C25 Trash Potion

Eddie didn’t actually make poison straight away. He forgot he needed litres of the acidic grotchbelch to act as a binder for the liquid. So, while Frank headed out to get some, he started working on the new trap. The incense had sparked a devious plan inside the trashmancers head and he wanted to act on it quickly.

He dumped out all the iron in his inventory, carefully placing the steel in a safe place. He put a bunch of the iron inside the smelter and started making casts for it. Eddie had been thinking that if monsters were just lured to it, then they could be lured just easily into a trap. And at the bottom of the trap, there was going to be large iron spikes.

He was hoping to dig a large ditch around a small platform which would be raised in the centre. He would then light the monster incense and just sit back and relax. It seemed Eddie was not an idiot as he had just thought up an AFK experience grinder.

“What do you think?” Eddie asked Robo.

“Woof, woof.”

“I know, I am a genius. But, I don’t know if it even works yet.”

You have levelled up Smelting I→II

Smelt 6(+1)% faster. Metal is now 6(+1)% lighter.

“C-c-cool.” Eddie brought up his stat sheet.

User: EDDI3456

Level 4 (0 Points to Allocate)

Progression to next level: 2430(+650)/3900 EXP

Titles: Mage, Homeowner, Landowner, Landlord,

Stats:

Constitution

4

Wisdom

13

Health

40

0.4 HP/S

Strength

3

Intelligence

13

Stamina

30

2 SP/S

Dexterity

2

Luck

5

Mana

190(+60)

1.3 MP/S

Endurance

3

Charisma

(-1)x-7=7

Status Effects:

Smelly III: -6 Charisma

Dirty II: -3 Charisma

Classes

Professions

#1

Trashmancer

#1

Golemancy

#2

None

#2

None

#3

None

Passive Skills

Skills

Spells

T1 Trashman’s Eyes Rank II

None

T1 Trash Chute Rank VI

T1 Metalworking Rank III

T1 Trash Wall Rank VI

T1 Engineering Rank I

T1 Golemancy Rank II

T1 Weaponsmithing Rank I

T1 Cartography Rank II

T1 Armorsmithing Rank I

T1 Smelting Rank II

Perks (Class)

Perks (Profession)

Trashmancer’s Deodorant

“Level 4. Damn, Eddie, you’re insane. You’re an animal,” he said, flexing his biceps. He suddenly realized he was still wearing the mismatched armour and took it all off. He placed it in a box and sifted through the rest of his inventory to clean it out. Eddie called it detoxing.

He pulled out the bone sculpture he got from the raid boss and put it on a shelf. It was only small but a nice reminder of his first raid boss. He then thought back to that strange message he got. He scrolled down and eventually found it.

You have befriended Raid Boss ERROR ERROR ERROR.

What the fudge did you just-

Mutated Giant , Level 18 now looks upon you in a favourable light.

All goblins in Goblin’s Gulch now look up on you in a favourable light.

“Huh,” Eddie mused. “System, you want to help me out here?”

No.

“Why not? Is it ‘cause you fudged up?”

… Maybe.

“Awww, look at you- so shy. Even you aren’t perfect,” Eddie said with the most passive aggressive tone he could muster.

Shut up.

“No, but for real, why? Why did I befriend a raid boss?”

*Sighs*

“Don’t give me that tone. I’ll call Socks.”

No, no, no. Right. I’ll tell you.

Basically, high ranking NPCs- you can gain favour with them. So, kings, queens, nobles, guard captains etc. For some messed up reason, the raid boss counted as one and therefore, now likes you. Same with his goblins.

“Ohhhh,” Eddie said. “So I can just stroll up to him?”

Basically. He’s now able to leave the raid boss area. Yeah, alright, I may have fudged up.

“Hey, we all make mistakes. What does that mean in the long run? Is he going to come over for brunch or?”

He will act as a normal NPC, while also still being a raid boss.

“So we can fight him outside of his room?”

Uhhhhh, hold on. Yeah, but only he can initiate it. So don’t tickle his toenails.

“Oh, ok.”

“Sir, who are you speaking to?” Frank said with a huge keg of black bubbling liquid in his hands.

“Just myself Frank,” he lowered his voice, “Thank you.”

“Are you sure you shouldn’t see a psychologist, Sir? That was a full conversation; there are bound to be some NPCs who could help.”

“Frank, I may be shirtless, dirty, fat, ug- ok. But I don’t need a psychologist.”

“Yes, Sir,” Frank reluctantly dismissed. “Where would you like me to place this keg?”

Eddie clicked his teeth as he looked for a table that wasn’t cluttered with junk. “Uhh- oh.” Eddie swept off a bunch of meat and scrap metal from a table with a clean karate chop.

“Good choice, Sir.”

“Right, now where to start.”

The iron in the smelter started to bubble and Eddie ran over, panicked. “Fiddlesticks!” he shouted as he tried to blow. “Ahh! Frank, can you pass me those casts.”

Frank hurried over to the casts and placed them on the table. Eddie grabbed the tongs and heaved it up. He tried his best to pour it well but it was so volatile and it ended up splashing everywhere. However, it did fill up the casts. Eddie kept blowing on them but was handed a large fan by Frank soon after. He waited until they were all cooled down before popping them out of the casts.

You have created 50 Iron Spikes.

+50 EXP

You have levelled up Weapon Smithing I→II

Work 6(+1)% faster when making weapons.

“Phew, all in a hard day's work. You know Frank, it’s getting real boring just seeing the ‘working faster’ bit, couldn’t they be more creative. I can barely feel the difference sometimes.

Don’t look at me. It’s the author's idea.

“Yeah, I know, I know. I just hope that they get more creative.

“Well, Sir. You have to understand that in terms of the game’s iceberg, you are still on the top.”

“Iceberg? Frank, are you just calling me a noob?”

“No, Sir. What I’m saying is, that you have yet to put any skill into tier 2, even a profession may drastically change when it reaches that stage.”

“Ohh, the iceberg, yeah I’ve seen one of those. So I just have to keep grinding the skills.”

“Precisely, Sir. It would be best to specialize in one skill for now. Golemancy would be a good one since you do want the Golemancer class.”

“Yeah, but- I don’t know. It feels pointless to try levelling it if I don’t have a spare core.”

“Then get another profession. You like making things out metal- Metal Working. You li-”

“I get the point, Frank. The one thing I didn’t really do was weapons and armor in real life. Perhaps I could specialize in those?”

“Up to you, Sir. You have yet to try your hand at alchemy. The world is your oyster, Sir.”

“Yeah. I mean, armour’s kind of meh… Weapon smithing. Yeah. Thing is, I can attach armour to you guys without actually having to make the armour. That’s all good but weapons mean everything.”

“You are right there, Sir. You still have that steel.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Eddie mused, rubbing his chin. “Well, let’s have a go at alchemy and see what we can make- wanna help?”

“It would be my pleasure, Sir. It has been a while since we’ve had some privacy between the two of us.”

“Ugh, tell me about it. I hate people.”

“Good joke, Sir. I have bought some glass vials from the market along with the appropriate wares.”

“Cool. So, what have we got?”

“Goblin eyes, goblin liver, goblin blood, trash panda tail, acidic grotchbeltch and human blood, Sir.”

“Human blood?” Eddie questioned with fear in his face.

Frank was holding at least half a dozen vials of the stuff in his hands which he quickly threw over his head. “You must have misheard me, Sir. I said, human spit.”

“No, I’m sure you said-”

“Sir, I would never drain a fresh corpse of its blood. That is completely immoral.”

Eddie just wanted to forget it at that point. “Alright,” he said, examining the beakers and funnels on the table. “I feel like I’m making potions in the second grade.”

“Well, Sir, we are making potions.”

“Yeah, good point. Right, uhh- so we use the acidic grotchbeltch as a base for everything since it naturally kills people,” Eddie said as he scooped up a beaker full of it from the keg. “Do we boil it?”

“That’s the exciting part, Sir,” Frank explained.

“I think since it’s really thick.” He pulled out a stove with a small heating crystal inside of it and placed the beaker on the top. It boiled very fast and was far more volatile than before; it was also less viscous.

“Ok, now let it simmer down now,” Eddie said as he examined the handful of goblin eyes he had.

{Goblin Eye}

Grade: Uncommon

Description: Used in necrosis concoctions.

“Con. Coct. Tions. I like that word,” Eddie mused.

“It does appear to have a nice pronunciation, Sir,” Frank added.

“Do we chop it or something?”

“Have you ever watched Harry Potter, Sir?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, you are actually meant to crush it to release the liquids inside rather than to dice it.”

“Honestly, if the company is that unoriginal, you’re probably right.” And so, Eddie pressed down on the goblin eye with force until he heard a loud pop. The sound was awful and it made him cringe. “So, I just put it into the liquid and…”

It just fell in, there was no sound or notification accompanying it. It was just a crushed goblin eye floating in black acid.

“Sir, you forgot the key ingredient.”

“Please, go on.”

“MaGiC.”

“Why’d you say it like that?”

“Magic?”

“Yeah, you said it weird.”

“I never mispronounce words, Sir,” Frank protested.

“Ok,” Eddie said. “Moving on. And I just will my mana into it and-”

The beaker suddenly glowed a dark green and grew hot in his hand. Frank quickly took it from him and watched as small flickers of dark magic oozed out of the top.

Great Scott! You have crafted a new poison!

+10 EXP

You didn’t need to squeeze it or boil it but at least you thought outside the box.

You are able to name your poison.

Please think or say the desired answer.

“Frank, we made a new type of poison. We have to name it. Green Grutch? No- Acidy Ale? Frank, can you chime in?”

“I’m still thinking, Sir.”

“Tch, tch, tch, ahhh, why is naming everything so hard? Poop Poison? No, that's something Bear would say.”

“I have it, Sir: Eyed Pale.”

“Frank, that’s terrible.”

“You asked, Sir.”

Eddie sat down as his synapses tried to connect the right dots. “Poison?”

‘Poison’ has been taken.

“Well duh,” Eddie spat to the air in front of him, getting a wary look from Frank. “Ooo, I got it, Frank. Are you ready? I call it: Poisoned Poop.”

“Sir, you said Poop Poison was something bear would say,” Frank reiterated.

“... Yeah… But, do you have any better ideas?”

"Alementy Acid!” Frank exclaimed as a light bulb lit up the room.

“Alementy? Like ale?”

“Yes, Sir. It is not a real world but when should it ever be?”

“Yeah, I like your thinking, Frank. Ok, system, we’re naming it Alementy Acid.”

You have named your poison Alementy Acid!

X4 {Alementy Acid}

Grade: Common

Description: A poison made from a goblin eye and acidic grotchbelth

Effects: +4 HP/s for 30 seconds, +2 MP/s for 30 seconds, +2 SP/s for 30 seconds.

“Yes!” Eddie celebrated.

You have learned the skill Alchemy!

You can now craft up to common potions. Work 5% faster when making concoctions.

“That was fun,” Eddie said. “It kinda sucks, it gives me more health than mana.”

“Well, Sir, it’s a multi-poison. If anything, it’s better.”

“Yeah, you’re right Frank. Now we should try and make some alcohol. I was thinking of diluting the acidic grotchbeltch and then adding the goblin liver to it.”

“That may work, Sir. I do believe the goblin’s liver is used in beverages and the grotchbeltch may add that bite that most alcoholic drinks have.”

“Exactly what I was thinking,” Eddie agreed. “Should we dilute it with water?”

“Yes, Sir, I have already prepared some water buckets for you.”

“Huh, strange.”

“Pardon, Sir?”

“Well, we’ve never had a water source in the trash dump. Seems like a plothole that should have been thought through first.”

“Likely lazy writing, Sir,” Frank insulted. (Screw you Frank)

“Must be,” Eddie said, gazing off in thought. “Right, the water.”

He started off by pouring a quarter of a cup of acidic grotchbeltch and then a full cup of water. Eddie tasted it, finding it to be just the perfect amount of bite and yet soothingness a drink would bring.

“Hmm, doesn’t taste alcoholic,” Eddie noted.

“Try adding the liver, Sir.”

Eddie picked up the small slimy substance and wrinkled his nose up at it. It smelt… Kinda good. He tried to move it away but found the smell was too enticing. His tongue wiggled out of his mouth and tasted the delicious treat before him.

“Urm, Sir?”

Eddie quickly pulled away while clearing his throat. “My bad, my bad.” He brought it down on the table and cut it up into fine slices. He poured it into the mixture and flowed his mana into it. It coughed and sputtered, and soon it glowed brightly.

Before glancing at the notifications, Eddie tasted the mixture. “Kinda weak.”

“I wouldn’t know, Sir.”

“Wait, hold on-” Eddie’s tongue gathered spit around his mouth and dropped it in; It did the weird glowy thing again. He tasted it and if by some MaGiC, it now had that strong alcoholic taste.

“Disgusting, Sir,” Frank remarked honestly.

Sweet! You have made a new beverage.

10 EXP.

You are able to name your beverage.

Please think or say the desired answer.

You have automatically patented this drink.

Note: Patenting can only be done with strictly commercial products.

“I’ve already thought about this one, Frank,” Eddie said proudly. “Goblin’s Gunk!”

{Goblin’s Gunk}

Grade: Common

Description: A bitter drink with sizzling aftertaste.

Only you can see this:

Minimum four needed to experience the ‘drunk’ effect.

“Not bad, Sir,” Frank complimented. “If we keep that same level of strength, then they will need to buy four of the drinks to get drunk.”

“So more money for us?”

“Precisely. Screw the players.”

Eddie started maniacally laughing. “Watch out Capitalism, here I come.”

Eddie spent the next few hours making more drinks and poisons. It was fun to do something which didn’t involve metal for ince. Frank too helped and the two enjoyed the time together which they hadn’t done in a while since the whole refugee crisis happened.

Eddie was moisturizing his mouth as he sat on four kegs. The whole spitting method caused his mouth to get really dry like his sex life. He got up and headed for the basin, passing multiple players and NPCs on the way.

“Hey, Eddie!” Denzel shouted next to a metal frame.

“Hey, Denzel,” Eddie said, heading over to him. He noticed that other players and NPCs were helping him build up the bar.

“Why is everyone helping?”

“‘Cause it’s a fudging bar, you don’t understand how much people want a drink if you know what I’m saying.”

“Is everyone alcoholics here then?”

“No, Eddie, man,” Denzel said, chuckling. “Most of them just wanna help.”

“Good afternoon, Master Eddie,” a little NPC girl said to him. She curtsied and ran over to her mother who was carving out a wooden bar.

Eddie placed his hands on his hips as he smiled. They were using their own materials, it was amazing.

“Everyone loves you round here, man. You should be happy.”

“I WOULD LIKE TO ORDER A LARGE BIG MAC WITH A SIDE ORDER OF GARLIC COVERED TOES!”

“See,” Denzel said, “Even Bear says he likes you. Bear hates most people.”

All Eddie could do was smile. “Oh, I brought some alcohol if you want a taste.”

Denzel’s eyes lit up like a christmas tree. “You made some already? How?”

Eddie pouted while kissing his teeth. “It would be best not to tell you how I made it.”

“Alright, I guess it’s kinda disgusting.”

“Oh, you have no idea... It tastes good though,” Eddie declared as he brought out an enormous keg. “Everyone come round for a break!” He really wanted to give to them,

Soon, a bunch of players and NPCs took a well earned break in a circle and Eddie handed out cups of Goblin’s Gunk.

“This is not bad,” Viktor declared. “Not as good as Russian vodka but still adequate.”

“Ain’t you from Ukraine?” Denzel questioned as he sniffed the drink.

“No, there are many things I am, but I am not Ukrainian. I was born there- raised in the motherland.”

Eddie always thought Viktor was putting on the stereotype a bit too much. It was almost racist.

Denzel took a nice long gulp and Eddie watched him eagerly. After the sip, he pulled out a bit of goblin’s liver from his teeth. Denzel gulped the liquid slowly. “So this is why it’s called Goblin’s Gunk?”

Eddie reluctantly nodded.

“Huh, to be honest, it doesn’t taste bad when you get over the smell.”

“SPRINKLE SOME CHEESE DUST INTO MY WOUNDS!”

“Bear says he likes it,” Viktor explained.

“Well I’m glad,” Eddie said.

After Denzel finished his first cup, Eddie refilled it. More and more people came back for a second cup and Eddie was happy to fill them up. He could always make more by buying the ingredients from the NPCs.

“I really hope you guys don’t get drunk so you can’t finish it.”

“I feel a little tipsy since I haven’t drank in ages but I can still work… After another of course,” Denzel suaded.

Eddie laughed as he filled his cup up. “Alright, I’ll leave the keg. I need to level up.”

“You need help?” Denzel asked.

“I got a plan. I don’t know if it will work but I might as well try.”

“Alright, man. I’ll see you in a little bit then.”