Todd had never been chained to a desk before, especially not in such a fancy building. Who knew that the FBI had an office in Eagleton? The entrance to the underground bunker was in the abandoned mall. It actually had two entrances: Brooks Brothers, for the agents in their crisp suits, and Hot Topic for everyone else. Now that the mall was empty, everyone used whichever entrance they pleased.

It was weird how much they told him. Were they going to kill him? That was the only explanation. That, or they expected him to forget everything. It would suck to die, but it wasn’t like he could escape, so he went along with it.

“Tell us what happened at the GameShop,” said Agent F. “Every detail. Every move. Every sound. Every smell.”

Todd nodded solemnly. If it helped them find Jake, he’d give them whatever information they needed. “So there was this girl, real hottie. Middle eastern or something. Skin like a Mexican, but her face was different, you know? Big breasts. Cute rounded face. Long wavy hair almost to her waist. And her eyes… if she’d been looking at me the way she was looking at him, I would’ve gone for her. And I’ve got a girlfriend!”

His eyes got wide as he said that.

Agent K pointed at the can of Diet Coke they’d given him, and now he saw in tiny print, right below the word ‘Coke’, were the words ‘special truth serum edition’.

Dammit.

Agent F cracked a slight knowing smile, the first emotional expression Todd had seen from the man. “Continue.”

Todd gulped. “What I mean is, she was hot. God, I think I’m getting hard just thinking about her. And Jake was a virgin, so how was he supposed to resist? Don’t tell my girlfriend I said I’d bang the daylights out of this other girl if she wanted it. Dammit.”

Agent F’s face had gone back to restful attentiveness, showing no reaction to Todd’s distress. Instead he nodded as if this was the most natural thing in the world. “Now, this girl, did she have any… tentacles? Eye stalks? Strange skin? Mouths where they shouldn’t be?”

Jake didn’t know how to process what the Agent was saying, but he was sure of one thing. “You’re going to kill me afterwards, aren’t you?”

Agent K laughed. “Of course not!” Then he turned to Agent F, seemingly a bit worried. “We’re not going to kill him, right?”

“Tell me,” said Agent F, “were there any unusual smells?”

“You mean besides Mike and his gang? Eh? Eh?” Todd glanced from Agent K to Agent F, looking for even the slightest hint of a laugh. “Tough crowd.”

The interrogation continued for another half hour, with the agents trying to pull out any distinguishing characteristics, any strange accents, any unusual word choices that the girl might have made, or strange accessories like a collar.

Eventually they seemed satisfied.

“Your analysis?” asked Agent F.

“Dimension 5LB7. Clearly Devonian, although it’s unusual that it was a woman and that they abducted a man this time. Very risky.”

“Very good. And suggested course of action?”

“None. We don’t have the resources to rip open a portal, at least not without attracting attention, and the target is low-value.”

“Hey!” objected Todd. “Jake is not low-value!”

Agent F raised his eyebrows, then turned back to Agent K. “Your analysis is correct. Now let’s dispose of the witness.”

“Wait!” said Todd. “I thought you said—”

“Look over here.” Agent F pulled out a flattened black rod. The end of it erupted with a bright white light, like a camera flash.

It dazed him a little.

“You shouldn’t get so drunk,” said Agent K calmly. “We had to lock you up because you were drunk, but you’re free to go now.”

“But I’m not—” he stopped himself. Something wasn’t right. Something had changed. Why were they obviously lying to him?

“He remembers,” sighed Agent F. “I told you we never should’ve legalized weed.”

They expected him to have forgotten everything.

Holy shit. The FBI had a division that focused on weird occurrences, and they’d explicitly modeled it after Men In Black.

“It’s not the weed, you just don’t know how to work the tech,” said Agent K. He pulled out his own flattened black rod. “Look over here.”

It flashed, and Todd blinked.

“You shouldn’t get so drunk,” said Agent K calmly. “We had to lock you up because you were drunk, but you’re free to go now.”

“Uhh…” Todd faked confusion, but the dazed effect was real. He found that he could lie again. “Wow, I must’ve blacked out early.”

“Yes, your friends at the GameShop were very worried… although many of them blacked out as well. So much drinking while gaming… very dangerous.”

“I better go check on the tournament. Hopefully they held my spot.”

Agent F shooed him away. “Go on.”

He walked away, waiting just past the doorway a moment to see what they would say.

“I could swear mine was working just yesterday,” complained Agent F.

“Did you try turning it off and turning it back on again?”

“Asshole.”

Okay, nothing interesting.

He walked up the steps, unaccompanied, and eventually made it out of the maze of corridors. He could tell he was going the right way because the fancy hallways became less fancy, until they were solid unadorned concrete. He tried to take the Brooks Brothers exit, but accidentally went out through the abandoned Hot Topic instead.

He knew what he needed to do. He had no idea how he was going to do it, but he knew what he needed to do.

He was going to rally the FTO guild, find this alternate dimension, and go find his friend.