All Shark wanted was to be silent and still within the flood of memories that was washing over. The bakery the Olyens had used to visit every week on the same day and time, the lake where pretty much everyone in Springen had their first date but Shark never had gotten to, the bars they’d heard were good but hadn’t gotten to try, the restaurants they knew for a fact were shit but still had to try their bars now that they could… They would have to take Thea to some of these places when there was time.

Of course, with Iree Nobelis charging ahead of them with her long-legged, purposeful strides, there was no time to amble along and reminisce. She’d been talking the entire time, but Shark had been so self-absorbed that barely a word had registered. In fact, they only returned to the present from the glow of the past when Cerid’s elbow struck their ribs.

“Ow!” Shark pouted down at the boy. “What was that for?”

“It is incredibly clear that you are not paying attention,” he replied in an annoyed hiss. “She began to insult you the moment she realized you were not listening. I am tired of it.”

“Ah. What’d she say? It’s probably all true.”

Iree laughed, an airy yet boisterous sound, and glanced over her shoulder. “I’ve gotta wonder if you remember me at all, Olyen.”

“Of course I do,” Shark replied. “We were all in the same class. You, me, Rhys, Dale, and Hollyhock. Beating the tar out of each other on a daily basis.”

“Good times,” Iree laughed. “Did you happen to bring your papers with you?”

“I know you know that there’s no way I’d have been able to get them.” It was hard enough to get approved documents to immigrate to Sirpo. Those with valuable bloodlines, like Shark’s, had no chance at all.

“Could’ve just said no.” She shrugged. “Still, I wanted to ask. Never know who might want to arrest you or snatch you back into the army.”

Anxiety spiked in Shark’s chest, shadowy apparitions poking needles. They and Dorothea never should have come. They should have let the world continue to ruin itself and dealt with any potential further Ghurian attacks on Equin as they came. Shark was out of practice, but they weren't weak. Damn. Every step felt like sinking further into a creeping threat, jaws waiting as they dripped. The sooner they got back home, the better.

Though they hadn’t been sure why Iree had dragged them along before, they were starting to get a pretty good idea. This was punishment, right? Especially within the tight-knit fort cities where everyone knew everyone, Shark’s return was hardly going to go unnoticed. Of course, no one was going to say anything with the commander and a member of the Creed family in tow, but the looks were already coming in.

There were three main expressions. First was the ‘Wait, what?’ look. The double take, the slack jaws, the person staring bumping into something if Shark was lucky. Next was the ‘I know you exist and I hate that fact but am too cool to act like it’ look. Being ignored just meant Shark was left alone in the end anyways, but it didn’t exactly feel the greatest. The final look was the ‘FUCK YOU DOING HERE?!’ look. This encapsulated the gazes of those who had no issue with communicating nonverbally that they didn’t quite believe Shark had the right to occupy what limited space they did in the world. Again, not the greatest, but it was no less than what they’d expected. Shark was a deserter, after all, and that wasn’t something the everyday Sacerian patriot would take kindly to.

“Geez,” they laughed under their breath. Hopefully Thea was doing better than they were. “What a nice welcome back.”

“There is your family, though,” Cerid reminded them. “They shall be overjoyed to see you again, doubtless.”

Shark snorted. “Yeah, I dunno ‘bout that. So, Commander,” they drawled, “mind telling me why you’re parading me around town like some pariah off to an execution?”

Iree only laughed harder at this. “Is that seriously what you think?”

“No, I just said it for no reason.”

“Relax, Olyen. Consider this a statement. Everything’s about making one, understand? On your first day back, you’re taking a stroll with two people in a high position within Springen. What’s that say?”

“Honestly? No idea.”

“It says that you’re back and that you’ve been accepted by us two, at least. And everyone else will just have to suck up their little feelings and deal with it. Right?”

Huh. Making a statement, eh? Shark could get behind that. “Hadn’t thought about it like that, but I can’t say I mind it.”

“Of course not.” Iree tossed her hair. “When someone doubts you, you pass them by and go about your life knowing that their opinion doesn’t mean a single thing. Consider this a crash course, Olyen, because it’s a lesson I wanted to be sure you knew going forward. As long as you’re in Springen, you’ve got to be ready to face its people’s worst.”

They’d been there before, but it was true that living in Sirpo had made them mentally softer. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.” There was nothing to do but hold their head high and stand behind their choices regardless of what came next.

Iree spun around to wink, walking backwards with peppy bounces for a few steps. “Besides, we both know I can sympathize a little, yeah?”

Shark smiled, relieved. “Yeah. You’ve changed a bit, Iree.” There was a quality of warmth there now that had been lost during a period of time when Iree’s family had had their own issues (of course they’d heard all about it, nothing stayed discreet around here).

She laughed again before spinning back to face forward. “Not at all. So where will you go to stay? Didn’t sound like you thought your family would let you crash.”

It was obvious that Shark couldn’t nonchalantly pop in and expect a warm welcome. “Wherever Dorothea goes, I go.”

“Alright.” Her next words made the bubble of optimism in Shark’s chest explode and fizzle out. “So you knew this whole time that there was an Atlin alive. It’s insane to think of the deaths that we could have prevented in the meantime if we’d known.”

Passive aggressive bitch. But her statement was objectively true. Any proper defensive response died in Shark’s throat, so they just stared ahead, feeling Cerid’s wary gaze on their face, and waited for Iree to continue.

“I guess that’s just proof positive that you really are neutral now,” she said brightly.

Shark realized then that they had been mistaken. There was no protection from the damnation assigned for doing the unforgivable: betrayal of home and country, the blood of so many fallen. This was what abandoning the Sacerian cause and sheltering Dorothea with silence had made them culpable for in the eyes of their former allies.