It's the day after my birthdayparty.

'Today is an important day for me. I have feared it for a long time and pushed the date away as much I could. But I guess there is no way around it... That's right, it's time... TO GO OUTSIDE!!! *DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN* What? Just me? It's a big deal for me you know! The last time I was outside is years ago, since I was a shut-In in my previous life... but I've prepared myself and am ready to go.'

"Oi, you little shit. Hurry up. I didn't want to go outside in the first place, but because of your stupid ass I now have to since it's "unhealthy" for a child to only be inside. Pff what do all those people know? Nothing I tell you. I've been inside since you were born and nothing happened to me!" (Mother)

'Yes, my mother is a shut-In as well. She fulfills her job as a role model every day better.'

"What's wrong with you? Got sand in your vagina again?" (Me)

"Please don't argue, let's all get along with each other okay?" (Janna)

My sister tries to calm us down with her timid voice.

''You're my only hope here Janna. I will protect you from this family, so you can stay as innocent as you are.'' (Me)

"You spout pretty cheeky words for a three year old brat. I guess you didn't get beaten enough yet huh?" (Mother)

"Try me bitch. I would ask if you are on your period, but I guess that ship has already sailed. No wonder, you are pretty old." (Me)

"You done fucked up boy!" (Mother)

My mother rushes my way and I use my high DEX stat to dodge her by sliding right between her legs.

"Shit, I shouldn't have done that. You reek down there like a sewage plant which is covered in fish intestines." (Me)

She didn't really stink at all, but if I have an opportunity to roast her ass, I'll gladly take it.

OOOOHHHH SHIT. APPLY COLD WATER TO THE BURNED AREA!!!

"Goddammit, I should have swallowed you." (Mother)

"Brother? What does she mean by "swallow"?" (Janna)

"JANNA YOU FORGET THIS CONVERSATION RIGHT NOW!" (Me)

"B-but I just want to know what she means by "swallow"..." (Janna)

I get my face near hers as much as possible and look deep in her violet eyes.

"Janna, I just want the best for you. You know that right? Since I have to protect my little Imouto-type from being corrupted." (Me)

"Yes of course brother. But what did you say after that? I didn't quite catch that." (Janna)

"It's of no importance. But since you know that, trust me and forget the conversations which happen between me and our mother. Nothing good will come out of it." (Me)

"Oi, you didn't forget about me, did you, you little shit?" (Mother)

"Well, I tried to forget that you existed many times, but to no avail. Thanks for asking." (Me)

After 10 minutes of quarreling and my sister trying to stop us, we finally went outside.

"MY EYES!!! IT HUUUUURTS!!!" (Mother & Me)

We start to stroll around the town and I survey our surroundings. Our home seems to be a standard 2-storey log-house with a garden in the back. Pretty much every family around here has the same, except of some few, for example the aforementioned lords of this village, the family "Eisenhaus". The village we live in is surrounded by an eery forest which looks like a monster could jump out any second.

"Oi, good-for-nothing Mother. Is this forest dangerous?" (Me)

"You bet your ugly ass it is. It's infested with monsters and shit. If it wasn't for the protection beacons around the town, we would be swarmed with monsters." (Mother)

'That was a death flag just now, wasn't it? It definitely was... god dammit, I can already see what's coming.'

Those damn amateurs with their stupid flagging. They don't even know what they are doing... BLOW UP AND DIE REAL PEOPLE!

'I like you better by the day screen. I should give you a name... how about screeny?'

And you complained about the naming sense of the people from this world?

'THOU HATH NOW BEEN BAPTIZED BY THE NAME OF "SCREENY". CARRY THY NAME WITH HONOR!

I hate you...

'Oi, I don't need another tsundere. Aline will already be difficult enough to conquer!'

THE MIGHTY SCREEN SHALL FORGIVE YOU FOR OUR MUTUAL GOAL OF CONQUER!

'HAIL THE MIGHTY SCREEN!'

Snap back to reality, oh there goes gravity, I realize that we already went a bit further. Coming our way is an old guy who looks like he kidnaps little girls for a living.

"I greet you, esteemed elder." (Mother)

She puts on her best smile, which can only be observed by people outside the family.

'If I would only be half as talented as her in acting, I could conquer the whole world...'

"Ah, Mirae! I haven't seen you in a long time. I guess those two are your son and daughter?" (Elder)

I instinctively hide my little sister behind my back, since I can feel the aura of a pervert coming from him.

'Somehow this aura seems familiar...'

Ever looked into a mirror you donut?

'Damn he's right... She's right... I still don't know what you are...'

I can be whatever you want baby.

Resisting my urge to puke, I listen to their conversation again.

That was pretty harsh you know?

"And how old are they right now? Are they already fit for gradeschool?" (Elder)

"I'm afraid not. They aren't six years old yet." (Mother)

"Mother, what do you mean by gradeschool?" (Janna)

"I would actually like to hear about it as well." (Me)

"Of course my cute little children." (Mother)

'If it wasn't for the elder here, she would tell me to fuck right off, so I guess it's a good opportunity. Although I can already guess what she means by that.'

"When you become 6 years old, you are ready to go to school. In this school you will learn the basics about mathematics, literacy and much more. After graduation you will be 12 years old and are then able to get your own job. There are a few exceptions, which will let you leave earlier, but those aren't important for you right now." (Mother)

'Yep, no surprise here.'

"I want to go to school as fast as possible! After that I can go adventuring!" (Me)

My mother closes in on my ear and whispers.

"You ain't gonna do shit. You will leave your cute ass right here and be my slav- I mean take care of me." (Mother)

After a bit of smalltalk with the elder, he leaves us and we head back home.

'Looking at my body, I think I am ready to start with physical training. To learn how to wield a weapon there is only one person I can ask... I wanted to avoid him as much as I could, but I guess there is no way around it.'

I go to the person that resembles more a bear than a person and start talking timidly.

"Father, can I ask you something?" (Me)

"Hm? Oh it's you Yu. Sure, what do you want?" (Father)

In contrast to his wimpy personality with my mother, he seems like a normal father right now. But if you heard the things I heard at night, you would try to avoid him just like me. POW! FLASHBACK TME!

*TUNK-TUNK-TUNK*

'Oh looks like they are at it again. It seems like my father is the agressive one in bed. At least one thing normal in this family.'

"NO PLEASE NOT SO HARD MASTER! I'LL BREEEEAAAAAK!!!" (Father)

"You little wimp are trying to tell me what to do? I guess your punishment was not enough was it? *WHIP* (Mother)

"I'M SORRYYYY!!" (Father)

'What did I even expect?'

"I wanted to ask you if you could train me in physical combat... I want to protect my family from the monsters which lurk in the forest. Mother told me about it today." (Me)

I look at him with the most innocent look I can make.

'OH GOD! THIS LINE WAS SO CRINGY!!! I CAN'T. I JUST CAN'T!!! SOMEONE KILL ME, RELEASE ME FROM THIS SUFFERING!

OH GOD I HAVE TO THROW UP (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) *hurl*

"Oh, my little knight wants to train at such a young age? I guess you come after your father. Alright, I don't have a problem with it. It might sound weird, since you are a kid and all, but did you already decide on what weapon you will use?" (Father)

'At this point the ordinary MC would say shit like "Euh, I will use a sword since it's the most basic and the easiest to use." But nah, fuck that.'

"I want to use twin daggers and throwing knifes father!" (Me)

"That is a very specific choice of weapons for a kid..." (Father)

"But can you even teach me those things father? I don't think you trained in such specific weapons..." (Me)

"Well, I was the Captain of the royal guard before I retired, so I am pretty much an expert at every fighting style. No need to worry" (Father)

He shows me a proud smile, while I just lost my faith in this whole kingdom.

'We've got a hardcore masochist as a former royal guard captain. This kingdom is so fucked.'

"First we have to start to strengthening your body. I will tell you a trainingplan, which will develop the muscles you will use for the fighting style I will teach you." (Father)

"Thank you Father! You're the best!" (Me)

'Existence is pain. If I continue like that, I will die of cringe before I am able to get all the heroines...'

You can insult me how much you want. You can be the most despicable person on this whole planet, and I wouldn't give a flying fuck. BUT I BEG OF YOU! STOP THOSE INNOCENT LINES! THEY MAKE ME THROW UP CONSTANTLY!

While trying to shake off the nausea, my father tells me my trainingsplan.

'WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCK?! THAT'S NO TRAINING FOR A KID!!! THAT TRAININGSPLAN WOULD PUT S*N G*KU TO SHAME!'

"You think you can do that, my little warrior?" (Father)

"*gag* Yeah, sure. You damn imbecile, you do realize that I'm still a kid right? Did you suddenly decide to be a sadist you perverted scum?" (Me)

"*moan* Insult me more please." (Father)

"What?" (Me)

"What?" (Father)

And like that my training started, which would later assist me in conquering my little tsundere.