Arnold put on double the axe body spray as usual before he left his home this afternoon. He was going to Kat’s workplace, the name of which he still couldn’t remember but it didn’t matter because he was going to only be there for a second anyway.

He circled around the juice shop cafe whatever a few times, peering through the windows to make sure Kat was working, and then staring through for a while just to calm himself down. This woman was just tantalizing as hell from a distance and he didn’t want to pass up the opportunity to let his vision soak up her boundless expanse of breast after breast after butt after butt. As skinny as she was, she didn’t deserve the sheer level of sphere-like roundness on her beautiful body, and yet she had it anyway because that’s just the woman she was.

Finally, he worked up the will to enter the shop and saw Kat’s shining face up close. When she noticed him enter, though, her neutral expression didn’t change, not to a smile or laughter or anything of the sort. That made Arnold feel all awkward, so he shoved his hands in his jacket pockets and slumped over sort of like he was one of those badass movie guys like Mr. Taxi Driver or the Joker before he became the Joker.

He decided to come in swinging with confidence just like all the pick-up artist videos told him to, and before he could even let Kat speak, he spoke first:

“I don’t like Dorrik,” he said with seething anger. “He’s just some dumb idiot alien who isn’t smart and also has a Low IQ. Plus, I saw the way he was looking at you. He’s so into you it hurts me. Ugh, what a creep, you know? He’s gross.”

“They,” Kat corrected.

“What?”

“Dorrik is a they. Dorrik’s species doesn’t have the same gender stuff as humans, so they aren’t a male.”

“Oh, I guess Dorrik’s an X gender or whatever, okay.” He made a bunch of exaggerated gestures. “And I sexually identify as an attack helicopter, so I guess I’m better than Dorrik.”

“Arnold!” Kat shouted. “That’s uncalled for. What the hell’s gotten into you?”

“Dorrik!” he shouted. “I hate him!”

“Arnold... I’ve been doing some thinking, and--”

“I really think this whole Somnus thing was a mistake, too,” Arnold interrupted. “Half the point of playing this game with you was so we could spend more time together without...”

He stopped before he could finish the sentence. He felt terrible about it, and he saw Kat blushing like crazy.

“I just wish we could enjoy the tower better. You know, out here in the real world, there’s always cameras everywhere recording my every thought and action and saying weird things to me in whispers, and there’s always criminals chasing you around at every turn, especially really inconvenient moments. In the tower, we can just be ourselves, be... best friends.” He cringed hard at saying that last part.

“We’re best friends no matter what,” Kat said. “We’ve been that way for ten years, and it’ll never change, especially if you never confess like I’ve been waiting for for years.”

“Yeah, I guess we’ll just be best friends forever...”

He wanted to punch himself so hard. His vision blurred over, and if it weren’t super unmanly and disgusting, he might have even cried.

You know, now when he was being forced to become Anna’s consort, he could never marry Kat so long as Anna didn’t terminate the contract. Even if they finally fell in love with each other and wanted to elope, they couldn’t. Part of him wondered if Anna did this on purpose just to get back at Kat for dumping her...

There was only one thing he could do to ensure that Kat and Arnold could be together forever, and finally have lots of passionate sex while Arnold stuck his head in her boobies and stuff like that:

He had to fight Dorrik and win in a muscle-on-muscle duel, just like his vivid imagination kept telling him to.

He salivated at the idea of such a fight. Not only could he take that scaly, huge lizard down, but he could finally defend Kat’s honor and win her passions.

“I’m going to bed at five,” he said. “You better join me, Kat, or else.”