《Lament of the Determined》why

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jake was doing something incredibly boring when he found a chest somewhere.]

'wow a chest jake said and then openend it' said jake as he opened it.

inside was a scroll which jake read.

bro you've got the skill: summon big dick lizard dragon

'bro thats cool' said jake

then jake went to town

a bunch of guys were trying to pull open a safe

'inside this safe is the immortal lich gangalaf' said one man 'he is highly resistant to all damage but he-'

'i don't remember fucking asking, cunt' said jake 'stand aside peasants, i will open the safe'

'u cant it can only be opened if you have essence of a dragons dick- and a large amount of it at that'

'you fool' said jake as he whipped out the dragon and crushed its penis into essence ' i said stand aside'

the safe popped open, inside emerged gangalararfe, clutching a ticket.

jake immediately thrust his peen at him, intending to kill him instantly.

but.. gagsashdgah caught it

'what the fuck dude' jake said ' you touching my penis? my cock and balls?'

'yeah i am dude' said aghagahgshas ' what you gon do bout it???

'isn't that kind of... gay?'

'shit' said gdyhsagdhgahsd as he was swallowed by the void

jake grabbed the ticket he was holding

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