Life goes on. No matter what happens, it continues and waits for no one. Thus, two weeks flew by since our dessert session. And ever since that interaction, we started to associated each other less and less.

Irina and I started to walk home separately after school, starting off with her needing to practice for the upcoming track tournament. Eventually, I understood the tacit intent and quit asking. She also stopped showing up during break-period. And tragically, it has been days since we last send each other funny pictures and memes, with my last message being on read.

I guess asking about it ruined our friendship.

Then again, why did I even ask in the first place?

I should have kept it to myself...

Was I hoping that she would open up to me?

Just how much do I really know about Irina...

I let out a long sigh and opened the front door, wanting to crash in bed and forget about my entire life. It absolutely sucks not having her around anymore. I never knew it was this difficult to truly get over someone.

Immediately, I was greeted with the presence of my older sister. Her long black hair tied in a casual ponytail, Amae smiled and proceeded to pinched my cheeks, spreading it apart as if she was kneading dough to make bread.

"Turn that frown upside down~"

"OW, IT HURTS."

Dragging my cheeks, she led me into the living room and prepared a glass of wine. Eccentric as she was, Amae loved hearing about my high school dramas and drinking to it. To her, It was like indulging herself in the latest gossip.

"Tell me what happened, Jan."

"Why?"

"Cause it's annoying seeing a zombie every time I come home from work," Her lips curled into a smug smile, "So you broke up with your girlfriend eh?"

"For the last time, Irina's not my girlfriend-!"

Still, I decided to tell Amae everything leading up to today but avoided the emptiness part because of our pinky promise. My big sister listened attentively as she poured me a glass, asking if I wanted to drink my sorrow away.

"You know I am underage!"

"Come on, it doesn't hurt once in a while."

"I don't want to go to jail sis!"

She laughed and tossed me a Kapri-sun from the fridge.

"Based on what you said earlier, it seems like Irina is afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"You."

Irina. Afraid of me...?

But why?

"After all, you know her deepest secret — whatever that may be. Think about it this way, if words were to get out, her reputation is at risk. And lemme tell you something Jan, high school girls are absolutely brutal. They will destroy your life and tear you apart socially. Of course, I can personally vouch for this."

Somehow, the way Amae phrased it made me feel like she was one of those popularity monsters.

"But I won't tell anyone. I pinky-promised her."

"But Irina will never know for sure, does she?"

Looking back on that day, I did force myself to go with the flow.

Blaming that it was beyond my control was simply an excuse. An utter, pathetic excuse for being afraid to step over her boundaries and say something different. Instead of letting her know I felt, I chose to play it safe, hoping that it would magically work out if I abided to her rules. But in the end, I lost my best friend.

"If Irina stops hanging out with you, then she won't have to worry about this problem anymore. In other words, she's running away."

Amae gulped down another glass with ease as I sipped quietly on my juice, connecting the dots.

"So what will you do now, little brother?"

I thought about the first day I met Irina on that rooftop and how she changed my world. Then the beginning of high school — how we would hang out every single day. Irina was also the one that encouraged me to join the Reading Club, which helped me made some friends. Not to mention, she took me to my first high school dance with her friend group.

But.

High school is a time of transformation.

People change. Feelings change.

Maybe it's better off if we—

—My older sister must have sensed my hopelessness because she started to stroke my head gently. Whenever she does this, Amae becomes a different person.

"I'll ask it this way — what do you want to do, Jan?"

Something about her tone sounded inspiring. Despite being an obnoxious older sister, Amae could be serious when it mattered. She placed her palm above my chest and said:

"Follow your heart. If you think something is worth fighting for, then give it everything you have. That way, you won't regret this exact moment when you look back in the future."

Worth fighting for...

Regret...

"Now then!" Amae suddenly rose from the couch and stretched her arms, "I am about to watch some Netflix and watch a new episode of Overlord. So I am totally not going to notice if you were to let's say," Her lips turned into a grin. "Sneak out and talk to Irina!"

With a whimsical wink, my older sister left the living room, leaving me alone with a finished bottle of wine.

"Follow your heart. If you think something is worth fighting for, then give it everything you have. That way, you won't regret this exact moment when you look back in the future."

Her words echoed in my mind, giving me the courage I need to keep moving forward.

After cleaning the living room table in godspeed, I dashed out onto the empty streets and sprinted forward with all my might. Irina's house was about twenty minutes from where I live, giving me some time to think about what to say.

Looking back, this was probably my first time doing something this crazy, especially in our three years of friendship. All this time, Irina was always the one dragging me along. I smiled, appreciate all the times she took the initiative and encouraged me to become a better person. Now, it was my turn.

Irina, you're worth fighting for.

That is why, I'll do everything I can.

So in the future, I won't regret not trying to save you.

A few minutes in, my legs were exhausted and became sore. My lungs gasped for air. My body told me to stop running because I was not built for this. Still, I ignored everything and continued to run, feeling completely inspired to change my future.

I could feel it. It was within my grasp. Right now, I could make that dream into a reality.

If I try, there's a chance our friendship will fall apart...

...but if I don't, I ensure it.