Tujuheim, 180

My diary! Something wonderful happened!

I was in the pit of misery when Caerwyn was taken, but he dashed by the door in which I hid behind with giants chasing after him moments later.

After they all ran by the door, I found courage enough to nervously step out from my hiding place and follow after Caerwyn and the entourage chasing him.

I followed far enough behind that they would not see me, but close enough that I would not lose sight of them.

I followed them down many halls until I was too tired to go any further and had to take refuge in a shadow cast by a pillar to my right.

“Princess, it’s me!”

I jumped in fear but was nearly in tears with relief when I saw it was only Caerwyn who was already taking refuge in the shadows. I nearly threw my arms around him, but I remembered his rule, and I refrained.

“You’re alright! Thank the gods!” I exclaimed. “How did you escape?”

“It matters not at the moment! Let us make haste! The entrance is just around the corner!” Caerwyn told me cheerfully.

To think I was so close to freedom after being kept prisoner for so long!

I took a right with Caerwyn down the hall and saw, in the distance, two gigantic double doors that were slightly ajar. Just enough for a tiny moth and human to fit through.

We ran for what felt like minutes due to the hall’s large size.

Behind us, I heard feet shaking the hall. There was a giant behind us, but whether he saw us, I did not know. Regardless, I sped my shaky legs up as much as I could muster.

Caerwyn dashed through the opening first with me following after.

I fell to my knees when the breeze of the outdoors hit my face and blew my ivory fur about in the wind.

What a magnificent sight to behold!

Wind whistled through the nearby tree leaves that were quite small in comparison to the giants’ castle, and the clear blue sky was dotted with white clouds and there was nothing but rolling green for miles around.

“I have taken all this for granted…!” I wiped my tearful eyes.

“We must go, Princess!” Caerwyn interrupted my revelry.

Caerwyn had a piebald and a brown horse stationed in the shade of the grove of trees to our left. A young man was standing next to the brown horse and tending to its needs. He looked to be about fifteen-years-old and had red hair and blue eyes.

Moths never rode horses… We had wings. What a trying experience this would be.

Caerwyn mounted his steed and the young man next to the brown horse turned to me and said, “hello, milady. My name is Terry, and I have not taken my final vows yet, so you may touch me. Hope on the back of the horse, please.”

Suddenly, the horse looked very tall.

“Come on, Princess. If you escaped the castle, you can mount a horse! Just put your foot in the stirrup there!” Caerwyn encouraged me.

I gulped and gingerly lifted a heeled foot into the stirrup. Terry yanked my hand and helped me up. “Hold on tight, milady.”

I wrapped my arms around his stomach and he followed Caerwyn as the older man spurred his horse forward with his heels.

I closed my eyes out of fear and let them take me wherever they may.

It was foolish to close my eyes to the beautiful world after missing it for so long, but gods help me, my diary! I was scared for my life upon the death trap that was a horse. Wind whipped my face and sucked the air out of my lungs and I imagined that we might hit something as Terry rode. Luckily, we did not.

I opened my eyes in a moment, however, and saw we were heading away from my home kingdom of Nui.

“Sir Knight! We are heading away from my kingdom! We must head in the opposite direction!”

Caerwyn didn’t look me in the eye as he yelled over the trampling of the horses, “it would be better for you to come with us!”

“What in the world are you talking about, Sir Knight? I wish to be with my family! Do not abscond with me!” I said angrily—although I admit I was rather flattered that he wanted to kidnap me♡!--I was stunned that such a gentleman should wish to take me away from my family!

Caerwyn halted his horse altogether and Terry followed suite.

He looked down and avoided my gaze as he took a deep breath. His face was thoughtful and consternated. “Princess…”

My heart dropped. It couldn’t be. My kingdom was happy and thriving when I was captured.

“Your kingdom… Your people—all of them—they’re gone.” He said uneasily.

I felt dizzy—my heart was thumping—I nearly fell off my horse. I took a deep breath with tears in my eyes. “Gone?”

“They’re—dead. I’m sorry, Princess.” Caerwyn told me sympathetically.

I sniffled bitterly. “You lie! This is some kind of human trick! If they are dead, show me! Take me to my kingdom and let me see for myself! Otherwise I will assume you are ransoming me to my father!”

Caerwyn turned to me and told me fiercely, “Princess, your kingdom is rubble! Humans have taken it over! If you go there, you will surely be killed!”

I shook my head in disbelief. “I shall walk on foot if you will not take me!”

“What he says is true, Princess. You must come seek refuge in Caerwyn’s temple.” Terry insisted.

“I will not! Take me home, you dastards! Take me home now!” I demanded.

Caerwyn dismounted and strolled over to Terry’s horse. He placed his hands next to one of mine and stared me down determinedly. “Princess, you must listen to me. You will die if you go to your kingdoms. Humans hate you; they will kill you. You must believe me when I tell you that all moth kingdoms are taken over—there is nowhere for you to go but with me. Please, do not be foolish. Do not throw your life away.”

“And why should you even care? You hate me as much as they do, don’t you? Because I worship different gods than you? How can I ever trust that you aren’t tricking and trapping me?” I tried to dismount, but my foot got caught and twisted in the stirrup and I fell to the grass with a grunt of fear.

Caerwyn was at my side. “Princess, please… I know you have no reason to trust me. Please believe me when I say I harbor no ill will toward you or moths in general. In fact, I very much like your spunk. What would it take to get you to believe me?”

I looked him in the eyes intently, but I had no answer for him. I had to be shown.

He unsheathed his blade. He held it out to me. “If I am lying, you may strike me down.”

When he held it out to me, my chest heaved as I took heavy and uncomfortable breaths. My hands hovered nervously over his sword for a moment before I remembered how furious I was at him, humans, and the whole nasty world.

I took the sword from him and held it against his neck.

My hands tightened on the handle of his sword with pent up rage. Here was a member of the species that had supposedly killed mine.

Yes, Daddy had told me all about the bad blood between humans and moths long ago. I rarely listened closely because I was a silly girl who just wanted to be happily married, but I remembered what he said.

“Mimi, humans are repulsive creatures. They worship one God instead of many and they repulse magic and magical creatures like us. They send pilgrims to our lands and those who they successfully convert are sold to human nobility and kept as slaves. You see how wretched they are? Think keeping slaves is acceptable. What base beasts--not to mention they let their women fight in their wars and send their boys to work before they are even adults. If you come across a human, my dear. You must either fight or run.”

That was what he said.

And here I was. I could either fight him or run. I drew the blade closer to his neck.

But… But he had put his life down for me. When I looked into this man’s green eyes, they told me he meant me no harm. I got the sense that he liked me and cared whether I lived or died. He was not like the rest of the humans.

My expression softened and I slowly drew the sword away from his neck. I let my arms fall lank at my side as I took a deep breath. In a moment, I handed his sword back to him.

He took it back and stood up. “Thank you, Princess. Will you come with me?”

I burst into full tears and sank to my knees. I was fully hysterical. “They’re all dead!”

Caerwyn turned to Terry. “She needs a moment. Let’s stop here. We should make a fire. Night is falling.”

Terry nodded and went to go find wood.

I couldn’t stop my wretched tears or my childish sobbing. Caerwyn reached out to me, wanting to comfort me, but withdrew his hand as usual.

_

How does is feel like to lose your whole species in one fell swoop? How does it feel to have to take refuge with the people who killed them? It’s indescribable.

It makes you nervous to the point where you don’t want to talk. It makes you shake with sadness when you think of all the people who showered you with love and kisses are gone. It makes you burn with rage at the people who took them away. It makes you want to hurt them where you never would have had such violent feelings in the past.

More than any of that, however, there is a pervading sense of pointlessness and loneliness that you just can’t shake, and a never ending want to join the ones you loved in the sky.

The thing about being a creature of intelligence, however, is that you always have a need to cling to life even when there’s nothing to live for.

_

“Tell me why you humans would do such a thing?” I demanded when I woke in the middle of the night and saw Caerwyn gazing into the fire. “And how?”

Caerwyn met my gaze and told me, “it was a strange phenomenon, Princess. Four years ago, the king of Lowen decided he wanted to wage full-out war on the nearby moth kingdom of Gracet to the north. But…”

I waited for him to continue with a face that was not impressed. “But what…?”

“He… He had black magic in his eyes. Nobody else could see it but me. He used that magic to bring a thunder bolt down from the sky and strike a mighty blow to Gracet. Half the moths died right then and there was no hope for them when the humans invaded. Similar things happened to human kings all around the world until every moth kingdom within four years was obliterated. All that’s left of your people is you and the few moth slaves humans kept.

I screwed my eyes shut with more tears springing from my eyes. I was filled with such loathing and hatred and bitterness. I sobbed hideously again.

Caerwyn knew I did not want to speak any more of the virtual extinction of my species. He just looked into the fire, and I was surprised to see tears spring to his eyes.

He cared.

That meant a lot to me. At least someone did.

But I am exhausted and I will write again later, my diary.