“In the interest of seeing whether or not you actually have any worthwhile information,” Tsunade said evenly, “I would like to ask you some questions immediately.”

I hummed thoughtfully.

“Neither of my precious students has eaten in a while,” I said easily, “I’ll answer three questions for now.”

“Sora-sensei!” Fu cheered.

“I am not your student,” Karenbana said, annoyed.

“Then why do I school you in every single fight we have ever had ever?” I said immediately. “Idiot.”

Karenbana gaped at me in disbelief.

“Three questions then,” Tsunade cut in levelly before we could get further distracted.

I just nodded.

“What are the identities of all the members of Akatsuki that you are aware of?” Tsunade said evenly.

A decently worded question, she was clearly trying to maximize the gain from each.

“Kakuzu and Hidan,” I said easily, “Deidara and Sasori. Itachi and Kisame. Nagato and Konan. Obito Uchiha. Oh, and Orochimaru used to be a member, but he quit after Itachi kicked his ass.”

Tsunade looked alarmed.

“You probably knew some of them already, though,” I said thoughtfully, “There were a couple of guys that were in it before that but were killed. I don’t know their names though; one was another of the mist sword guys.”

“Where are they working out of?” Tsunade said intently.

“Amegakure,” I said easily, “I would suggest you not send anyone there anytime soon.”

Tsunade was quiet for a long moment as she considered the bait I had left before her.

“Why?” Tsunade finally said.

“That’s your third question,” I said easily, “Nagato has a technique that makes it permanently rain there, and he can sense anybody who is touched by even a single drop; there are probably multiple other sensor ninjas there as well.”

Tsunade narrowed her eyes at the answer.

“I’ll give you this one for free,” I said slowly, “Being detected trying to covertly enter the village is why you shouldn’t try and sneak in there, but the reason why it’s a really bad idea to go there at all? Nagato is a motherfucker to deal with.”

Tsunade just stared at me; doing the silence makes people keep on rambling technique, but I wasn’t quite finished yet anyway, so I let her have this one as well.

“You’re probably thinking to yourself, hey, he can’t be that bad, maybe I’ll send Jiraiya in to take a look.” I said cheerfully, “So I’ll just tell you this, Nagato could probably fight every single member of the Akatsuki at once and win, if you don’t believe me, you should probably just ask Danzo, I think he fought him once, or something.”

“How do you know all of this?” Tsunade demanded.

I just grinned at her.

“If you want to know that,” I said cheerfully, “You’ll have to buy me a drink first.”

I spun on my foot and then immediately stopped in the doorway; I could feel Karenbana and Fu move to follow me.

“I was going to do the cool exit thing,” I said sheepishly, “But I realize I have no idea where anything in this city is. Can someone take me to a restaurant? I’m super hungry.”

“Sakura,” Tsunade said dryly.

“Yes, Tsunade-sensei,” Sakura said strained, before heading towards us.

Sakura stepped around us and then out of the room before waiting for us to follow.

“Don’t forget our bet!” I said cheerfully.

I stepped out into the hall and then followed Sakura.

“You are worse then I remember,” Sakura muttered.

“He gets worse every day,” Karenbana said honestly.

“He’s not that bad!” Fu said happily.

“That’s why you’re my favorite apprentice,” I said honestly.

“Yay!” Fu cheered.

Karenbana huffed.

Sakura took us to the ramen place from the show, and it was pretty damn good, all things considered. She also told us what she had been doing since we had last met, namely becoming a medic-nin. I found it remarkably funny that Karenbana actually seemed to get along with Sakura, despite their past history.

“Why do you keep laughing?” Karenbana said suspiciously.

I ducked my head down and slurped noisily at my noodles, far too busy to explain myself.

“Sakura,” I said curiously, “Who do you think will agree to train these two?”

Sakura swallowed the noodles in her mouth before answering.

“Um.” Sakura said hesitantly, “Gai will probably agree?”

I stared at her dryly, one of four? Seriously.

“That’s Lee’s teacher? Fu in green spandex would be a thing to see.” I said, amused.

“Spandex?” Fu said curiously.

Sakura fought down a smile.

“Karenbana here is rather good with all that genjutsu nonsense,” I said idly, “Do you think Kurenai would be down to teach her something?”

I could feel Karenbana staring at the side of my head.

“I’m really not sure, sorry,” Sakura said honestly.

I waved her off.

I could feel several strong presences in the Hokage’s office, and they had been there for a while now. One was definitely Kakashi; it felt as distinctive as it had back in Moon, only it was a considerable size larger and denser; he had clearly been training a lot since then.

The others were harder to guess at, other than their chakra ranged from lower Jonin to almost as large as Tsunade’s.

Obviously, I could feel the team Tsunade had sent to follow us around the village. Jounin’s, all of them, probably ANBU because I could feel that same purple-haired one that had led us up to the tower. They were still there even hours later when Sakura had taken us to a hotel with a room already purchased and ready to go.

Sakura bid us farewell, with the promise to meet up again soon, seemingly leaving us alone in the room. If not for the ANBU team that I could still feel spreading throughout the building. I would almost have thought we were alone.

“Don’t say anything you don’t want the six ANBU who are watching us to hear,” I said easily and flopped down onto one of the two queen-sized beds. “This is my bed, you too can mud wrestle for the other one, but only if I’m allowed to spectate.”

“We can wrestle or share!” Fu said happily. “I don’t mind, Karenbana-senpai!”

Karenbana sat heavily at the end of the other bed.

“Please don’t feed into his delusions, Fu.” Karenbana said, resignedly, “He’s bad enough without the support.”

I just laughed.

“Well, this went rather well, don’t you think?” I said; happily, the bed was soft and much better than that shitty wagon we had spent weeks on the back of.

“When were you going to tell me about this training thing?” Karenbana said intently, declaring herself as an enemy.

“Yeah!” Fu said curiously, throwing her support in.

Such betrayal.

“I wasn’t,” I yawned, “You would have been all snooty about it, ‘My names Karenbana, and I don’t need training because I’m SOOO strong!’”

“I will come over there, and you will not like what I do to you,” Karenbana said dangerously, “ANBU team or not.”

I had a once in a lifetime chance to impress a bunch of battle-hardened special operatives, and I couldn’t let this little spitfire ruin it for me.

“Oh, Karenbana!” I moaned loudly, “You’re so good at that! Don’t stop!”

“Shut up!” Karenbana yelped, before crossing the room in an instant to rain blows down on me.

“You’re being too rough, Karenbana!” Fu gasped out, “Do it slowly!”

“Don’t encourage him!” Karenbana cried embarrassedly.

Despite the painfully precise punches, I couldn’t help feeling proud of myself, because one of the chakra signatures was twitching oddly, almost as if they were laughing. “Day three of being stuck in Konoha,” I said plainly, “The days are long, boring, and I’m beginning to see enormous faces growing out of the mountain, possibly something in the water.”

The person on the other side of the door still didn’t move.

“I was supposed to leave yesterday, and if the person on the other side of the door doesn’t get their ass in here so we can get this over with, they are going to have to wait until I get back from my trip.” I continued in the same bored tone.

The door opened and revealed Tsunade standing on the other side; she didn’t enter the waiting room; instead, she held the door open expectantly.

“You almost make it sound like torture,” Tsunade said, amused.

I sprung up out of the chair and strode towards the door.

“Spending time with you could never be torture, Tsunade,” I said cheerfully and stepped over the threshold. “Unless you were actually torturing me, then it would totally be torture, you know?”

“Flattery will get you everywhere,” Tsunade said dryly, and I grinned.

Tsunade led me through the building.

“I’m still hoping for that drink, to be honest,” I said easily. “Just think, you, me, a night filled with passion and regret, how could anyone say no?”

Tsunade shook her head, amused.

“You would need a lot more than just information for me to consider that,” Tsunade smirked.

Ouch, she was completely without mercy.

“How about Kakuzu’s body, Kekai Genkai, included?” I said cheekily, “That’s got to be worth a one-night stand, at least.”

“Did you just offer me a dead body in exchange for sex?” Tsunade said incredulously.

“That depends on whether it worked or not,” I said seriously.

“Has it ever worked before?” Tsunade said strangely.

“This is the first time it’s worked,” I said confidently.

Tsunade stared at me for a long moment.

“I am twice your age,” Tsunade said, bemused.

I shrugged.

“You’re pretty, I’m prettier,” I said easily, “Who cares?”

“You’re almost like a younger Jiraiya,” Tsunade said honestly.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Tsunade,” I said strangely, “Jiraiya never got to have three consecutive one-night stands with you.”

Tsunade snorted before opening the door and stepping over the threshold; I followed her inside to find a girl standing next to the window with her back turned to us. The room was pretty much like every other room in the hospital, white floors, white walls, white ceiling. A small bed that was recently used judging by the messy blankets, a bedside table, and there was even a small bathroom.

“Yakumo-san.” Tsunade said pleasantly, “How are you feeling today?”

Yakumo turned around and smiled.

“Tsunade-sama,” Yakumo said kindly, “Today is a good day, thank you for asking.”

Yakumo, Yakumo, Yakumo.

Why did that name sound familiar? The girl's face jogged absolutely no memories whatsoever; she was plain, had kind of gaunt cheeks, perhaps slightly underweight, with longish brown hair.

I observed her.

Name: Yakumo Kurama

Title: Kurama Clan Head

Gender: Female

Age: 16

Level: 50

Next Level: 19.82%

Health Points - 250/250

Chakra Points - 5000/5000

Vitality 25

Strength 25

Speed 25

Perception 85

Intelligence 90

Chakra 500

Status Effects: Weak Body, Chakra Personality Manifestation.

Emotions: Guilt, Sadness, Regret.

History: Yakumo Kurama is the last surviving member of the main branch of the Kurama clan, and, as such, the heiress to the clan. Yakumo was born with an exceptionally weak body, and the powerful bloodline trait of her clan, resulting in her immense talent in Genjutsu as a result.

Genjutsu talent, wasn’t there an episode about this girl? Something to do with a demon and paintings? I couldn’t actually remember any of the details. Her last name was Kurama, wasn’t that the name of the nine-tails? Nine-tailed foxes in mythology had a lot to do with illusions as well.

Was that some kind of twisted reference?

“Yakumo-san,” Tsunade said easily, “This is Sora-san, Kurenai should have mentioned him?”

I gave her a smile and a small wave.

“Yes, of course,” Yakumo said kindly, “You think you may be able to help me.”

I had no idea, but we would see what happened.

“Sure,” I said cheerfully, “Why don’t you get comfortable, and I’ll see what I can do?”

Tsunade helped the girl get back into the bed and pulled her sheets up to cover her legs. I grabbed the chair that was in the corner of the room and dragged it over. The chair screeched along the floor as I made no effort to lift it up, and Tsunade stared at me with raised eyebrows.

I just smirked as I placed the chair down next to Yakumo’s bed before flopping into it.

“Right,” I said cheerfully, I pretended to glance over her. “Let’s see, Weak Body, Chakra Personality Manifestation, I see why Tsunade couldn’t do anything about this, it’s the old ways, you know? Not as versatile as my custom work, let’s see what we can do here, give me your hand, go on, don’t be shy. A little bit of light, don’t get jumpy.”

I could feel Tsunade burning twin holes in the side of my head as I rattled off the information she had yet to give me; I had to fight to keep from laughing at the feeling.

I did some quick math, six-thousand-seven-hundred-mana, ninety-five Mana per cast, something like sixty casts? Seventy? Something like that, twelve durability per stack, that was uh, eight-hundred durability damage to the status with each max mana cast? The petrification way back then had uh, five-thousand durability? Maybe? Let’s call weak body at twice that durability, I honestly doubted it was that strong, but I wanted to give myself an estimate to reach for.

Ten-thousand durability, twelve casts should clear at least one of these things.

I put all of my Mana into a Status Removal and cast a spell on Yakumo. My Mana disappeared in an instant, and I grunted at the sudden loss, immediately having to dive into Meditation for the bonus recovery, I checked Observe, but they both still remained. Yakumo drew in a sharp breath of air as the spell took effect, and she stared down at her hand strangely.

Status Removal has increased by 3.

“How are you feeling?” Tsunade said intently, “Any change to your vision? Or you hearing?”

“I feel better?” Yakumo said unsurely, “My body feels slightly more responsive, I think?”

Tsunade continued to ask questions and started noting down any notable changes and the time between each. With the combined effect of my natural mana recovery rate and the massive boost from Meditate, I was back to full Mana in around thirty seconds. I immediately full cast again and checked the window once more, no change.

Status Removal has increased by 1.

I idly listened to the two talking quietly, and neither of them made any attempt to engage me in conversation; Yakumo was probably uncomfortable with a stranger being next to her, and Tsunade probably thought I was trying to concentrate or something. I dumped all my Mana into another full cast, still nothing.

Status Removal has increased by 1.

Status Removal has increased by 1.

Status Removal has increased by 1.

Status Removal has increased by 1.

Four full casts later, ‘Weak Body’ vanished, and I smiled but continued, making no mention to either of them. Yakumo was looking much healthier already, at least in her face; it had been somewhat pale and gaunt when I first saw her, but it was a darker shade of off pink now and seemed softer somehow.

Status Removal has increased by 1.

Status Removal has increased by 1.

Status Removal has increased by 1.

Status Removal has increased by 1.

The levels were coming slower now, once every two casts, but the increase in durability damage was adding up, and the next time I cast, ‘Chakra Personality Manifestation’ vanished from her observe window.

I stood up abruptly, and Tsunade actually took a step back at the sudden movement. I clapped my hands, brushed them off like they were dusty, and then smiled down at the girl.

“Your body is as normal as anyone else’s now, no more weakness to worry about, shouldn’t have any more issues on that front, go be a ninja or whatever you young whippersnappers are want to do,” I said easily, “The Chakra Personality Manifestation has also been eradicated, it’s possible that it may return, so I would like you to report anything that might point towards a reemergence, seeing things, hearing things all that jazz, and Tsunade will be able to send someone to find me, okay?”

Yakumo just kind of stared, and I nodded once before turning to Tsunade, who was staring at me with narrowed eyes.

“I’m late for my trip now, totally your fault, by the way,” I complained, “I’ll probably be back in, uh, how far away is Wave from here, for a ninja?”

“A week either way,” Tsunade said slowly.

“Also!” I said suddenly, “Which way is it?”

Tsunade stared at me, seemingly unable to comprehend the being known only as Sora before she pointed.

“I’ll see you in a couple of weeks then, Tsunade,” I said cheerfully. “If you see Karenbana make sure to tell her that having to guard myself on this trip makes her the shittiest bodyguard in the entire world!”

Tsunade didn’t reply.