《The Divine Gemstones》Chapter 16.5: Devil's Mind
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"I am a devil said by others, but I am no evil being." -Rei Regiis Diaboli
Never in my life, I thought that I would have been able to get out of that cage. I must thank him… he has helped me so much it’s almost unbelievable, while he makes it seemed like he’s not even trying at that. I remember when I first arrived at the mansion, I didn’t want to touch any stranger, I did anything someone told me to do, and I barely showed any emotions whatsoever. What a change… is this what love does? I was always wondering what this ‘love’ thing was when I heard it around the orphanage, I initially thought it was some stupid excuse that people use to get close to someone; how naïve I was. But not ever receiving love by anybody, I don’t blame myself, I didn’t grow up with loving parents after all.
Sometimes I feel like I got too addicted to love, to the point that I feel like he doesn’t want to be with me as much as I want to be with him; to the point that I feel like I’m not good enough for him to want to be with me. I know now for sure that he does, but I’m still not entirely convinced… and I don’t understand why… if he does love me so much, then why doesn’t he just tell Shizuka in her face that he doesn’t like her at all? That all he loves is me and no one else? Or is that selfish of me to think of? I don’t know… I’m not smart enough to know what people think, or to know what to believe myself most of the time; looking at him… he looks like he knows everything around him, he knows what he is doing, and he most definitely knows what other people think. He makes it seem so easy to understand people that it just seems like it’s natural to him, or is that what meditating a lot gives off? I wish I could understand Shizuka’s feelings a little deeper, I always looked forward to being friends with her, after all, I still think that she is an amazing woman… I’m just a little girl compared to her.
I tried lying to myself by saying that Shizuka is just a super envious person that doesn’t care about anyone but herself… but I know it’s not true, I know that deeply below all that envy she is actually a beautiful woman, and an exceptional wife... a better wife than I could ever be to Rukito. Sometimes I want him to go with her instead so he could be happier, but that would just hurt me too much… I don’t want to be selfish… but I can’t help but be selfish when it comes to keeping him with me and no one else. Is this my succubus side? Or is it my little girl mindset? Maybe both.
One thing is for sure, I’ll never lose the worth of my life ever again. He taught me that life can be beautiful, and life can also be horrifying. I have to thank god and destiny for not allowing me to kill myself back then… suicide is not an answer to anything if anyone pulls through any type of mental and physical pain if they allow themselves to have hope, if they have the patience for their life to change for the better, if they try their hardest every day to ignore the negatives and focus on the positives… I promise that it will all be worth it at the end. I believe that everything has to have balance in life, just like martial arts and their Yin-Yang, if someone has a horrifying past, they are bound to have a sweet and beautiful future, they just have to pull through, and I can promise, everything will end up being alright.
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Coming from nothing to finally have something, it makes you appreciate the little things in life, I’m glad that I even have food to eat, water to drink, a roof to sleep under, and fresh air to breathe. That just makes you adore the big things in life, even more, I adore the freedom I’m given now that I’m not closed in a cage, I adore my friends even though they might not see me as their friend, they are the closest things to friends I ever had… and yes, Shizuka too. But most importantly, I adore the person I love and lust more than anything, not only he gives me lots of help and love but having lots of lust for each other helped me forget evil thoughts off my head like my step-father almost taking my virginity when I was younger… maybe being a succubus is not so bad, it has quite helped me a bit, especially with my self-esteem since now I have a better body to think good about myself of.
I opened my eyes, I was in the king size bed that Yumi and Misaki have in the guest room, but for some reason, today I felt like it wasn’t as spacious as it usually was; it’s a king size bed after all. I looked to my side and noticed that Yumi was sleeping next to me. I think it was 5:30 AM, we went to sleep early yesterday night since we were tired from the other night.
“Y-Yumi?” I slowly got up and noticed that Rukito was sleeping in between both Yumi and Misaki. “H-Huh?! RUKITO!” I yelled. He slowly opened his eyes and said,
“What is it, baby?... Why are you yelling?” He looked to both his sides and Yelled,
“HUUUUHHH?!!” I honestly expected this to happen… he will probably pull some lies like he doesn’t know what’s going on. “I promise! I don’t know what’s going on!” Yup… Yumi and Misaki also slowly opened their eyes, Yumi looked at Rukito and yelled.
“What are you doing here?!” Misaki then said,
“Oh, hey Rukito.”
“You have 10 seconds to explain,” I said. I didn’t want to instantly kill him without giving him a chance to explain.
“Kasai! I promise I didn’t do anything! I fell asleep with you and next thing you know, I woke up with Yumi and Misaki.” We then heard a harp being played in the living room. Rukito got up looking like he knew what happened and rushed towards the living room, I decided to follow up behind him.
“Nightshade!” I heard him yelling. Nightshade was playing her harp while sitting on top of the sofa. She looked at Rukito and said,
“Yes?”
“Why did you do that?!”
“Oh, I wanted to thank you for wanting to help me to recover my wings; I heard everything while I was unconscious, so I made those girls sleep with you, I heard human boys like it.”
“I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!”
“Wait, you do? Who?” I walked up while saying and said,
“I am his girlfriend…”
“Wait… you’re not his sister?!” Yumi and Misaki walked in from the bedroom. Misaki walked up to us and asked,
“Woah! What’s your singularity?”
“I can control people’s emotions and the weather with a signing, while I can control their bodies with this harp.”
“That’s very dangerous…” I said. It was still hard getting used to talking for me, but I tried to speak more than usual, so my voice could get used to it.
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“She could be of great use in the battle against black tombstone.” Said Yumi.
“That’s exactly what I thought!” Said Rukito.
“Black who?” Rukito sat on the sofa with her and said,
“Let’s make a deal, Nightshade.”
“I’m listening.”
“If you help us in a future battle against black tombstone, I’ll promise we’ll get your wings back.”
“Alright, but who is this black tombstone?”
“It’s a group of terrorists going around and absorbing people’s magic from their dead bodies so their boss can be fully recovered.”
“Huh?! That’s ridiculous!”
“I know, apparently their boss is someone who once lost a great power, and now he is counting on everyone in his cult to heal him with other people’s magic.”
“Hmm… alright. But I’m not a good fighter.”
“That’s completely fine! All we need you for is for baiting, your singularity is perfect for it.”
“Ok, deal.” It was really bothering me that all Rukito’s friends so far have been girls not counting his master, like seriously, what is the birth ratio of girls over boys in this continent?
“Oh, Kasai.” Said Misaki. I looked at her and said,
“Yes?”
“I heard from Rukito that he once knew someone named Sachi, he then told me he forgot, do you know who this Sachi is?”
“Sachi? I’ve never heard such a name, I don’t know.”
“Huh… then I did hear things.” The name didn’t sound familiar whatsoever to me, if I did, I would remember since I don’t have many friends.
“Well, we should hurry up and go back to the kingdom and talk to this Shizuka girl. Rukito said that she can help us in the battle to come, right?” Said Yumi.
“Uhm, yeah! She is brilliant.”
“Yes, she really is,” I said.
“Alright, I’ll ask Hachimura’s help.”
“My master?”
“Yeah, his singularity is really useful for defense.”
“Wait! We can’t go yet!” Said Misaki. Rukito jumped and said,
“That’s right! We can’t!”
“Hmm?” I was confused. I got my voice back, so we should be able to leave now.
“I’m waiting for a package to be delivered by one of my gang members. It should be here any more-” Shortly after, we heard a knock on the door.
“Wow, this timing is unbelievable.” Said Rukito. I noticed him starting to get nervous, he started tapping his leg repeatedly on the floor and brushing his hair back with his hand over and over. I decided to sit beside him and ask,
“Honey, are you ok?” He instantly looked at me and started blushing.
“Y-Yeah, I’m alright, don’t worry.” I’ve never seen him this nervous before since we first kissed. He sure looks cute when he is nervous though! Misaki went to get the door, I decided to lay my head on his laps, close my eyes and say,
“I had a nightmare…” He started caressing my cheeks and hair, then said,
“What was it about?”
“I was alone… emotionless, but scared in the middle of a coliseum fighting for my life.”
“And where was I?”
“I think… you were… dead.” He started chuckling and said,
“Don’t worry baby, I’ll always be with you from now on.”
“It’s not funny… I was really scared, and I usually don’t feel fear.”
“Hmmm… maybe it’s because I wasn’t there.”
“Maybe…” Then, I heard Nightshade switching songs to a happy one, I suddenly felt happy, and those negative thoughts escaped my head.
“Is that better?” Asked Nightshade after singing. I smiled at her and said,
“Yeah, thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Now I felt bad that I was trying to kill her…
“Hey, Nightshade, I’m sorry for yesterday… I tried killing you without thinking about it twice.”
“Don’t worry, I tried killing you both too, so I say we are on equal grounds.” I smiled at her understanding and said,
“Right.” Misaki came back with a box. She called Rukito to go with her in her room, and he said,
“Y-Yeah! I’m coming. Sorry baby, I’ll be back to cuddle with you in a second.”
“Ok.” I don’t know what that box contained, but I’m not really that curious of a person, so I didn’t care. I actually started talking a bit with Nightshade, I wanted to make more friends after all.
“So Nightshade.”
“Hmm?”
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
“A boyfriend? Pixies don’t have such things called ‘boys.’”
“Then how do you…”
“We are born from the power of the tree that we are from. I’m from the black ash house so yeah; there’s only one gender in our race.”
“Ah, I see.”
“What about you? How did you meet him?”
“I’ve been alone most of my childhood, I never really got along with boys since I naturally dislike most of them, some of them were nice and everything but I just couldn’t bring myself to like them like that.”
“So you are a shy girl?”
“Not really, I’d say that my succubus side only wants one person and one person only, I’m happy it did since it the end he ended up being my soul mate and the person perfect for me. I got taken in foster care by the Aizawa family, that’s where I met him.”
“Ah right, you showed your wing yesterday, so you are a devil.”
“Half devil.”
“What’s the difference?”
“I’m not sure, all I know is that I only have one wing, no horns, and a tail.”
“Ah, cool. But why did your succubus side only want him in specific?”
“Hmm… we are connected somehow, apparently what we heard from the constellation priest was that half of our souls are the same, I don’t know how or why, but they are.”
“Is he also a half devil?”
“I’m pretty sure he is, he just hasn’t unlocked that side yet.”
“How come?”
“We don’t know, but we heard from Maria, the advent child, that it’s best if we don’t unlock it. Apparently, it’s too powerful.”
“Really? Something to threaten the advent children sure has to be strong.”
“Hmm… it actually worries me a bit.”
“Why?”
“I changed when I awakened my succubus side. So I’m afraid he will too, maybe his personality will also change, and I’m afraid he won’t like me anymore.” Yumi walked in from the kitchen and sat right next to me.
“Kasai, how many times do I have to tell you?”
“Huh?”
“I can see it in his eyes the immense amount of love he has for you.”
“Yeah she is not lying, I can also see it, it’s so obvious! But I thought that it was just sibling love the first time I saw you both.”
“You think?...”
“Come on Kasai!” Yelled Yumi. “Open your eyes, his love is so big for you that I’m sure in the next couple months or even weeks he will propose to you.”
“P-Propose?! No way! I’m not thaaaat good enough.”
“Kasai… shut up before I slap you.” Said Yumi.
“Ok, ok! I’m good enough for him! I can be an amazing future wi-… wif…
“Wif-?”
“I can be an amazing future wif…”
“Kasai!”
“Wife!”
“There you go! It wasn’t that difficult now was it?”
“No.” Nightshade sighed and said,
“Love… something I will never understand.”
“Are pixies even able to fall in love?” Asked Yumi.
“I don’t know, It has never happened in the history of time.” Yumi started giggling out of nowhere, so I asked,
“What’s so funny?”
“I know that you will also be an excellent mother.”
“M-Mother?!” I felt my cheeks and nose burning, I’m sure I was blushing a lot. The thought of me holding Rukito and me’s baby made my heart race faster and faster. I can barely believe that I’m able to have intimate things with him; if it wasn’t for my succubus side, I think I would have been way too shy to even kiss him even though we are a couple. As I was blushing Rukito walked back from Misaki’s room also blushing.
“Wait, why are you blushing,” I asked him.
“Shut up! Your whole face is red!” He said. Misaki walked in and fell on the floor.
“My poor heart can’t handle this!” She said while falling.
“Your poor heart?! You’re a mafia boss!” Said Yumi.
“Hey! That doesn’t mean I can’t like romance!”
“Romance?” Rukito walked in front of me and asked me,
“Kasai, want to go for a walk outside? I want to get my blood flowing.”
“Of course!” We exited the house and started walking outside looking at nature, the dawn was about to rise, I think it was around 6 AM, dawn should be here soon.
“I always enjoy going for walks in the middle of nature…” He said. I decided to stay silent so it could give him time to say anything he would want to say. “But I enjoy being around you even more…” He said as he grabbed my hand and held it while we kept walking. “What else could be better?” He said while looking at me with a sweet smile. My heart started pounding fast again, I don’t know why but I felt this sudden rush of nervousness out of nowhere, I think my succubus side was dormant at that moment, so touching him made me really embarrassed.
“I… I enjoy being with you too.” What?! NO! Why did I just say the same thing back? That’s boring! Come on Kasai! Show him how much he really means to you! Don’t be shy! “I… lo…”
“Huh? What’s wrong?” When I mostly need my succubus side to get rid of my shyness, it’s not there!
“I like you a lot!” I yelled. He started chuckling and said,
“Like me a lot? Did I downgrade from love?” He said jokingly. “I thought I said sorry for waking up with the other girls around.”
“N-NO! It’s not that, I just… don’t feel good enough for-” He quickly stopped.
“Wait! You don’t feel good? Are you sick? Does your head hurt? Is everything ok?” He started feeling my head and touching my cheeks to check if I have a fever. “Woah! Your cheeks are burning, but your head is good.” As we were walking we heard something moving behind us, Rukito looked and whispered, “I think they are following us…”
“They?”
“The girls…”
“W-Why would they do that?”
“I’ll tell you in a bit, first, I want to show you something.”
“Show me what?”
“It’s a surprise.” We kept walking for 10 minutes, all this time we were walking uphill towards to what it seemed to be the cliff of a mountain.
“Where are we going?” The anxiety was killing me.
“Be patient, we are almost there, sweetheart.” We kept and kept walking for 5 more minutes.
“Hurry, we have two minutes to fully see it.”
“See what?” We got on top of the hill overlooking an amazing panorama. The dawn sky had many different mixes of different shades of blue, orange, and purple. The air around us smelled like fresh flowers. There was somewhat of a little strong wind blowing so my hair and his were blowing in the wind. I noticed some white particles flying up to the sky and asked,
“What’s that?!”
“I think they are little fairies, they fly up at dawn and dance to welcome the new day.”
“Wow… this is all so… beautiful.” I looked back at him, he looked back at me with the sweetest smile I’ve ever seen so far from him. Every time I gaze into his eyes, my heart starts beating really fast, my body starts shaking when I touch him, and my mind starts to get filled with nervousness and anxiety.
“I need to tell you something, Kasai.” I looked at his arm in his pocket and noticed that he was slightly shaking.
“W-what is it?” My mind was too anxious to think at that moment, I had no idea of what was going on. He kneeled, took out a box from his pocket, opened it showing a gorgeous ring, and recited the words I’ve been dreaming of hearing,
“Will you marry me?” As soon as I heard those words… tears started running down my cheeks; am I in a dream? I gasped, covered my face and stepped back.
“M-m-m-marry y-you?” My heart felt like it was going to blow up. I never thought I would ever have felt in love with anyone, now here I am in front of the love of my life proposing to me while I can barely stand up; I bet my legs are noodles right now.
“Yeah, I love you to death!” He said with a wholesome smile. “I want to live my whole life with you, I want to smile together with you, I want to wake up next to you every morning, I want to learn things about life together, I want to have many children with you, I want to have a loving family with you, I want to adventure the whole world with you… I…” He started shedding some tears and said, “I can barely tell you all of this without getting emotional, but that’s just how much I love you; you gave me a reason to succeed even more in life, you gave me a reason to unsheathe my katana, you gave me a reason to… a reason to love.” I’ve never seen him this emotional, I can tell that this means a lot to him. I jumped onto his arms and started crying. I was just worried about him not loving me enough… and here he is in this amazing scenery proposing to me, saying the sweetest things I’ve ever heard in my whole entire life. But… is he going to be able to handle me? I’m not that great…
“But… I don’t know how to be a good wife.”
“It doesn’t matter, I still love you.”
“But, I’m not that smart…”
“I don’t care, I still love you.”
“Shizuka is so much better than me…”
“So? I only love you.”
“Why?... I’m nothing special.” I said while crying my eyes out. My cheeks and my eyes were burning, and I could barely breathe.
“I love all of you Kasai; your good and happy side, and the bad scary side.
Your faults and your merits. Your naïvenss and your sweetness. Your personality and your body. The way you look at me, the way you kiss me, the way you tease me, but most importantly… the way you smile at me.” I’ve never heard such sweet words in my life. I felt like the world didn’t matter anymore and at that point, it was just him and me gazing into each other’s eyes. I rushed towards him and jumped on top of him laying down against the floor while crying on his chest.
“Yes, yes, yes! More than anything!” He hugged me back. I gazed into his eyes and kissed him. I wish I could just show how much he also means to me to him… but I’m way too shy!
“I love you so, so, so much!” I said. He smiled again and said,
“I love you more than you could ever imagine.” We kissed again, got up and held hands while gazing into each other’s eyes. He then said,
“I promise to treat you well from this day on forever.” I smiled back at him and said,
“You have been doing that all along, honey.” I looked at him and noticed he was shedding a tear. He stayed silent and hugged me tight again.
“I’m so grateful and happy… I’ve been waiting for you my whole entire life.”
“…Me too.” He took the ring and put it on my finger. That was the best morning of my life… My love for him will never disappear… we will love each other for eternity and build a loving family together.
“I will do everything in my power to raise our future children…” I said.
“I will do everything in my power to protect all of you.”
“I love you… and I will, forever…”
“And ever…” I then heard him thinking to himself,
“This girl has done the impossible… she somehow made me deeply fall in love with her even though many girls before her have tried and failed… she really is special, she really is everything I ever asked for. All those tears in the bed at night were for something… she easily managed to understand me more than any other girl… I finally found her.” We slowly kissed one last time, then started walking away, holding hands. Please destiny… let us be with each other… for eternity. We kept kissing passionately while the sun rises, all the thoughts of us having a beautiful future together overflowed my head. I then heard Misaki screaming,
“Yes! Finally! HAHAAA!” I looked to the side and noticed that she jumped out of a bush with a camera on. Did she take a picture of us? Yumi pulled her down and said,
“Misaki! Get down!”
“W-w-what are they doing here?!” I started getting light-headed, probably by my cheeks being too hot, and then, I think I… fainted.
“Baby?! Kasai?! KASAI!” Was the last thing I heard before blacking out. My little heart has never felt such deep love before.
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