I recently became 5 years old and it's just another day like any other.

"Janna! Let's go play!" (Aline)

"All right, Aline! I'm coming!" (Janna)

Aline started to come to our house a lot, which is just like I planned. I was training while Aline came over, so I tried to look like I didn't notice her.

'You have to be sharp and dismissive sometimes to get the attention of a tsundere. Endure... endure *sob*.'

Stay strong brother, you have to think about the future. Think about her flushed face when you have finally conquered her heart. Think about her attitude towards you, which will be a mix of shyness and haughtiness. WE'LL GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER BROTHA!

'SCREENY! FORGIVE ME FOR I HAVE SINNED! I WILL STAY STRONG UNTIL THAT FATED DAY!'

The mighty screen will forgive you. But never forget the words, which shall be our way of life. "Blow up and die, real people!". As long as you follow those words, you shall be forgiven.

'I FEEL BLESSED BY THE ALMIGHTY SCREEN!'

I notice Aline glancing at me from inside the house. She gets surprised by me looking and tries to hide her blushing face.

"W- well I-if someone wanted to come along too, I think I would allow it." (Aline)

*weird, perverted laugh* (Me)

*weird, perverted laugh*

"Oh! I just finished training, so can I come along?" (Me)

"I- I just said I would allow it, didn't I? Are you stupid or what?" (Aline)

'Insult me more.'

Dude, you are a masochist, admit it...

'I AIN'T SHIT!'

"So we play together? I'm glad" (Janna)

My sister throws us an innocent and beaming smile.

'BLESS THE HOLY MAIDEN! SHE SHALL STAY INNOCENT FOREVER AND EVERY VILLAIN WHO PLANS ON DEFILING HER, SHALL BE PUNISHED BY DEATH!'

THE CHURCH OF THE ALLMIGHTY SCREEN APPROVES!

We finally go outside and go to the market district of our village. It seems like Aline wanted to buy something.

"Oh, hello Yu! Thanks for helping me carry all those packages on the horses the last time! You really were a big help." (Villager A)

"No problem Mister! Call me anytime you need help! Please don't." (Me)

"Ah Yu! Thanks for helping me at the shop the last time. Here, you get some candy for it. (Villager B)

"That wasn't necessary, Miss. But anyways, thank you. Not even full size snickers? I stood there the whole day you fat cow. You probably need those all for yourself, don't you?" (Me)

In our vicinity are two villagers who are having a conversation.

"The son of the Kriftas is really the perfect boy. He looks good, has a good personality and helps out wherever he can." (Vllager C)

"That's right, his sister is also very cute. If she was a little older, I would ask her to be my brid- AAAHHH FUCK WHAT IS THAT?!" (Villager D)

Not even able to finish his sentence, a knife embedded itself inside of the Villagers foot.

'Every villain who plans on defiling the holy maiden shall be punished. He should be glad that I'm in a good mood today.'

I look at Aline and notice, that she has a sour expression on her face.

"What's wrong Aline? Is something bothering you? (Me)

I actually already know what it is, but I still had to ask.

"Oh nothing Mr. Perfect. I'm sick of the market, let's go somewhere else." (Aline)

'Just like I thought. She feels inferior to me and now she slowly starts to think of me as a rival. It might look like an unfavorably situation at first, but never forget the words of the God of Conquering! "Hate can quickly turn into love. Solve the events, that made her hate you, it will end up being a plus."

-Katsur*gi K*eima, The W*rld God only knows-

I act like I don't know what is wrong with her, and follow her with my sister obediently.

After a day of teasing Aline with slight romantic gestures, it became night time.

'Status'

STATUS

STATS

HP: 22 MP: 5628 HP REGEN: 0.06/sec MP REGEN: 0.28/sec

STR: 12 DEX: 102 END: 6 INT: 25 WIS: 28 CHR: 17 LCK: 30

ABILITIES

ACTIVE: Space of distorted Time; Lightning step (shortcut: clap); Raygun (shortcut: pointed finger); Enhance (shortcut: slap desired part of body); Lightning clad (shortcut: touch both shoulders diagonally) ; Blink (shortcut: flick); Heal; Search life; Embed Lightning (shortcut: tap weapon of choice twice); Connect Lightning (shortcut: lock fingers)

PASSIVE: Perfect Body control; Extreme Magic potential (Gift from God); Perfect language comprehension; Inventory; Shortcut; Twin Dagger Mastery (22%); Throwing knives Mastery (52%)

AFFINITIES: Lightning (90%); Life (2%)

TITLES

"The one who made God vomit"

"You're fucking ridiculous"

'The trainingsplan from my father really pushed my stats up a bit and since I can do additional training inside of my personal trainingspace, they got a huge additional boost. The best thing is, since I have such a high DEX stat, throwing knives is way easier than I thought it would. I think I am plenty strong now.'

Pfff I don't know what you mean. It's not like you have more strength than the average adult male WITH 5 YEARS. OH WAIT, YOU DO!

'PRAISE ME MORE YOU PEASANT! I SHALL BECOME THE STRONGEST MIDGET IN EXISTENCE!

Oi... you.. you're kidding me right?

'What? That's not the reaction I hoped for. Normally you would retort with an insult and I would roast you back and so on. You know the drill.

That's not what I'm talking about... AHAHAHAHAHA YOU ARE ONLY 5 YEARS OLD AND IT ALREADY HAPPENED!

'You are being a bit of a dick right now, come on tell me!'

HERE YA HAVE IT, YOU CUNT:

The regional God of lightning has taken interest in you! (Progress: 2/3)

'WHAT?! Is what you thought I would say, but I'm not really shocked. I mean I nearly have 100% Lightning affinity, and I'm only 5 years old. If that didn't make him interested in me, then what would?'

You are as fucking ridiculous as your damn title says... if a God has taken interest in you, it means you have a chance of getting artifacts or skills from him.

Yeah, yeah I know. But what is of more importance: Is that god male or female?

Female, why are you ask- OH NO YOU FUCKING DON'T! YU, NO!

'YU YES! EVERY FEMALE WHO IS PART OF THE PLOT WILL CONSEQUENTIVELY BECOME A HEROINE! YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT!'

WHAT TYPE OF SHIT-STORY IS THIS?! NOW YOU EVEN WANT THE MC TO FUCK A GOD AUTHOR?!

(Author Note: That's it, you will become a Heroine as well.)

WAIT! NO! HOLD UP! PLEASE AUTHOR! I'LL SUCK YO DICK! PLEASE STAHP!

(Author Note: I warned ya, stop breaking the 4th wall. But you just had to do it.)

*sob*

'Allriiiiiiiiight. Let's go back to the plot shall we?'

*sob*

Let's just go hunting...

I flick my fingers and use blink to teleport outside of my window. I run into the dark forest and after about 10 minutes I'm completely surrounded by trees. I make complicated gestures with my fingers and hands, resulting in the "search life" magic being activated.

'That looks like a mosnter, which I can take on. Let's try it shall we screeny?'

*sob*

'Alright, so you're useless for today. Understood.'

I move in direction of the about 4 meter big wolf I sensed. It was originally about 400 meters away from me, but what I discovered in my years of training, is that DEX also influences my speed until a certain degree. Coupled with my Enhancement magic making me even faster I was there in the blink of an eye. It had fangs like a sabertooth tiger and a snake for a tail. The body seemed robust and majestic at the same time.

'That looks more like the end boss... why did I take that as my first opponent again? Or is it just the author wanting to fuck with me?

(Author note: I swear to god, I will make you become your own Heroine, so don't fuck with me.)

'DUDE, CHILL!'

I sneak past the wolf and end up behind him. At that moment I step on a stick.

*snap*

'Oh fucking great that just had to happen. That is dumbest and most original mistake someone can make. I hate my fucking life.

The wolf turns around and looks straight at me. It bares its fangs and jumps at me.

'Oh Fuck, OH FUCK'

I flick my fingers and blink past the wolf. I embed a knife into the ground where I am at right now. I see the wolf recovered and jumps at me again. I blink to the right and embed another knife into the ground. The knives are completely made out of metal, so they are able to conduct lightning. That makes it also possible to embed lightning into them in the first place. The wolf jumps at me again. I prepare to blink past him, but at that moment the snake stretches out and attacks me.

'ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! WHAT ARE YOU, R*FFY OR WHAT?!*

I barely dodge the snake, which wouldn't be possible without my extremely high DEX stat and pull another knife out of my inventory. I try to throw it at the eye of the wolf and actually succeed.

*GRRRRROOOOOWWWLLLLL*

'That's right bitch, that's what you get. I don't use my snake to attack you, do I?'

While the wolf is distracted by the dagger inside of his eye, I blink to two other positions and embed a knife into the ground at every one of them.

''IMMA FRY YO ASS, YOU GIGANTIC POODLE!" (Me)

I lock my fingers and the spell "Connect lightning activates". Every knife gets connected by lightning, which results in a square... of lightning.

'I need to get a better name for it.'

The wolf stands right in this square and gets constantly damaged while being in it. The constant shocks going through his bones paralyze him to some degree.

"Oooohhhh you done fucked up. Remember this day, for today, you will be the first to be killed by the migh-" (Me)

*RAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWRRRRR*

"Yep, I should do it fast." (Me)

I flick my fingers and teleport on his back. I pull my twin daggers out of my inventory and stab them into the wolfs skull.

*stab, stab, stab*

"*fake sob* YOU MADE ME DO IT. I DIDN'T WANT TO, BUT YOU MADE ME DO IT! I LOVED YOU!" (Me)

The wolf stops moving and I deactivate my lightning.

You gained 12 levels!

"WHAT?! EVEN LEVELLING EXISTS HERE?!"

'Status'

STATUS

STATS

Level: 12 Statpoints: 12

HP: 22 MP: 5628 HP REGEN: 0.06/sec MP REGEN: 0.28/sec

STR: 12 DEX: 102 END: 6 INT: 25 WIS: 28 CHR: 17 LCK: 30

ABILITIES

ACTIVE: Space of distorted Time; Lightning step (shortcut: clap); Raygun (shortcut: pointed finger); Enhance (shortcut: slap desired part of body); Lightning clad (shortcut: touch both shoulders diagonally) ; Blink (shortcut: flick); Heal; Search life; Embed Lightning (shortcut: tap weapon of choice twice); Connect Lightning (shortcut: lock fingers)

PASSIVE: Perfect Body control; Extreme Magic potential (Gift from God); Perfect language comprehension; Inventory; Shortcut; Twin Dagger Mastery (22%); Throwing knives Mastery (52%)

AFFINITIES: Lightning (90%); Life (2%)

TITLES

"The one who made God vomit"

"You're fucking ridiculous"

"AAAAWWWW YIIIISSSS. A small amount of statpoints, but if you think about the ratio of effectiveness, it's understandable. But I think I should save them, since it will get gradually harder to get free statpoints. First I will accumulate as much free stat points and then I will use them to get another boost." (Me)

Like that ended my first hunt.