《War of Seasons》15. Conviction of Life

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Eh, whatever. “Wow, Iree. As always, you tell it like you see it.” Shark couldn’t help but like it a little.

“No point in doing otherwise. Obviously,” Iree said, switching gears, “we want to get to Sirpo as soon as possible. Now that you’ve gotten the point, Olyen, I’m off to pester the council. Creed, watch over him while he gets his bearings, will you? I’ll meet you both in the barracks where my office is.”

Shark winced. It wasn’t ‘him’ or ‘he’ and hadn’t been for a long time. But Iree was gone before they could respond.

Cerid turned to them. “Why not correct her?” he asked.

Shark shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. There are more important things for all of us to deal with.”

“You are living the life you want,” Cerid said, a sudden anger in his tone taking Shark aback. “Since you have that opportunity, do you not think you should live it bravely?”

Shark gaped at him. Even though something in Cerid, in his words, was striking, their first instinct was to snap back about how foolish it was for someone who didn’t even know them, much less a member of the privileged Creed family, to tell them what to do. Still, that small hint of something else made them bite their tongue.

After deliberation, a spark flashed in Shark’s head. Ah, so that was it. “Those are the words of someone who isn’t living the life they want,” they commented.

Cerid narrowed his eyes and turned away. “And your callousness is that of someone who is not grateful for that opportunity.”

Shark was grateful, really, they were, but that didn’t make any part of this easy. They patted Cerid’s back gently, with a careful touch. “Let’s just the both of us get through this, okay?”

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He nodded, looking ashamed by his outburst. “I apologize.”

Alright. It would behoove Shark to make a few things clear. “Do you ever feel sorry for the people you’re fighting, Cerid?” they asked, smiling.

His eyes widened with alarm, but he answered evenly. “I feel many things during battle. Pity, though, has never been one of them.”

“I never felt sorry either.”

His brows drew together in confusion. “But then why…”

It was an expected misconception. “You think I left because I pity the Ghurians? I don’t.”

“I do not understand.”

“I’ll put it this way. Have you ever thought about whether or not you’re a good person?”

“I have not, in particular.”

“Really? Not even once?”

“I can see that I should have elaborated. To be clear, I used to think about it often. I am just quite certain I am not good. Once I came to that conclusion, I no longer needed to consider it.”

“Oh. Gotcha.” Shark didn’t know whether to be uncomfortable or almost admire that Cerid didn’t even hesitate to share something so personal. “You’re sure open, Cerid.” Yeah, in the end, they appreciated it.

“You asked an honest question, and I supplied an honest answer. One deserves the other.” He paused. “However, I shall explain my thought process so as to clear up any misunderstandings.”

“Sure.” Shark had just written it off as him being self-deprecating, but of course they’d listen.

Cerid spoke haltingly, looking contemplative. “I am a soldier. My duty is to do good for the people. Even with that said, however, it does not mean I have reached the hearts of the people. It does not mean that the world is good yet or that my efforts are actually worth a single thing. Because I have done nothing meaningful, I do not deserve to be called good. Not yet.”

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“That’s…a lot of pressure to put on yourself.”

“Perhaps. But I must.”

Why did he look so resigned? Why did Shark want to see him smile so badly? “You’re probably overthinking it. People just live life and try to get by.”

“Then that is what you did. You chose to live life the way you preferred rather than continue as you were.” He sighed. “I am sorry. I should not have said what I said. You are not callous, at least not in regards to your choices.”

“It’s okay, seriously. I’m used to it.”

“Being used to something…does not mean that it should be allowed to continue.” Cerid glanced at his feet, pondering something unknown. “But I digress. What does being a good person have to do with what you are saying?”

“Nothing, and that’s just my point. I don’t act thinking about what’s right or wrong. I decided to live my life the way I wanted without reservation. That’s the only thing you need to understand about me for us to get along.”

“I…” Cerid hesitated, looking anxious. “I do not know if we will be able to do so. To get along. But I appreciate your words nonetheless.”

“Whatcha talking ‘bout, buddy? We’ll be best friends before ya know it, I’m sure.” Shark took it as a challenge, naturally. They were curious about the grave sadness behind so many of Cerid’s words. How bright would a real smile from this person be in light of that, and what was he going through to make him so dragged down?

Yes, it was everywhere, no matter their place, where they had come from or where they were trying to go. Hardship was unstoppable and ravaging. Here, standing in the middle of the street with a strange, fascinating boy in a land that didn’t want them, Shark was more aware of that than they had been in a long, long time.

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