came to school the same every day; a big green parka with ripped up jeans and incredibly old converse shoes. The whole, Don’t judge a book by it’s cover applies to him because he was the smartest kid in the school, perhaps the state.

Next to him were Isaac and Stephanie. Isaac was the school gay black kid. He hung around Cody’s group because they were the only ones he could tolerate. Stephanie was this Senior who didn’t have enough credits to graduate. She hung around Andrew most of the time.

“Ugh, I can’t believe you invited them to your party this Friday, Lissa,” Amanda complained, pulling me back into this world I knew for so long.

“It’s not like they don’t show up to every other. What difference would it make?”

“It makes it them think that we actually like them,” Amanda said in that sassy voice that is so stereotyped in movies.

“Do you really have to hate on other people we don’t even know to make yourself feel better about yourself, Amanda? Or are you just a bitch?” I said just to shut her up.

Sure enough, Amanda stays quiet for the rest of lunch. If I scold you, you messed up and can’t fight against it. This is a law at this school. She’s just lucky that it wasn’t public.

“Ugh, my mom is making me pick up my little brother from school today,” Megan said before I zone everything out again.

Before school ends, I’m pulled in to my guidance counselor office, Ms. Hatfield. Rumor has it that Jacob Stilinski caught her and Mr. Scrote-or rather Scrotum- making out in his office last year. Hatfield is still young, maybe mid-thirties. I have no idea what she’s doing with a literal dick like Scrotum. Seriously, he’s bald and looks like a penis with that suit he always wears.

“You thought up of any school yet?” She asked, yet again bothering me with college options I have for like, the fiftieth time.

“No, don’t care,” I said back, making sure I have sass.

“Well the clock is ticking, Elizabeth. With your grades you can get into any school in the state, even some nice ones out of. You ditched career day, but never too late to start looking.”

“It ever crosses your mind that I don’t want to be in debt for a piece of paper that’s worthless in today’s world?”

“Well, if money is your concerned, community college is always affordable and I’m sure we can get you some scholarships during your Senior year.”

Ugh, she’s so dumb.

“Can I go? We waste our time here like once a week?”

“Are you doing anything special over the summer?” She asked as I was getting up.

“Same old, same old. Why?”

Hatfield shrugged, “No reason. Ace those finals, Elizabeth. Have fun this summer.”

Huh. She really had no idea what was in store for me.