《Heart of a Mer》9. Identity

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Katie sighed as she stared off at one wall, her cheek propped on a fist as she leaned against the arm of the couch. Her tail half curled beneath her and Luna was sprawled across it. The younger Mer had laid back down a little while ago and now Katie was stroking her hair absently. Luna’s deep breathing implied sleep, though she couldn’t see her face without jostling her. She certainly hoped she was sleeping; she had seemed very downcast earlier and certainly needed the rest.

Katie glanced over at Riley, who was sprawled out on the opposite couch. She was staring up at the ceiling. Her light blue gaze slowly slid to Katie and she smiled. “She asleep?” she inquired, her voice barely above a whisper as she nodded in Luna’s direction.

“I think so,” Katie replied just as softly. She ran her fingers through her friend’s tresses once more. She stirred beneath Katie’s touch, her fingers curling into fists and a soft whine slipping from her throat. Katie continued to rub Luna’s head. “It’s okay, you’re okay,” she murmured. She hoped the disturbance wouldn’t escalate to a full-blown nightmare. Gradually, Luna fell still once more, and Katie sighed with relief.

“Poor girl.” Katie glanced up at Riley’s solemn tone and found her eyes glistening as she stared at Luna.

“Yeah, well none of this has been easy,” Katie sighed. She ran a hand through her hair to push the locks off her face.

“I do not contest that,” Riley acknowledged. “It certainly sounds like you both endured a living nightmare. Our family should have protected her better; it would have prevented the hardships you both experienced,” she trailed off for a moment and picked at one of her scales. “I would have met you while you would have been human.”

Katie paused and cocked her head slightly as she mulled the statement. “I guess you are right, you and I probably still would have met.”

Riley dipped her head and grinned widely. “I probably would not have had to answer so many questions.”

Katie paused to consider that before shaking her head. She knew her natural curiosity would have gotten the better of her. “Honestly, I probably would have asked you more questions,” she admitted. She smiled when Riley’s grin grew, and the other Mer began to chuckle and shake her head.

“There is no escaping that, then.”

Katie nodded, then glanced down at Luna still sprawled in her lap. Her arms were wrapped around Katie’s waist and though her breathing was even, Katie knew she was awake; listening to them and probably lost in her own thoughts about everything that had happened. “That place was awful, and I do wish that it had never happened to either of us; but I don’t regret everything,” Katie clarified to them both. She felt Luna’s grip around her hips tighten and she resumed gently stroking the young Mer’s long brown strands.

“No, I suppose not,” Riley agreed. “As soon as I have healed, I must swim swiftly to catch up with our pod. When I return, you should come out with me; I will teach you what I can of our ways. You are human by birth and by nature, but you must learn to be Mer as well if you are to survive in this strange life you have been given.”

“I would appreciate that,” Katie agreed. She was not certain she wanted to learn some of the things that being a Mer seemed to involve; there was no desire to catch a fish in her jaws again. But she knew it was probably important to know. If she had to suddenly take to the ocean for any reason, she would need to know how to survive, even if some of the teachings were a little less than desirable to learn and her future teacher happened to have a wide grin of anticipation that made Katie a little nervous to engage with her. Her gaze drifted to the spines that stuck out along Riley’s forearms. Despite the relaxed, almost limp posture, they still looked wicked sharp. She had a sinking suspicion that learning to defend herself would be one of the lessons Riley would want to teach, and she hoped – when the time came – that the girl would choose not to utilize the deadly looking knives.

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Katie was broken from her reverie when the door to the apartment swung open on squeaky hinges. At first, she flinched on instinct, only to relax when Sophie walked back through the door. Lewis was close behind her, his fingers curled around her free hand. Katie smiled at the sight; she was glad they were happy and that his knowledge of her survival had not strained their relationship for long.

Sophie glanced their way and her expression softened when she looked at Luna. She nodded towards the reclined Mer, then met Katie’s gaze. ‘She asleep?’ she mouthed.

Katie shook her head.

Instantly, Sophie’s expression morphed into a frown and her eyes glazed. “Everything okay?” she asked. She spoke softly, as if trying not to disturb anyone.

“Yeah,” Katie responded. She had known Luna long enough now to know that she would not want to be fussed over or questioned about what was bothering her. She had to work it out on her own before she would talk about it; Katie would ask later.

Sophie made her way around the couch and took a seat on the arm, by Riley’s head. Her hand reached out and she brushed some of Riley’s hair back off her face. “And how are you doing?”

Riley craned her head to looked at Sophie and grinned. “I am fine, Sophie; you need not worry.”

“There’s always something to worry about with you three,” Lewis spoke up. “You certainly like to keep us on our toes.” He came around Sophie’s other side and gently squeezed her shoulders. The woman leaned her head against him and hummed in agreement.

“I think I’ll feel a little better when we’re out of this apartment and somewhere more private. This place is too small and there’s nowhere for you girls to properly hide or get away if trouble did come knocking.” She reached out and tapped Riley on the head. “And of course, you managing to come home without fresh maiming all the time would certainly help with my stress levels.”

“I will take that into consideration,” Riley countered. “But what do you mean by ‘out of the apartment’? I thought you did not wish us to venture out much in case suspicions are aroused?”

“We’re going to move, Riley. Staying in the apartments here was fine when it was just Katie and I because I work here, and it wasn’t far from her school; but it’s much too small and inconvenient for all of us. I’d rather we move to a home that has easier ocean access, more space, and is a lot more private. It’s time. I’d like you to come out with us before you go back out to sea. I know time is of the essence to reach your family, but if you leave from the docks, you’ll be better able to find your way back, won’t you?”

Riley nodded. “I will be able to find my way back, yes. I do not want to linger longer than necessary, however. If I must, I can track you down after.”

Sophie shook her head. “That won’t be necessary. You’re not going to be able to take to the water for at least a week or your wound will reopen. We’re going to be heading out in four days. You can leave from there.”

“You found a place that quickly?” Katie finally spoke up. She shifted her weight to lean forward slightly. The motion seemed to startle Luna, who jerked up and scooted back onto her own seat. “It’s only been a day.”

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As Sophie rose from her seat on the arm of the opposite couch and made her way over, Katie watched her carefully. There was a kindling of hope burning in her chest at the notion that things could change so quickly. The apartment no longer felt like home, it felt a pitstop, a pathetic attempt at a hiding place as they lay in wait for the Lemuria Institute to return and claim them once more. She needed a change in environment desperately. Sophie took a seat on the coffee table between them and leaned forward until their foreheads pressed together. Katie closed her eyes and sighed as some of the tension slipped away.

“I’ve actually been looking for a while, Kate; I just didn’t want to say anything until I was certain the offer would go through. The deal closes tomorrow, and we can move in three days after that. I think you should spend part of today packing up your room. There’s going to be a lot of boxing going on the next two days,” Sophie explained.

Katie dipped her head, the hope in her heart growing with the kindling being fed to it. “I can do that.”

“Good. You should get started; I’ll have some boxes brought up. Lewis and I are going to start packing up things out here. Everything but the non-essentials.”

Katie glanced over when she felt Luna’s hand on her tail. The younger Mer smiled softly and blinked. “I will help.” The statement, though spoken gently, was insistent, so Katie returned the smile. It would give her a chance to discuss a few things with her. She seemed very down about news that should be thrilling, and Katie wanted to know why. Luna had a way of masking her feelings and suffering in silence when it wasn’t necessary. It was a habit Katie knew came from years of torture and solitary confinement, and she knew it would be especially difficult to break Luna of.

“I would appreciate the help,” Katie agreed.

“What can I do?” Riley inquired.

Lewis dropped a hand on her head and ruffled the light blonde locks into a staticky frizz. “Exactly what you have been doing.”

Everyone began to laugh at the low growl that rumbled in Riley’s chest in response. The girl folded her arms over her chest scales and flicked her fins, while her eyebrows pulled together and her lips pursed into a scowl.

***

Katie reached up and unpinned another two photos from the bulletin board. She dropped the pins into a container beside her on the desk. She was perched on the top, with her tail tucked under her so she could reach the board. The muscles in her arms had grown strong and corded over the past few weeks from having to haul her weight out of the wheelchair and onto various pieces of furniture, so climbing up hadn’t been much of a hassle. She could hear her scales scraping against the polished wood with every movement, however and knew the desk was likely to be destroyed. She was not too torn up, however, having chosen not to pack it down and bring it along. It made her a little sad, but she had little need for it now, with no schoolwork to do.

She pulled a few more photos free and passed them to Luna, who was stacking them and wrapping elastic bands around them before putting them into a large shoebox. “You want to talk about it?” Katie inquired as she reached for a few more pictures.

“No,” Luna replied. She wrapped an elastic around the photo stack in her hands and dropped them into the box.

Katie sighed and began pulling more off the wall. The silence returned for a few minutes as neither of them spoke back up. Katie chewed her lip as she continued taking the photos down. “Hey,” she finally spoke back up. When Luna finally glanced up at her, Katie met her gaze firmly. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

Luna sighed and pushed some hair behind her ear. “There is nothing wrong, Katie; I am just feeling a little overwhelmed with everything. I wish I remembered more is all.”

Katie raised an eyebrow and stared down the girl she’d come to view as a younger sister. There was something she was holding back. Under the scrutinizing gaze, Luna whimpered and tears watered in her eyes. She ducked her head before glancing back up. “What…What if-” when she broke off, Katie reached down to place her palm on her head in reassurance. “What if they do not like me?”

“What do you mean? Why would they not like you, Kera?” The name flowed easily this time. She was glad that her friend had a proper identity now, rather than a temporary name.

“Because I am not their daughter,” Kera murmured. Katie watched her pick at her scales and frowned.

“You think Riley is wrong about your identity? She seemed very certain,” Katie inquired. She supposed it was possible; they had all eagerly jumped on the idea.

“No. No, I think she is right that I used to be,” Kera sighed. Her shoulders slumped and when she glanced up from her tail, tears were making steady tracks down her cheeks.

“You still are,” Katie assured her. She wiped a few of the tears from Kera’s cheeks and slid down off the desk onto the floor. She curled up beside Kera’s wheelchair and wrapped her arms around her distraught friend. “It’s okay.”

“No, Katie,” Kera whimpered. “You do not understand. Their daughter was six years old. Her name was Kera. She was happy and healthy and probably pretty.”

Katie squeezed her tighter. “You’re pretty.”

Kera shook her head and swallowed. “I am scarred and mangled and traumatized. I have nightmares every night and I wake everyone else up with me. I do not know anything about who I was, I do not know how to survive out in the ocean properly,” she sobbed. “I do not even know how to just relax and play like children are supposed to. I would be nothing but a disappointment.”

Katie sighed and rubbed Kera’s arm. It was clear that her friend was seriously struggling with the day’s events and her own self esteem. “Okay, come here,” Katie ordered. She pulled Kera forward until they were both sprawled on the floor, their tails half tangled overtop one another. She then squeezed the young girl as tightly as she could. “First of all, you are not a disappointment. Despite everything they did to you, Kera, they could never fully break you. You have more determination and strength than you give yourself credit for. You have a big heart and a beautiful smile and you’re the best friend and little sister anyone could ask for,” Katie pressed. “You’re not a disappointment, Kera, you never will be.”

Though she’d meant the words to be comforting, the response she got startled Katie. Kera squeezed her tightly and broke down into heavier sobs. They wracked her body as she buried her nose into Katie’s chest. Katie’s heart clenched and she hugged the younger girl back, wondering what it was she said that set her off so badly. For a few minutes, all she could do was hold her, her mind reeling. She had never failed quite so spectacularly when trying to offer comfort and couldn’t help but feel like she was a partial cause for Kera’s distress.

The sobbing was not quiet, and it didn’t take long to draw Sophie’s attention. She appeared in the doorway not long after it began. Katie met her gaze helplessly and like the miracle worker she was, Sophie strode in and took over. “Okay, okay, come here honey, it’s okay,” she murmured as she knelt and gently peeled Kera away from Katie. She twisted the girl towards her and picked her up. The way Kera latched instantly made Katie’s stomach flip. She wasn’t sure what was devastating Kera quite so much but seeing her friend in such distress was breaking her heart.

Sophie took a seat on the edge of the bed and began to rub Kera’s back. As she rocked the young Mer gently, Katie pulled herself a little bit closer. She wanted to be there for support if she could, even if she wasn’t much help at the moment.

She listened as Sophie began to hum softly. She remembered the tune; she never knew what song it was from, but Sophie used to hum it to her too, when she would wake in distress from nightmares as a child. Katie closed her eyes and joined in.

After a few minutes, Kera’s cries gradually faded into soft whimpers and sniffles. At that point, Sophie began to stroke her hair. “Today has been a lot, hasn’t it?” she said, half speaking into Kera’s hair. “There’s been a lot of overwhelming information thrown at you, huh? It all moved so fast and we jumped on board with it…we never really slowed down to talk to you properly about any of it, did we?”

“I-I just-” Kera’s voice was watery and ragged, and she broke off after barely managing two words.

Instantly, Sophie hushed her and hugged her close. “It’s okay. You don’t have to try to explain. Kera…” she trailed off, as if musing over the name. “You know, as pretty as the name is…no one stopped to ask if that was what you wanted, we just assumed.” Sophie paused as if letting the statement hang for a moment. “Is it?”

When Kera shook her head, Katie began to understand. “It is not who I am,” Kera murmured.

Sophie nodded. “It doesn’t have to be,” she agreed.

“No?”

Sophie clucked her tongue and shook her head. “Of course not. It’s just a name, sweetheart, nothing more. The only one it needs to mean anything to is you. Kera comes with too many expectations you don’t remember, doesn’t it? You don’t have to fill any roles for anyone; you just have to be you, Luna.”

Katie watched with watery eyes as more tears spilled down her friend’s cheeks. She wished she had a better understanding of why the name had truly upset her so deeply, but now was not the time to ask. Despite her tears, a massive smile erupted on Luna’s face as she hugged Sophie again. “Thank you.” Luna had whispered it so quietly, Katie barely caught it, but Sophie nodded and wrapped her arms around the young Mer once more.

Katie reached out and took Luna’s hand, startling the girl into looking at her again. “I’m sorry,” she apologized. “I just remember that promise I made back when we first met, that I wasn’t trying to name you, that whatever your real name was, I had every intention of respecting it when we learned it. I just assumed that was what you would want when Riley said it earlier; I should have asked. Of all people, I should have asked, should have known better.”

“It is okay,” Luna whispered back. “I was not very clear about what was bothering me, what still bothers me; but I do not think my fears are ones that can be reassured, not here. I do not think I really knew either how much the name hurt, how much I hated it. How did you?” Luna turned the last bit back at Sophie.

Katie watched her mother grin and shrug. “I’m a mother, we know everything.”

“Really?” Luna inquired.

Sophie laughed and shook her head before winking. “No, but we put up a good front, don’t you think?”

When Luna giggled, Katie smiled. She was going to be okay. There was still something she was holding back, but Katie had a feeling it was something she couldn’t share until she worked it out herself. She squeezed Luna’s fingers to draw her sister’s attention back. “They won’t be disappointed,” she pressed again. “How could they be?”

Luna’s smile faltered. Gratitude shone in her eyes, but it was mixed with those same fears. Sophie nodded. “Katie is right; your family will be happy that you are alive and coming home, nothing else will matter.”

“But what if-”

Sophie cut Luna’s attempt off with a raised hand. “If, for whatever unfathomable reason, there’s a problem with who you are, Luna; you always have a home and family with us. You will never be alone again, I promise.”

The three sat and savored the tender moment for a little while until they heard the front door reopen and Lewis began calling Sophie’s name. Sophie sighed and gently shifted Luna aside. “Duty calls,” she teased. “You girls okay in here?”

Katie shrugged. “I think I’ll follow you out, actually. I could use some water. You want to come or stay here, Luna?”

“I will come,” Luna agreed. “Sophie…do you think Riley will be okay with me wanting to go by Luna?”

Sophie sighed and leaned down to hoist Luna back into her arms. “There’s only one way to find out, and you have to be the one to tell her.”

“Hey, wait up at least,” Katie protested as Sophie began to walk out of the room. She was not truly offended, but it was still rather annoying to have to drag herself across the floor and back into the wheelchair. Sophie lingered in the doorway as she settled herself back into place and spun the chair around. Luna had twisted around to rest her chin on Sophie’s shoulder and was peering down at Katie with her tongue between her teeth. Katie grinned and stuck her tongue out as well. “Yeah yeah, laugh it up,” she taunted. “Mom, you should drop her on her sorry scaly butt.”

Luna’s wide grin and glistening fangs spoke volumes for her. She had been starved of affection for years prior to meeting Katie and had developed an intense love for being cuddled and held. Sophie fed that desire heavily, just as Katie did, and Luna was not even slightly sorry at earning a ride while Katie got herself down the hall.

“The both of you had better behave,” Sophie warned playfully. “Neither of you are too old to ground.”

“Ground?” Luna inquired.

Sophie’s footsteps faltered for a moment, allowing Katie to fully catch up in the chair. They shared a glance and both burst out laughing. “Punish,” Sophie clarified. Katie watched her hand move, but it wasn’t until Luna began to squirm and squeal that she realized Sophie was tickling her. Katie shook her head and chuckled as she wheeled herself the rest of the way out into the living room where Riley was still sprawled on the couch. Lewis was standing near her, with one arm leaned against the back of the couch. There was a new figure in the room as well, shifting awkwardly in the wheelchair Riley had come in on. It had since been scrubbed down of the blood from her wound and now the Mer who helped bring her home was perched in it.

“Hello Torren,” Katie greeted with a small wave. He raised a hand back at her, the appendage coated in the same dark red scales that covered a fair amount of his torso along with his tail. “Welcome back.”

Torren dipped his head at her, then in Sophie’s direction. “I do not mean to intrude. I merely wished to check in,” as he spoke, he turned his attention to Riley. “Glad to see you survived; you were lucky.”

Riley shook her head and grinned. “There is no luck here,” she countered. “It is skill alone.”

“Oh yeah? And who’s skills are we referring to?” Lewis inquired.

Katie laughed as Riley flushed. “Okay, so perhaps it was a group effort,” Riley relented.

“Reckless.”

Instantly, Riley’s gaze whipped back to Torren and her eyebrow raised. “Excuse me?” Her tone was suddenly much colder, and Katie flinched. Previously she had seen only amusement and content from Riley, but the Mer was far from thrilled now and her icy gaze narrowed dangerously. Katie felt a little bad for Torren.

He didn’t seem overly fazed, however and shrugged calmly. “Squabbling with a quib while outnumbered, even if you are older and more capable, is reckless. You are lucky to have only come out with the injuries you did.”

“I did not go looking for that fight, but if you are seeking one,” Riley growled. Her fins flicked and the spines on Riley’s arms flexed as if eager to dig into flesh. Katie shifted awkwardly in her seat. Luna, who had been silent through the conversation, sat on the couch with an owl-eyed expression. For a moment, the tension hanging in the room was cloying.

Finally, Sophie stepped forward between the two. “I think what Riley means to say is ‘thank you’. Thank you for bringing her home, Torren; we’re glad she’s safe and lucky you were around.”

“That is actually not what I meant at all,” Riley protested. She crossed her arms and shot an annoyed glare at Sophie that made Katie chuckle, then flinch as the glare was suddenly redirected at her. Katie raised her hands in defense and leaned back; she wanted no part in their spat.

“You would lose a fight now,” Torren pointed out. “You are stubborn and foolish; you should find a travelling companion to keep your arrogance in check.”

“Are you offering?” Riley inquired, one slender eyebrow raising as she refocused on her apparent new rival.

Torren didn’t respond immediately. Instead he blinked slowly and then shook his head. “No. I have prior responsibilities and you are hardly worth the hassle.”

Riley scoffed and bared her fangs at the insult.

“You owe me a fish,” Torren added, clearly unfazed by the aggression.

At the statement, Riley’s snarl faltered and a wide grin split her lips in its place. She dipped her head. “I suppose I do,” she agreed.

Torren nodded. “Three moons from now, on the new; forty strokes west of the battleground.”

“Fair,” Riley agreed.

Katie’s head was spinning as she watched the two wild Mer interact. One moment, they appeared at each other’s throats, then were making plans to meet again as if they were old friends rather than acquaintances that an emergency situation thrust together. She knew there were many things about Mer customs and social cues that she did not yet understand, but this exchange made them even more obvious.

“Torren, would you like to join us this evening for food?” Sophie offered. “We’re happy to have you.”

“That is a kind offer and it is appreciated, but I cannot linger,” Torren refused with a shake of his head. “I returned to make sure Riley was in recovery, but I am swimming to meet my sister and her mate; she is with child and they require an escort to our pod’s traditional birthing grounds. I must head off now to reach them before nightfall.”

“We won’t keep you then,” Sophie agreed.

“I can show you back down,” Lewis offered. He didn’t wait for a response as he walked over and spun the wheelchair around.

Torren dipped his head at Lewis, then turned to do the same towards Sophie. “I appreciate your hospitality; take care of the willful one.”

“We will,” Sophie agreed with a smile. “Take care of yourself out there.”

Another nod and then Torren was glancing back and Luna and her. “You two take care as well; you have an interesting fate for sure – do not let it get the better of you.”

Katie nodded and shrugged. She certainly hoped things would settle into something she could remotely consider safe. In her silence, it was Luna who spoke up. “Goodbye Torren – be safe,” she said shyly. She shifted in her spot on the couch where Sophie had set her, and Katie reached up to place a hand on the younger Mer’s tail. Luna smiled at her in response.

They watched Lewis take Torren out of the apartment. Questions were burning heavily on Katie’s tongue, she wanted to inquire about what had just gone down. She genuinely couldn’t tell if Riley and Torren were friends or tolerating one another out of a civility they would rather break.

Before she could get the chance to ask the questions, Sophie leaned over the back of the opposite couch to push a glass of water into Riley’s hands. It was filled nearly to the rim and a little of the liquid sloshed over the side as it changed hands. “Drink this,” Sophie instructed. “I don’t want you to get dehydrated. Once you’re done, I want you to settle in and get some rest. No more chatting or excitement for a few hours. Go to sleep or I will get a sedative.”

Katie half expected Riley to argue and the rebellious Mer did pause and hold Sophie’s gaze for a moment as if trying to decide if it was worth it to argue. The seriousness of Sophie’s tone seemed to sway her however as she sighed and tipped the glass back to gulp the water down. It reminded Katie of her own parched tongue. The dry season was going to be brutal in more ways than one this year.

Sophie shook out a blanket and draped it over Riley, and Katie shifted in her chair. She knew they would have to leave Riley be if she was going to actually sleep like Sophie wanted. She turned to look at Luna to suggest they head back to her room, but she found her little sister curling up on the couch cushions. Her tail was partially flopped over the side so her fin brushed the carpet below, and she was lowering her head into the crook of her arm. Katie smiled and turned back away. She was more than capable of packing on her own; it was clear Luna was going to take Sophie’s suggestion of a nap as well. As she looked away, Katie happened to catch her mother’s gaze. Sophie had a gentle smile on her face and she jerked her head slightly back towards the hallway. Katie returned the expression and followed her out of the living room to let the cousins rest in peace.

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