29th October 1985

The Yield did not go well. Silas is very unhappy; the followers even more so.

It started at dawn. We all went down to the lake to prepare, while Silas set up his “pure” space. He hasn’t properly explained to me how he achieves this, but as far as I can tell, it’s some kind of cleansing ritual.

Several of the twenty volunteers seemed a little nervous but all in all, I couldn’t believe how beautifully open and devoted they were. Part of the preparation process was what Silas called “observance of compassion.” Either singly or in small groups, we were paired with volunteers, and then we dispersed throughout the woods. I was assigned to Ethan. My duty was to listen with kindness as he told me his sins and regrets. Silas told us listeners that all we had to do was find forgiveness, but I was so overcome with Ethan’s honesty and contrition that I held him in a long embrace. It felt wonderful.

When it came to start the ceremony, it was the middle of the afternoon, I’m not sure exactly when, but it was sunny enough that we sent up a tent to shield Silas from the direct sunlight.

The volunteers were all bathed and cleansed from the lake and took their places in the circle around Silas.

Silas gave me a special job. It was my responsibility to hand out cupfuls of the special cordial (he said it was an herbal elixir, but I think that might’ve been a stretch of the truth. I know he has access to plenty of people who can obtain substances a lot stronger than herbs). Anyway, it was supposed to relax their nervous systems, which would increase their receptivity to his power.

That part definitely worked, because they slowly became captivated by their surroundings, and just stared in awe at the sky. They looked relaxed. Elated, even.

I’m not sure if any of the followers realised during the ceremony that something was wrong. If they did, they didn’t say anything about it. I certainly didn’t notice anything until the end, and it was only from Silas’ reaction that I knew it hadn’t gone as he planned.

The process of watching them die wasn’t as bad as I’d expected, as they didn’t seem to be in pain (I suppose the ‘herbal elixir’ helped with that). They mostly just shook and gurgled a little, before finally falling still. But the look on Silas’s face at the end told us everything.

He was so upset that he left us there, and we had to dispose of the volunteers’ bodies. I’m trying not to think about that part, so I can’t write about it now. I will never forget the smell of burning flesh.

The others started talking. I couldn’t think of anything to contribute, and I didn’t want to say anything bad about Silas, so I just listened. They were saying things about their faith being shaken and how they were starting to think Silas isn’t as strong as he says he is. I’ve heard murmurings like that before, but not to this extent.

Sometimes I feel like I’m in the middle, stuck in-between Silas and them. They complain about him more than I’d care to admit. I keep telling them to give him time, but after his failing at the Yield today, I think they’ve run out of patience. Kyrie said to me that he thinks Silas is all talk. I know he isn’t. But then Kyrie pointed out that the Yield was supposed to be when Silas became the most powerful parapsych in the world. What actually happened was that Silas stayed the same, and the rest of us were left with a pile of dead bodies.

So I can see Kyrie’s point.

I just hope Silas can find a way to change their minds. If he can’t, I worry for his safety.

Lissy