Episode 7 Part 1: Seizing the Spotlight

Flashes of a colorful castle barrage my mind. I see my mortal enemy, Flam. Oh, and Stalker is there too. So many quick images flash by that it’s hard to keep track of it all. Colorful creatures, heroic statues, Stalker in tears, catboy generals, a killer ball pit, a playground and some dark room.

Whose memories are these?

A hammer slams into my chest.

My vision becomes blurry and my hair shoots out to protect me.

Flam must have taken over my mind somehow. Okay, I have to figure out who I am and what I’m doing. Can’t risk annoying my audience with a forced amnesia arc. Only Kingdom Heartless can get away with recycling that trope.

My hair yanks the hammer out of the enemy’s grip and socks him upside the head.

My vision returns to me and my head clears up.

I’m in the Village of Doomed and I’m heading to the medical tent to make sure my prophetic stone doesn’t get taken in by a bunch of loveless virgins. Yeah. I remember it.

I am not letting the sexual predator steal my awareness again. I’m making this episode a special, so it’s going to be extra long! In that time I’m going to prove to everyone just how powerful of a hero I am.

“See. I was right. He just needed a good hit to get him in his right mind,” says Glasses Kid.

“Welcome back,” says Best Friend.

Well the catboys are gone, so it’s time to see what’s inside my medical tent.

I arrive in the tent to see something surprising. In my hospital bed is a big fat cat. It looked like the one I saw on the stone slab in episode two. It was twice the size of a hippo and had three villagers in its massive mouth.

Shit that reminds me, when’s the last time I ate? Great, now I’m hungry.

“Look, behind the cat. It’s your prophecy. I’ll distract it, you take the prophecy,” says Best Friend.

“I don’t understand. Where is he? This is supposed to be where the date is. How come his fat cat is here, but he isn’t!?” I exclaim furiously.

What am I saying? Urgh, Flam’s messing with my head!

“Let me handle the cat. I’m going to wrap it in a bow and put it in a box,” says Glasses Kid determined.

“If you were trying to act bad-ass…you failed…horribly,” I say, telling him the cold hard truth like any good friend should.

“I wasn’t…just forget I said anything,” says Glasses Kid with a blush.

The pissed off cat arches his or her back and meows furiously at us, ready to pounce.

“Will handle big cat,” says Brawny Babe, cracking her neck.

“Wait, don’t kill her!” exclaimes Best Friend urgently.

“He’s right. It’s the hero’s job to slay the dragon. I’ll initiate the last blow. Oh, and from now on that cat’s name is Fearsome Dragon,” I say firmly.

“No hurt feline friend!” yells Brawny Babe.

“She’s right.”

“Actually, she’s not. If you kill the cat, you’re bound to get showered in experience points. It is rather like a mid-boss, after all,” says Glasses Kid.

“His story is an anime, not a video game,” says Best Friend, slowly approaching the chubby kitty.

“It’s an isekai anime! Look, honestly I just don’t want to get eaten so kill it!” exclaims Glasses Kid, hiding behind me.

Best Friend turns to me. “I’ll end her life if that is truly what you desire,” says Best Friend.

And so another decision is before me. I’m stuck in the middle, wanting to please everyone. But I can’t. The cat is moving closer and closer to me.

Damn it, what do I do?

I collapse to the ground, feeling dizzy.

“Look what you’ve done to him. Maybe the cat will leave peacefully once she has had a little snack,” says Best Friend, lifting up Glasses Kid.

What kind of leader am I? My teammates are going to kill him. I could give a shit about the little prick, but he’s my friend. And friends don’t feed each other to fearsome dragons. I have to save him. I’ve decided!

I leap to my feet and rush Fearsome Dragon. I ram into her, my hair holding back those stubby arms from tearing me apart.

“I’ve got Fearsome Dragon. There’s no need to kill it! Just hurry up and pick up my prophecy!” I yell as the cat gnashes her teeth at me.

Glasses Kid broke free of Best Friend’s grip and ran to the prophetic stone. He then turns to me, a look of horror on his face.

“What’s wrong?” I ask him confused as my hair punches the cat into the air.

Oh yeah! I’ve gotten so strong.

“It would appear we are too late,” says Glasses Kid, trying to keep his composure while trembling.

Best Friend rushes up to the stone slab. He smiles a big smile and then hugs me. “Don’t worry. Mommy’s here for you.”

“Cut out the weird parent talk. What’s wrong?” I ask, pulling him off me and looking into his tear-stricken eyes.

“We’re too late. I’ve failed you Main. I tried so hard, but I failed you.” Best Friend embraces himself as he shivers in misery.

“Tell me what happened!”

Damn it. I should have stayed focused.

Fearsome Dragon is behind me, towering over me and looking down at her prey.

“Tampered with. Look at picture,” says Brawny Babe, hoisting up the stone slab with three fingers.

Impressive upper arm strength. Anti-SJWs can whine all they like about forced strong female leads. This woman is a powerful ally and I am glad to have her!

Brawny Babe brought the slab to me. My prophecy had been changed dramatically. There was a picture of an angry cat. My allies were dead on the ground, and my legs were in between her blood drenched teeth. My eyes turned to Brawny Babe, who looks upset rather than worried.

Episode 7 Part 2: General Mew Nyah

The only thing more surprising than the prophecy before me is the title. Here I am, realizing I’m going to die and the next thing I see is that. Look at it! What kind of stupid name is Mew Nyah? Wait, if this general is the highlight of the chapter, then maybe I don’t die. Either that or he kills me. Regardless, I’m not going down without a fight. Why isn’t Brawny Babe afraid? I know she was raised in the jungle…I mean forest, damn it! Okay, relax Main. Dying isn’t so bad. Everyone does it eventually. You’re just so awesome that you’re going to do it twice. Hells yeah!

“Forgot me,” says Brawny Babe on the verge of tears…womanly tears.

Seeing powerful Amazonian teen girl fantasy fuel like her sobbing puts me on edge. If she can’t keep it together than how the hell am I supposed to. I have to do something to help.

“Come on, Babe. Even if I die, I won’t forget you. That marshmallow was a permanent…a temporary sign of our friendship. Just because it’s gone doesn’t mean our friendship is. How do I explain this? In Yu-Gai-Oh Zero, the one before Duelist Kingdom. You know, the one where Atem was like a badass who judges bad people, kind of like Jig-Saw in a way, but with real games.”

Brawny Babe gives me a blank stare.

Oh, right I forgot the closest things she’s seen to television is animals killing each other in the wild.

“Anyways, when him and his friends are about to get smashed in a killer game of Tetris in Kaibuh Land, they don’t just accept death. They put their hands together, like the Supa Sentai! And then they use a marker to draw a portion of a smiley face on each of their hands. When united their hands make a smiley face, meaning everything will be alright even when your trapped in a billionaire’s killer themepark. The point is that even though the marker will fade, in other words they die. Their friendship will live on. It’s not the ink that’s important, it’s the symbol that has power. Now if they got a tattoo on the other hand, it would be a permanent sign. But then they would have to explain it to everyone they came across. Wait, that’s it! The marker! We need to find the marker!” I exclaim in revelation.

Who says anime has no practical value? Haters, that’s who. And haters suck!

“Good thinking, Main. And I must say I’m impressed by your eloquent words. Your passion for anime actually elicited feeling in my logical scientific brain,” says Glasses Kid with a smile.

“Jojos taught me to stay away from stylish strangers. Noruto taught me that the difference between right from wrong is your vocal volume and the power of your fists. Ikutoesan taught me that panty shots can come up in any scenario. Assault Titan showed me that if you’re a side character, your life is meaningless. Parasaite the Maximum made me realize that animals just want to live their lives like we do! And Ore wa Pico…taught me…uh…stranger danger! Yeah! That’s it! Anime is my mentor! I never learned anything from you,” I say, breaking his fragile self-esteem.

“Found marker,” says Brawny Babe with a smile.

“I don’t know how much longer I can hold her,” says Best Friend, using dual-blood chains to keep Fearsome Dragon down and showing absolutely no strain.

Brawny Babe pops the lid off the marker and got to work. In a few seconds she finishes. She then proudly shows us the result.

What the hell is wrong with this person!?

All she did was draw her corpse next to ours.

Great job, dumbass. I suppose she traded her smarts in for more muscle. Ugh.

“Let me see that!” I yell, grabbing it out of her hand.

I look at my hand to see that the marker was gone.

How did it vanish right before my eyes?

“Did you really think I would just let you live, Mew?” asks a voice from the shadows.

“Show yourself so you can meet your end,” says Best Friend, tossing a blood kunai in the general direction of the voice.

The figure came out from the shadows, holding the marker in his claws. He is a short little thing. I mean really short. His body is in the shape of a jelly bean. The little guy’s head is the size of a melon and on top of that head is a sailor hat.

Shit, another general. Aren’t there only eight? Wait, where did I get that info from?

“Cat want play?” asks Brawny Babe, using her bow as a stick.

“Only killing my enemies brings me joy,” says the cat general, hypocritically pawing at the stick.

“That is General Mew Nya,” I say.

“Um Best Friend, let’s leave this little guy alive, okay?” asks Glasses Kid.

“What!? So we can kill the fluffy monster but not the evil general!? You’re as fickle as a pickle!” I yell, rhyming rather than making sense.

“You almost used it in the right context. Come on, Main, try again,” says Glasses Kid, patting his knees as if trying to encourage a baby to walk.

I’m no baby. Not that I’m ageist against babies. After all I’m sure you were a baby once, a totally awesome baby like Beal.

“I’m not your pupil anymore, professor dipshit! Alright, General Mew Nya, hand over the marker,” I demand, turning my attention to him.

“My reputation precedes me, Nya. You can have this marker when you pry it out with your cold dead hands, Mew!” he exclaims, vanishing into the shadows.

Glasses Kid grips his chest. “The English language is under fire,” he exclaims in misery.

This cat general is a slippery little bastard. No worries. All I need is one good shot.

“Hey Friendship, wanna hold hands?” I ask my rocket launcher just to piss Ultima off.

“I don’t have hands, you $#!+head!” Ultima yells furiously, creating a powerful jet of flame.

General Mew Nya was hit head on. He was smoldering, and smoke was pouring out from his wide open mouth.

That was fast. I was hoping for a better final battle.

“Look out!” exclaims Best Friend.

No freaking way.

The little guy runs across the air and thrusts a dagger right into my chest. He then spins around, slicing me up. Best Friend knocks him off with a blood baseball bat, but the guy hardly flinches. Fearsome Dragon then jumps on Best Friend, opening her mouth for the kill.

“Stop!” I yell out in desperation.

Everyone froze. Fearsome Dragon diverts her attention to me, tapping her front paw impatiently.

“Look, I’m not sure if you all know this. Flam is in love with me. It’s as serious as cancer!”

But hopefully not as hard to remove.

“We know, Nya!” exclaims the general.

“Meow!” responds Fearsome Dragon.

“Well, considering that he’s in love with me, I don’t think he wants me dead.”

I only pray that my complex understanding of logic reaches these simpletons.

“Of course he doesn’t, Paw,” responds the cat boy.

“Meow.” Fearsome dragon rolls her eyes.

“Then you shouldn’t kill me,” I explain, using words to win the battle.

“What makes you think that, Mew?” asks the cat general.

“Meow?” asks Fearsome Dragon in confusion.

“If he loves me and wants me alive and you two are his underlings, shouldn’t you follow his wishes?”

“Meow!” The fat cat salutes the air.

“Not at all. I follow his orders. And his orders were to kill all of you, Nya!” yells General Mew Nya, rushing back into battle.

He stabs at Glasses Kid furiously, but misses nearly every jab.

“I’ve dodged spit balls from that ungrateful delinquent. Your attacks aren’t nearly as fast,” says Glasses Kid, hopping around.

“You’re trying to be cool, but really you just admitted that I trained you and you’d be dead without me!” I holler.

“Flam must really believe in you, right? You’re not going to let that belief go to waste, are you?” asks Best Friend, while Fearsome Dragon was pumped full of arrows.

“So sorry, mammal sister,” says Brawny Babe, crying into her arm and still managing one-hundred percent accuracy.

“I don’t understand. If he cares about me, then why is he trying to kill me? If only Stalker was here. I’m sure she would understand,” I say sadly.

Are they trying to confuse me so I summon up Flam? That’s too risky though, what if he takes control again.

Best Friend stabs a blood knife in Mew Nya’s foot and then approaches me. “Don’t you worry about this. Flam wants you to kill them. He’s testing you, Main. He’s only willing to risk your life because he believes in you. Prove his love for you isn’t hopelessly idealistic!” Best Friend thrusts his blood sword into Fearsome Dragon. “Farewell, Fearsome Dragon. Your death is a stepping stone to a better world.”

“Excellent work,” says Glasses Kid. “And good call on naming it Fearsome Dragon. Dragons are mythical beasts that are allegorically a symbol of human greed. Nobody can fault a hero for his actions if they have metaphorical significance, particularly if that significance is anti-capitalism.”

“Spin it however you like. It won’t change that she has lost her life…and I am responsible,” says Best Friend, pulling out his blood sword.

Fearsome Dragon knocks him aside with a backhand and then rushes at me. It was now my time to shine. My hair sharpens into spikes that shoot forward, piercing into her belly. The fat cat lets out a pained cry of distress before retreating.

“Just because the cat is there in the picture, doesn’t mean he killed you, Kitty,” says Mew Nya as he rushes towards me.

Glasses Kid moves in. “And that’s how capitalism came to be. Now, let’s talk about how the stories of dragons began.”

Mew Nya stops, grabbing his head in agony.

“Shut up, mew! Shut up, nya! Shut up, nyo! You don’t know anything about me, nyu!” he yells, squirming about.

“You shut up, gemma! Nice one, Glasses Kid. Keep it up, friend,” I say with a smile before snatching the marker from the general’s grip.

“If not die together, live together,” says Brawny Bitch, firing randomly in every direction.

What happened to that remarkable aim? Is she acting weak so the anti-SJWs don’t say she’s a forced over-powered. Shit. These critiques have real world consequences for your fellow white male, assholes! Mary Sues keep us realistic men alive with their mastery of the forced!

I leap behind the prophetic rock, using it as precognitive cover.

Yeah, I know that word too! Surprised bitches!?

“I know you want to be free of choice, Main. But what must be done shall be done!” yells Best Friend, giving me advice as vague as his lifelong goal.

Wait! I understand…I think?

I run back to General Mew Nya and thrust the marker down his throat.

“Great thinking, Main. That marker can be our salvation in multiple ways!” cheers Glasses kid.

“With this, I attain freedom!” I exclaim as my hair hardens and becomes a massive fist.

With a single powerful decisive punch of incredible awesomeness, I shattered the Rock of Prophecy to bits.

At that point, I had no idea what the consequences of my actions would be. Maybe if I hadn’t destroyed the rock, I could have checked it to see what would happen when I did destroy it. Wait…that makes no sense.

Episode 7 Part 3: Broken Prophecy

An orange mist covers the area.

I’m alive? Yeah of course I’m alive. That dumb cat general attacked my prophetic stone, not me!

“Ew, his blood is all over me.” Glasses Kid wipes the red blood cells off.

“It’s disgusting. It burns,” says Best Friend as he licks it off of Glasses Kids cheeks.

Damn that little brat! Best Friend is paying attention to him! Wait a minute! I know what to do!

I jumped into the puddle and get General Mew Nya’s blood all over me.

Yes Best Friend, tend to me!

“Main, you got his blood all over you,” says Best Friend, walking towards me.

Yes! Yes! Damn it, if only I went all Samurai Jaku and tore off my shirt in the midst of battle. Oh my god, he’s really going to do it.

Best Friend bonks me on the top of my head.

“Bad boy. What have I told you about playing in puddles? Take off your clothes, I’ll have to clean them for you,” he says with a frown.

“Guys, what are we going to do if the fat cat comes back?” asks Glasses Kid, getting back to his feet.

“Why did General Mew Nya suddenly explode?” asks Best Friend as he strips me.

“That’s what happens when you go against your boss. He was foolish to try and kill me,” I say.

Glasses Kid smirks. “Your injuries are all missing. Most interesting,” he says, while looking me up and down.

Best Friend rushes up and uppercuts him. “Pervert! Give him some privacy,” he says furiously.

“Hey, don’t hit your teacher. Am I going to have to put you in time out?” asks Glasses Kid upset.

“You never had power over me. Drop the act and accept your role as Glasses Kid,” says Best Friend, licking the blood off my clothes before dressing me up.

Old Dude comes into the tent. “You’ve defeated a catboy general! I couldn’t be more proud!”

“Your prophetic stone is gone. Yet you seem so cheery,” says Best Friend suspiciously.

“I can think of ten reasons for this. One: You wanted us to destroy the stone all along. After all, it never portrayed your heroes gaining a victory over Flam even once. Two: The stone was a memento of a person you really hated. You didn’t want to admit it, so you couldn’t destroy it directly. But now that it’s gone, you’re relieved. Three: The stone is actually a curse on the land and you awaited the day that a chosen one would appear and destroy it. Four: You have hundreds more. Five: You only cared about the stone because you won it in a raffle, but you questioned the practicality of the stone. After all prophecy based on luck is just a bit too shaky. Six: It reminds you of your old pet rock and you’re glad that you can finally move past his circumstantial death. Seven: The rock was placed here by Flamboyant Villain. By destroying it, we have waged war against him. You’re dismayed about this and are hiding it with a superficial smile. Eight: You always smile. You think frowning makes you look old. Nine: You have faith in Main no matter what obstacle he will face now. Ten: You’re blind and haven’t noticed that its pieces are strewn across the floor,” says Glasses Kid, before fixing his glasses.

“What do you mean it’s destroyed!?” exclaims Old Dude in incredible shock.

Number ten, we have a winner.

“What’s done can never be undone. Main is too precious to be bossed around by an ancient boulder anyways,” says Best Friend, putting his hand on my shoulder.

“Precious?”

“I meant powerful,” says Best Friend, turning away.

Oh he can try but I saw that adorable blush. Nothing hotter than a total badass showing their sweet side! Hell yes.

Old Dude looks to the ground solemnly. “To be honest, that rock never really helped our heroes win anyways. Besides, it was given to me by Flam. I don’t want a memento from that accursed traitor. This terrible stone has been a curse to the heroes. The villains always scribble horrific deaths of our saviors all over it. It’s not like they haven’t been mass produced either. We have exactly a hundred more ready for prophetic use. Flam only gave it to me because I won the village raffle. I don’t trust anything that is given away freely though. Oh, and this one reminds me of Rocky. I need to get past his circumstantial suicide and move on already. Be warned though, by destroying that rock you have declared war against Flam. He will not be pleased. I’m smiling now because I know that frowning gives you wrinkles. I am blind by the way. But I don’t have confidence that Main will overcome any obstacle. I lost faith in heroes after the betrayal of The Legendary Hero of Legends: The Legend. Turned out he was too good to be true, just like his name. They still tell legends of him,” says Old Dude with a smile, looking off into nothing in particular.

“Nine of my possibilities were correct! I shall never again underestimate the all-encompassing power of “and”! My inductive powers are unmatched!” exclaims Glasses Kid, patting himself on the back while laughing.

Wow, my teammates are so great! Damn I’m awesome!

“Wait, up. More generals arrived. You still have work to be done.” Old Dude leaves us the moment he finishes his sentence.

“We need to split up and find Fruity. The sooner we complete this quest, the sooner we can leave this crazy place,” I say.

“As you command,” says Best Friend.

Glasses Kid grabs Brawny Babe’s hand. “You’ll keep me safe, right?”

“Might as well.” She shrugs but excitedly lifts him up.

My allies run off, leaving me on my own.

Time to find a general and kick his ass. But first I should do the opening while I have the chance.

“I look into the sunlight! Ow! My ribs!”

I get launched back but don’t lose my balance.

“How dare you interrupt my opening! You are not Deo!”

Oh My God! What the hell is she doing here!?”

TomCat is standing in front of me. Her muscular, seasoned body is bloodied and is only held together by glowing white threads. Her caramel skin is lighter than before, likely from blood loss. Her sailor hat is removed, allowing her crimson spiky hair to be fully seen. The arrows in her knees, heart and throat have all been removed and the wounds are covered by cheap censor bars. The same goes for her eyes.

I can’t tell if she’s injured or not. Either way, how is she alive? She was decapitated!

“You’re looking as fine as ever, Tomcat,” I say, taking a step back.

That’s her name, right? Funny, I don’t recall her ever telling me it.

I look around, but none of my allies are nearby.

“It’s just you and me, hero,” she says, revving up the pistons in her gauntlets.

“It’s a bit early for a forced villain revival, isn’t it?” I ask, my hair seizing the hammer from a fallen catboy soldier.

“You’re the villain!” she yells, before running after me on all fours.

It’s eerie how her body is barely kept together by those threads. Hmm, maybe those threads are a weak point I can exploit!

My awesome hair thrusts toward her.

She jumps into the air, giving me the opening I was looking for.

My hair fist juts out, slicing into her threads…or not. Instead my hair gets tangled in them, as if pulled in by a field of gravity.

She tugs on the hair, making me lose my balance and fall to my feet. My back locks up as I’m being reeled in.

Friendship. Where is Friendship? I need Ultima! Without friendship I can’t get up.

I look around; Friendship is nowhere to be seen. I must have lost Ultima when my body was running on autopilot.

Damn, I’m running out of options and I’m being pulled in closer to my demise. Wow, she has really strong thighs. She must work out a lot to get that thicc.

“Do you want me to tear off your arms or legs first?”

Damn it, she knows how indecisive I am. I have to think of a way out of this. I’ve seen so much anime, there’s got to be something I can use.

Hakufu Sonsakufu appears in my minds eye. “Don’t burn bridges or you won’t be able to get home. Don’t think, but still think. A rolling stone gets the hell out of my way!”

All excellent analogies but they don’t help at all. Oh wait, yes they do! If I didn’t get a scratch on me while on autopilot, then maybe I should leave the fighting to automaton me! After all, no series is bold enough to kill their protagonist off screen. Sometimes the best plot armor is gained from staying out of the spotlight…or maybe sharing it! That’s it! I’m going to see what the others are doing first hand. I hope this works!

“My friends are in danger! As a hero it’s my duty to put their lives above my own. I’m totally not surrendering myself to a higher power. Point of View Split!”

It didn’t work. What if my friends are in danger!? What if Best Friend is injured? I’m such a damn failure. It’s moments like these where even generic harem protagonists step up with mythical bravery. I’m terrified. If I lose my best friend, what do I do? I’m nothing without him.

My self-esteem shatters, uh, just like I intended. And my point of view fragments.

I am surrounded by homosapian furrys wearing military uniforms. I of course am not concerned about this rather dangerous predicament because I’m a prodigy genius. “I surrender!” I yell in tears, cleaning my glasses so I can keep an eye on them.

They look at each other with expressions that express both their confusion and their inability to properly react in unpredictable scenarios.

I toss a smoke bomb into the group.

They rush out of the smoke and aim their crossbows at me.

“No more games,” says their commander.

He is obviously the commander because he is the only who has a bell on his collar, in case you were curious.

I walk up to them with confidence. “I’d be more careful if I were you. What you inhaled is a special poison I created. I takes a couple minutes but you’ll be bleeding out of every orifice if you don’t take the antidote.”

The catboy soldiers turn to each other with concern. “What do we do?”

“Hand over the antidote,” says the commander.

“Now why would I do that? Handing over the antidote would leave me nothing to bargain with.”

The commander fires an arrow at my feet and then presses his dagger against my throat. “Give it to me now!”

I cower behind my hands. “Please, don’t hurt me! Okay. I have it, but there’s only enough for one person.”

“Well we all know who’s the most deserving,” says the commander.

A stray arrow hits him in the back of the neck.

“Traitor!” yells the commander, oppening fire on his brigade.

I walk through the carnage, taking the commander’s special dagger for myself and gathering some rations from the troops.

A little confusion is all it takes to disarm simpletons.

I take a bite out of the kitty cat shaped dumpling. “Mmm. Delicious.”

An arrow shoots into the back of my leg and I topple to the ground. I look up to see the commander. He’s covered in wounds.

“Where is your squad?” I ask, reaching into my bag to search for something to beat him.

“They turned against me so they had to die.”

“You’re not worthy to lead them! A teacher must always put the life of his student before his own. It’s the basics of morality science!” I exclaim.

“Not another word. Give me the antidote or I’ll carve you…” He reaches for his dagger but realizes it’s not there. “Or I’ll fill you full of holes.”

“Great idea! Yeah. Here you go. Please, don’t hurt me,” I say, curling up into a ball and handing him the vial.

He drinks it and coughs up blood. “What is this? Am I too late?” his eyes go white.

“Sorry. I guess there’s no antidote,” I say with a quivering smile.

“What?” he yells, pointing his crossbow at me.

Oh it’s just too easy tricking high school drop outs.

I hold in my laughter, covering my puffed up cheeks.

“Are you mocking me?” He falls to his knees but keeps a steady aim of the crossbow at me.

“I threw a smoke bomb! Nobody was poisoned. You killed your platoon for no reason and what you just drank…well it’s poison. You have about…” I look at my digital watch. “Twenty seconds left. You can spend them praising my genius if you like or regretting all your stupid life choices. Your decision entirely.”

“I’m taking you with me!” he yells, pulling the trigger.

The arrow does not shoot out and pierce my forehead as he wanted.

“Did you know that round flower sap makes things really sticky? I might have touched your crossbow when you were murdering your students. I think the trigger is jammed.”

“You little bast…” His eyes go red but not from anger. Blood gushes out from his eyes ears and every other hole besides his pores.

Yuck.

“I would have used a less lethal poison, but you’re a bad teacher.”

“You certainly have an interesting past,” says the familiar voice of Fruity.

Aha! If I succeed in capturing her, then I will be the most valuable member of the team! She’s not one I can underestimate though.

“How long before Flam sells you off to pay off war debts?” I ask her.

“Flam protects me. I’m like a daughter to him and he’s my real father! He provides for me and is supportive of my dream.”

“He uses your powers to destroy his enemies. That isn’t love. Come along. As a teacher it is my duty to return children to their parents.”

“I’m eighteen. I’m old enough to leave the house and make my own future!”

I’ve reasoned with unruly teenagers before. Why is she being so difficult?

“Your father loves you and he regrets not supporting you.”

“My real father told me to bring you with us. With your smarts, you could be a catboy general in no time.”

“Alright, so we both want the other to come along with us. How about we play a guessing game. I doubt either of us want to settle things with violence like Neanderthals. If you lose to me, then your fortune telling isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and if I lose to you, well then I’m not worthy of being the Hero of Destiny’s mentor. Is it a deal?”

“A game, huh? My father used to quiz me on the medicinal properties of produce and then hid them around the village. It was fun searching for them. He was so proud when I found the pear in the prison.”

The prison! That must be where they’re hiding.

“Hmm. It isn’t safe here, why don’t we relocate to the prison? Unless you’re worried about sentimental blockages in your precognition.”

“The only thing I fear is a middle class life of simplicity. You chose the arena. I’ll decide the game.”

“Fair enough. Just show me where it is on the map,” I say, pulling out the map pad I swiped from a catboy general.

I slam into the wall and grip my aching sides. “Okay Main, you’re back. And now you know never to let Glasses Kid cook for you and to never trust a damn thing he says.”

“Are you talking to yourself?” asks Tom Cat, tilting her head. The strings stretch, having her head bend in an extra creepy way. “I do that all the time. It’s the only way I don’t feel lonely!”

Tears in her eyes. That should slow her reaction time. What would Bakki do?

I run up to her and grab her arms, pinning them behind her back.

“Oh, I used to wrestle with my little brothers all the time! And I always…” she slams me to the ground with a suplex “won!”

Pain rides up my spine like Speedsracer at full throttle. Shit. I’m down for the count again. How did I get back up when I was on autopilot?

“Come on, hero! Get up so I can slam you down again!” she exclaims, picking me up.

That was surprisingly helpful of her.

TomCat slams me down.

Or not.

Shit. My hair won’t move. I guess splitting my point of view lowered my power level. I hope it’s only temporary.

“Do you realize you’re sweating?” I ask her.

“Yeah. I get excited when I kill people. Don’t judge! Everyone needs a hobby!”

“Look, I just want to thank you. If I die here, well at least I got straddled by a cute girl. Do me a favor, tell them you took my virginity.”

Tough as nails girls like her are total softies on the inside. Just got to get in their head like Keimuh taught me to!

“Wow, you’re so pitiful! You think flirting with me is going to save your life. I like girls, dumbass!” she yells, twisting my arm till it snaps.

I can’t win against her if I’m conscious. Got to abandon my point of view again so a better player can take over.

“I’m pitiful and unworthy of the spot light! Point of View Shift!” I yell with great charisma.

Run through burning village. Hear cries from entitled villagers. Rush inside buildings, find only villagers. Let them burn.

Should all burn.

“Where are pets?” Huntress asks frightened human male.

“My children are in the bedroom. It’s blocked by ruble but you’re strong. Please save them. I just want them safe.”

Put hand on shoulder. “City spawn good for kindling.” I break shoulder and human male screams. “Where pets?”

“The attic! Why do you care!?”

“Why no care?” Spits on man thing and race down hall. Kick off ground, smashing through ceiling into attic.

Find pet. Eyes become swollen.

When last time cried?

Elf cub look up with hope. Arms and legs missing. Stubs only. Dog feet and hand attached to stubs. Electric collar.

Never make amends for this.

Hoist up elf cub.

Licks face and snuggles.

Must stop crying.

Leap through roof and jump down.

Must find more pets.

Spot ally.

“Brawny Babe, you shouldn’t run off without warning. Your suppose to protect Glasses Kid.” Hero’s Friend turn blood puddle into spikes making bigger puddle new blood. Notice elf on back. “There’s a well just down the road.” Boy bring up blood puddle to make wall. “Get her some water.”

Nod and rush off.

Nice boy, not like others. Friend to elves.

Catboy climb wall. Rushes at me.

Shield cub in arms, sliced by cat claws but cub safe, so okay.

Catboy stops, licks blood.

Big mistake.

Arrow pierces skull.

Shove hand into arrow, pops out head.

Good work.

Hi-five shadow.

Shadow best friend. Never leave.

Shadow smiles.

How shadow smile?

Shadow cuts thigh.

No! Friend never hurt! Enemy make friend hurt! Enemy pay!

Run down street, search for enemy while shadow cuts.

Armor knight in path, points twisted arm.

“Make shadow hurt me?” Huntress ask.

“Betrayer,” says knight in twisted hurt voice.

Enemy not knight. Enemy orc.

I come back into awareness. I was seeing things from Brawny Babe’s eyes while I was gone.

I am worried that she’s in trouble, but honestly, I think I need more help.

“I’m not…done yet,” says TomCat, spitting out a piece of flesh.

Did that come from my shoulder? Did she bite me? That’s so hot!

Okay, no worries. Apparently I got some good hits in while I was away. Tomcat now has some bruises on her face and her swimsuit is cut, revealing the caramel goodness beneath.

“You’re back now, right? Is that some sort of channeling technique? I don’t like it!” she yells.

Why is she always yelling? Is it a cry for help or does she just need to get laid?

“I was meditating. Believe it!” I give her a thumbs up. “Want to try?”

“Every time I try, I remember terrible things!”

“You mean the horrible things you did to those villagers!”

She throws a punch but I grip her hand with my hair.

“Your fighting is sloppier now. You better not underestimate me because I’m a girl!” she yells, before blasting my hair hand to pieces.

Oh right, those pistons let her create shock waves. Thanks subconscious mind for reminding me way too late! Ugh, so unreliable! My ego is the only one I can count on. Alright me, let’s show this villain who’s awesome!

“I am the greatest hero and you won’t stop me! Massive Hair Punch!” My hair fist hardens and slams into her, shattering her gauntlets when she shields herself.

Boom! That’s what I’m talking about!

TomCat skids across the ground.

Alright, that should have weakened her. Autopilot me better not let me down. I have to see what Best Friend is doing. I have to make sure he’s okay!

“I’m just a generic teen kid that is average in every way so that loser otakus can relate to me and buy my products! Point of View Shift!”

Wow that one, that one hurt.

In times of anarchy, the public often loot and commit violence. Fools. Moments of chaos are opportunity for activists to take action without repercussions.

Where was that petting zoo? Aha.

I find the zoo where all my animal brethren are trapped, but there’s someone at the entrance.

“Stand aside or I will cut you down. Those trapped animals will taste freedom today.”

“A fellow animal lover,” says the man. He rolls up his sleeves and shows me the numbers 7634420. “You think I’d stand guard here during all this madness if I didn’t care about them?”

“They deserve freedom.”

“These aren’t natural animals. GMCs, all of them. They escaped from a testing facility and my boss has made it his mission to provide for them. They wouldn’t be able to live in the wild.”

I don’t have time to waste here. Main is fighting all on his own. And I…I left his side. I need to go to him. He needs his mommy.

“Your boss has created a prison with his compassion. He has no right to take their freedom away.” I slice open the doors, creating an opening. “If they want to be here, then they will remain. The choice is now theirs to make.”

I run down the streets and spot a familiar face.

Even in a human cesspool of corruption, good people can grow. Banana Man is indeed akin to a water lily.

He waves at me. I spot a figure behind him.

A catboy general!

I slice my palms and form kunai as the generals blade comes down on a good person. The general’s sword slices into his back as I toss the kunai.

The sword shatters and the general is sliced by my projectiles.

I had feared his life was being turned into a catalyst for Main’s character arc. How did Banana man shatter the sword?

Banana Man’s coat opens up, revealing a mechanical arm coming from his back. The arm uses the broken sword fragment to parry the next strike.

I join Banana Man’s side and form a sword of blood. “Go find your daughter. I’ll handle this.”

“No. No more heroes are going to die to bring back a girl who doesn’t want to come home. The only one going after her is me.” Banana man dislocates his joints, becoming taller. His muscles tear his coat apart.

Such power and determination. This man is truly made in the abyss.

“Just decide already. I don’t care who I kill first. Oh, pardon my rudeness. My name is CatScratch.” The general pulls in the sword fragment and reconnects it to his blade.

“I’ve decided to bring your daughter back to you, not as a quest but as a duty to a man I respect. You can attack, but only do so when there is an opening. This enemy will not go down easily.

“Neither will I,” says Banana Man, spraying the general with a blue fluid.

“Expel!” yells the gerneral, sending the fluid off.

Banana Man just gave me the chance to end this.

I bring my sword down on my enemy but it stops in place.

Gravity manipulation, as expected.

Banana Man unfolds a lance and circles around behind the enemy. His jabs are parried by our foe’s exceptional sword play.

“My attacks are being pulled into his strikes. I can’t get a hit on him,” says Banana Man before tossing a flame grenade.

The grenade stops and slams into me.

A magician only needs a distraction to work magic!

I use a blood dagger to cut open my right arm. The extra blood lengthens my sword, pressing it into the enemy’s chest.

“No! I’m not dying! I am bringing you to Flam!” yells CatScratch, slicing my blood blade and stopping my attack.

“You’re loyal to a fault. It will be your undoing. Crimson Snake.” My broken sword uses more of my arm’s blood and elongates. It twists behind the enemy but is parried.

At least that’s what he thinks.

My blood sword coils around his second sword, giving Banana Man the perfect opportunity.

“I’m taking my daughter back from you.” Banana Man fires a pistol into CatScratch’s head.

“Nooooo!” yells CatScratch

A powerful gravity blast sends me off my feet and smashing into a building.

I’ve lost a lot of blood. If I don’t feed, this body will fail me.

“Are you like a vampire? That is so sexy,” I say out loud.

Oh, I’m back. Being inside Best Friends body like that was amazing! I have to go for another round. Wait. He’s in danger. I need to finish up here and come to his sexy aid.

TomCat lowers her fist. “Look, I get that you’re desperate and trying to psyche me out, but please stop flirting with me. It honestly makes me uncomfortable,” she says, looking away.

Awww. There’s that beautiful vulnerability. I hope my female readers won’t be pissed at me for exploiting her feminine side. I’m only doing it so I can save my super sexy best friend, after all.

“You don’t have to be ashamed. Your beautiful and if nobody notices that, then you probably already tore out their eyes.”

“I asked you to stop…it makes me think of bad things.”

Shit. If I attack her now then the entire me too movement will band against me. I’m a crowd pleaser. I can figure my way out of this.

“It was Flam, wasn’t it? He bragged about banging you in every room of the castle.”

TomCat turns away with flushed cheeks. “It wasn’t every room, sheesh. Okay, since you’re genuinely interested and I’m going to kill you anyways…” She takes a deep breath. “Flam is a monster and I hate him, but he keeps me safe. I love fighting heroes, sure. But killing weak villagers, it makes me sick. And when he wants sex I have to give in or else…he’ll abandon me.” Her face is completely taken over by tears.

I confront her and embrace her. “I’ll keep you safe.”

TomCat looks up at me with gentle eyes, sparkling with confusion and a bit of hope. “Huh?”

“My team killed you before, right? That means Flam failed to protect you! Why serve someone who failed you. We’ll keep you safe from Flam’s forces.”

Flam’s voice suddenly pops into my head. “Main, be a dear and seal those pretty lips. You’re supposed to fight her not comfort her.”

“What’s wrong, are you afraid?” I ask.

TomCat clenches herself. “Of course I’m afraid. I’m…still fertile. And I don’t want kids but that doesn’t mean I want to lose that. Flam isn’t who you’ll have to protect me from.”

“What?”

“You’re not strong enough to protect me.” TomCat shoves me off.

I lose my balance and fall over.

“My Best Friend is in danger. I need your help. I don’t want to lose him.”

TomCat rolls her eyes. “That’s not my problem.”

“How about a temporary truce. If you kill me, then you know my team is going to hunt you down. Flam wants me alive too.”

“Why do things have to be so complicated. Just do your zone out thing. I need some time to decide,” says TomCat, biting her thumb.

“Found me,” Huntress say, readying bow.

“Kill,” says orc in deranged voice.

Swings axe but Huntress duck. Shadow of axe cuts into flesh.

Must kill all orcs.

Rush enemy and shoulder ram.

Enemy teeter back.

Huntress grab and headbutt. Wretched scream as Huntress tear off helmet.

Want look away, but must focus.

Face sliced, nails and spokes, mouth dry, eyes pure white.

Such suffering. Must end.

Arrow fires but sliced by shadow axe.

Tip of axe grabbed by shadow friend. Swings toward face.

Cub on shoulder. Must protect.

Whisper enchantment as draw arrow. Fire in air. Explodes into light.

Can’t see. But can feel.

Jabs fingers into orc’s throat. Huntress tears off head.

Dead orc. Dead friend.

Steady breath and continue search for cubs.

“Are you done delaying our game?” asks Fruity.

All the prison cells are empty. Did they know I was looking?

“Yeah. I was just making sure we had a fair environment.”

“Alright, so we each take turns guessing something about the other. The first one to mess up loses. Simple enough?” asks Fruity, pulling up a chair.

“And we both are adept enough to know if the other is lying. You go first.”

“You’re looking for those kids, aren’t you?”

She’s too damn good.

“I…I have no reason to doubt the village, but as a teacher I just have to make sure they’re safe.”

“You just lied. You’re full of doubt. You can’t hide anything from me. Better be careful when your turn comes around.”

“Those memories of your father playing with you, they made you doubt your choice to leave the village, didn’t they?”

Fruity slams her hand to the table. “Getting personal, are we? Alright, you secretly respect Main. In fact, you envy him.”

Thank goodness Main isn’t listening in on this.

“Whenever you eat fruit, you think of your father.”

“Yeah, which is why I avoid eating fruit. I…used to look up to him. But he changed and so did I. Your parents went missing when you were just a little boy.”

This game is impossible for me to win. She can read my past flawlessly with her powers. But there’s a game within this game and that’s where I’ll achieve my victory.

“You loved riding on your daddy’s shoulders.”

“Stop talking about my dad already!” Fruity grabs me by the collar. “Got it?”

“I’m not breaking any rules. He used to blend herbs together to help you get over sickness, didn’t he?”

“It isn’t your turn! You fantasize about dating your female students because the taboo of it excites you. Ugh, little creep.”

“Hey, fantasies don’t hurt anyone. Unlike when you burned down the fruit stand.”

“What do you mean?”

“I saw your father rush in to put out the flames. His body was burned because of you!”

“I didn’t burn it! Ha! I caught you lying.”

“Nope. You actually fell into my trap.”

“Huh?”

“You admitted to lying about burning his stand. That is what you said when we first met, right?”

“That doesn’t count!” She slams her fist to the table. “That lie was before this game.”

“Of course it doesn’t count. The rules are about messing up, not lying. You only lose if you predict something wrong.”

Magic or not, she’s just another simpleton. I’m disappointed. When you’re this smart, everyone is just sooo predictable.

“Yeah.” She steadies herself. “That’s right and it’s my turn. You’re planning something. You don’t care about winning. You can’t back out on the deal. When I win, you come with me.”

“Despite running away, you beg Flam to spare your father every time he sends his army to this village. You even came here to make sure he’s safe. You love him, don’t you?”

Fruity buries her face in her hands and sobs. “You messed up. I…hate him. He didn’t protect mummy. He didn’t even try to save her.”

“He made a choice to save his little girl instead and that choice has haunted him to this day.”

“My dad. He’s out there right now. He’s going to get himself killed.”

Checkmate.

“What about the game?” I ask with a grin.

“Forget about the damn game.”

“I won’t budge unless you forfeit.”

Of course I can’t stop her either but those wonderful clouds of rage will absolutely make her overlook this.

“Okay I give in. You win. I’ll go back to my dad. Let’s hurry.”

“My legs are tired. Can you carry me?”

“Urgh!” She picks me up in her arms.

Getting her under my control would benefit me greatly.

I wake up to see TomCat shaking me.

“You awake? You didn’t hear me muttering to myself, right?”

“Actually, I didn’t hear a word.”

Except I may have heard Glasses Kid admits he envies me! Oh man, I can’t wait to rub it in his face.

“Did you see your friend? Is he uh, okay?”

My eyes widen. “I saw the other two, but not him. You don’t think he’s…”

“If you can’t change something, then don’t worry about it. Do that thing again. I’ll put you on my back and start searching for him.”

“So, then you decided to join us.”

“No. But I’m going to help you save your friend. All my brothers…were murdered.”

“By Flam.”

“No, by this village.”

Okay. Was not expecting that answer.

“Stop stalling. Do that thing and find your friend.”

“I’m a weak male literally being carried a strong female. Point of View Split!”

“Come back here!” I yell.

The enemy is fighting Banana Man. My vision is blurry and I’m using my own blood as a walking stick since my legs are broken.

A white knight steps in front of me.

“Out of my way. He’s going to die,” I say.

“Oh, you’re male. My apologies. Continue…bleeding out or whatever.”

Wait. I know this guy.

“White Knight, you’re a powerful hero. I need you to protect Banana Man. He’s in danger.”

“Men aren’t worthy to be saved. Every moment spent saving them is a moment I could be using to rescue the purer sex.”

“He has a daughter, she just turned eighteen.”

“Thanks for the tip, citizen!” White Knight rushes off.

“You’re alive!” exclaims Main.

That voice always washes away my worries, yet never my sin.

“Barely. I see you convinced TomCat to join you.”

TomCat crosses her arms. “Actually, I just got tired of beating him up. Wasn’t allowed to kill him. Gotta follow orders.”

“Wait, really? So I’d be dead if it weren’t for Flam’s orders?” asks Main.

“Yep. Super dead,” she says, flicking his forehead.

Contain your rage. Don’t slice off her hand.

“You need medical attention,” says Main.

“I’ll be fine. But Banana Man is in danger. You have to save him. The enemy has power over gravity. Keep your distance,” I say with a weak smile.

“If you couldn’t beat him, then how can I?” asks Main.

He must cut out that doubt one day.

I press my forehead to Main’s. “I believe in you. You can do whatever you set your mind to.”

I need rest.

I close my eyes

I shake Best Friend. “Is he okay?”

“Still has a pulse. So yeah, apparently. Don’t know how one person can bleed this much.”

“You’re a catgirl general, right? Well, I saw a guardian angel nearby. She’s dressed as a boy. Has blue and red hair. It’s your job to take them in. Go find her and use her to heal my friend. I’m going to save Banana Man.”

“I’ll be back to bring you in once he’s back on his feet so you better be prepared!” exclaims TomCat.

“Are you kidding. I don’t stand a chance against someone who’s gone through real trauma and powered through it.” I give her a thumbs up and then rush off.

I see Banana Man in the distance. He’s using grappling hooks to stay out of the enemy’s range.

Gotta go fast. Oooh, time for a commercial break.

Episode 7 Part 4: Quest Complete!

I arrive in front of the enemy. “Banana Man is off limits. What’s with you all and ignoring your boss?”

The catboy general turns to face me. His jade eyes are swirling with madness. “Oh I’m just playing with him. Was waiting for you to show up.” His smile sends chills through my body.

“Don’t tell me you’re into me too. I don’t blame you at all. But I’m heterosexual. That means no dick for me.”

“Despair is the fruit of the gods!” he exclaims.

“No. Pretty sure despair isn’t a fruit. Bananas are where it’s at.”

“I want Flam to suffer so I can feel it.”

Wow. I almost feel sorry for the guy. These generals are so disloyal.

“Killing you will bring him such misery. I’m going to drag it out, so be patient with me.” He swipes his sword and pulls me in somehow.

I block with my awesome hair, which is cut by the swords.

Wow. Not the best match up.

“Okay, I get that you’re a psychotic asshole who can’t use video games as an outlet for your aggression, but I’m on a tight schedule. This special is really long and I still have to make some sort of epilogue to bring things together. So, either kill me quickly or die quickly.”

My hair becomes two fist that are pushed aside and then sliced.

A white knight appears in front of me and throws me aside before blocking the incoming sword strike. “If you’re going to take a long time to die, then let me step in and finish the job.”

The catboy general’s head then explodes.

That was unexpected.

Banana Man comes out from behind cover, hoists his rifle over his back and waves to me.

Was he always that tall?

“Glad you’re safe, kid,” he says with a smile.

“I’m the hero, not you. Where do you get off, stealing my kill?” I ask, playfully slugging him.

“A round from a sniper rifle can end most threats. He was focused on you, so I decided to give it my best shot.”

The white knight buts in between us and looks at Banana Man. “So you finally come out of hiding. I hear you have a daughter in need of rescuing. Sorry I didn’t show up earlier. Was busy with an urgent quest.”

I grab his hand. “What quest could possibly be more important than reuniting this man with his daughter? And who the heck are you, a Goblin Scalper cosplayer?”

“My name is White Knight. I’m the rank one. The number one hero. You must be new. You had nearly died. Not that the world would mourn if it lost a bit of the white trash polluting it. And as for my mission, I, White Knight, was intercepting Flam’s army and rescuing any villagers they had captured.”

“What’s your power, asshole?”

“None of your concern, white trash.”

As soon as I find Friendship, I am blasting this dick to pieces.

“Daddy!” Fruity is running toward us followed by a squad of machine bandits.

Awesome! To think I’d find cosplayers with that level of skill in a place like this.

White Knight turns to me. “Well, I White Knight, have a mission elsewhere. If I were you, I wouldn’t get involved in this either. Run while you still can.” The coward then flees the area.

So, they’re enemies. That’s fine. I’m going to protect Fruity. She’s so close to Banana Man. Which means I’m super close to finishing my quest!

TomCat suddenly rushes by us and toward the machine samurai. “You’re not taking away my friend!”

“I can’t shoot them all down. We’re so close but I’m failing her…all over again.” Banana man seems to shrink as his misery weighs him down.

“If we can’t beat them or bargain with them, then let’s bypass them. Hey, Flam you’re the one controlling me when I give up my POV. How about we try stacking POV?”

“Anything to get you here sooner. After this is done, there’s something I have to tell you. Understood?”

“Alright, let’s do this!” I rush head first toward the enemy. TomCat is fighting two of them at once. That means I have to take down the other four.

“Hey bandits. What do you nameless losers expect do against the combined power of the main character and the main villain?”

Flam moves my hair across the ground. It rises up to grip their hands and make them miss. My hair then slides into their armor and pierces their body.

I can feel everything. It’s like my hair is an extension of my body.

“It is absolutely an extension,” says Flam in my head.

My hair becomes like a sword, cutting through their blades and slicing them to pieces. It then comes together, lifts up the two machine samurai attacking TomCat and smashes them to a pulp in its iron grip.

Fruity runs past me and hugs TomCat. “You saved me.”

“Hey, so did I…but don’t hug me. Go hug your dad,” I say, pointing to the man who just finished taking out the last machine samurai.

Fruity runs into her father’s arms and cries.

All, this conflict was worth it. I wish I had a father.

Old Dude appears from a vortex in space. “You completed your first real quest. I’m proud of you.” He and his wrinkles smile at me.

“Best Friend is injured. TomCat, did you abandon him?”

“He’s fine. Healed himself up, actually,” she says with wide eyes.

Best Friend comes up from behind me. “You managed just fine without me. Your parents are so proud of you.” He pats my head and ruffles my hair.

He’s uninjured and his clothes are repaired too. Damn it! Why are they repaired?

“I’ll lead you to Flam’s castle. I know the way. You saved Fruity so consider us even,” says TomCat with a smile.

“Happy to be there for you, buddy,” I say, slinging my arm over her shoulder.

Oh yeah. I just befriended my first enemy. Just a couple dozen more of these and I’ll pass up Noruto.

Old Dude waves at me. “Three generals defeated and your first quest complete. I believe it’s time we give you a proper hero’s welcome. I’ll round up the survivors and bring you your official hero’s garb.”

“What about saving Stalker?” asks Glasses Kid.

When did the little brat show up?

“You’re right. We should head over there and save her. Don’t want her missing my big moment after all,” I say with a grin.

“Your valor is blinding but I can’t bear to blink,” says Best Friend, blissfully gazing into me.

Old Dude pat’s my back with my invisible hand. “That’s fine. Go rescue the girl. Your hero’s garb and harem will be here when you return.”

Did he say harem!? Hell yes!

“What kind of man would I be if I tried to save Stalker, robbing that perfectly capable young woman the chance to free herself. I’m no misogynist! How many girls are in my harem exactly?”

Old Dude snickers. “You’ll see. Ah, to be young again.”

“Main, you must stay focused. Stalker is an ally.” Best Friend puts his hands on my shoulders.

“Assailant has Boobs so this may be my only chance to cheat on a love pillow. I’m a hero second and a teen with raging hormones first.”

“I’m going even if you aren’t,” says Best Friend.

“What? You’re going to miss my big moment.”

“She’s counting on you to show up. What if she allowed herself to get captured so you could save her? The poor girl has been through more grief than anyone ever should.”

“If we’re going to storm his castle, we’re going to need to be well-rested and have a larger team.” I turn to Old Dude. “Can my harem fight? I don’t want useless airheads; I want airheads with expert marksmanship or kicks that can shatter mountains.”

“I select only the finest. With two general’s gone that means you’re the Number One Hero! You finished your first arc. Don’t you think you deserve a party?”

“I absolutely do deserve a party. We all do!”

“Meet me there. I’m going after her,” says Best Friend, turning around.

“Now is not the time for you to add on extra conflict. This is supposed to be the relaxing epilogue. If you rescue her without me, she’ll be heartbroken.”

“You’re right.” Best Friend assumes a fighting stance.

“It’s really going to be like this. Fine then. I’m way stronger than I was before.”

Best Friend rushes in but my hair shoves him aside.

I jump off my hair and slam my fist into the back of his head. I slam His face to the ground.

“I deserved that. I deserve more than that. Come at me again!” he yells, rushing at me.

My hair coats my fist and I punch his chest. My hair fist then extends, slamming into his jaw.

Is he letting me win? Why?

Flam’s voice suddenly rings in my head, disorienting me. “Is now a bad time?”

“Yes, actually. It is. Very bad time,” I say, seizing Best Friend’s feet and slamming my fist into his face.

Best Friend holds his broken nose. “This pain is nothing.” He runs into me and lifts me off my feet.

My hair grabs him, pulls him over me and slams him to the ground.

“Are you really alright with this, hurting those who care about you for selfish reasons!?”

“This isn’t like a trip to the candy store. This is an actual harem, dude!” My hair sends him up with a flurry of rapid punches. “And no, I don’t want to hurt you, but you wanted a fight so I’m not backing down. What about you? You watched me fight Flam instead of helping me out. Care to explain that?”

“I wouldn’t interrupt your fight,” says Best Friend, using his blood for an instant to slice my next hair punch.

He rushes at me and I grab both his fists.

“I was clearly outmatched! You need to drop that idealistic image of me. It’s going to get me killed. I’m not as amazing as you think. I get scared. Like when you were wounded back there. I was so scared.”

“This is cute and all,” says Flam. “But I need you to know that Stalker’s execution is tonight.”

“Say what?” I ask before Best Friend’s blood-hardened fist collides into my face.

Everything goes black.

To be continued in The Main Character: The Hero’s Epic Journey Begins Part 2

Coming Fall 2019

SNEAK PREVIEW Stalker: Guardian Angel

Hi, everyone my name is Annolette, but my heroes call me angel, dear or little sister. I’ve always been the odd ball of the angels but I never let that get me down.

Today I’m going on a super fun quest with my super cool new hero Racheal. She is taller than I can reach even if I jump and her hair is a pretty red color. She’s a talented comic artist from Canada who writes scary stuff but she’s always sweet and protective of me. She was supposed to be the hero’s damsel but when they were both tested she proved she had more mettle and was given his title. The intended hero, her younger brother, is safe and secure back at the village.

I’m riding on her shoulders at the moment, allowing me a better view of the deadly swamp we entered.

“What did you say this place was called, little angel?” asks Racheal, her voice both really pretty and kinda intense.

“The Swamp of Agonizing Regret. It’s where our friends said to meet us.”

“Those creeps aren’t our friends. I saw them eying you,” she says, carefully avoiding a puddle of acid.

“My momma told me that not trusting is sadder than being let down. I will never throw away my trust in heroes. Besides, they were only eyeing me because I was stretching erotically on the guild hall’s dance poll.”

“Well if you’re okay with it, that’s what matters. You sure do have a way with boys. Maybe you can give me some tips to find a nice boyfriend.”

“Sure thing. You got the hips so wave ‘em, big sis!”

“Thanks! And look, just because you’re a little Polyeanna doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be wary. Not all heroes are good.”

My face freezes up.

Racheal cradles me in her arms. “You’re shaking. Are you okay?”

I nod and wipe my tears. “Fine and dandy,” I say before sobbing into her bosom.

I miss mommy.

“Don’t ever think crying makes you weak. Not crying is what cowards do. You’re a strong girl and its perfectly okay to cry.”

I look up at her and smile. “But it’s so hard to cry when my big sister is with me.”

Racheal pats my head. “Stay sharp. Big frog thing. Is it hostile?” she asks, readying her spear.

“Hiya froggy!” I wave at the BlasToad and he waves back. “Nope. He’s super friendly.”

“Wait, isn’t that a BlasToad. I heard we lost a hero to one last week.”

“Well yeah, but that was a different one. This one is friendly.” I reach into my pack and toss him some bread crumbs.

A trio of healthy heroes come out from the bushes after the toad leaves.

“Hey heroes,” I say, pushing up my breasts with my arms.

“Glad you could make it, cutie,” says the most muscular of the heroes. He steps back when Racheal glares at him.

“Where is the enemy camp? And are you sure we’ll be enough to handle it?” asks Racheal.

“Well we all were told to attack the same camp. Rather than fight over it, I think teaming up gives us all a better chance of victory,” says the short hero with the blue glasses.

“I could take ‘em all on my own! But I’d rather do it with it with my fellow bros.” He looks at Racheal and me. “And of course, my sistas!” The mohawk hero points to us with a grin.

“Do not call me sister. I’m only risking my life out for the sake of my little brother, after all.” Racheal steps in between the strapping young boys. “This quest has been up for a month. What if a catboy general is guarding it? Even together we might be out of our league.”

“Why would they send us here if we stood no chance at winning?” asks the muscular one.

“Heroes are a dime a dozen,” says Racheal.

“Then let’s increase our odds,” says the glasses hero. “Angel, do you have any power vials with you?”

“My fluids are something I chose to give to people who are special to me,” I say, snuggling up to Racheal.

The mohawk hero steps up to me. “Well I may not have family back home, but I do value my own life. If we don’t get powers, then we could all die.”

“I only have one bottle. Maybe I’ll give it to the sweetest boy,” I lick my lips playfully.

Flirting is so much fun.

“I once saved a kitten from drowning,” says the muscular hero.

“That’s nothing. I spent six hours at a convention helping a lost girl locate her mother,” says the glasses hero.

“Forget about the power vial. There’s another way to get an edge!” The mohawk hero tears me from Racheal’s hands.

Racheal pulls out her spear and the other two heroes draw their swords. “Put her down or I’ll cut you down.”

“I didn’t ask to come here! My bandmates need me. So the sooner I finish this quest the sooner I can hang with my real bros.”

“Mark, calm down man. Just take the flask. We’ll let you. Let’s not create a conflict okay?” asks the muscular one.

“Aww, you boys aren’t going to fight over my lips,” I say in a teasing tone.

“You steal her kiss and I’ll cut your legs off,” says Racheal, pointing her spear at the mohawk hero.

“Hey dad! I am special. I’m gonna do this and be just fine!” yells the mohawk guy.

I hate being forced to kiss people so I might as well do the kissing.

I grab his face and plunge my tongue into his mouth.

The other two boys step back.

I pull away and turn to Racheal. “He was willing to risk it. Just calm down. He should be fine.”

Huh? I’m falling.

The hero hits the ground and has a seizure.

“Is he going to die?” asks the glasses hero, covering his eyes.

The bushes rustle and a catboy general steps out. “You all are,” he says with a twisted smile.

To be continued in Stalker: Guardian Angel 1st chapter releases April 7th 2019!

Main here! I honestly don’t know how much Stalker has suffered, but you can find out! Before the next disc about my epic journey is released, Stalker: Guardian Angel will be on the market! See Stalker’s origins and follow her journey to become the world’s greatest hero’s creeper!

Ebook and Print version coming Summer 2019

Enjoyed my epic story? Of course you did. Check out the super special fun and sexy OVA available only in the ebook and print versions of The Main Character: The Hero's Epic Journey Begins Part 1

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About the Author

Alexander McCarty is an animal born on Earth who actively seeks freedom for his fellow animals. He enjoys watching anime, playing video games, reading books by other independent authors, being an activist, writing anime-style stories, and living a vegan life. Having graduated from college with a focus on Asian and Religious Studies, he now spends his time as a writer and as an abolitionist vegan advocate. He listens to any and all comments, suggestions, reflections and criticism.

Please contact me with a link to where you placed a review for any of my books (Of The Exps/ The Main Character) and I will answer any single question as one of my characters for FREE. If you do a review (and point out where) in addition to submitting fan art, I will write a FREE short 2–4 page story (with my characters) in a scenario of your choosing. =(:3)*

Bloggers who wish to review Exp 8: Rebellion of the Exps or The Main Character: The Hero’s Epic Journey Begins Part 1 may request “Review Copies” at the links below.

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Best Friend’s Special Message

In this world there are the victims and the victimizers. If you believe it’s wrong to harm the innocent, then don’t do it. Animals of all species have cherished families. Freedom is their birthright. I don’t want Main’s fans to cheer on his heroic acts while hypocritically contributing to needless animal exploitation and death. Be your own hero and live with integrity. Live vegan.

If you need resources, the ones below are the absolute best.

http://www.adaptt.org/

http://www.abolitionistapproach.com/

veganeducationgroup.com