You know, you would think hanging from a tree while sleeping would be comfortable, but god does it suck not being able to just lie down on a nice bed.

Said our hero, the hardships he endures so great, they can never be compared to such frivolities as slavery, starvation or watching someone you love being killed. These kind of selfish people should really just suck it up, considering what huge load our hero has to bear.

Wow, passive aggressive much? You on your period or something, man?

...

Well, whatever, guess back to searching for new "friends".

And so, our hero continued his quest to find a new family, but, as our hero wandered about without any plan whatsoever, even walking in a circle once,

"Eh, did I?"

He heard shouts coming from nearby once again.

"I'd rather die than hand over the princess to you!"

Well, rather than walking in circles, why not go see a little show instead…

And so, our hero sprinted with all his might to help these poor people against whatever evil they are facing.

As our hero came to his destination, he saw a few Knights, lead by an old and gruff looking man, protecting a bored looking girl, obviously the princess, going by the over-sized golden tiara on her head, from a man clad in a black robe adorned with suspiciously tiny skulls, once again, obviously an evil mage.

I wonder why the evil guys always wear shitty black, why can’t they ever wear a good color, like white or something.

Said our hero, unsurprisingly showing his true colors as a white supremacist.

Fuck you I’m literally a black sloth, well, more like black/purplish, but -

Wait, you think that means I have the n-word pass?

"Stop this foolishness, and hand her over. I need the princess for a ritual!"

Oh yeah, almost forgot that this was going on.

"Why not just use a wench from a village you devil!"

Said the leader of the Knights, of course concerned about the mage ignoring a vital and huge portion

of today’s society from his work because of elitism.

"Yeah, that sounds about right…"

"I need a virgin of Royal blood to summon a demon, you think I would willingly anger

a bloody royal if I could choose not to?"

*Pffft*

Suddenly, among the knights a few started to snicker, probably because one of them just told a joke to lighten the mood.

"Yeah right, if she's a virgin then I'm a Dragonslayer."

Spoke a young knight from the back, obviously trying his best to persuade the mage from

kidnapping the beloved princess of his kingdom.

"Wait, what?"

Asked the mage, apparently not having planned ahead for the likely case that nobility

would fuck around as much as they possibly could.

"Shut it, everyone makes mistakes in planning sometimes!"

But as the Knights amused themselves on the frustration of the mage, the leader, seeing the pissed off look of the princess, started to scream at the knights as if his life depended on it, which it probably does.

"Shut up, the King will have us hanged if you keep telling trut-

-I mean, lies about his beloved, chaste, beautiful, favorite daughter who would never take part in such a

sinful activity!"

Told the Knight, his words dripping with unintentional, but nonetheless heavy

sarcasm.

"Oh damn it, you guys aren’t actually trying to fool me, huh?"

"No shut the fuck up, take her! She is chaste, do the ritual and you'll see!"

I don’t think that’s the right script...

"How dare you commoners, I will have you demoted to slaves once we arrive back at the castle!"

"No thanks, I'd rather not blow myself up, but how about a deal?"

"Are you ignoring me, you worthless mage?"

"I would never deal with an evil-"

"You tell me the location of an actual virgin princess and I'll cast a memory altering

spell on the princess, so you guys don’t have to be hanged for the whore."

"How dare you, you filthy dog, behead him immid-”

"DEAL!"

Said our Knight in shining armor, while punching the princess in her face, knocking her out immediately.

...

Well, sadly, they didn’t fight, so no free exp for me today, but funny how the second the apparent whore of a princess was out from the punch, the Knight and the mage just totally changed in tone.

They even drank some wine, stolen from the princess of course, together, as a celebration of a “successful business transaction”, while the other guys just started to openly insult the sleeping princess to her face, with the glee of a child telling their parents about having gotten a present from Santa.