“Remember that I get to be the captain,” Eldertits as our group moved toward the docks of Istria.

Sighing I replied, “Yes, Tits, you get to be the captain.

This was about the tenth time our barbarian brought this up since I explained the mission to the clan over a week ago and most of us were sick of her constant badgering about it. Who would have guessed that the plague from Provo wanted to be pirate captain so badly?

“Focus,” Elaria hissed just up ahead of us. “Remember when we get to the docks to silently slip into the water, climb up the side of the Albatross, and wait for the signal before you climb over onto the deck and attack the pirates.”

“As long as it’s agreed that I can be the captain, we’ll do it your way,” Eldertits said causing me to roll my eyes in annoyance.

“Rodger that,” Bella said loudly to our ranger.

The dwarf was taking this, her first clan mission, extremely seriously and had a smile on her face from the moment we left the newly upgraded clan hall.

In the week since Katarina gave me the quest and said her people would be in contact a lot of things had happened. First of all, Turin upgraded our clan hall to level three which gave us a cozy little kitchen and completed my clan quest Don’t You Want a Kitchen? In addition, this unlocked a new quest called A Place to Sleep to get the hall up to level four.

I deposited one thousand gold in the bank bringing my account up to thirteen hundred which looked nice to me. After this, I spent three hundred and forty gold on a superior fishing rod, twenty bait, twenty strong fishing lines, a couple changes of clothing, a book to learn Elvish, and a book to learn Goblin. This left me with only one hundred and fifty gold on my person but every single one of these items was well worth it to me.

I wasted no time learning the two additional languages bringing my total knowledge of languages up to four out of four basic languages. If I wanted to learn any more I’d need to expand my Linguistics skill passed the seven points it was currently at.

Last but not least I allocated nineteen out of twenty available stat and skill points. For my stats, I put seven points in Charisma, and four points each in Constitution, Intelligence, and Wisdom. After I was done my basic character information looked like this:

Name: Ryland

Level: 27 1233/2700 XP to next level

Class: Sorcerer, Bloodline Origin: Phoenix

Paragon Rank: Kindly

Factions Affiliated With: None

Clan: Immoral Exiles

Basic Statistics:

Strength: 10

Dexterity: 12

Constitution: 20

Intelligence: 22

Wisdom: 26

Charisma: 33

HP: 319

MP: 464

For my skill points, I allocated five points each to dual wielding, dual casting, and small blades, and then because we were about to quest on the ocean I put two into swim and two in fishing. The fishing was really for my own entertainment, but I figured I’d earned a little something with all I went through to get the skill points. At the skills I currently had points in looked like this:

Acrobatics: 2

Bluff: 2

Climb: 2

Disguise: 2

Dual Casting: 6

Dual Wielding: 5

Fishing: 2

Intimidate: 3

Linguistics: 7

Perception: 1

Sense Motive: 2

Small Blades: 6

Spellcraft: 1

Stealth: 4

Swim: 2

Persuasion: 6

Really, I was pretty pleased with my progress. I was certainly starting to feel more comfortable in this world than the lowly level one sorcerer that got trapped in a tree by a wolf the first time I came to Alderoth. Sure I was still an idiot, but now I was an idiot who could make epic explosions in front of him.

“Ryland, where the fuck are you going?” Eldertits called from behind me.

“What?” I asked stopping and looking back at her. “Oh sorry, I got lost in thought.”

Tits was standing near the small alleyway we were supposed to use to get to the docks without being noticed. In my musings, I went pasted this. If I continued on long enough I would have run into the city wall without ever seeing water.

“Imagining Lady Katarina’s noble teets wrapped around your face again?” Eldertits asked smirking at me. “I saw how excited you looked when her messenger came by to tell us about the Albatross and its pirate crew.”

Jogging back over to her I responded, “I was just happy to get moving on the mission.”

“Bull. Shit,” Eldertits replied starting to move after Elaria again, “You were so content reading your books, learning your languages, and buying your fishing gear it wasn’t funny.”

“Hey, now I can communicate with you and Elaria, in Elvish,” I shot back defensively.

“Yes, because it’s not like we can’t communicate privately by messaging,” Eldertits said sarcastically.

“Would you two shut up,” Rondo hissed at us as we approached Elaria and him on the edge of the docks. “Just so we’re clear, everyone can swim right?”

He said this last part with an all to obvious stare at me. I mean sure I usually am the worst one in the group when it comes to physical activities but my two skill points in swim had this.

“Of course,” I said after the group stood around in awkward silence for a minute.

“I was just checking,” Rondo muttered. “Didn’t want to lose any of our members to a stupid death.”

“Which one of these ships is the Albatross?” Eldertits said looking down the harbor.

Parked in the harbor were an assortment of sailing ships, from large frigates and galleons on the larger end and carvels sloops on the smaller side. Tits was eying the galleon next to us, called The Cassius, which was flying the flag of Altria, a black bird over a red and white striped pattern.

“The Albatross, is the sloop third from the end down there,” Elaria said pointing to the far end of the docks at a much smaller boat. This boat only had a single mast with its sails currently furled. Sticking out from the front of the ship was a simple wooden bowsprit. No flag or pennant was currently flying from the top of the mast.

Toward the rear of the ship was a raised quarter deck with the helm, sailing controls, and the anchor on it. Underneath this was a door leading presumably to the captain’s cabin. A few men lazily wandering around the deck keeping watch but otherwise there was nothing going on on the ship.

“That’s it?” Rondo asked sounding disappointed. “I’d think the governess would want to travel on something with a bit more splendor.”

“Or perhaps the governess would prefer not to stand out too much, as this is a secret mission,” Elaria said chiding.

“I’m just saying that that galleon could blow the Albatross out of the water without much effort,” Rondo muttered defensively.

“Actually, sloops are very quick and have great mobility,” Bella said matter-of-factly. “With a good crew the Albatross could very likely outrun a galleon.”

“You seem to know a fair amount about this,” I said in response to her.

“I’ve just read a lot of about pirates,” Bella said shrugging. “The golden age of piracy was a very interesting period.”

“Well, that should make you invaluable on this mission this,” I said smiling at her.

“Are we going to get my ship or are we going to stand here talking all day?” Eldertits asked. “Into the drink with ye landlubbers.”

“Quietly,” Elaria hissed as Tits moved to the edge of the docks. “If you just jump in it will draw unwanted attention to us.”

“I’ve got this mom,” Eldertits replied winking at the other dwarf before lowering herself down into the water. “Fuck it’s cold in here. I might be able to use my nips as weapons at this rate.”

Ignoring her Elaria nudged Minty and the little otter bolted for the edge of the dock where he slid silently down into the water. A moment later the little furball was swimming laps around Eldertits who teeth had started to chatter.

After this the rest of our clan members got into the water. Tits was right, this water was freezing and the less time we were in it the better. Taking the lead I began swimming around the larger ships toward the other end of the dock until I reached the back of the Albatross which had its name painted above the windows on the back of the captain’s cabin.

“Alright, climb up but don’t go all the way to the deck,” Elaria said to the rest of us. “Ryland, Tits, and Bella go around to the other side of the ship and remember to wait until you hear the signal before climbing up onto the deck.”

“Won’t be a problem,” I said swimming toward the far side of the ship.

It took me a couple of minutes to find a good place to climb up. In the movies they made this look so easy but in reality the wood on the side of a ship was slippery from the constantly water sloping up against it. Finally, I ended up using my daggers to make handholds for myself until I was only able a foot below the ship’s deck. Hopefully this wouldn’t weaken the hull enough to cause up problems. At this point I could distinctly make out voices drifting over the top from the deck.

“I don’t know why the captain insists on having us guard the ship while we’re in Istria,” A male voice said. “We don’t even have any cargo on board right now, so even if someone snuck a board they wouldn’t find anything worth stealing.”

“If the captain wants it, the captain gets it,” another voice said in response. “We don’t get paid to ask questions.”

“I’m just saying, that it would be more productive for us to get sleep with the rest of the crew while were in port,” the first voice said. “Instead he’s got us out here all night watching the moonlight reflect off of the waves. Then we’ll sleep all day tomorrow, but the next day we’ll be expected to work a regular day shift like it’s nothing. This seriously messes up my sleep schedule.”

“Yes I’m sure when the captain plans things, he takes your sleep schedule into account,” the second voice said sarcastically.

“Hey do you see that?” the first voice asked sounding alarmed.

“Oh for fuck’s sake Gerald,” the second voice said. “Would you man up, it’s only the moonlight reflecting off of the waves.”

“No, look,” Gerald said. “I think it’s a rat or something.”

This was followed by the sound of boots stomping across the wooden surface of the deck.

“That’s pretty big for a rat,” the second voice said. “Just pick it up and toss it overboard.

“I’m not touching it,” Gerald said. “It could be diseased and I still think it’s a rat.”

“You seen it, so you’re getting rid of it,” the second man replied. “Look at it, it looks like a cute little fellow. Just pick him up and toss him over the side of the ship. You know the captain doesn’t like animals on his ship.”

“This is so disgusting,” Gerald replied breathing out heavily. “Alright here goes. Easy there little fella. Don’t worry I’m not going to hurt you, I’m just going to pick you up nice and slow here. Oh gods it’s huge! Get it off of me Tanner!”

“Gerald!” Tanner yelled. “Hang on! Oh gods it’s eating Gerald alive! Stop you foul monster or I’ll be forced to kill you!”

Hearing the last sentence I pulled myself up and over the side, rolling onto the deck. Beside me and across the ship my other party members were doing the same. In the middle of the deck, Minty in his Giant of the River form was currently nuzzling a terrified man who was underneath him. Another man was moving around them looking lost.

A third sailor was running toward the commotion on deck but was quickly and savagely cut down by Rondo. The man vanished before his body could even hit the deck. So far it looked like all was going to plan.

“Ryland, silence the ship!” Tits hissed over to me.

Quickly I accessed my inventory for the Silence of Aros artifact, setting the location to the Albatross. The little statuette made our last mission a pain in the ass, but now that we could control it, the little thing was incredible useful.

“It’s done,” I whispered over to her.

“Then it’s my time for fun,” Eldertits said walking slowly toward Minty and the two panicking sailors. “Minty you can get off of him now.”

In response to this a bewildered Tanner spun around and saw our barbarian closing in on him. His eyes widened as he took in the rest of us.

“Who the hell are you?” Tanner said as Minty climbed off of Gerald and made his way over to Elaria in thunderous fashion.

“I’m the captain of this ship,” Eldertits hefting her axe over shoulder and smiling at the sailor in front of her.

“No your not,” Tanner said stupidly.

I said stupidly because in response to this Eldertits grabbed him by the front of the shirt and tossed him backward over her other shoulder. A screaming Tanner sailed past the side of the ship and slashed down in the water below.

Walking to Gerald who had both of his hands raised and a please don’t hurt me look on his face Eldertits said, “This is my ship savvy?”

“This is your ship,” Gerald said nodding his head and gulping.

“Good boy,” Eldertits said patting him on the top of his head. “Now, I’m going to need you to tell me how many of you are on this ship.”

“We’re a crew of fifteen, well I suppose thirteen now, and the captain,” Gerald replied.

“God, I love it when they behave so well,” Eldertits said with a small laugh. “Gerald was it? I’m going to need you to wait her with my pet rat, Minty, and my bottom bitch Ryland. Oh and if Minty gets hungry again, you let my rat drink your blood.”

Sighing I walked over to Minty and stroked the giant otter on its head. He squealed appreciatively, at least someone gave me some respect around here.

“Okay,” Eldertits said, “Snizzlebizzle get over here and help me drag the ex-captain out of his quarters.”

“It’s Snazzleberry,” the gnome said following after her.

“That’s what I said Snagglebaggle,”Eldertits replied kicking in the door to the captain’s cabin. “Oh shit it’s the police and they’ve come to collect!”

“What? Who?” A startled masculine voice yelled from inside.

“Alright Snap, Crackle, and Pop bag him,” Eldertits ordered Snazzleberry.

Sighing and shaking his head the gnome produced a bag and entered the cabin. Less than a minute later he reemerged leading a short man with a bag over his head. As they approached our main group the short hooded man stamped on Snazzleberry’s foot causing the gnome to yelp in pain and jerk away.

Following this in one swift motion the man ripped the bag off revealing a bald head with a well kept gray beard. In one ear he wore a simple circular gold earing which matched the two gold teeth that gave him smile an ominous look.

“Who the hell be ye?” The man barked. “You think you can come on my ship and kidnap me while I sleep?

As he said this he summoned twin cutlasses into his hands causing our “captain” to smile at him in response.

“Oh now you do know what a lady likes,” Eldertits said to him twirling her axe and summoning a greatsword in her other hand. “And here I thought I wasn’t going to get to play tonight.”

“You think you can take Calm Grimshaw in a fight?” The man replied twirling one of his own blades. “I like the fight of you lass, though on your head be it.”

“If you’re so confident, let’s make a deal,” Eldertits said smiling maniacally at him. “If I win this fight you agree to serve under me as your captain and if you win my friends and I will let you keep your ship.”

“Why would I agree to that?” Calm Grimshaw responded. “Me and my men still out number you lot almost two to one.”

“Because if you don’t and you happen to defeat me,” Eldertits said pausing for dramatic effect, “my bottom bitch is going to burn this ship until there is nothing left worth salvaging, then nobody comes out happy. Bottom bitch if you would please.”

Grinding my teeth I began to cast Phoenix Detonation in front of me. A ball of flaming energy appeared on the other side of the deck, expanding after I charged the spell for five seconds.

“Now, that’s a good reason,” Calm Grimshaw said laughing. “I knew tonight was going to be a good night when you woke me up lass. I accept your terms.”

Having heard the pirate accept Tits’ offer I cancelled my spell, lest I blow us all to hell. Of course, this meant that Tits still had to win the fight and I didn’t much want to explain this to Katarina if she lost it. She was supposed to coerce the pirate into surrendering not coax him into a duel, but the die was now cast.

“Excellent,” Eldertits said beaming at him. “I knew you were a reasonable man. The first to yield or die loses.”

With this she threw herself forward at the man slamming both the axe and sword down. Calm Grimshaw caught her weapons against his cutlasses but the tremendous force our elf generated pushed him backward and I could see the surprise written on the pirate captain’s face.

Instead of hesitating however, he leaped forward as soon as his feet stopped and jabbed at Tits’ face with one cutlass. The barbarian swatted his sword away with her axe but this left her right side open and he quickly sliced her in the side just under the ribs. Tits didn’t even react to this but instead elbowed Calm Grimshaw in the face pushing him away from her once again.

After this the two stared at each other and smiled while blood dripped down her side. A moment later she was back on top of him relentlessly slamming her larger weapons against his shorter swords. Her eyes started glowing red and the elf showed no signs of letting up.

Instead of pushing back, Grimshaw used her momentum against her and slide down with the blades coming at him. Without the force of his blades against hers she stumbled forward and Grimshaw slashed in the back with both blades as he rolled past her.

Tits stood up, turned around, and said, “So that’s how it has to be.”

She had a small frown on her face but still held an air of confidence around her. Calm Grimshaw smiled at hearing this and charged back in with both of his swords pointed right at her. Both blades sunk into her abdomen all the way down to their hilts and judging by the shocked reaction on Grimshaw’s face, the man had expected Tits to block or take evasive actions.

Vanishing the greatsword Tits reached out her arm and wrapped it around the pirate pulling him close to her.

Coughing up a bit of blood she said, “Yield or I’ll hack your head off. Trust me I won’t miss from here.”

As if to emphasize her point she choked up on the axe handle with her other hand until she was easily able to bring the blade level with his neck.

“You purposely took my two blades to the chest,” Calm Grimshaw muttered. “You’re nuts lass.”

“That’s you’re nuts Captain,” Eldertits said smiling at him.

Smiling back at her Grimshaw replied, “I’ve always been rather fond of nuts Captain.”

“I’m rather fond of nuts myself,” Tits said winking at him. “Now would you please pull out of me.”

“Oh, of course,” Calm Grimshaw yanking both of his swords out of her.

As soon as he did this Tits fell to the ground and began convulsing. Rushing forward I unleashed the Cure spell I’d been charging on her. As soon as it hit her she stopped shaking and rolled onto her back staring up at the night sky.

“That was pretty stupid Tits,” I lectured her. “You damn near died. Hell, if I didn’t have that spell charging already you probably would have.”

“I knew you’d be ready,” she said smiling over at me. “That’s why you’re my bottom bitch.”

“Would you knock that off, we still have a hold full of pirates to deal with,” I said holding out my hand for her to grab.

Taking it I pulled the elf to her feet and a couple seconds later I cast cure on her again. Sighing in pleasure she surveyed the ship that she’d won in a duel that wasn’t part of the mission plan.

“Should we restrain Grimshaw?” Snazzleberry asked still sounding a bit upset that the other man had so easily escaped from him.

“No I don’t think that will be necessary,” Eldertits said looking at the pirate. “He’s agreed to serve under me, isn’t that right Mr. Grimshaw?”

“That’s right cap’n,” He said leaning up against the railing. “Of course when you wake the rest of my boys up you won’t have my help in getting them to serve under you.”

“That’s fine, I’m known to be very persuasive,” Eldertits said walking over to the front of the ship where the trap door leading down to the hold was. “Let’s pop this fucker open and see what we’re dealing with.”

Riran who was already standing between the mast and the trapdoor grabbed the handle on top of it and lifted up. A steep wooden staircase leading down into darkness as all I could see from my vantage point on the deck.

“Rondo, you’re good in tight spaces right?” Eldertits asked and then answering her own question said, “Of course you are, you’re always with Elaria. Get over here.”

Shrugging at the scowl on Elaria’s face he walked over to Eldertits and began climbing down the stairs. Eldertits went next followed by Riran, Bella, and Elaria. I would have gone down myself but I didn’t see what use I was going to be in a close quarters fight, not if we didn’t want to burn down the ship that is.

After a minute I began to hear startled yells and the sounds of fighting. After this came the sounds of screaming and pleading.

Shrugging at Calm Grimshaw I said, “She’s got a way with people.”

The pirate laughed in response while Gerald looked on in horror. Minty for his part had already laid down on the deck and was fast asleep curled up in a ball. The otter led an exceptionally tough life.

After five more minutes of this a group of men followed by the rest of my party filed up onto the deck. There were substantially less of them than I imagined. Only seven men to be exact.

Some of these men looked like they had come off on the worse end of a fight but otherwise looked okay. There were a few cuts and bruises on my party members but all-in-all they looked to have faired a lot better than the pirate crew.

“Sorry Grimshaw, but we had to kill about half of your crew,” Eldertits said not looking like she was sorry at all.

“They’re not really my crew any more,” the man replied with a shrug.

“Well, it would probably have been less, but Snuggles here has a real bloodthirst,” she said patting Snazzleberry on the shoulder. “I’d watch my back around him, if I were you lot.”

“Tits, can we wrap this up, I’d like to get some sleep tonight,” I said motioning with my hand.

Sighing she said, “Fine. Rule number one men, my word is law and you are to follow what I say at all times. Rule number two, Minty, the rat there, is second in command and you are to treat him with the same respect you give to me.”

The otter simply snored in response to this while Gerald mouthed to the other men, “He’s a monster.”

“Rule number three, follow any commands given by any of the members that you see with me here tonight,” Eldertits said. “I think that’s enough for tonight, maybe now we can let Ryland get some beauty sleep. Riran, Bella, and Snoop you’re on guard duty tonight.”

After this several notifications popped up on my HUD.

Congratulations Midnight Rondo has defeated level 15 human swashbuckler! As a party member, you have earned 221 XP.

Congratulations Eldertits has defeated level 23 human swashbuckler in a duel! As a party member, you have earned 301 XP.

Congratulations Eldertits has defeated level 16 human swashbuckler! As a party member, you have earned 239 XP.

Congratulations Snazzleberry has defeated level 13 human swashbuckler! As a party member, you have earned 183 XP.

Congratulations Midnight Rondo has defeated level 15 human swashbuckler! As a party member, you have earned 221 XP.

Congratulations Elaria has defeated level 14 human swashbuckler! As a party member, you have earned 205 XP.

Congratulations Bella Earthshield has defeated level 12 human swashbuckler! As a party member, you have earned 161 XP.

Congratulations you have reached Level 28!

HP: 319 → 330

MP: 464 → 480

You have 3 unallocated stat points.

You have 3 unallocated skill points.

“Make sure you keep a close eye on all of these men,” Elaria said, scooping up the sleeping otter and cradling him in her arms. “If anything comes up make sure you message the rest of the clan immediately.”

Walking over to the edge of the boat I lowered the ramp that led from the deck of the ship to the dock. I finally felt I could exhale because now when I messaged Katarina I’d be able to tell her that everything went according to plan and that we could set off for the Saunora Isles tomorrow.

Looking back I noticed Tits just standing there and I asked, “Are you coming Tits?”

“No I think I’m going to check out my new digs tonight,” she said smiling at me. “Besides someone needs to keep an eye on the new recruits while they oversee our pirate crew.”

“If that’s what you want to do have fun,” I said waving at the elf before walking down the ramp followed by Rondo and Elaria.