The next day I woke up feeling refreshed and saw that I had a message from Katarina waiting for me.

Katarina: Please swing by the palace at 11:00. Use the side entrance.

In addition to this, there was another notification about a new title.

Your clan member Eldertits has gained a new title: Red Snatch

This title is unique to her and may not be transferred to another player or NPC.

Current Title Reputation: Crazy, dangerous, and powerful. Likely to either kill you or fuck you. She’ll decide this on a whim most likely.

I didn’t even want to think about what Tits got up to overnight to earn a new title. Nothing that elf ever did, made sense and there was likely going to be some ridiculous story behind it. Sighing I pushed her out of my mind.

Glancing at the clock in the upper right-hand corner of my vision I noted that is was nine thirty-three which left plenty of time to collect the others and head over to the palace. Get out of bed I stretched and cracked my ankles.

If there was one thing I was going to miss from my week In Istria, aside from the more relaxed pace to my life it was going to be this bed. All of us rented rooms at the same hotel Turin and Viltria had been using since our clan hall currently didn’t have any space for beds. While not lavish, the hotel was comfortable and the bed made for a much better night sleep compared to sleeping on the ground which was my usual set up.

Leaving the hotel I walked the block between it and our clan hall, entering the building. Inside I found Elaria, Turin, and Viltria. The two lovers were quietly conversing near the table while Elaria was glowering over on one of the couches.

“Good morning,” I said trying to take some of the tension out of the room.

Elaria still hadn’t really accepted Viltria and the dark elf definitely resented her for this fact.

“Good to see you, Ryland,” Viltria said glancing up. “Today’s the big day and here I was almost getting used to having the rest of the clan around.”

“Hopefully we won’t be gone too long this time, but who knows,” I said smiling back at her. “Truthfully I’m a little jealous that you and Turin get to stay in Istria. This last week has been a nice change of pace.”

“It’s a beautiful city, we a fairly accepting populace,” Turin said. “I can’t believe it could be so close to Ithielthiel and so different at the same time.

“Yep, I daresay if they gave non-humans the same rights as humans in Altria it might even be perfect,” Viltria said sighing.

“Maybe I can bring that up to Katarina,” I said to the two of them. “I haven’t forgotten about the promise I made the two of you and she seems like the reasonable type.”

“Unless you’re making demands of her,” Elaria said snorting. “Then she’s like the ice queen.”

Well, I’ll just ask nicely then,” I said smiling back at her. “I don’t see how she could refuse this face, you know you couldn’t when you first found me in Irune.”

“Yes your face was the only reason I didn’t kill you,” Elaria shot back sarcastically and then asked, “Where is Rondo? How long can that man sleep?”

“He’s probably just worn out from the battle last night,” I said. “We’ll go wake him up if he doesn’t show up in the next fifteen minutes or so. Katarina messaged me for us to be at the palace by eleven.”

“Battle is no excuse for oversleeping,” Elaria muttered. “During Ranger training, we worked from sunrise to well into the night and were still expected to be up by six.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way Elaria, but Ranger training sounds miserable,” I replied.

“Yes, with your overall lack of athletic ability, stamina, dexterity, and strength it would have killed you,” Elaria said flatly.

“Gee, thanks for the confidence boost,” I muttered.

After this, the four of us sat around in awkward silence for the next five minutes until Rondo walked it. While what Elaria said was likely true it just would have been nice if the elf didn’t say it in the bluntest, harshest way possible. If she didn’t say it this way though, she wouldn’t have been Elaria and the Ranger put an exorbitant amount of skill points into killing conversations.

“Y’all look so cheerful in here,” Rondo said walking in and noticing the quiet room. “Did you miss me that much?”

“Ah, Rondo,” Elaria said standing up. “We were just about to wake you, Ryland says we need to head over to the place to meet with Lady Katarina.”

“Good morning to you too Elaria,” Rondo said laughing and watching the blonde elf walk past him and out the door.

Walking over to Viltria I extended my hand for her and said, “The clan is in your hands. Please keep me updated on anything back here, and I’ll keep you updated on our progress with the governess.”

Shaking my hand she said, “good luck and take care.

Saying goodbye to Turin, I walked out the door followed by Rondo. Elaria, who was waiting outside, started walking toward the palace as soon as we exited the building. The walk to the palace was a bit longer than the walk from the hotel to the clan hall but still wasn’t bad.

Once we reached it I led Rondo and Elaria around to the side where I knew a smaller entrance was. Of course, last time we used this entrance we were dragged here in a prison wagon and thrown in the palace dungeons.

As we approached the entrance one of the palace guards outside recognized me and said, “Phoenix right this way. Lady Katarina will meet you in the hallway next to the dungeons.”

“Thank you,” I said as we walked past him and into the building proper.

Winding through the hallway I led us down a small staircase until we came out in front of the cell the three of us once occupied. No one else was in the hallway but we were a few minutes early and I didn’t get the impression that Katarina Amarion showed up until the precise moment she intended.

“Ah the finest rooms in the city,” Rondo said gesturing around us. “I can attest to their gracious hospitality.”

Laughing I said, “I don’t know why Sergeant Kofford didn’t take Katarina up on her offer.”

“Let’s just hope she didn’t ask to meet us here because she plans on making us the same offer,” Elaria muttered scowling.

“Elaria, you’re awfully optimistic today,” I said smiling at the frowning elf. “Is something the matter?”

“I don’t like the idea of Eldertits sailing our ship,” she replied.

“You’ve never been on a ship before have you?” Rondo asked with a knowing smile.

“No, but…” Elaria started before she was cut off by Katarina walking down the hall with several others in tow.

“Ryland, I’m glad you got my message,” Katarina said as she approached us. “You all seem in good spirits today.”

“We’re just reminiscing about old times,” I said gesturing at the cell next to us.

Smiling Katarina replied, “Well as you know I make sure the safe takes every step to make sure our guests are comfortable during their stay.”

“My Lady this is Midnight Rondo and Elaria of Ithielthiel who you’ve seen with me before,” I said formally introducing my two companions.

“It is an honor to have a Ranger of Ithielthiel and one of your companions who assisted in Roselake along for the journey,” Katarina said graciously. “I’d like to introduce you to my brother Alexei who will be governing in my stead while I am gone. The other three are Bror, Reha, and Grant who will be making the journey with me.”

Alexei was taller than his sister with messy hair the same color as her but looked much younger than her. While he was dressed finely he looked uncomfortable in the attire where Katarina wore it like it was an extension of herself.

Bror, Reha, and Grant were all dressed simply and would fit in without much notice on a ship. Katarina herself was dressed down compared to the usual regal attire she wore. Instead, she wore tight fitting pants with tall boots over the lower half, and a simple white blouse under a green vest. Of course, the makeup on her face was done impeccably and her face still looked exactly like Katarina Amarion so I didn’t know how she was going to go unnoticed on a pirate ship.

“It’s an honor to meet you,” I said nodding my head slightly to Alexei and the others.

“Please take care of my sister and return her safely to Istria quickly,” Alexei said. “The city will need her back.”

I was about to respond but then Katarina cut in lecturing her brother, “Alexei, we’ve talked about this. You are going to do fine, and remember as a leader you need to speak with a confident voice at all times. If you are ever in doubt trust in Cunliffe. The man knows Northern Altria better than his own children.”

“Of course sister,” Alexei said straightening up slightly.

“Now give me a hug,” Katarina said smiling at him and wrapping her arms around him. “It has been good spending time with you this past week little brother. Be strong, and lead well.”

Alexei awkwardly returned her hug before breaking it off rather quickly.

“Are the preparations complete?” Katarina asked me. “We should leave.”

“The Albatross is ours and my clan members have been safeguarding it all night,” I replied. “We secured about half of the ships former crew including its former captain so I don’t believe there will be any issues sailing it.”

“Excellent, I knew I could count on you,” Katarina said. “Now then let's be on our way before I am seen.”

Having said this she equipped A Cloak of Concealed Identity from her inventory. Her skin tone immediately darkened a little once she equipped it and her hair changed to a dirty blonde.

“Oh and I think this is obvious,” Katarina said, “but please don’t call me Katarina around others.”

“Is there something else you would like to be called?” I asked.

She paused and thought for a minute before she said, “Just call me Hannah.”

“Okay Hannah,” I replied. “If you’ll follow us, we can lead you to the ship then.”

Walking down the hallway and up the stairs, I led our group out the side entrance to the palace and back into the streets of Istria. The docks where The Albatross was parked, were only a short ten-minute walk away.

Katarina, or Hannah’s, three guards circled around us rather conspicuously. Even if they were all dressed in plain clothes it would have been obvious to anyone watching that they were protecting someone important.

“Hannah, have those three ever gone undercover like this before?” I asked walking next to Katarina.

Looking at them she sighed and said, “No, I suppose they aren’t being very discrete are they?”

“No, I think it’s pretty obvious what they are doing,” I replied.

“Bror, Reha, and Grant!” Katarina called to her three guards. “Get over here for a minute.”

She stopped and waited for the three to come up next to her. I caught her actually roll her eyes when Grant saluted her.

“You three need to be more discrete,” Katarina hissed to them. “No circling like vultures, No brandishing weapons at everyone that comes near, and no saluting. We are undercover on this mission and you need to act like regular sailors, not my bodyguards.”

“Yes Lady Katarina,” Reha said in response.

“And another thing,” Katarina said sighing, “You are to call me Hannah on this mission, not Lady Katarina. I am just another person that’s going to be on this ship. If you must active protective of me, act like you’re my older siblings, not bodyguards.”

“It will be as you say La--Hannah,” Reha said catching herself before she made the same mistake again.

“Thank you,” Katarina said to the other three and gestured for me to continue walking. “I know this isn’t something that is normally asked of you, but I chose you three specifically for this critical mission because I believe you can handle it.”

“Speaking of this critical mission,” I stated, feeling a little more confident we had a chance of making it out of Istria before Katarina’s cover was blown. “Where in these Isles do you want to head first?”

“The best place to start would be to head to Grafbel,” Katarina said after a short hesitation. “If anything is going on in the isles there is someone in that town that is bound to know about it.”

“So this Grafbel, is that where the governor governs from?” I asked curious about these islands I knew almost nothing about.

Katarina let out a small laugh and said, “Heavens no, the seat of government is Alawater Port. Grafbel is more of a haven for pirates as well as those that wish to live outside of the law. It’s not usually a place where an upstanding citizen would usually travel.”

“Then why are we going there and not Alawater Port?” I asked her.

“We’re going there because it will almost be impossible to get information that implicates the governor out of anyone in Alawater Port,” Katarina answered. “The citizens there are fiercely loyal to him and we would likely make ourselves targets. Aside from that, the chances of my being discovered would go up substantially around that many government servants.”

“That makes sense,” I said as we rounded the corner to the docks.

“We’ll need to get established as pirates before going to Grafbel, so, unfortunately, we’re going to have to raid a ship or two,” Katarina said grimacing. “If we don’t have something to sell and rumors of our exploits, the locals in Grafbel will be deeply suspicious of us.”

“You don’t look like you like the idea of this,” I said having noticed the expression on her lower face.

“I don’t like the idea of this,” she stated. “I’m a Governor of Altria. I establish and uphold laws to protect the people. I don’t usually go about breaking them and robbing ships. I swear that once this is finished I will personally make sure the state pays back all those we rob with interest.”

When she said this there was a fierceness on her face that I’d only seen once before--when she lectured Sergent Kofford. If nothing else, I was discovering today that Katarina Amarion was someone that took her duty to her country very seriously.

Getting closer to The Albatross I began to hear the boisterous voice of Eldertits drifting out over the docks.

“For the last time, you are to address me as Red Snatch or Captain Titties!” she yelled at someone up on deck with her. “Red Snatch is a pirate empress, not this Eldertits! Do you want to end up like Timmy, Gerald?”

“No ma’am, I mean no Red Snatch ma’am,” Gerald stuttered out.

“Good, now go polish the dick one more time,” Eldertits said.

Reaching the ramp to the ship I saw that our barbarian was now dressed in an elaborate pirate outfit, which was just typical of her. A wide-brimmed black hat tilting one side with a plume on the other was on top of her head. A small blade was actually stuck into the middle of the wide brim. Under a long black jacket, she wore a corset, tight trousers tucked into high black boots with a red sash over her waist.

Stopping halfway across the ramp, Katarina turned to me and said, “You made the retarded elf captain?”

“Smiling a little embarrassed I replied, “It makes her happy, and we try to be kind to the less fortunate in our clan.”

“I think I’m already regretting this decision,” she muttered walking onto the ship.

“Ahoy, there mateys!” Eldertits said to us clearly enjoying herself. “Welcome aboard The Analizer!”

“The Analizer?” I asked trying not to cringe in front of Katarina. “What happened to The Albatross?”

“That name sucked so I changed it,” Eldertits said smiling. “I’ve already painted the new name on the back. I’ve also replaced the old figurehead with a much more appropriate one.”

As she said this she motioned to the front of the ship where a giant erect wooden penis was mounted. Gerald was currently polishing the tip and I closed my eyes momentarily just waiting for the explosion I was sure was going to come from Katarina.

“Please,” A voice croaked from somewhere up above us, “help me.”

Looking up I found a man tied upside down to the mast about twenty feet in the air.

“Pray tell what is that?” Katarina said looking up at him.

“That,” Eldertits said flashing a wicked grin at us, “is a lesson. Little Timmy there decided to try to kill me in the middle of the night so I left him there just in case anyone else gets any mutinous ideas.”

“I see,” Katarina said stiffly. “Well, I suppose it keeps the crew in line.”

“Tits, this is Hannah by the way,” I said so as to make sure the elf didn’t accidentally call Katarina by her real name. “The other three are Bror, Reha, and Grant.”

“It’s pleasure to have you join my crew,” Eldertits said taking her hat off and bowing with a flourish. “In fact, I insist that you four stay in the captain’s cabin with Ryland and I.”

“That’s quite generous of you,” Katarina said with just a touch of sarcasm. “Sharing a cabin with only five other people, it’s going to feel like I’m living in luxury.”

“It’s true you are quite lucky,” Eldertits said leaning in close to the woman and mock whispering in her ear. “I’ve assigned the black and the elf over there to share a small hammock in the hull. It’s really only big enough for a halfling, but I’m sure they’ll enjoy being so close at night.”

Elaria rolled her eyes in response to hearing this and walked swiftly to the other end of the deck. Rondo shrugged and followed after her, but didn’t actually look displeased at hearing about his sleeping arrangements.

“Why don’t you just show us to our quarters and then we can set sail,” Katarina said.

“Of course, right this way,” Eldertits said walking over to the captain’s cabin and opening the door.

The inside was surprisingly larger than I thought it would be. Large on the back wall let in plenty of natural sunlight and a small circular table sat in the middle of the room while a simple twin bed was up against the wall on the right side.

“Unfortunately there is only the one bed and as the captain I have dibs,” she said smiling at the rest of us.

“That won’t be a problem,” Katarina responded resting her had on the table in the middle of the room. “Bror, Grant, would you set us up on the left side of the room please.”

The two men walked forward and began pulling a huge assortment of items out of their inventories. Once they were done pulling items out they began assembling them and to my amazement a small four-poster bed complete with curtains took shape. Once they were finished with that they put together a dressing table with a mirror and cushioned stool as well.

In response to this, I arched my eyebrow at Katarina. Was this really how she planned on traveling?

“What?” Katarina asked me noticing the look on my face. “I said I was going undercover, I didn’t say I was going to be a barbarian. Then looking over at Tits she added, “No offense.”

“I didn’t say anything,” I replied quickly. “The bed and the dresser make a lovely addition to the room.”

“Let’s just get underway,” Katarina said walking out of the cabin and back onto the deck.

The rest of us followed her back out onto the deck where Eldertits yelled, “Mr. Smee get us underway!”

“Who the hell is Mr. Smee?” I asked looking around and found that my question was answered a moment later by Calm Grimshaw heading to wheel and barking orders at the crew.

“I renamed the former captain,” Eldertits said. “His name didn’t feel piratey enough to me.”

“Calm Grimshaw?” I asked. “That’s about the most pirate sounding name I’ve ever heard.”

“Well, Mr. Smee is more fun, and he doesn’t seem to mind,” Tits said shrugging. “We make for the Saunora Isles Mr. Smee!”

“Aye Red Snatch,” Calm Grimshaw responded. “It will be as you say.”

“And another thing,” I started, “What is up with this Red Snatch title. I got a notification about it this morning.”

“You like it?” She asked. “I thought of it myself.

“I don’t really get it,” I replied.

“Oh come on, think Ryland,” Eldertits said.

“Seriously, nothing is coming to mind,” I said shrugging.

“All pirates have nice pirate titles like Blackbeard and since I don’t have any facial hair I went for the next best thing,” Eldertits said winking at me.

I stood there for a minute letting this sink in and finally said, “Of course that’s what you were going for.”

I sighed, shaking my head. Only Eldertits would want to give herself a title like that. Letting her be the captain was probably a big mistake, but it was too late now.

The actual sailors under the guidance of Calm Grimshaw worked the ship away from the dock steering it clear of the boats near us until we were in open water and heading out of the harbor of Istria. Thank God we got almost half the crew to stay because I don’t think anyone in my clan would have had a clue how to do this.

After a few minutes the sail was unfurled and we really got underway. The wind whipped pleasantly at my face and the exhilaration of moving fast over the water hit me. This was something I always got when riding on a bass boat but it worked much the same way on this pirate ship. It was just a feeling of unbelievable freedom.

“Now this be the life Mr. Ryland,” Eldertits said stepping up next to me and clapping me on the shoulder. “The wind at me back, a sturdy deck under me feet, and a hard cock in me hand.”

“Yeah, I can almost see why people took up piracy,” I replied and then thinking more about what she said I added, “Wait, what?”

Looking over at her I could see that she somehow had strapped on a giant glass dildo over her pants and was gripping it near the base by one hand. The most surprising thing, besides the fact that she was wearing it, was the artistic detail on the thing. It was easily two feet long, and blue veins running along its glass surace all the way down to balls at the bottom.

“Tits, where the hell did you get that and why did you get it?” I asked not sure I even wanted to know the answer to this.

“I ordered it custom made from a glassblower in the city,” Eldertits answered happily. “I’d said he’s really blows a great dick wouldn’t you?”

“Okay?” I responded.

“The harness is a custom leather piece I had made as well to hold it in place,” she continued. “They were pretty expensive, but I think you’ll agree that the end result was well worth it.”

“And why do you need a two foot glass dildo?” I asked.

“I would have thought that was obvious,” Eldertits said leaning over toward my ear. “For my personal pleasure. That and I can’t have a pirate crew called the Butt Pirates without a penis of me own.”

“You named the crew the Butt Pirates?” I asked pinching my eyes together and sighing.

“You’d better believe it!” she replied happily. “In fact I think it’s time to officially ordain the crew. Everyone come over here and line up!”

The pirates that were working on sails stopped and began walking over towards Eldertits as did the new members of our clan. Rondo and Elaria hung back while Katarina stood next to us frowning.

One by one Eldertits went through having each member of the crew kneel before her. She then took her glass strapon and tapped them on each of their shoulders dubbing them a Butt Pirate.

After she finished with those that lined up in front of her she barked at me to get “ordained” as well and with an sigh I kneeled down in front of her.

Tapping me on each of my shoulders with the obnoxiously erect penis she said loudly, “I Red Snatch dub thee Rondo a Butt Pirate!”

My face went red and I gritted my teeth but the humiliation was soon over and I stood up trying not to make eye contact with anyone else.

“Alright Rondo get over here, it’s your turn!” Tits called over to our rogue.

“There’s no way in hell, I’m letting you touch me with that or dub me a Butt Pirate,” Rondo replied.

“You either be a Butt Pirate or Shark food Mr. Rondo,” Eldertits said eyeing him mischievously. “Now will we be sending you to Davy Jones’ Locker are be ye a Butt Pirate?”

Clenching and unclenching his fist Rondo then slowly dragged himself over to her and muttered, “I be a Butt Pirate.”

Gripping the glass cock by the base she repeatedly thunked it on top of his head while saying extremely slowly, “I...Red...Snatch...dub...thee...Midnight....Rondo...a...Butt...Pirate.”

“I’m going to drown you before we reach these damn islands,” Rondo muttered standing up and retreating quickly.

“Now I think that it’s Elaria’s turn,” Tits said flashing a creepy smile at the other elf.

“Try to touch me with that ridiculous thing and I will impale you on it,” Elaria said flatly with a glare over at the other elf.

“Alright then, I guess it’s Hannah’s turn,” Tits said quickly.

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to stand in solidarity with Elaria,” Katarina said calmly. “There are so few of us women on this ship, that we must stand together, but I’m sure that Bror and Grant would love to be ordained.”

For a split second I could have sworn I saw a smirk on the noble lady’s face but then it quickly vanished. Did the serious governess of northern Altria have a mischievous side?

“Fine then, I suppose it is hard for ye cockless lasses to be Butt Pirates,” Eldertits said motioning with the dick at the two scowling bodyguards. “Still we’ll all call ye honorable Butt Pirates.”

Finishing the last two members of our new crew of Butt Pirates Eldertits smiled, pointed her dick, and said “Full speed ahead Mr. Smee! Man, I feel so powerful holding this thing, no wonder you men are always grabbing your dicks.”

“Please tell me you aren’t planning on wearing that the whole time,” I said.

“Nah, My doctor won’t let me keep this erection for more than four hours,” Eldertits responded. “He says it’s bad for my health.”

“Captain Titties!” Gerald said running up to her. “We have reached the edge of Istrian waters.”

“Very good Gerald,” Eldertits replied. “Please raise the standard then.”

“I don’t think my heart can take any more surprises of yours,” I said.

“What kind of pirates would we be without a flag?” Eldertits asked as Gerald began raising the flag.

When the wind caught it I could see that it was a black flag with two skeletons on it. A female skeleton with red hair, lipstick, and a suspiciously red triangle over her pubis bone was behind another skeleton that was on all fours in front of her. Above this in White the words “Butt Pirates” were written.

Turning slowly I caught one of Katarina’s eyes underneath her hood. In this moment I knew one thing. I was a dead man walking.