This Isn’t My World, And It Pisses Me Off

Chapter 8

Ikari entered the room that Madyline directed to, letting out a small whistle. There was a huge four poster bed in the middle of the room, with a fireplace flickering in the corner. There was a small table next to it, which Ikari set the potion books down.

He sat down on the nearby chair and immediately opened the book. He would learn what he could and see if there was anything that could help him become stronger or at least break the world enough to beat the Demon King.

“Uhm,” Oh yeah, Madyline was still there. Ikari looked up with a raised eyebrow. The maid seemed to be fiddling with the frill of her dress. “Normally when someone goes to the room they are meant to sleep in they, well, sleep.”

“If I’m sleeping I’m not getting closer to getting home.” Ikari responded, turning back to the book and reading the list of ingredients for a [Potion Of Healing]. Madyline looked like she desperately wanted to say something, but decided otherwise.

“Your travelling bag has been left by your bedside.” She gestured to the poster bed. Ikari glanced over to see his backpack. He hadn’t even realised he had taken it off. “I found it in the Apothecary. I assume you left it there in your rush to get a ring.”

“Oh. Well, thank you. Reinigen-chan.” He nodded to her. The girl looked bewildered at what she had been called, but none the less bowed and backed out of the room with a small wish for a good sleep.

Ikari studied the tome before him, trying to figure out why he had learnt all of the enchantments automatically but not the potion recipes.

“Maybe it’s because I have to make the Potion once for it to be listed on the Menu regardless of whether or not I know the ingredients or not.” He flipped the page, wondering if there was a quicker way to get through all these.

“If I rush it I won’t retain it.” He sighed, reading out the small blurb about Alchemy. “Potions are trial and error. Several renowned scholars with the Alchemist title put their lives on the line to document as many potion recipes as possible.”

Ikari finished the small piece of writing, wondering why they specified ‘Alchemist title’ and not just, Alchemist. He tried to think of all the cliches that he knew from other Isekai’s. “There’s always the thing where some kills like, a hundred zombies and gets an Undead Slayer title.”

Maybe people could only have the one title. If that was the case he’d have to be careful not to accept any until he found the best one to beat the Demon King. He rubbed his eye with his knuckle after reading for almost half an hour.

“It’s late.” He yawned, looking at his watch. “Huh.” His phone, and his watch. “The two most advanced pieces of technology in this world.” He shook his head, taking off his hoodie and hanging it on the back of his chair.

“It’s gonna be uncomfortable as Hell to sleep in jeans, but I don’t wanna go stark.” He slipped under the covers, tossing his shirt over onto the chair and continuing to read the massive book. He wondered if he would have to put the fire out.

“Extinguish?” He said, looking at the fireplace. Nothing changed.

“Ah well.” He shrugged, turning his attention back to his book. “Blacksmiths Brew…” He read the title with a raised eyebrow, reading further on with interest.

…

“Iron bell and rosemary.” Ikari murmured, waking up in an unfamiliar bed and wondering why his mouth tasted like purple.

“Good morn-” “AH GOD!” Ikari exclaimed, sitting up in bed rapidly and pulling the covers up over his chest. His red eyes widened as he saw a startled looking Madyline staring at him.

“Madyline! Why are you in my room?!” He relaxed slightly, placing a hand against his beating heart.

“I- I was assigned to you specifically by the King.” She held in her hands his shirt and hoodie. They both looked very clean. She realised that she was preventing him from being dressed and left the clothes at the foot of the bed while turning around.

“Not to be rude but, I don’t need a maid. I’m just a dude.” Ikari informed her, then huffed somewhat amusedly at his rhyme.

“I, do not know what a dude is.” Madyline informed him, assuming it was safe to turn around. Ikari was wearing his shirt, his hoodie left on the bed.

“Oh, it’s uh, another word for a guy. Male. Man.” He told her, never having expected to explain what the word meant.

“Oh. Well, ‘dudes’” She tested the word. “According to King have certain, urges. Urges that need to be released.” Ikari was immediately on edge, and twitching slightly.

“And, the King sent me here to, to serve those-” “How old are you?” Ikari was on his feet, shaking with rage.

“Th-Thirteen sir.” Her voice was breaking slightly. Ikari’s hands clenched into fists.

“Do all maids have to do this? Have you ever done this before?”

“Yes, no one says it but every maid in the castle has-” Her throat closed up for a second, causing Ikari’s rage to lessen. “But, no. I have never been asked that. The King thought you would like an, unsullied girl.”

The rage was back in full force.

“When I see the King I’m going to knock his fucking head in.” There was a tiny ringing in his ears, similar to the noise that he heard when he learnt all of the enchantments. He assumed it meant he was ignoring several notifications, but he couldn’t give a damn about notifications right now.

“Such words are treason!” Madyline gasped, looking around the room as if to check if anyone heard.

“Treason for those of this Kingdom. Of this world.” Ikari growled. “And I am neither. And I refuse to let anything of what you said happen to you.” He grabbed his hoodie and flung it on, the back spreading out almost like a cape.

“I want you to stick by me. So I can make sure nothing bad happens.” He picked up his bag and headed for the Apothecary, planning on just a bit more potion making before setting out.

Madyline followed immediately, closing the door behind them and quickly catching up with Ikari. “Do you have anything to take notes on by any chance?” He asked, walking through the castle and seeing a few servants and nobles walking around.

“Yes, I do.” She produced a quill and a scroll of paper from her front pocket. To Ikari’s eyes they didn’t look like they would be able to fit, but he decided not to question it.

“I’m going to make a POME, then a POHBE and a BB.” He told her. Madylines eyes were wide as her quill hover just above the page.

“Uhm…” She let out, her mind frazzled by the acronyms. Ikari noticed the confused look on her face and realised what was wrong.

“Sorry. I abbreviated everything because saying their actual names lost all meaning.” He gave a slight cough. “Potion of Minor Enchantment. Potion of High Boosted Enchantment. Blacksmith’s Brew.”

That Madyline was able to understand. She wrote them down immediately with beautiful calligraphy. The two arrived at the Apothecary and Ikari entered immediately.

He set his bag down and walked over to the ingredient shelf. Madyline stood guard over it, all while watching Ikari grab ingredients from the shelves with purpose.

“I’m just gonna make one of each.” He said aloud, more to himself than Madyline. He pressed his hand against the Potion Bench and selected [Potion Of Minor Enchantment].

The lavender potion appeared nearly immediately, and Ikari grabbed it without hesitation. He pulled out the cork and chugged it down. After finishing it, he stuck out his tongue and made a gagging noise. “God, any more of that and I’ll hurl.”

He cast Replenish on the potion and turned to Madyline. “Could you put that one in my bag please?” He tossed the container to her.

Madyline fumbled her way around but managed to catch it, safely putting it in his backpack. Ikari wondered if she was confused by anything in there. He tried to remember what was in his bag before he left, but figured it wasn’t important at the time.

“Ring Stats.” He called out, wondering how strong his ring was now.

“Oh dear fucking God.” Ikari breathed out, his hand almost falling slack at the sight of such numbers.

“Oh my…” Madyline breathed out beside him, her blue eyes wide as she looked at the stats.

“I think you can see why I didn’t want you telling anyone about this now.” Ikari turned to her. The maid nodded rapidly, fearing for the Kingdom if a corrupt noble got a hold of this power.

“Ok. Moving swiftly on.” Ikari swept away the notification. He opened the UI and instead of clicking on the already known [Potion Of Boosted Enchantment], he moved a few ingredients to the crafting slots.

“Black Butterfly Wing, Blue Butterfly Wing, Magic Petal, Pinch of Salt.” He listed the ingredients that he learned the day before. He hit [CRAFT] and watched the potion make itself before him.

It finished with a DING! And Ikari picked it up.

“Oh damn.” Ikari swirled the liquid round in the bottle, while trying to figure out what number exactly that was.

“You, you could actually do it.” Madyline’s words were soft and her eyes were filled with hope. “You could beat him.”

Ikari closed the stats window with a smile and handed the potion to Madyline. “Well, I have to get home somehow.” He stared longingly out the window into the bright blue sky. It was the exact same shade of blue as Earth’s sky. And he missed it.

Madyline’s mouth opened and closed, like she desperately needed to tell him something. “I’ll need some more rings.” Ikari said, already in the middle of making his next potion.

“Y-Yes. I can tell the King-” “No.” Ikari cut her off. Madyline watched as his hand gripped the Potion Bench.

“If I see that smarmy bastard I’m going to punch him for what he told you to do.” He practically punched the [CRAFT] button, his anger flowing too easily through his body. “Don’t blow up. Don’t blow up.” He whispered to himself.

Madyline wondered if the mantra he was repeating was a prayer that the potion would turn out well. She immediately discarded the idea, as Ikari’s potions were so amazing that not even a God could do better.

She wondered if, were this Hero to fail, Trank would welcome him into his realm of Alchemy. “Ok, done.” Ikari snapped Madyline out of her wonders. “Huh, same amount as the Enchanting Pot.” He held before him a bottle filled with orange liquid. He didn’t drink it, but he did pull out the cork to take a sniff.

“Huh. Citrus.” He hummed, popping the cork back in and handing it to Madyline. “Ok, all the potions I need are made.” He wanted to enchant something, just to make sure that the potion worked. His eyes strayed to Madyline, standing there prepped and prim in her maid outfit.

“If I beat the Demon King, and I leave, she’ll be left here on her own.” He realised. “Ok, one more thing.” He exited the room, intent on getting to the Enchanting Bench as soon as possible.

He didn’t even realise that he had left his bag behind until Madyline appeared by his side, wearing the bag. “Oh, I didn’t realise I forgot it. Do you want me to carry it?” He offered.

“Absolutely not. It is my duty to carry my Mast-” “If you even finish calling me that I’m going to cut off your pigtails.” Ikari said immediately.

Madyline’s eyes widened in fear, as her hands grabbed the two tails protectively. “No! Not my pigtails! The other maids say they’re my cutest feature!” She wailed, before realising that she had just shouted at the Hero.

Ikari’s eyes were wide, looking at Madyline. However, they were turned upward in a smile. For the first time since getting in that world, Ikari laughed. Madyline’s face turned red from embarrassment, as the Hero she was sworn to serve clutched his stomach.

“I-It’s not that funny!” She stamped her foot, pouting as she crossed her arms.

“Y-Yeah. You’re right.” Ikari said through laughs, wiping away a tear. “I guess you really are a thirteen year old, aren’t you.” He smiled fondly, gently rubbing Madyline’s hair as he continued to walk to the Enchanting room.

The maid’s blue eyes looked up at Ikari in wonder at the action. It was so… “Gentle…” She whispered, feeling cared for for the first time in a while.

She quickly hurried after Ikari, a wide smile on her face. The two finally got to the Enchantment Room, Ikari looked upon the table, and immediately realised a flaw in his plan.

He stared at the Enchanting Bench, and then to Madyline. The maid tilted her head slightly in curiosity. “I need to test something.” He eventually said, not willing to try out his idea on Madyline without knowing how it would go.

Madyline watched as Ikari walked up to the Enchantment Bench, turned around, and sat on it.

“What?” She said flatly in complete confusion.

Ikari did not respond, choosing instead to place a hand on the bench while he was sitting on it.

“Phew.” He let out a long breath, looking away from the menu for a second to check on Madyline. She seemed confused, but that was fine. Instead of immediately getting off the table, he scrolled through the list of [Known Enchantments] to figure out which ones he would use.

After apparently having decided which ones to use, he hopped off and looked to Madyline. “Could you get up here, please?”

The maid looked completely flummoxed, but did as instructed. She sat on the table, being helped up by Ikari. “Ok, and can I have my Enchantment Potion please?” He asked, pressing a hand on the table.

The menu showed Madyline standing almost completely straight, with different lines coming from her items of clothing. Each of the lines lead to a blank box, which meant that nothing of hers was enchanted.

A hand came through the menu, briefly startling Ikari. He realised it was Madyline handing him the potion he requested. “Thank you.” He downed the potion and immediately replenished it.

He gave a quick flex of his fingers and selected Madyline’s maid outfit. It was given a blue outline and the normal Enchanting screen appeared. “I can give it three enchantments.” Ikari was surprised. It was probably because it was a bigger item than a single ring.

He selected the three he thought would be most useful, and checked the Mana requirement. He hissed lightly, seeing that it was one hundred. He frowned to himself, angry for hesitating for even the briefest moment.

[ENCHANT]

To his surprise, Madyline began laughing. “T-the magic! It-it tickles!” She said between deep breaths. Ikari found the sight funny, a small laugh escaping his lips. The magic died down, and almost immediately Ikari felt a pain in his stomach.

Like it was eating itself from the inside out. “Oh, I haven’t had any food since I got here.” He realised, shaking off the pain. He helped Madyline down from the table, her legs weak from laughing so hard.

“T-Thank you. May I ask why you enchanted my clothes?” She asked while slipping the Enchanting Potion back into the bag.

Ikari smiled. “See for yourself.” He nodded to her, waiting to see the little box pop up.

“Outfit Statistics.” She commanded.

“Huh, I guess the last one doesn’t get a boost.” Ikari idly thought out loud, leaning over her shoulder. He wondered about the new name. Madyline however was stuttering upon seeing the numbers listed. She had no idea what they were exactly, just that they were ridiculously high.

“I-I could get hit by a cannon ball and not be hurt.” She said, blue eyes shining with gratitude. “But, but why!”

“Well, after I beat the Demon King, I’m not going to be here.” Ikari explained, leaning against the wall of the room while staring at the floor. “So, I needed to make sure that you would be safe after I was gone.” He looked up at her and smiled.

Tears welled up in Madylines eyes, and she fought the urge to hug Ikari, as such an action would have been inappropriate of a servant of Larune. “Also, the self-cleaning was because I realised I would want you to wear it all the time, but if you did it would probably end up stinking.”

Madyline snorted, the clash of tones between what she was feeling and what Ikari was thinking completely breaking her defences. The Hero smiled upon witnessing that.

“Thank you, Her-” She hesitated for a moment. “Ikari.” The boy smiled brightly, reaching out a hand and gently ruffling her raven black hair. Madyline let out a small content laugh that Ikari mimicked.

“Haha, I will die for you.” Ikari laughed inwardly as he stopped ruffling upon feeling the sensation of starvation kicking back in.

“Uh, don’t suppose there is anywhere I could eat, is there?” His hand fell to his stomach. Madylines eyes widened as she realised what had happened.

“Of course! That enchanting must have taken a lot out of you! The sooner you eat the sooner your Mana will refill.” She grabbed Ikari’s wrist, surprising the Hero as he was dragged out of the room.

He had a brief moment to wonder why Mana was linked to hunger, thinking that Stamina would have made more sense, but decided he would think better when his stomach was imitating a dying whale.

As he was dragged through the halls, he had but only one thought.

“I wonder if this place has omurice.”