For the first time in god knows how long, Cadell felt gravity working against his will. It should have been a crime and he felt betrayed. Gravity was supposed to be his most loyal friend, allowing his portal superpower to be ten times more fun than it should have been and hurtling him across the sky at ridiculous speeds. It made him more like Spider-Man and less like Dr Strange because it created the illusion that he could fly when he couldn’t, even fooling himself on some nights.

Unfortunately, today was not one of those nights. Hazel’s body weighed the superhero down, messing up his typical perfect balance.

“Bitch, let go!” Cadell yelled.

“Are you crazy?” Hazel yelled back. “That would kill me! And I don’t know who you’re calling bitch, bitch!”

Cadell couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He was the crazy one? Generally speaking, it was true- he was known as the Crazed Vigilante for a reason- but hearing the words from the woman in this particular context just felt ridiculous.

“You won’t die! You’ll just fall into a portal back home where you belong. Now get off me!”

“No way in hell I’m going back home!”

Cadell frantically swung his right leg to no avail as they spun approximately 15,000 feet in the air. To accelerate rapidly, the superhero typically portaled to high altitudes before zooming around the city. This woman had quite literally chosen the worst time to follow him into a portal.

Even in the moment of horror, Hazel’s eyes beamed with excitement, orange paint squirting off her body periodically. Noticing the behaviour, Cadell stopped swinging his leg. His eyes glowed purple as he accumulated energy.

“Aight. Suit yourself.”

Cadell nosed dived into a portal and erupted onto a city street, using the force of gravity to propel him into a sprint. He dived --most definitely surpassing the long jump world record-- into another portal and elegantly rolled onto a rooftop. The next fifteen minutes involved standard Psycho maneuverability: expert parkouring, and rapid portal use. He leaped from rooftop to rooftop, completely engrossed in the activity.

Then he crouched on the roof of a random semi-detached house, wondering which London borough he should comb through next. It was almost midnight. He was bound to detect something soon. He just needed to be patient.

“Um. What are we waiting for?” Hazel asked.

Cadell slowly turned around. He prayed it was an auditory hallucination. “No way. You shouldn’t be here. You followed the portals?”

“I followed the portals. It was extremely fun.”

She should have been sliced in two! The voice complained. The portals have a 1.5 second delay before they close!

“Cadell,” Hazel said as she put her crimson Psycho mask back on. “Let me work with you. I want to help the city too. That’s all I want. I won’t be a burden.” Multiple shades of blue consumed her clothing and Cadell knew the hallucination well. He’d seen the specific combination of shades many times. It was an intense conviction submerged by grief and regret.

“If you want to help the city, continue working at your job. Volunteer at a food pantry. Help an old lady cross the street. Anything but this.”

“No,” Hazel said bluntly.

“Why?”

“Since you appeared as Psycho, I was fascinated by what you do. The idea of a real life superhero blows my mind. It's always astonished me. Then a few weeks ago stuff happened and I realised that I don’t mind fighting crime, even if I get killed in a gruesome way. I just decided that this is my purpose and there’s no turning back now.

Cadell saw his own obsession reflected back at him and it was a weird feeling. Out of curiosity, he ran a few hypotheticals in his head and weighed pros and cons.

“It could work,” he muttered before immediately facepalming. He didn't mean to say that out loud.

“Of course it could work! We would be a dream team! Like Batman and Robin. Or Joker and Harley! Oh, I’m so excited now! This is like a dream come true!”

“You’re greatly mistaken. I work better alone. Besides, and I can’t stress this point enough, you’re annoying. Very annoying.”

Hazel sobbed dramatically though no hallucination showed signs of sorrow. “This is… this is why men ain’t shit. You... lied to me! You said we would be together!”

“I never said that.”

“You did...” Hazel sniffed. “You deceived me.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“You gave me false hope only to destroy it. I should have known. Men ain’t shit. This is why I set my exes' car on fire.”

“If men ain’t shit, why do you want to work with-- hold up, you set what on fire?”

Hazel randomly jumped back and forth. Cadell watched in confusion. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Preparing to evade the portal you’re planning to create to get rid of me! Because I can’t trust you anymore!”

Cadell scoffed. “Don’t flatter yourself. Do you know how much energy it takes to create one of those babies? You're not worth that.”

Hazel placed a hand on her chest. “How could you be so cruel? Anyways, I was going through superhero names and I think Creep would go well. Creep and Psycho seem to gel.”

“Are you dumb?”

“Nah, I see what you’re going for but I don’t think Dumb is a good superhero name. If we’re going for something that has negative connotations, Creep is our best bet!”

Cadell facepalmed again but this time accidentally with super strength. A large hand imprint covered his face underneath the Psycho mask. His eyes began to water.

“So… where are we going now Cad? Do you mind if I call you that? Any superhero name ideas? Where are we going now Caddy? Do you mind if I call you that? Where are we…”

Cadell ignored her and tuned in to the Voice’s murderous 24/7 rants.

Kill her, my boy. Rid her of this earth. You will find peace.

“Tempting,” Cadell muttered. “Very tempting.”