《Endeavour》2. Losing Ground: 7 - Doesn't get more family than that.

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When Ali and Grey had decided that they were going to embark upon their mission to break Wood out of jail, they knew that when they returned to the Forum that they would be pulled in to explain their actions. They were prepared for that, they had assembled all of the data relating to their plan and their reasoning to present to Security Core to explain how they hadn't jeopardised any of their operations.

In the end they both just received a condemnation - the opposite of a commendation - in their files but otherwise the matter was laid to rest.

They hadn't expected to be pulled into a meeting with the USEP admiralty regarding the Forum's plans on dealing with the chaos, disruption and fear caused by the bombing. They certainly hadn't expected the particular plan that was presented. Ali and Grey turned to share an equally dumbfounded look. "What?" Ali asked, only her surprise and shock preventing it from being an angry demand.

"We want you to be the face of hybrids," Witworth repeated as if it were perfectly obvious and she was just being difficult. "People fear what they don't understand, if we can personalise hybrids, to start to mend relations and ease the stigma, we can fight against the bigotry from groups like this."

Ali blinked at him as if this was some kind of hallucination she could focus back into reality. "No."

"Be reasonable, captain -"

"Be reasonable?" Ali scoffed as she folded her arms, "I think I'm being incredibly reasonable by not throwing something at you."

"What Ali means to say is that this isn't going to help," Grey quickly cut in before that statement could register long enough for an admiral to take offence.

"You suggest we do nothing?"

"I suggest I get a bloody say in this," Ali refuted angrily. "You basically want to put me on some pedestal with the caption 'good hybrid' as if all I am is some specimen from a zoo. Well, tough, because I'm not a good example of anything."

"Which is exactly why we want you. You have the fire to stand up for what you believe in. You have a chequered past but you've learnt from it and it keeps you grounded."

"That doesn't change my decision," Ali adamantly stated. "Making anyone the face of this elusive hybrid group - by the way we're not all the same and we can't all be neatly grouped together because of that - in the current climate would be incredibly dangerous not only to them but to their friends and their families. It makes them significant targets that this terrorist group won't hesitate to take advantage of. And don't you dare try and justify using me because I'm unique enough that my associates are either dead or in USEP."

"You cannot deny that you are safer than many others would be because of that."

Ali shook her head as if she was warning them to retract that before she said something they'd all regret. "Sir, you must know how callous that is given the event that has brought us here," Grey interrupted and clearly aghast at what he was hearing.

"Perhaps, but the point is still pertinent."

Grey knew that because of her reputation people underestimated Ali's self restraint, but in that moment he realised even he had started to do so. "Admiral, the death of my father is not a 'pertinent point' to use to coerce me into putting myself or my friends in danger," Ali said in the most diplomatic, neutral tone he'd ever heard her use. Even more impressive is that it was still laced with a dangerous edge to warn the Admiral from pushing his luck.

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"Apologies, captain, I didn't mean to offend."

Ali raised an eyebrow at him. "That's a non-apology if ever I heard one," she said before turning back to the group, "regardless it's still an utterly pointless exercise. Hiring a spokesperson - as it were - isn't going to sway anyone's opinions on the matter. Many of our species have had to deal with racism in our histories and it wasn't combatted in this way." She paused as she watched that sink in. "So my decision remains a firm no."

The admirals shared a few rueful looks before finally agreeing that the meeting was adjourned.

~-x-~

As they walked down corridors to return to their ships Ali's mind was ticking away. "It might be four years late, but I finally get it now." Ali hugged herself as she spoke so softly Grey almost missed it.

For a moment he let the silence hang in the air as he considered how to reply. He knew what she was referring to. Her court martial and the role he played in her dishonourable discharge. "I just wanted to protect you." He rubbed his face as he sighed, "but you're right, I should've gone to you first. It should have been your decision."

Ali chuckled wryly. "You wanted to look out for me whether I wanted you to or not. Doesn't get more family than that."

Grey could hear the crack in her voice. No matter how well she could cope in a crisis she hadn't had time to properly grieve the loss of her father. She wasn't invincible. He offered her an arm and she bit her lip for a moment before accepting the hug he offered as she tried not to bawl her heart out. Grey didn't say anything, there was no point in offering her empty platitudes, they both knew only time would heal her and her friends were there for her when she needed them. All they could do was make sure she knew it. At least things were finally right between them again.

After a short time she pulled back again with a nod, to reassure him that she was getting there. He squeezed her shoulder and started walking again. "Wait, the beamers are that way," Ali said as Grey took a different turn to what was originally planned.

"Duty can wait," he replied as he waited on her. After a moment she nodded and followed him to one of the various merchant sections on the Forum that included various eateries and watering holes. Grey led them to a dingy cafe tucked away between larger, flashier establishments and picked a corner table far away from the door. It didn't look like much, but it served some of the best coffee he'd ever found on the Forum - not that that was saying much - and more importantly it was quiet. "Should I ask how you're really holding up?" He asked as he tapped an order into the table.

Ali shrugged before looking like she was attempting to curl up in her chair, before giving up and leaning on her forearms. "I've been better."

"No one would judge you if you either recused yourself or at least took some time off," Grey said reassuringly. Though he didn't know how many people were privy to why this would be particularly hard for her, it would be a particularly callous person to judge anyone for not wanting to be involved in this type of work.

"And do what?" Ali challenged. "They denied my request to travel to Kentar for his ankkae. Apparently my presence would be too 'dangerous' or 'provoking'."

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"Ankkae?"

Ali blinked for a moment as if she couldn't understand his question. "It's… well, I guess it's a kentarian funeral," she said, "but it's nothing like a funeral as we'd know it." She paused as their drinks were served along with a selection of pastries. She turned to him with a raised eyebrow as she took in the spread.

Grey returned her stare to remind her that she didn't faze him, then reached to take a slice of fruit pie as if it were totally normal. "You were explaining what an ankkae is," he reminded her.

Ali sighed as she gave in to his attempts to cheer her up with sweets. He smiled as she reached for a brownie and broke it in half before breaking bite size chunks off to eat. "It's a celebration," she said before plopping one of the small pieces into her mouth.

"Of death?"

"No, of the person," Ali corrected as he chopped a piece of his pie up with his fork. "When my mum died my father sat with me and asked me what I thought the chances of ever meeting my mother were," she said with a sad smile at the memory. "He laughed off my snark when I said I couldn't not meet my own mother." Grey chuckled along with her giggle, he could imagine that even upset she would still sass someone. "He agreed before saying that I might not have been me. I was a miracle child anyway, but it would've taken only seconds of difference for me to have been someone entirely different. That I exist and that the people I care about exist at the same time is a miracle. The chances that we ended up in the same places together to meet are beyond astronomical." She swallowed before placing another piece of brownie in her mouth. Grey knew that she was using it to hide the fact that she was close to tears. He knew her better than she'd like to think.

"So he believed we should be grateful we knew them at all?"

Ali nodded as she blinked to try and clear her tears. "That's the celebration, that we knew these people to care about them. That they existed and gave us so many wonderful memories. Yes, it's sad, but they gave us so much joy… How can we not celebrate it?" Suddenly she was laughing, putting what was left of the brownie on her plate so she could wipe her eyes with the back of her hand. "He was such a force at my mum's funeral, loudly telling all these stories and laughing about the times he could admit to. So many people were looking at him as if he'd insulted everyone, and looking at me as if I would rebuke him, but she'd have loved it and loved him all the more for it."

"I'd have thought an ambassador would have more decorum," Grey admitted.

"He wanted to honour her memory, if he thought she wouldn't want him to, he wouldn't have done it."

Grey had to admit that made sense. "So do you subscribe to the kentarian beliefs or human?"

Ali licked the brownie crumbs off one finger. "Neither? Both? I don't know," she admitted. "My mum raised me. I didn't even know I wasn't fully human till I was about to hit puberty and they knew I needed training before my telepathic abilities hit me too hard to control. My father, well, he tried to be involved once I knew, but there's only so much he can be my father when he has to pretend he's only a family friend to protect me."

Grey scrutinised her for a moment. "My father once gave me some advice, and that was to ignore what was expected and do what felt right to you, to do what you wouldn't regret."

"Are you telling me to disobey orders?"

"I'm telling you to not make a decision you regret."

Ali looked back at her plate, before reaching for another delicacy. "I think there's something in both beliefs. It's hard to be happy when you've lost someone, but at the same time it feels right to celebrate who they were and what they meant to us."

~-x-~

Ali stood at one of the crossroads in the Forum, leaning on a wall and looking down one of the corridors at nothing in particular as she thought. Part of her couldn't believe she was really thinking about doing this, that she was thinking about sneaking into the large flight bay in the belly of the Forum, where dozens of small ships were housed awaiting orders and missions. But Grey had been right, do what you won't regret. She was probably going to get court martialled - again - for not only disobeying orders, but for stealing a ship to do it.

She was so lost in her own thoughts that she almost jumped when a hand landed on her shoulder. She had barely turned when Spud stepped into her vision alongside her. I could hear you thinking from the Endeavour.

Ali gave her friend a watery smile. Sorry. Spud returned the smile and led her over to a bench with a gentle hand on her arm.

"You needed a friend and your psyche responded," Spud shrugged once they were seated.

"That's not quite how it works," Ali corrected with a wry smile.

"It's better than your string analogy."

"It's a perfectly apt analogy."

"Says the woman who admitted - mid analogy - that it wasn't an exact explanation." Spud said firmly as they held each other's gazes for a moment before they both burst out laughing.

Once they both regained themselves Ali leaned into Spud, resting her head on her friend's shoulder. "How did I get here, Spud?"

"Because sometimes the universe is an awful place," Spud said in a tired voice. She paused as she stroked Ali's hair to give her whatever comfort she could and watched the people passing them by. "But sometimes a friend will make it a little brighter," she added as she gently took one of Ali's hands and pressed her fingers against the back of her hand.

"Thank you," Ali whispered when Spud pulled away. Spud smiled and nodded to tell her she was welcome, though Ali could sense it through their tetnar. She watched Spud leave down the corridor towards the beamers, then glanced at her wrist as if she was simply checking her schedule or notifications. In reality she was looking at the data Spud had given her; the access codes to one of the ships.

Oh, she would still get court martialled for this, but at least she was unlikely to be apprehended by Security Core until she returned.

~-x-~

Ali hadn't set foot on Kentar since she and Wood had investigated Barker's cell in an attempt to prevent him from gaining unstoppable power and to return him to prison, where he had been serving a life sentence for trying to previously blow up Tuthu IV. In many ways she hadn't missed it.

She thought the towns and architecture were beautiful - in a simple and practical way - and she admired the way that they had learnt to build with their planet and its nature rather than against it. Towns were elegantly designed around the arable land to maximise their access to produce and water - most of which was sourced from the fauna. However, she couldn't stand the heat. Kentar was an arid, hot planet, and even kentarians didn't venture outside without being fully covered to protect themselves from their sun. Ali fanned herself with the edge of her headscarf, though she knew it was futile. She would have hoped her physiology would compensate slightly, but unfortunately not.

Her father's ankkae was in full swing, with all the people he had known and wanted to celebrate his life crowding in the shaded streets of his hometown. It made Ali smile that he had touched so many people, yet it made her sad that they had all lost him. People were telling loud, vivacious stories about him as people brought refreshments from their own homes to people they might not have met, but shared a friend with. Each story made her laugh, before it reminded her that she had barely known her own father.

"That is the point of the ankkae," a voice said as she was wiping her eyes in her effort to try not to cry. "We all knew some of the man Kutad was, we share those memories so we see the whole person," Tihud continued as he stepped up alongside her. He was her father's best friend, and the only person outside of USEP who she knew knew how she was really related to Kutad. She would have a harder time hiding it if she had inherited the angular structure and additional ridges of a kentarian skull, clear on Tihud's face even when shaded by his own coverings.

"I know, but I still wish I'd had more time."

"We all wish we have more time with the people we love," Tihud corrected, and Ali couldn't deny that. "He would have wanted you to have this."

Ali turned sharply to see Tihud holding out a necklace, she took it carefully, fingers skimming over the gems and beads that adorned it before she hit the ring threaded in the middle. She looked up sharply and asked, "what is this?"

"Your parents were married," Tihud explained, "the symbol is human but your father wore it until he died. It should return to you, a piece of him to carry and remind you that you were blessed to know him, however briefly."

Ali swallowed as her fist clenched around the necklace. "Thank you," she whispered.

Tihud just watched her for a moment before placing a hand on her shoulder. "Come, immerse yourself in your father. Take advantage of the ankkae as our people do, it is not often so much knowledge will be in the same place." Ali gave a sad chuckle but allowed herself to be led as she slipped the necklace into a pocket for safe keeping.

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