Chapter 32

“Are you ready, hey, are you ready for this?

Are you hanging on the edge of your seat?

Out of the doorway, the bullets rip

To the sound of the beat”

*Boom*

“Another one bites the dust.”

I hum while collecting the broken parts of the enemy, my repaired tail giving me the speed necessary to collect everything before it hits the ground. Seconds later, I’m diving at full speed, and just before I hit the ground, I adjust the angle of my tail and zoom into the ‘greynery’.

I pass the plantlife, manoeuvring between the leaves, trying not to let even a single one of them touch me. I learned my lesson before and while most of them are relatively harmless, there are few that hide their predatory nature until it’s too late for you. However, I’ve made my plans already. All the recent bombings have led me to this moment.

For a second, my evil plans are interrupted by a water wave coming from the previous blast zone. It seems it’s as relentless as ever, but the things predictability will someday be its downfall. I still need to build up my arsenal before I’m ready to tackle it, so in the meanwhile, I’ll execute the plan - ‘Alpha vegan’.

But before that, I have to get back to the operation zone. I turn in the approximate direction of where I need to go and go over my plans. I remember when I first thought of it. When I made this plan there was that small nagging voice telling me that this was a waste of time, but I told Kevin to shut up.

Alright, I’ll skip the preamble - I think I’ve discovered the rules of the game… maybe. Well, okay, I’m 80% sure I did, and that’s good enough for me.

“You grow by eating things!” - see? How cool am I? It only took a few months to come to this amazing conclusion! I’m sure I’m 90% faster than your average mentally disabled person. So, anyway, I obviously understood the concept while I was still a cell, but I’ve been going over my arsenal and asking things like - “what is my greatest weapon?” When do I get nukes? Is this purgatory?” - and the conclusion I came upon is that while the inventory still holds untold possibilities, I’ve been neglecting that my survival mainly stems from being too large to be eaten in one bite, and most importantly, there was this one thing I’ve been neglecting all this time - eating stronger foes unlock cool stuff. Yes, I’ve been capitalising on it recently and almost dying in the process, but most of the time, it was more of a random encounter, rather than deliberate action on my part. That being said, I realised that there was one thing in particular, that while dangerous, I could kill with only a little bit of time and effort - the carnivorous plant.

Yes, the same bastard that glued me to it and almost consumed me alive. So let’s go through the checkmarks:

Physically larger than me - check Has something I don’t have - check Deadly in a normal situation - check

We have the trifecta of a lootable mob.

Finally, I near one of the craters I left as a landmark while exploring. I started doing this to mark off an already explored territory, but when I realised the sun-snake kept being interested in my ongoing landscaping projects, I started doing it for fun and research. I wanted to see if at one point it would grow bored of it, but it always came. Anyway, I always hit the road just before it came, as tempting faith should only be done in small portions and in a regulated environment.

I slowly look around and pick out a grey silhouette swaying slightly. It wouldn’t be out of place normally in an underwater fauna, but if you watch closely, its movement differs from the surrounding plant life.

I position myself above it and slowly lower my altitude until my bottom touches it. At first, I get the profound feeling of something filling me and then comes the burning sensation. It starts to spread my...

“Ah, fuck it really does burn.”

Shit, it never is easy. I start sending the previously collected biomass towards the damaged parts, while Susan actively mass-produces antibodies against the intruders. Kevin refused to take part in this, according to him, this is clearly the gayest event in the history of mankind and he wants no part in it. At least, that was the official explanation. I think he is sulking because I was the first one to come up with this idea. Besides, he is obviously a raging homosexual.

I evade the mental kick from Kevin as I collect the small flakes of biomass - shed from the plant where my soldiers have gained the ground. It doesn’t cover the cost of doing this and even now I’m investing a hundred times the amount I’m getting back, but I’ve collected enough biomass to ground this thing into a smoothie. My improved cancer shell helps to keep the toxins in one place, even as it slowly melts.

I got more and more used to the sensation of having a ‘skin’. But now, when it’s peeling off, I almost feel like an invisible pressure is being relieved. Incredible, how stuffy you can feel behind an armour. I really hope I’m not becoming some kind of exhibitionist. I already have too many fetishes to count.

Despite my efforts to keep my mind on pointless things, the occasional spike of pain still makes my body convulse, but by now I’m almost done with one-fifth of the plant. I have yet to receive anything for my effort, but I remain hopeful.

The harder the task - the better the prize! Right?

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I refuse to yield! This is not the end! One more, no, two more and it will happen!

I strengthen my resolve and rush towards the next plant. It only takes minutes until the plant turns into biomass and is stored safely inside my inventory. At least something good came out of this - even without the system upgrades, it didn’t take long before my body adapted to the plant toxins and started to produce the perfect soldiers to counteract them. Though, it was quite scary at first. I honestly thought my sense of pain was growing dull and I would soon become unfeeling glob.

I watch in indignation as the last pieces and plantlife disappears underneath me. Not yet! I’m not done yet! I refuse to believe that my hard work won’t be rewarded!

=======

/System message:

-Due to the player’s efforts, he has been granted the following title:

$Goat

-Reminder to all players, that a title is the mirror of your inner being. You should treasure each and every one of your hard-earned titles.

=======

Ten minutes, and 12 plants later, I finally receive the system’s acknowledgement. Though, as always, it’s completely different from what I am hoping for.

I promised I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of watching me freak out. It’s hard, but I think I can manage. Let’s just take this as a win. We still managed to upgrade my toxin resistance and while the plants give less biomass overall, it’s a steady source in case I get disfigured enough that I can’t hunt anymore. Yes, instead of feeling failure, this new feeling of fulfilment should be what I aim for!

*Zap!*

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻