After the Bigfoots had been killed off we dragged the corpses onto our corpse pile. Then we had killed some wolves and a couple of giant centipedes. By this time our corpse pile was blocking the entire road but we had SP left and had enough downtime between waves of creatures to rest up. Night soon fell and the next wave of monsters came.

First were the spiders, I really hate spiders. I had made sure that no spiders or bugs could get into the room with my VR capsule in it. Probably had something to do with reading a horror story about spiders laying eggs in people’s bodies while they slept.

Giant spiders were fast, shot sticky shit out their asses, and there were quite a few. Only good thing was that they went down in one hit. Their shit was probably worth a lot, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. After that came a half owl, half plant. We just stared at the dark figure munching at the corpses in the middle of the road.

“So..what do we call this?” Tor asked.

“The Plantapus.” Tor let out a sigh. “You are on arrow duty, I rush in and stab it.”

“What about that head? I mean the body looks like an owls, but a bulb head with vines coming out of it is really creepy. Also since there is only one, it is probably really strong.”

“Don’t worry, we are handling everything just fine and I leveled up twice, so we have some fire power.” I waved Nus’ Awakening. Tor just looked at me. “Okay, yeah we are tired and that thing looks boss.” As if to answer me the Plantapus let out a screech. How the hell it did that with a plant head I had no idea.

“Come on, let’s build up the fire at camp and then come back in the morning and kill it then.” I nodded and we both retreated away from the scene of carnage. Something was bothering me, I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

We got to work on the fire and soon it was roaring away. “I think I am missing something.”

“Hmm, well there is a giant boss monster over that way devouring loads of corpses. But it should be fine until morning.”

“Yeah, I got first watch.” Tor nodded and dozed off. I mediated and threw a log on the fire occasionally. Something was off and it was really annoying me. I woke Tor up for her turn and we passed the rest of the night switching off.

When dawn finally began to break and our SP was over half full, we made our way back to the scene of carnage. “What the…” Tor trailed off. The corpses were gone and in the middle of the road lay a Plantapus. Normally that wouldn’t have been cause for alarm, but this one was at least twenty feet long. I then remembered a certain other plant monster that used corpses to empower itself.

What lay in the road, was a mini-swarm bulb on top of an owl’s body. I also realized that due to its size it probably wouldn’t be able to fly anymore. That meant it would take the easiest path, which was this road, and it had two options, forward or backwards.

I pulled Tor back and we retreated as quietly as possible. We reached our campsite. “We need to get off this road now and deep into the woods. Start packing.”

“I thought you were going to say, let’s kill it.” She was already rolling up the cloak as we got to work.

“That thing went from mini-boss to a calamity. You watched the video of Mendal?”

“Yeah…oh shit, stop looking at me pack faster!” She hissed out.

“We need to get off the road, that thing is too big to fly and too big to move through the trees.”

“It could fly with magic like a dragon.”

“You really want to take that chance?”

“No…”

“That thing is going to steamroll its way down this dirt road one way or the other.”

“What about a trap?”

“You know anything that can kill it in one shot? Because unless you do, it will just be really pissed off, stop yapping, pack!” I hissed at her. A minute later we were all set to go.

“The wagon won’t go through the woods.”

“There is no way I am leaving this wagon. I would have to carry shit, and I need all of this stuff.”

“Well then what do you propose?”

“The mine, how big was the entrance?”

“Just a little bit bigger than…no, no way in hell. You want us to run past a boss mob and into an unknown mine dungeon. What happens if that Plantapus camps outside? Or there are things in the mine we can’t beat?”

“First, it is off to the side, there is enough room to get the wagon by. Second, there is no guarantee we can out run it. Third, we need some levels and the mine dungeon sounds like the best place.”

“You are so going in first with that sword of yours.”

“You read my mind. Okay, let’s blindfold the horses and we each lead one.”

“Smart, hey maybe you do have some Wisdom.”

“Ha. Ha.”

“What about sending a warning?” I just stared at her.

“Um, what?”

“You know who is Balkor right now? The Order. When this things reaches the city, they are going to shit themselves. My only regret is not being there to watch it. Phoenix versus Plantapus, my money is on the Plantapus.”

“Well I have some friends in the area.”

“Then tell them to leave Balkor and head anywhere but south. Don’t say why, just say it is a strongly encouraged suggestion. If they trust you then they will go as fast as possible.” We then began to lead our blindfolded horses and wagon past the sleeping Plantapus.

The giant green bulb with vines trailing out of it, was incredibly creepy. The only way we knew it was asleep was the lack of movement and the steady rise and wall of its chest. There was a vine laying across the middle of the road.

Tor looked at me and pointed at the vine. I shook my head. She pointed at me with an angry look. I held in my sigh and let go of the reins I was holding. I walked over to the vine that was about half as thick as my arm and gently moved it out of the way. I didn’t notice any poison, but my groin gave off a twitch. I set the vine off to the side and got back to my horse.

We went past the creature and continued on up the dirt road. After two hundred feet we let the horses see again and then took off at a fast canter. “We are not doing that again. I thought my heart would explode from my chest.”

“Now that would be a true rain of blood.” She smacked me lightly on the shoulder. We took turns driving after that while the other one rested in makeshift bed we had made in the back of the wagon. It was bumpy and uncomfortable, but it was a good chance to rest our eyes. It also allowed me to cool off a bit. It was a bit weird that I had become so aroused like that for no reason.

By the time we reached the mine at sunset the horses were exhausted. “We camped off to the side back there near a stream. Also you can see that the shaft is boarded up pretty heavily about thirty feet in.”

“Get the horses some water from the stream. I will push the wagon up against the wood wall in back. Bring them in once they are done.” I began to drag the wagon into the mine shaft. Damn it was heavy, those horses deserved a raise. I got the wagon ducked in the back of the mine shaft next to the heavily boarded up wall.

Tor came back inside leading both the horses. We tied them off and munched on bread and jerky in the dark. “Maybe we should have taken some meat-“

“No, I have eaten enough monsters out here. I want some proper human food.”

“Yeah.”

“You look like you are about to burst.”

“Ever since we set off, it won’t go down.”

“Stop thinking pervy thoughts.”

“I’m not. It all started….oh shit on a shit stick.”

“What?”

“That Plantapus was poisoned. I have poison immunity, oh god this must be really strong.”

“Erection poison?” She began giggling.

“Damn it Tor, I am letting things breathe a bit.” I opened up my pants and let out a sigh. “Much better.”

“You need help?”

“I can manage myself, but if a fight breaks out, having three swords isn’t my style.” I spit in my hands and got going. Tor let out a sigh and pushed my arms out of the way.

“You really are a handful. Get a rag so you don’t make a mess.”

“Yes sir.”

Two minutes later I let out a relieved sigh. “You owe me.”

“Yes I do, oh shit.”

“What?”

“….”

“You can’t be serious.”

Twenty minutes later I was in pain. “It just won’t stop. No more, or I will be rubbed raw.” My HP had gone down a couple of hundred points as well.

“I honestly thought you were bullshitting me, but no way you could go seven times and still have more energy.”

“Tor, help me with this barrel. Time to uncork it.”

“What is in it?”

“Beer.”

“WH-“ I clamped a hand over her mouth. She pushed it away. “What the hell, you never told me you had beer.”

“I wanted it to be for a celebration, but I need to get drunk. There should be some cups in the wagon.”

“Okay, light things up and I will get everything.”

“Flame on.” The tunnel was lit up. Tor got a barrel off the cart and brought over two large cups. There was no tap, so she laid the barrel on its side and took out the bong. We soon got the hang of pouring beer out of the barrel as we attempted to drink through the entire thing.

“Damn, you know youuuu are the shit.” I mumbled out.

“Of course. Pour me another.”

“You are going to drink me to the poorhouse.”

“Poor, schmore, just kill some people.”

“Yeah, what is the craziest way you think you could kill someone?”

“I think you won that with Tom.”

“Hahaha, yeah. I wonder what happened to him?”

“Monster bait probably.”

“This stuff isn’t that bad.”

“I agreeeee. Another, I need to wash out the monster meat I have eaten.”

“Hmmm.” Everything drifted into a haze after that. I was on a roller coaster going up and down. Suddenly there was a fast drop and I felt a strong tingle in my stomach. The roller coaster kept going and going. My back was pressed into the hard seat. The safety rail was pushing against me as the coaster rose and fell again and again. I tried to turn to the side but couldn’t move. The coaster entered a tunnel and everything sort of drifted away.

I woke up the morning, naked, smelling of sex and booze. I had a crazy dream, but it was already fading away. Thankfully things had calmed down a bit but I was incredibly sore and raw. I looked over at Tor who was sprawled out over the fur cloak. She looked content. I tied up my sandals and picked up my sword, walking out of the cave naked.

It was a cloudy and dreary day. I went off to the side and took a long piss. After that I felt much better. I did some stretches and then went back to the mine shaft. I got dressed and prepared breakfast. I also took the liberty to clean up a bit. The beer was mostly gone and I closed up the barrel. I had no idea how we had drank that much. I vaguely remembered pounding the drinks down to get my problem out of my mind.

Tor got up and then stumbled outside. I heard her pissing for about a minute. She came back inside looking a bit more awake.

“I see you have calmed down.”

“Thank god, never again.”

“What? You didn’t like me touching you?”

“Yes.” I deadpanned and she frowned before letting out a snort. I handed her more bread and jerky. The staple food of any adventurers diet.

“We really need someone who knows how to forage or an evil bard.”

“What is an evil bard?”

“Someone who sings and makes peoples’ ears bleed.”

“Ah, so into the mine?”

“Yeah, I want to try and get in without wrecking that wooden wall.”

“Hmm, well let me wash up first outside.”

“Mind if I join you?”

“Fine.” She said. We walked outside and we began to splash water over our faces.

“I am curious as a woman in a VR do you have cycles?” She turned and had a combination of glare slash surprise etched on her face. “It was bothering me not knowing.”

“You really have no filter.” She muttered. “Women get the choice at the start of the game.”

“What did you pick?”

“Yes.”

“Really, I would have thought it would be a disadvantage.”

“A bit, but I did ask if there was an advantage and there are a few.”

“Care to share.”

“No.” Her tone was much colder than before and I shut up. I went back into the mine shaft and got to work strapping on all my gear and making sure it was in good condition. Tor joined me back in the cave and started as well. I wondered what sort of advantages there were besides having children. Could female players have children? That would be weird to have a virtual baby. I would be a terrible parent.

I imagined my VR child bathing in blood and stabbing people while letting out a cute giggle. Completely spoiled, having his choice of men and women salves at a young age to do whatever he wanted. He would learn magic at a young age and practice constantly. Along with sword fighting. I would beat him as his old man, but would give him just enough hope so he pushed himself.

Then there would be the teen years where he would want to do his own thing. I would probably dump him in the wilderness then so he would get stronger. Finally he would come back as an adult and obey me or kill me. Maybe even both. We could bond over some assassinations and some fun with the ladies. Of course he would only be a quarter horse instead of a half horse like me, and would be jelly of his old man but look up to him at the same time.

“…there?” Tor said.

“Ah yes, just got caught up thinking about all the monsters we are going to kill.”

“Alright, let’s get to work on that wood wall.” First we gathered up some large stones, as big as we could move and placed them against the wood wall and off to the side. While it wouldn’t hold off a determined enemy it should stop a casual glance. Then we carefully began pulling the wood boards off on one side and then hammering them back in around the opening we were making. It was three feet tall and half a foot wide.

I lit my sword up and stepped through the opening we had made. The shaft continued onwards with wood pillars and braces holding it up. Any fight would need to be done carefully to prevent a cave in. I stepped forward a bit and Tor came up behind me.

“Check behind every beam and support. If you see a hole in the wall or anything else say something. I got the right, take the left.”

“Yeah, let’s try not to die painfully.” I nodded and we set off slowly. I kept the flaming blade stretched out in front of me. As the only source of light the shadows were deep and thick. “Hold up, look.” She gestured at the wall and I shifted Nus’ Awakening to get a better look. There was a small hole in the wall that was about the size of my fist.

I stuck my blade in the hole and heard rattling. I pulled it out and we stepped back. A thick black cloud emerged. I swung my blade through it and it dissipated away. I checked my experience.

Experience+60001+10 LvL

“Definitely a monster, high level too.” Tor nodded. She shifted the bow she was carrying. We had agreed not to kill steal and fight things based on capability. Since she preferred a bow and arrow over her long sword, and MP was too valuable to waste on small fry.

There were loads of holes. I actually handed over my sword to Tor so she could get some experience from these easy high level kills. She gave me a grim smile at that. We then came to a six way intersection. There was a long shaft traveling vertically. We saw some light near the top and another set of tunnels. Down the circular shaft, it was complete darkness. There was no clue what was down each of the side tunnels either.

Tor pulled out a spare blade we had kept in my satchel. I then held my flaming blade in order to melt the hilt on the wall so it was pointing back to the entrance. Tor also laid out a number of stones in an arrow pointing the way back. I also charred the wall with arrows in the chamber making it clear which tunnel was the right one. We also tied a rope across the tunnels we weren’t going down at waist height.

We then made a right. The plan was to keep making rights whenever possible. There were no more smoke holes but we kept our eyes peeled. “Up ahead. The walls are slightly lighter.”

“Yeah, you are right. What do you want to do?”

“You hold my sword. I will advance very slowly and poke at it with my sword.”

“Poke at it?”

“Stab.”

“Better.” We traded off the flaming sword being careful that she had a grip and ordered the flames on before I let go. The flames dropped for half a second but didn’t go out. That would be really scary. I then picked up a pebble and threw it at the wall. It sunk in.

“You didn’t stab it.”

“I thought this was a better idea.”

“So what now?” I held up a canteen of water and squeezed off a stream down the tunnel. It impacted the base of the discolored wall. The wall began to ripple violently and then peeled away. I sprayed more over it and it disintegrated. I had used up over half the canteen.

We trekked back out, being careful to check the smoke holes, but they were all still empty. We filled up eight canteens and set off again. We took turn spraying the discolored walls, floors, and ceiling as we moved down the tunnel. They were all high level monsters apparently and I went up to seventy five and was able to raise my base Dexterity up to one hundred. Yeah, for level two dexterity focus.

We reached a chamber with a tunnel going off to the left. There were a couple of broken carts off to the side, but nothing much of interest. We carefully moved all the carts and set them in a corner that we had already checked. “If this is a dungeon, where is the loot?”

“Lower levels I bet. Most of this place is a trap fest. Those monsters are high level for a reason. If you tried to fight head on, it would probably end in disaster. Those black clouds, you go by and then they sneak up behind you and go up into your body I bet.”

“Ew, your imagination should be weaponized.”

“Careful what you wish for. Onwards?”

“Yeah.” We continued down the tunnel and came to a number of doors set into the rock walls. We shared a look, doorways were a perfect way to die. The way they were set in the stone, they had to be pulled open and wouldn’t be easily kicked down.

I did the time honored tradition of throwing a pebble against one of the doors. It bounced off and nothing happened. “Is it me, or were you also hoping for a door monster so we didn’t have to explore all these side passages.” Tor whispered.

“Yeah, this is going to suck. Any ideas?”

“YO MONSTERS! WAKE UP YOUR LAZY ASSES!” Her voice echoed down the dark tunnel. We listened for any movement. There was shuffling going on behind the doorways. We both stared as one by one the door handles began to turn.

“Tor, watch my back.” The first door opened. Annoyingly enough it opened into my line of sight blocking my view of what was coming out. We slowly began to back away. A skeleton emerged. Well more like half zombie, half skeleton with the way its remaining flesh was roiling with maggots and bone was clearly showing.

I stepped forward and slashed Nus’ Awakening across where its chest should be. Ribs shattered, maggots cooked, and burnt flesh dropped away. It looked at me with glowing white eye sockets. Not wanting to see what ever attack it was about to do I jabbed my sword into its skull. I barely managed to avoid the maggots as the entire thing collapsed like its strings were cut.

There were at least nine more in the passage and more coming out of the door ways. Each of them with their creepy glowing white eyes and maggot covered corpses. I began to back away. An arrow flew by me and sank into a torso. The corpse didn’t seem bothered. “Aim for the head or eyes.”

One of the corpses burst into a ball of white flames. I heard a roar of flames behind me at the same time. “Behind you!” Tor shouted.

I spun and slashed out. My blade cleaving through the corpses skull. The body collapsed and a couple of the maggots managed to land on my arm. I felt them chew into my flesh. More balls of white flame began occurring as the corpses teleported into melee range. I slammed my arm into the wall crushing the maggots. I ran with Tor back down the tunnel dodging corpses as they flamed in front of us. It became a running melee and we came back to the second chamber.

“Back to back.” I said and we stood in the middle of the chamber. The corpses began to flame in around us and we cut them down quickly each time. As the piles of maggots grew we were forced from our position and began a slow back to back movement around the perimeter of the fifteen foot diameter chamber.

When there were no more, I let out a long sigh. “New rule, no shouting in dungeons.”

“Good rule. Retreat?”

“Yeah.” We began to carefully make our way back searching every nook and cranny. When we came to the first chamber we both heard a scratching sound coming from the shaft leading down. We continued our retreat checking the black cloud holes as we passed. To my surprise and dismay, there was one inhabiting one of the holes.

We made it back through the gap in the boarded up wall and I turned off the flame sword. We then rolled and lifted a large rock over the hole. I opened up my status window and dumped my stat points. I couldn’t contain my grin.

STATUSNameKenji ShadowenLevel77Constitution38Strength52.5Dexterity115.5Endurance53Wisdom10.6Intelligence11.1Charisma0Luck0Fate582.98

HP: 7918.23 / 10406.25MP: 137.25 / 217SP: 253.48 / 1797.98

“What the hell was all that?” Tor said.

“Experience.”

***

She found the corpses of his latest victims. One was even burned out his asshole and the other was armless. She was going to find him and put an end to his evil ways. “I am coming for you-“

A vine wrapped around her cutting her off. She raised her sword, but quickly succumbed to a white bliss.

***

We are now #414, only 413 stories left to slay.