The doors opened with a resounding bang as Darkos peered into the entryway of the massive castle. The place looked as deserted up close as it had from a distance. Either the building truly was deserted as it looked, or the dark sorceress was playing a game with them. He put a hand on his hilt and held out a hand to guard his companion.

She could be anywhere...

"Oh. It is good to be home again." Geela, petite, golden-haired, doe-eyed farmer's daughter Geela, strode past him, eyes closed, inhaling deeply. "Tea? I did promise you tea at the end of this, right?" Her eyes snapped open and the look of bliss vanished from her face in a heartbeat. "Oh dear. this place is showing its age."

Darkos stared intently at her. Then he blinked. It was like every time he closed his eyes, he saw the sweet, if fatally clumsy woman who had daringly joined him to avenge her relatives. Then his eyelids flipped open and there she stood, hands planted on her hips, surveying the room with cold disdain.

"I don't understand," Darkos said.

"It's a figure of speech. It means something that's older is starting to grow decrepit." She started waveing her hands and murmuring incantations. All around her, dust floated off the suits of armor and various table tops. The candles burst into flames, filling the hall with a not unpleasant glow.

"No, I don't understand," he repeated.

"Well, when things are left alone for a very long time, no one can maintain them. Oh drat." She dropped her hands, looking at what looked like scattered, tiny stones on the ground. "We have mice. Guess the cats didn't stick around. Come on!" she shouts into the empty room. "It's been two years, you couldn't stick it out!"

"No, Geela, I don't understand!"

"What! The cats left, the mice are playing, and now I need to buy more cats to get rid of-"

"No, you died." Darkos couldn't believe it. "You died and I saved you. Like three times. You always told me how lucky you were to have a priest traveling with you." He could see Geela's various grisly fates flash through his mind like some storybook from hell. How had any of this been part of some master plan?

"Well, I was lucky. My damned ex-husband Barney was a real piece of work. We split the chores, 50//50. I was in charge of the evil schemes, taking over countries, cursing royal children, stealing precious artifacts. He was the house spouse. Took care of the castle and all the guardians to protect it." She snapped twice and the large double doors at the end of the hall opened, leading to a truly disgusting dining hall. A nauseating odor wafted out. "Damn him to hell, he'll pay for this. Never trust your spouse to guard your evil castle. He'll change all the locks."

Darkos covered his face with a rag as he followed Geela into the dining chamber. She just didn't look the part, all frail hands and bouncy gold locks. "I resurrected you. The sea monster that guarded the lake we had to cross-"

"See, he knew I hated krakens. I didn't even know he put one in the lake. That was my bad; I should have assumed something was fishy, beyond just the piranhas."

"But the hydra-"

"That one hurt the most. Emotionally, not physically. Kraken takes that inglorious cake. But Silvy... I raised her from a hatchling." Geela closed her eyes, allowing herself a moment to mourn the twenty-three headed fiend. "All the monsters guarding the castle were controlled by a codeword that we were both supposed to know. What a prick." The smell in the hall had lessened as the rotting food across the tables began to disintegrate into a fine powder. "Looks like he invited all his buddies over to trash the place before skipping town."

"That cursed potion though-"

"I figured at the very least that would be safe. I kept the antidote so I figured even if I grabbed the wrong one, it'd be fine, but as soon as my hair caught fire..."

Darkos had spent endless nights praying to his God in order to maintain the power necessary for all the resurrections he'd cast, never knowing this was just a case of an evil queen who'd been locked out of her home after a nasty breakup.

"Oh, nice. Look at this. In my own hall." Geela held up what could only be a skimpy undergarment, the kind succubi and harpies often wore. "And feathers too. Did I mention he cheated on me? That's what really started this whole," she waved a hand at the much cleaner room, "debacle."

"No, you didn't tell me that. I think you conveniently left out a lot." Darkos crossed his arms, feeling distinctly betrayed.

Geela looked at him, her already sugar-sweet eyes softening further. "I didn't mean to take advantage, I really didn't. But I needed an escort."

"I thought you were helping me defeat the evil sorceress."

"Well, I mean, yes, I did tell you that. If lying upsets you, you'd blush if you heard what I did to the King of the Southern Polar Region." She sighed, fixing the hall with a glum stare. "Alright, this is going to take hours to fix up. And I promised you tea. Still interested?"

Despite himself, Darkos nodded, and the next thing he knew, he was sitting across from a worked up Geela, bemoaning the betrayal.

"Never marry a man named Barney," she said, as she drowned her sorrows in another cup of tea. "In fact, just don't marry. Not worth the headache."

The two sat in silence for a few minutes after this, before Geela drained the last sip of her tea.

"So what do you think? Rest for a few days, pick up the place, and then head out?"

"Head out!" He blinked, baffled.

"Well, I need to get revenge. And you know how clumsy I am when adventuring. It's really not my thing but the bastard does need to be taken down a few pegs." She stood up and brushed dust off her baby blue gown, before fixing Darkos with an emerald stare. "What do you say? Up for another adventure?"

By all rights, Darkos should challenge her on the spot. He could probably take her down in a duel and put an end to her lifetime of crime. Hell, just for the personal insult, he had a right to fight her.

But then he thought of the adventures, the late nights drinking ale by their firepit and the subsequent hungover battles when they were jumped in their sleep.

He sighed. "When do you want to head out?"