《Necrotourists》Intermission: Laughter in the dark
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“Take a seat,” The voice at the end of the table told me. The room that I was in was damp and dimly lit. In the middle of the room was a floating table with a lamp on the middle of it, along with other figures floating on the air. The seat offering was just a dumb inside joke among us.
All the figures were snickering at the usual joke as I floated up to my position. At the head of the table was another figure, with just their hands on the table visible. Their hands were scarred from a countless battles but slim. It tapped onto the table then the head figure started to straighten itself up.
“As you all may know….the ancient evil has awoken. Nappy nappy time long gone!” The feminine voice broke the silence. A month or so ago, we sensed a great coming of the ever-befouling dread. We had waited for decades, perhaps centuries, for the great return. I could hear my heartbeat getting faster, sweat was dripping down my forehead and a huge grin on my face appeared.
“We’ve sent spies to work on sabotaging every nation, such as Aon and that damned United Fortresses, that could pose a threat to our...heh...heh….SPRING CLEANING.” She started laughing hysterically, slamming her fist on the table. The rest of the figures started laughing like maniacs with her as well, not even I was saved from such. We don’t know why, but it was just so hilarious - The fact that we would soon cause massive genocides once more.
My head was hurting so much, I took out my sheath and started hitting my head with it. I looked to my left and saw a figure laughing with a painful expression. One of the figures stabbed himself with a dagger and we started laughing harder. The figure with a dagger stuck to his throat choked on blood momentarily before dropping dead. He was soon replaced with another figure who was waiting on the floor.
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Indeed, we were all insane. These so-called meetings were a grand ‘tea party’. We indulged in torture, massacre and all kinds of fucked up shit. Our people had such a strong affinity with magic that we were all psychopaths. We played the other races as sweet, innocent beings, until we plunged the continent into chaos and fire. Unfortunately, some bastardous gutless worms showed up calling themselves the ‘heroes’. We were driven back into silence for centuries...until now.
“When shall we begin?” A voice asked. We stopped all our laughter then the visible hands tapped on the table again. She randomly started to hum a song to herself, she put one of her hands to her chin then asked, “If we are aware that the ancient evil has awoken, so would the mortals. Have the heroes appeared yet?”
“I heard a group of adventurers who have no fucking brains was assembled in the human kingdom of Angolia and was proclaimed as heroes. Fucking idiots. Let’s kill them and eat their brains. Oh wait, they don’t have any,” A reply joked and we all bursted into more laughter. It took us a few minutes to compose ourselves again. The head figure once again hummed to herself. She really liked that song, huh. Well, I do, too.
“We need to attack the dogs of the south while they are still complacent. They won’t be ready when we hit them hard. They thought we were dead. Well, you could think everyone is dead when you’re dead yourself, right?” She laughed.
“They call us demons, but they’re wrong! We’re all demons, all of us! The humans are demons, the dwarves are demons, everyone are demons!” One of the voices resonated in the room and everyone cheered.
“Except for the lycans,” Someone commented with a soft voice. Everyone quietly nodded to that. Mangy mutts. Who even uses piss as their written language? We continued to plan the demise of those who are anyone but us - Since once everyone was dead, we’d plan to demise of each other instead!
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“Aaaaand? Who has dibs on what?” The voice as the head of the table asked. She removed her hands from the table and placed her dagger on it.
“Downtrodden Tricks, what’s the progress on the mess at that shitty place ran by that bitch of a vampire?” The head voice asked.
“Oh, man. Things are starting to get really hot there!” Someone answered and we all chuckled.
“Good...good. We’ll need that place under our foot. Not after that bitch took down our curse. Damn her! Now, who’s up for destroying some snobby kids who thinks they’re heroes?” The voice repeatedly stabbed the same pointed at the table.
“Regrettably in Vain should take some minions with her and test their mettle. We don’t want to send everyone to smash some skulls just because some lunatics proclaimed to be some goody two-shoes!” Someone suggested and everyone discussed quietly among themselves.
“Hm….good. Yes, yes, yes, yes. That’ll do! That’ll do! It’ll be a wonderful tea party! Take General Rivers with you, Regrettably in Vain!” The one at the head of the table happily replied.
“Very well, mistress. I’ll make sure what they’re doing are just in vain, just like my name!” In Vain answered. We had more wonderful discussions like who should go and assassinate some kings and which kingdom should we ravage first. As the meeting died out, we all left to do our given tasks.
Everyone flew away in different directions. Soon, only I and the one at the head of the table remained. I slowly flew down to the floor, and turned one last time to the figure. She continued to hum the song that we all loved.
Oh, the rain’s changing to red,
Oh, send everyone including us to the void,
Our wondrous time for slaughter is just ahead,
We’re all so thrilled, so overjoyed,
Because the rain’s changing to red!
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