( John POV )

"Zane?! What the hell?!"

Well, that’s a surprise. The chances must be astronomically low.

"Sir John! And Miss Jade! What a wonderful coincidence!"

...And here’s Anno, Zane’s little owl-faced AI. A kinder man than I might call him naive, but personally I find him fantastically annoying. Worse, I always feel rather guilty about my annoyance. He means well.

"Uh… Well, at least we don’t need to waste time with introductions, eh! Good to see you both! This is a bit of a turn-up for the books, isn’t it!"

Around us, virtual wolf-men cavort in pagan celebration, ceremonial drums beating the rhythm of the hour in tones of war and blood. Inside the inner circle, however, invisible to the constructs, the general mood is one of dumbfounded bemusement. Personally, I’m just hoping that Zane and Jade don’t regard the entire exercise as a convoluted date-night. I’m not sure I can withstand much flirting.

*Psst! Jade! Keep the small talk to a minimum, alright? I’m not sure how long we get in the conclave, and you can always just bloody text him on your own time.*

She shoots me a glare, but then gets a twinkle in her eye and a wide grin spreads across her face. Alas, Zane catches on before I do.

"Of course, John! Jade and I can behave, can’t we, my sweets!"

"...Of course… my… honey-poppet? It’ll be hard to resist my great sugar-sweetheart, but I think I can manage to keep my wildly beating heart from stopping when I look into his manly eyes."

They share a snigger. I roll my eyes. Off course they act all lovely dovely to try and annoy me. Sometimes I really don't get Jade's jokes, and Zane seems to share her sense of humor.

Anno seems confused by the situation but I assume this is his normal state of being, so he should be fine.

"In any case, the game actually demands a degree of small talk before we can start proper negotiations. It’s to encourage actual diplomacy, and to cut down on the BMing, supposedly."

I’m pretty sure Zane is making this up. Unfortunately, to check I’d have to ask Jade, as she holds the documentation. Damn insidious romance! I am surrounded by traitors!

Ah well, nevermind. Small talk it is, and it continues interminably for some time. Zane’s not exactly my favourite conversation companion, but at least Jade’s cheerful. Eventually, it seems like even they’re getting impatient, and we turn to the matter at hand.

It’s at this moment that Zane’s avatar’s expression suddenly shifts. His voice gains a lower tone, as if it’s been pitch-shifted down a few octaves, and harmonises with itself in strange ways. Clearly, the game wants us to know that this is an important moment. Not exactly subtle.

"A conclave has been called by my tribe, and now I greet you, mighty leaders! Ye who have been invited to this minor conclave, come in peace, that we may speak in wisdom, and guide our futures each towards its star!"

With arms raised high Zane walks around in a circle as if talking to a great crowd. As he does so, the gargantuan wolfkin Alpha inside the circle below us raises himself to his hindlegs. He imitates Zanes movements, and, due to the difference in proportions, the result is unsettling, a strange caricature of oration.

Talk about overblown.

"The Tribe of the Mountain Cave is mine, for I am Zane, and I greet all who have come! I welcome those who would speak!"

He points to me. I feel myself stand up and commence the introductions of my tribe, without any control of my own speech. At least I can still raise an eyebrow into what I hope is an ironic expression. I guess bombastic is the order of the day.

"I, John, speak for the Tribe of the Grassland River, and I greet you, Zane, and all who have come!"

"All the participants have been introduced! Let the conclave begin!"

Suddenly, I’m back in control of my own limbs once more. I wince and rub my temples

"Yeesh. Now I understand your complaints about the devs just inserting information in your head. That was strange."

A numbing cold lingers in my skull, and I worry that I’m about to suffer a full-on migraine. Zane also looks distinctly uncomfortable. Fortunately, after a few seconds it begins to wane.

"Umm… now that our masters have finished their... weird meeting ritual thing, shall we start the negotiations?"

Jade throws me a long-suffering look.

"Yes, for I feel faint at such a display of manliness, and fear that if my love-poppet spoke for much longer, I might lose myself altogether!"

Urgh. Kill me now.

I motion for her to get on with it.

"So, to business. Our tribe was recently raided by a nearby goblin player. We beat them back, with no small success, but obviously we’d rather not hang around waiting for them to try again. Now’s the time to strike, while they’re still recovering, and we’re looking for allies."

"And so you came to us? Why?"

"Um… Because you have been losing people to the goblins? Because they’re as much a threat to you as to us? Because we’d both benefit from splitting their territory and resources? Why do you think, Anno?!"

"What? We… we haven’t been losing people to goblins, though! We just… had a lot of accidents. That’s all."

"...Really? You’re serious?! We have 8 pairs of wolfkin fangs! The goblins were carrying them around their necks as trophies! Accidents?!"

"Wait, what?! Anno, you didn’t tell me that all of the losses were missing their fangs! And... you thought they were accidents?!"

"They… they weren’t missing their fangs, Zane. There was no such pop-up anywhere, and you told me to monitor the pop-ups!"

I look at Anno and start to question his naive outlook on… everything?

"Anno, please check your history, and answer that question truthfully, rather than just following orders to the letter."

The little bird looks shaken, as much as an owl can, and I begin to feel a bit sorry for it. Clearly Anno has no idea what it’s done wrong.

"But! But! ...I’ll do so now, sir."

After a moment’s silence, he speaks again, penitent this time.

"I’ve got the results. They… they were right. All of the wolfkin were indeed missing their fangs. I’m sorry, sir."

Jade raises an eyebrow as Zane’s mouth compresses to a thin, angry line.

"So, Zane! It seems that it’s you, not us, who needs help! With the protection of your tribe, and also, it would appear, with Anno. Fortunate that you have our offer of allegiance, hmm?"

Zane remains silent for a moment, and I feel a bit of a dick for pushing him so far, especially when it’ll be Anno, not I, on the receiving end. I comfort myself with the knowledge that it’s definitely Anno’s fault. Also, the owl is bloody irritating.

"Yeah. Yeah, OK. It seems I’ve been left in a rather uncomfortable position, what with having lost eight wolfkin to hostile incursions. So, what did you want my help for?"

"Well, initially, I was just going to ask for help in ridding ourselves of the nearby goblin tribe. Since it’s you, though, and since you clearly need a hand, what say we propose an alliance?"

It’s not much, really; we help one another during hard times, and defend each other when attacked.

"Yeah, but we aren’t neighbours! How would it even work?"

I raise an eyebrow and smile, and enjoy for a moment how slow Zane is.

"No indeed, we’re not neighbours. Yet."

( Jormund POV )

Urgh, my head hurts. Perhaps it was the pounding drums, or whatever those strange-smelling herbs they threw onto the fire, but I can’t remember the conclave very well. It’s all kind of a blur.

Still, I do at least remember that it went well, and that we even established a permanent agreement. Which is… weird, actually. We’ve only just met these wolfkin! Ten days ago, they would have ripped us to pieces on sight!

Why would they agree to such an alliance?!

Why would I agree to the alliance?

What the hell?!

Yeah… Must have been the drugs.

Oh well.