The goblin eyes me hungrily, body tensed up and coiled to pounce. I really should’ve pulled up my pants when I had the chance. Not willing to wait on his meal-ticket any longer, the green, little devil finally lunges at me with impressive speed, reaching me in no time.

I barely have enough time to put up my arms in defense as the wicked creature slashes me, not cleaving right through them solely because his dagger is blunted from constant use. That does not deter it as it latches onto my torso with its clawed feet, determined to cut me once more and slowly bleed me dry or at least clobber me to death.

I scream out in pain as my arms feel hot from the continuous assault, further encouraging the green marauder to continue its attack. Attempting to break free somehow, I grab its armed appendage with limited success, hindering further slashes into me. Undeterred by my small victory, it lets go of its sword, instead opting to grab my arms tightly to limit my ability to move while biting them.

Its scathing attack proved to be more effective in piercing my skin as blood starts gushing out while I cry out in pain. Unable to stop it, I attempt to overpower it instead by using my superior size to get it to stop.

I tumble over, landing on top of the emerald menace, momentarily stopping its ceaseless assault. Damn, forgot my pants are still around my feet. I’m thankful that the adrenaline rush hasn’t given out yet. I don’t think any sane person would want to go on at this point. These pants need to go first if I want to survive. I can’t put them on with the way things are right now, so instead, I’ll attempt to remove them somehow.

The beast keeps squealing and grunting as I desperately try to wiggle out of my pants. If my attacker knows what I’m doing, it sure as hell isn’t showing it, thankfully. One leg is finally out of its pipe. I can now use my free leg to kick the other one off my ankle. Desperately I try to remove my pants from this awkward position as I can sense that I’m nearing my body’s limit. Even the adrenaline no longer suffices to dull the pain.

Fuck it; this will do. I don’t need to remove my pants entirely. I should be able not to trip the way things are right now. The primitive grunts and sinister squeals have less of an effect on me as I’m tired and in pain from this ordeal. I will myself to stand up. However, the goblin holding tightly against my forearms is determined to bite them off or at least clean of any flesh that’s on them.

Finally, I stand up, the little monster still hanging onto me, unwilling to give its prey respite. I try to make my way to a sharp wall in the cave, determined to hurt the creature enough to stop its aggression.

I move slowly, making sure I don’t fall over again. I’ve got a feeling that if I do stumble, I won’t have enough energy to get back up again. Reaching the wall, I brace myself for what I’m about to do.

With a tired grunt, I lift my arms, silently thanking my meager luck that this thing is much smaller and lighter than I am.

“Yahh!” I yell out as I smash the goblin into the wall. I can feel the impact traveling through its body and into mine. It definitely felt that one. Again, I lift it up. This time the beast seems to have understood that this just means more pain for it as it bites down with renewed vigor.

“Argh!” I scream in pain, but it does not deter me as I let the goblin familiarize its body with the jagged wall. I can feel the grip lessen slightly, but it still refuses to let go. Again, I hit it as hard as I still can into the rock. This time, it’s the creature that howls out in pain. Not enough, but I feel like I’m getting there.

Another hit. Its outcry is less aggressive this time, but it keeps holding on for dear life. Again, a painful yell as its grip loosens significantly. One more swing with all my might finally gets the job done as the hunter becomes the prey, letting go of my arms and falling to the ground.

I rest my head against the wall, refusing to sit down in fear of total collapse. Out of the corner of my eyes, I see my downed foe crawling away. At first, I figured I should just let it escape, only to realize it’s not running away. It’s trying to get its dagger back.

The sheer balls on this thing, after putting me through so much pain, has the gall not to cut its losses but instead to try and kill me again! Oh, I’ll show you!

Not daring to use my shredded arms to push myself off the wall, I try and push myself away using my head, straining my neck muscles. It works, allowing me to make my way towards the dagger myself, at a much faster pace, considering my legs are mostly intact.

The green mess lets out a pitiful yelp as I pass it by and reach the dagger, kicking it away. Despite everything that happened, I’m still unsure if I want to keep this going. We’re both close to death’s door, and neither of us will benefit from this. I just want to go home and watch some anime while I feel lonely again instead of going through this.

“get out of here, for fucks sake,” I snarled out, as harsh as my body allowed me to. The goblin seemed frightened and stared at me for a few moments before letting out a pitiful moan and crawled into the darkness.

Thank god that’s over, but what do I do now? My arms are out of commission, to put it lightly. I have no medicine, and the most nutritious thing I have on me is a thawed out frozen barbeque pizza.

[Congratulations, you have leveled up!]

Excuse me?