C16 Trash News

Eddie opened his eyes in the real world to look at the ceiling above his bed. They then drifted to the window to see it was pitch black. He checked the phone on his time to realize it was three in the morning.

“Oh, damn, that felt like a few hours only.”

Time seemed to fly when he was having fun. He had been in the game for just under 23 hours yet it seemed like nothing.

He took off the VR helmet and yawned loudly as he did the weird morning stretch that contorted his body.

“Ah! Cramp! Cramp!”

Eddie hopped off his bed as his hamstring folded in on itself. But he slumped down to the floor as his legs hadn’t moved for an entire day. And so, Eddie was rolling around on the floor while holding his leg, performing a rather edgy dance move.

Once it had gone away, Eddie got up and limped over to the kitchen for a lovely morning/late-night/dinner snack. It consisted of a giant bowl of cereal before with chocolate milk and chocolate pillows with a side of instant noodles. He really knew how to live like a single man.

As he was stuffing his face, Eddie started to browse the news like he always did. However, he didn’t go to the channel that fed him all the worries of mankind, instead, the cursor glided over to the gaming news channel.

The screen switched to two very nerdy guys discussing the recent events in Chronicles Of Fantasy.

“To all the people checking in right now, we’re talking about the event that got announced in Arindought. Now, from the insider knowledge we got. This trash dump underneath the city was unfinished. That seems ok on the surface; there’s no problems with the layout or mobs but people can’t get out right now unless they have a T3 house which most people don’t since it’s still early from the game's release,” nerdy guy #1 said.

“The devs are frantically working to get the new patch out. It was originally meant to come out in six months but since this event triggered the devs are really back into that full time crunch and we really feel for them,” nerdy guy #2 said.

“Yep, poor devs. So, back onto the dungeon. We know it’s an open or field dungeon, ranging from level 5-50 and there’s dozens of farming spots that all the ranked players are currently using. We are encouraging players to not head down there yet, we know that the event is going on but having no way of getting out is a real pain when you’ve got piles of loot. So unless you only care about experience like the rankers, we suggest you not head down there yet.”

“We have some photos and footage of the different areas so far and a video from MiraNiraUWU who’s been constantly uploading footage from the dungeon. In only a few hours the total views have been over 100 million. So, let’s take a watch.”

“Oh, snap!” Eddie exclaimed. He guessed it was Mira since her username was similar.

It showed footage of her team grinding the monsters, using abilities and spells only Eddie could dream of. They were slaughtering undead in the hundreds. Viktor was running around headless while they all chased him into a trap where the rest of the team took them all out. Eddie could only but be impressed at their efficiency. He would not do it himself as the undead looked terrifying.

“Yep, the person’s called Mira and she’s been documenting her journey in the trash dump. We’re going to go to her live right now.”

Eddie started choking on his mouthful of chocolate pillows and ran over to the sink to spit them out.

“Hey guys!” Mira's chirpy fake voice came from the TV. She was in-game and trash was surrounding her.

Eddie turned around to watch.

“Hey, Mira, thanks for coming on,” nerdy guy #1 said. “So you’ve been down there for half a day so far? One of the very first people to actually enter the dungeon.”

“Yep, we got lucky and found a way in.”

“And, describe the situation to us right now.”

“Well, when you get used to the smell it's not so bad.”

The two nerdy guys all fake laughed.

She carried on. “We’ve been grinding non-stop since we got here. I’d only recommend ranked players to come down here right now since there’s no way of getting back up.”

“That’s what we’ve been told and thank you for clarifying that with us. Where are you right now?”

“I’m at our friend's base in the trash dump which is right on the border of the actual dungeon.”

“Base?”

“Oh, yeah. He wants to remain anonymous since he’s not a fan of his face being out there. He’s been here for much longer than us, he was shoved down here and had been stuck ever since. He has claimed a plot of land and is trying to get an inn set up so we can all store items and sleep.”

“Mira, would you mind showing us this location?”

“Sure,” she said, opening her map up on the screen.

“And he controls that huge area?”

“Yep, you can see all the people in the dungeon getting in parties and buying items from that stall over there,” Mira explained as the camera followed her words. It panned to Frank for only a second as he was handing a map to someone.

“Is that a golem?!” nerdy guy #2 asked.

“Yeah, that’s Frank, the owner made him.”

“Wow, that guy must be a talented individual. Could we take a closer look at him?”

Mira was slightly disgruntled as she wanted it to be focused on her but walked up to Frank regardless.

“Frank,” she said. “How are you doing?”

“I’m doing very well thank you, Lady Mira, are you recording?”

“We’re live,” Mira explained.

“Good day, viewers,” Frank said, nodding his head respectfully. Smooth Frank, smooth.

“What?! He’s British too?”

Eddie was having heart palpitations; it was going to burst out of his chest. There were over 60 thousand live viewers looking at Frank. He was just glad he had to log out.

“Yeah, he’s helping the owner run the stall and setting up the whole area. Should we get back to the grinding areas?”

“Sorry, Mira, that is both of our first times seeing an owned golem in game. So the best areas in the dungeon to farm?”

The camera switched back to Mira and she walked a distance away before bringing her map out and showing the nerdy guys.

Eddie quickly switched off the TV and he sat back down at the table. It all was becoming far too much for the little mechanic. Sure, he was enjoying gaming but now he had a lot to deal with. In truth, he just wanted to build golems and fling magic but now he had a stall and soon to be inn to run.

He let out a long sigh, wondering if he still wanted to play the game.

“What? Am I mad, of course I want to play the game. Stupid story, trying to swerve me. Go back to fondling Frank’s balls,” Eddie growled with a shake of his fist to the imaginary camera to the side of him.

Eddie started browsing more news channels about the game, finding them all to be discussing the new event that had taken the game by storm. Also, all the forums were exploding about Frank, talking about how cool he was and all.

“He’s not that cool,” Eddie whined. “But he is, ‘cause I made him.”

There was a part of Eddie that wanted to come out to the world; not to tell everyone he was gay but to say ‘Yeah, I built Frank.’. He knew that it would be a nice boost to his ego but he was not a person that likes attention. He would often hide when it came to his turn in school for his presentation. Plus, his father and ex-girlfriend would see it too and he definitely didn’t want that.

After a few more minutes of browsing, Eddie was itching to get back into the game. He wanted impatiently until the timer ticked down to zero; this time, he wasn’t influenced to buy any bundles.

Eddie flashed back into the game to find himself in a large hallway. There were rooms every couple metres and doorways were cut out with a window looking into the hallway. “Holy fudge,” Eddie said with a huff and his hands on his hips. He couldn’t believe Robo and had all this.

“Robo!” Eddie shouted. “Robo! Come here boy!”

He started to hear the sound of heavy boots thudding towards him. Robo skidded around a corner and was aiming straight for him.

“Robo! Slow down!”

It was too late, Robo was running with maximum energy; tail wagging and tongue hanging. Eddie held his hands up to block the attack but found they were useless. Robo tackled him to the ground and malevolently removed the skin from his face with his metal tongue.

“Okay, boy,” Eddie groaned. “How much did you do?”

“Woof, woof! Woof, woof!”

“I don’t know what that means,” Eddie responded as he managed to push Robo off himself.

He headed down the hallway and looked at the hundreds of neat hallways that Robo had carved out for him. There were tones of loose trash in the way but that could be removed with a few uses of his trash wall spell.

“Good job, boy!” Eddie exclaimed happily as he gave Robo the best scratch of his short life.

“Woof! Woof!”

“Right,” Eddie said, looking around. “I better clear all of this up and get started building stuff.”

Eddie cleared up with all of the loose trash that Robo had created and dumped it all outside into the large basin area. After that, he headed back to the new reception area to see how Frank was getting on.

“Frank!” Eddie exclaimed.

“Good to see you, Sir. How are the renovations going?”

“Oh, good, good. How many items did we get?”

“Follow me, Sir,” Frank said, hopping over the counter into the Trashlands.

Eddie followed Frank through wades of people. Many people were looking at him with Robo and Frank; Eddie couldn’t help but feel like a fudging badass.

“Here you are, Sir,” Frank said, taking a step to the side.

“Holy fudge!” Eddie shouted.

A huge pile of mattresses, scrap metal, lights and other things Eddie had asked for, all in one giant pile.

Eddie cleared his throat as he leant into Frank for a whisper. “How much did this all cost?”

“Precisely 18 gold, Sir.”

Eddie breathed in sharply as Frank held him up. “And urm-” he gulped, “How much did we make?”

“Forty seven gold in profit, Sir.”

Eddie’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as he fainted. He was swiftly caught by Frank who politely slapped his face a few times to wake him back up.

“Frank, am I in heaven?” Eddie questioned as he opened his eyes slowly.

“No, Sir, far from it.”

Not only had Eddie spent $18,000, but he had made $47,000 alone in coin for pure profit.

“Is this illegal?” Eddie whispered.

“Far from it; a good, earnest and lucky day's work, Sir.”

“I can’t believe it,” Eddie gasped. “Did we really just make fifty grand in a day? I feel like a drug dealer.”

“You don’t have chains or a range rover yet, Sir. Oh, but you do have a dog.”

“I’ll need to get those,” Eddie said in thought. He felt as if it wasn’t right. He could be greedy sometimes and tight with money but making such a large sum felt as if he had just robbed an elderly ladies pension.

“Alright,” Eddie said. “Help me take all of it inside, I have some serious work to do.”

And the serious work ensued. He had to build forty metal doors, bed fr-

“Wait, system, do the rooms need bed frames?”

Stop being a cheapskate. Make the damn bed frames.

“Fine, fine,” Eddie grumbled

Once he was inside his workshop; with barely any room to move, he went to work making everything for each room. He had sent Robo to make more rooms on the floor above.

“Ok,” Eddie said, talking to himself. “I need 50 of each for the first floor.”

He felt defeated before he even started; it was a lot of work for one man but there was no one else who could do it and no, there wasn’t going to be a random side character to help him.

Eddie stood up as he stretched. He needed to work hard and fast, and there was no better music to listen to than rap. With a hip thrust into the play button, eminem started blaring out of the invisible headphones. He tied his old starter shirt around his head and threw the leather chestpiece off. He was going to get down and dirt, just like he does it in the bed-

An hour in, Eddie’s hands started to feel numb from the constant vibrations. Cut, drill, cut, drill, cut, drill, cut, drill, cut; the line between metal and his hands turned into a blur. But when Eddie felt like he couldn’t go on, Rap God started playing. Eddie’s body started to shone brightly as his entire body felt rejuvenated. The drill and buzz levitated into his hands and he spun them both around his fingers. In reality, Eddie didn’t move any faster. He was purely in a placebo effect which, contrary to popular belief, actually helped him.

Once the song ended, Eddie collapsed down onto the floor and let his lungs breath from trying to rap it. Additionally, everything else ached.

+1 Constitution

You have levelled up Metalworking II→III

Work 7(+1)% faster when working with metal.

You have crafted 40 metal doors, 40 bed frames, 40 metal windows and 40 chests!

+160 EXP

“What?” Eddie croaked. “Only-” he coughed a few times, “Only 160 experience? Why?”

You put no love into your creations. You mass produced them which reduces experience. You’ve made all of them before. Lol.

“Whatever,” he grumbled. “So, how did I gain one constitution?”

When you work out in real life, your muscles get bigger. This doesn’t happen in the game but you are now stronger. And no, it won’t help you lose those love handles in real life.

“I did all that for one constitution?” Eddie wheezed.

The system didn’t respond.

He winced as he got up and went over to check how much he had made. In total, he had 40 doors, 40 bed frames, 40 metal windows and 40 chests. That was exactly how much Mira had asked him to make for their guild.

“I’ve done it,” Eddie murmured to himself as he defeatedly threw his arms up in the air. “Yay!”

Three knocks came on the door and Eddie crawled over. His fingers gripped around the metal handle and swung it open, hitting him straight in the face.

“Ah, fudge!” Eddie screamed as he rolled backwards clutching his nose and in turn cramping all his muscles again as he tensed his body.

“Jesus, Eddie,” Mira said as she bent down to his level. She brought out two vials of red and orange liquid and poured them down his throat. “Eddie, these are health and stamina potions.”

“Thanks,” Eddie croaked as the soothing liquid flowed down his throat. Surprisingly, they didn’t taste of anything despite how good they looked.

Denzel and Mira helped Eddie into a sitting position to let him recover.

You have ingested a Rank I Health Potion!

-5 HP per second for 5 seconds.

You have ingested a Rank I Stamina Potion!

-6 SP per second for 5 seconds.

Eddie grabbed his own throat as the life was sucked out of him. He panicked, wondering if Mira was trying to kill him.

“What did you do to me?” Eddie questioned, red faced with a sunken neck.

“What? What’s going on? Why are you losing health?”

Eddie’s health continued to trickle down, going into single digits and then down to exactly one. He gasped for air as the team struggled at what to do. “Are you trying to kill me?!” Eddie shouted with what little breath he had.

“Eddie, no, I gave you a health potion,” Mira explained.

Way to go! You have discovered a trait of the Trashmancer class!

Like how bad foods taste good, this effect is similar. When ingesting potions meant to help you, they instead cause an opposite effect. This one’s a real stinker.

Eddie started cursing at the air in front of him as the team watched intently.

“You ok, dude?” Denzel asked.

Eddie let out a long sigh. “Yeah, my class likes to fudge me over a lot.”

“Why would a class penalize you for drinking potions?” Viktor asked, cigarette still smoking in his mouth at the exact same location as before.

“Anything that’s good for me is apparently poison and anything bad is good,” Eddie explained as he himself tried to get his head around it.

“So you need poison instead of potions?” Denzel asked.

“BLOOD MOON CAUSES MY MENSTRUATION TO POOL OUT RIVERS OF UNRELENTING HATRED FOR MEN!” Bear calmly shouted.

“Eww,” Mira said. “That one was gross.”

“Apparently,” Eddie said as he stood back up. “I think the system hates me. And it always insults me too; it’s really mean.”

Denzel chuckled. “What do you mean ‘the system insults you’.”

“It insults me, doesn’t it insult you guys too?”

“Uhhh, no?” Mira said. “Oh, did you click on the experimental checkbox at the beginning?”

Eddie struggled to remember. “I might have done.”

“That might be why. Why were you on the floor when we came in by the way?”

Eddie nodded to the huge pile of items he had been making over the previous hours.

“You’re an animal,” Denzel stated as he looked.

“I am regrettably thinking of how many bombs you could build in the same time span,” Viktor remarked as he exhaled smoke.

“Dude,” Denzel said. “Why do you think Eddie is some kinda terrorist?”

“I do not think, I just know... You know.”

“Anyway,” Mira interjected, clearing her throat. “Do you want us to help you set all these up?”

“Really?” Eddie questioned. “Do you guys have any experience in this stuff?”

“Well you’ve done the hard bit,” Mira stated. “Besides, half of our guild is coming down here in the next hour and we need to get them all sorted. If we can get this done quicker then we can all get to grinding.”

“I thought your guild would be bigger,” Eddie thought out loud.

“We’re all pros and the Guild Master doesn’t invite just anyone,” Mira explained.

“Oh, ok,” Eddie said. “Yeah, you guys can help. We only need to make five rooms and then the inn will be completed. Then I think we can just add rooms.”

“Alright, guys, grab all the stuff and we’ll help Eddie.”

The word help was loosely mistranslated to annoy. By the time it took Eddie to make four rooms up, the five of them had barely struggled to make one. Eddie closed the door on his fourth one and an explosion of bells rang out all around him.

Subarashī! Kuwai!!! You have made a T1 Inn!

+500 EXP

You may give your Inn a name!

People are now able to book rooms at your reception.

You may set rules, price and dedicate rooms.

Inn Manager

Receptionist: Frank

Rooms available: 5

Rooms occupied: 0

You have earned the title Landlord!

“We did it!” Eddie exclaimed.

“You did it Eddie,” Denzel corrected. “Nice job, man.”

“I’ll put a message in the chat,” Mira happily said. “Thank you so much, Eddie. The whole guild is indebted to you.” She hugged him after but pulled away quickly as she realised how dirty he was.

“You guys go meet up with your guild, I’ll finish making the rooms.”