"JohnWillStab: I have a 'business card' I got from the hacker that got me into trouble earlier - do you think I should use it?"

"Bonifacius: It does look to me like we are doomed otherwise..."

"JohnWillStab: Alright I'll use it..."

JohnWillStab opened his inventory and looked through the items finding the "?" icon, when he hovers his mouse over it the following item info appears: "You may use this card to call forth the great ???, I will make my way to your location whereupon we will discuss the payment for whatever devious actions you need help with."

John right-clicked on the item causing his character to play the /yell emote and the following message to be sent to him via private chat…

"♕ : Thank you for using ♕ cheating service - due to recent changes in the server's security, I will no longer be able to teleport to you - instead I will record your location (19,125, 82, -89) at which point I will begin my manual journey to your location - considering your coordinates relative to my own your ETA is: 13 Minute(s)"

"JohnWillStab: They'll be here in 13 minutes."

"Bonifacius: What a wondrous invention!"

"JohnWillStab: It's convenient - just hope I don't get arrested for using it."

"Bonifacius: That... may be a possibility."

13 minutes of floating later...

"♕: Hey - is there a 'JohnWillStab' here?"

"JohnWillStab: Yeah, I'm here!"

"Bonifacius: So this is the cheater you speak of?"

"♕: Right, let's cut to the business, how can I help you?

"JohnWillStab: Yeah - we're stuck in the giant reservoir!

"♕: M-hmm... and instead of dying you decided to call me?"

"JohnWillStab: ...right,

"♕: Meh, I don't care, still getting paid either way."

"♕: So - I'm guessing you two are here on a quest?"

"Bonifacius: Yes - we came in search of a fish."

"♕: What's the quest called?"

"Bonifacius: It is known by the name 'Finding the ghost fish'"

♕ opened a text file outside of the game - it contained details about all quests in the game as well as a few other text files containing other info.

"♕: This quest is really broken..."

"JohnWillStab: we've noticed..."

"♕: Give me a sec..."

♕launched a separate programme before returning to the game, everything looked almost the same except for more windows and options, she clicked on the water and a box opened displaying all of its details.

--Generic Object vars--

Id: VFP_12231_13

Model: WaterGeneric.MDX

ModelRenderType: 0

ModelTexture: WaterGeneric.m2

Render: 1

AnimIndex: 1

PlayAnim: 1

AnimSpeed: 1

SfxClass: 13

SfxId: WaterGeneric

Opacity: 1

MapID: 19

x: 120

y: 80

z: -90

Sx: 25

Sy: 25

Sz: 413

Xoff: 0

Yoff: 0

Zoff: 0

--Obj specific--

Spookyfish = instance_nearest(x+Xoff, y+Yoff, z+Zoff, C_Q_U_23500)

QuestTrigger: slay(Spookyfish, 0)

WaterMaxHeight = (z+Zoff) + 25

QuestCompleteScrip: WaterRise.lua

WaterFallTimer(300)

♕ double-clicked WaterRise.lua which opened a text file...

With(self)

{

if Sz != WaterMaxHeight

{

Sz+= 0.1;

}

elseif Sz >= WaterMaxHeight

{

StartRestartTimer(VFP_12231_13, WaterFallTimer, 1)

}

}

"♕: Right - I found the issue, the water was supposed to rise up by 25 units, but because the programmers f*!ked up and set the offset to the water surface the water just keeps "rising" downwards forever..."

"JohnWillStab: Can you fix it?"

"♕: Naturally... for the right price that is..."

"JohnWillStab: I have 3 gold."

"Bonifacius: I have forty-seven pieces."

"♕: I don't know... I mean if I fix it I won't be able to get more money from the others..."

"JohnWillStab: How much do you want?"

"♕: One-thousand gold seems fair."

"Bonifacius: Surely you jest - one-thousand gold?! We should drown instead!"

"♕: True - that's the better option."

Bonifacius' character slowly sank down lower into the water.

"♕: However, your friend here won't be so lucky..."

"JohnWillStab: Bonifacius can just kill me."

"Bonifacius: Exactly! your trickery shan't work on us, witch!"

"♕: That's alright, go ahead, I think I'll bookmark this location for the next time some poor, lonely adventurer that may or may not be an undead or perhaps merfolk falls down in here - maybe I'll charge them double?"

"Bonifacius: You would blackmail me with strangers!?"

"JohnWillStab: She's bluffing! She's trying to exploit you because of your armour, if she gave that kind of ultimatum to the average player in this zone nobody would be able to afford it!"

"♕: You are very correct! That is why I have introduced a new business plan which would allow you to pay your debt back in instalments!"

"Bonifacius: So you'll have us pay thee back in instalments?"

"♕: Kind of! You'll work for me and I'll pay you... one-hundred gold per job!"

"JohnWillStab: So you're offering slavery..."

"Bonifacius: Tis an interesting strategy..."

"♕: Isn't it!? You do me a favour and I do you one!"

Bonifacius proceeded to use Master Charge on JohnWillStab causing his body to explode into meaty chunks.

"Bonifacius: Thou must be a lunatic if thee thinks I shall pay thee one-thousand gold in any form!"

"♕: COME ON, LADS! I NEED WORKERS!"

Bonifacius let go of the spacebar as he sunk lower playing the /wave emote before drowning a minute or two later, when Bonifacius respawned at the nearest town he was surprised to discover that JohnWillStab was still alive, the guards did not kill him on sight!

"JohnWillStab: I'm alive! I didn't get killed!"

"Bonifacius: Congratulations, JohnWillStab! It would appear that you have finally gained the trust of these people, levelling from here on out should be easy for you!"

"JohnWillStab: Thanks, man!"

"Bonifacius: I guess this is where we part ways, you no longer require my aid."

"JohnWillStab: Ah - right, it must be terribly boring dealing with level 4s at level 100."

"Bonifacius: On the contrary, twas the most enjoyment I had in months. do not hesitate to ask me for aid next time you're in trouble!"

"JohnWillStab: Sure, I'm going to log off for tonight,"

"Bonifacius: Goodbye, friend!"

"JohnWillStab: Cya."

JohnWillStab logged out and went to bed, the next morning he made some instant noodles and returned to the game, it’s not like he couldn’t afford normal food, it’s about the bigger picture - if he eats eighteen cent meals twice a day, he can extend the longevity of his savings.

He didn't even bother turning off the game the previous night so all he had to do is fill in the details and he appeared where he was yesterday.

He looked around and saw that his character was level 5 - Bonifacius must have returned the fish quest yesterday.

JohnWillStab decided to enjoy the privilege of walking around without being stabbed when he remembered he was meant to buy some meat for arachnophobia.

JohnWillStab entered the inn, all the NPCs emote /glare as he entered, his reputation was now out of the hostile range, meaning that the NPCs would not attack unprovoked - however as he would come to find it was also impossible for him to make purchases from them yet.

"JohnWillStab: Well, looks like I'm not popular enough for them to sell me stuff..."

"♕ : Well "OO" [email protected] "WOO"!"

JohnWillStab moved his character to see ♕ sitting at one of the tables playing the drink animation.

"JohnWillStab: What the hell are you doing here?"

"♕ : I'm drinkin' my sorrows away... T _ T"

"JohnWillStab: Are you still mad we didn't agree to be your slaves?"

"♕ : ...no"

♕ turned away from John as she continued drowning her sorrows.

"JohnWillStab: In any case, I'm going to head out before I get accused of hacking because of you again."

"♕ : Yeah [email protected] you, too!"

JohnWillStab left the inn (which had no doors) and headed out - JohnWillStab: Ah - I forgot to take any quests! I'll go pick some up.

Before he did.

JohnWillStab summoned his pet and traded it some Common Meat causing it to play an animation where it chewed on a hunk of meat.

JohnWillStab re-entered the inn, he noticed a wooden board placed on the side of the wall with an exclamation mark hovering above.

He walked up to it - "Next quest: Investigate the Northburrow dig site."

He read over the quest details... "A mysterious item has been discovered beneath the earth at the Northburrow dig site, it is speculated that it's responsible for the happenings of Grimwood - you must go over to the dig site and meet up with Archaeologist Mark, and stop the curse from spreading further."

"JohnWillStab: Heh, quite the interesting quest text... "

He opened the map and had a look at the little flag icon which represented the general quest area, the map showed a quarry-like-hole in the earth - unlike the rest of the zone It wasn't surrounded by the regular trees but by what looked like leafless sticks.

JohnWillStab headed up to the dig site, unlike before, a dirt road let him there, lit with occasional lamps and with little to no monsters.

That was when it came into view, the massive hole surrounded by dozens of rotten trees with no leaves, the grass was turning blackish-grey and the few pools of water were a sickly green colour.

Near the quarry stood a wooden platform slightly raised off the ground - on it stood a tent and a large table covered with papers and tools.

A seafolk stood wearing brown trousers, a white shirt and a brown leather jacket - on his head, he wore a hat and on his hip was a whip.

JohnWillStab approached the man and initiated a dialogue tree...

"JohnWillStab: Hello - I've been sent to inspect the quarry."

"Archaeologist Mark: So you're the one, eh? Well - whoever you are, you should get out of here!"

"JohnWillStab: What do you mean? What about the artefact?"

"Archaeologist Mark: To hell with the artefact - it would appear we uncovered an ancient crypt - the evil from within is spreading out! Look at what it is doing to our once proud land - even the spirits of the dead can no longer rest!"

"JohnWillStab: Have you tried to explore the crypt?"

"Archaeologist Mark: We have sent a party inside - but that was over a week ago - at this point, I say we collapse the entrance and leave it be!"

"JohnWillStab: What about the people? Don't we need to get them out?!"

"Archaeologist Mark: If you want to toss your life away then go ahead! I do not!"

A box appeared on JohnWillStab's screen - "Do you wish to accept the quest: Into the crypt (Dungeon Quest) or do you wish to collapse the tunnel."

JohnWillStab thought about it for a second before deciding that his character would not abandon innocent people who ventured into the crypt.

He accepted the quest.

A message appeared "A dungeon quest requires multiple players to complete - are you sure?"

He clicked yes.

A message appeared "You seriously can't solo it. You need to get some friends to help you."

He clicked the button reading: "I'll get some friends to help."

A message appeared "Are you SURE you have friends?"

At this point, John came to expect the game would fuck with him like this - so he selected "no".

A message appeared "Yeah... same... good luck, man."

"Archaeologist Mark: Fine! I will give you three days to complete your expedition - if you're not back I'm collapsing this cave."

No timer appeared or anything so JohnWillStab assumed there isn't actually a time limit, in fact, how could there be, this quest must have been here for others to do for years.

JohnWillStab was removed from the dialogue tree and was now deciding his course of action.

"JohnWillStab: I'll text Bonifacius - there's no way we'd struggle with a quest in this zone together."

JohnWillStab opened his friends list and double-clicked Bonifacius opening a private chat.

"JohnWillStab: Hey, are you online? I was hoping you could help me out with a quest."

"Bonifacius: Tis no problem - I shall make haste to your location at once!"

Moments later JohnWillStab received a party invite which he accepted.

"Bonifacius: So, what is this quest that thou have accepted?"

"JohnWillStab: It's something about going in some crypts."

"Bonifacius: Thou doesn't mean the crypt in the dig site?!"

"JohnWillStab: I do, is that bad?"

"Bonifacius: Tis a dungeon - I'm afraid just the two of us won't be able to manage..."

"JohnWillStab: The monsters are such high levels?!"

"Bonifacius: Not exactly - in a dungeon, the health of monsters and the damage they deal and or receive is calculated per player - thou will have no easier a time fighting the monsters than I."

"JohnWillStab: So how many people do we need?"

"Bonifacius: We could clear the crypt within an hour or so as a party of five - but three is the minimum we need."

JohnWillStab opened his friends list and selected XxFoxlyxX,

In a private window...

"JohnWillStab: Hey, are you online?"

"XxFoxlyxX: Yeah - just doing some auction-house trading - do you need anything?"

"JohnWillStab: Me and Bonifacius are looking for some people to clear a dungeon - I was wondering if you'd be interested in joining?"

After a few seconds of contemplation XxFoxlyxX replied.

"XxFoxlyxX: Why not, send me an invite."

Back in local chat...

"JohnWillStab: I got XxFoxlyxX to join,"

"Bonifacius: The frogman?"

"JohnWillStab: yeah."

"Bonifacius: Then we shall need four members..."

"JohnWillStab: Are frog people really that bad?"

Bonifacius nods.

After Bonifacius sent the invitation another portrait appeared - ten or so minutes later they appeared, using the toadkin's racial ability allowing them to hop around and leap long distances.

XxFoxlyxX's character wore a large, dark red, newsboy hat, their armour was consisting of a long teal tunic, short brown trousers with an oversized belt - he wore large bracers that served as sleeves for his tunic, as if to compensate for the lack of footwear.

A red scarf hung on their neck.

"XxFoxlyxX: What's up, bois?"

"Bonifacius: Greeting!"

"JohnWillStab: Sup."

"XxFoxlyxX: I suppose there are more people coming?"

"Bonifacius: ...perhaps..."

"JohnWillStab: Yeah - we're a bit short on people..."

"XxFoxlyxX: Did you try askin' around at the inn?"

"Bonifacius: Tis a good idea, we may find others willing to conquer this dungeon with!"

"JohnWillStab: I've just been at the inn and there... isn't really... anybody... there..."

Bonifacius raises and eyebrow...

"XxFoxlyxX: What's up?"

"JohnWillStab: ...Bonifacius... I'm going to summon her..."

"Bonifacius: The cat?"

"JohnWillStab: the one with the crown..."

"XxFoxlyxX: ?"