For five good seconds, Cadell sat in the passenger's seat without being noticed. He involuntarily sniffed. The bald, chubby kidnapper turned to face him. No words were said. They both blinked. Still silence.

The unmistakable sound of muffled cries erupted from the back.

“What’s in the trunk bro?”

“Ah!” The kidnapper jolted like he'd been tasered, his seatbelt digging deep into his stomach. “No, no, no, no…” The pointless "no" shouts continued as the car accelerated to dangerous speeds, swerving in between vehicles. Though Cadell barely paid attention. He was peeping some juicy camera footage displayed at the corner of his vision. A man in a ski mask held a woman at gunpoint, barking commands. The visuals shifted to a swarm of policemen outside the bank, guns at the ready. It was getting to the climax.

“Do you like skydiving?” Psycho asked.

Blood drained from the kidnapper’s face. His hands gripped the steering wheel, knuckles almost as white as snow. It was the last sentence any criminal wanted to hear. All it took was one google search of the question to find the 1-minute video clips. The most popular video had amassed a staggering 10 million views. Every kid and their grandma knew the catchphrase.

“W-w-w-ait,” Sweat glistened from the bald man's forehead. “Have mercy.”

“Hm?”

“P-p-please.”

Cadell formed a portal underneath the victim in the trunk. She was safe now. “But weren’t you going to, you know, straight up slaughter that woman? I can’t let that slide, man.”

“Forgive me! Take me to the police. Please. Anything but--”

The speeding car suddenly flipped amidst the clouds, eight thousand feet in the air. Cadell seized the criminal’s neck and then they were both outside the vehicle, plummeting towards the sands of the Sahara Desert. A portal caught them, flinging them up into the skies above New York City.

Despite the turbulent winds, screams still managed to reach Cadell. He couldn’t quite make out the words but he was positive they were something along the lines of, “Help me! Jesus, fuck, I’m gonna die!”

Typically, victims reached terminal velocity multiple times in multiple cities and on a spicy day, they were waterboarded. But reluctantly, Cadell decided to wrap it up. He casually overlooked New York City’s landscape while gravity began to take effect.

“Hey, there’s the Empire State Building. Looks cool, doesn’t it?”

Screaming was the response. It always was.

“I knew you’d love it too. That’s why I’m leaving you stranded there.”

Cadell pushed the criminal into a portal and checked the time. Only fifty seven seconds had passed since encountering the kidnapper. There was more than enough time.

Even enough to try out a little experiment.

Eyes fiercely glowing purple, Cadell’s arm reached deep into a portal leading to an alternate reality consisting solely of cakes. Big cakes. Small cakes. Long cakes. Spherical cakes. Sponge cakes. Red Velvet Cakes. And most importantly, chocolate cakes. Beautiful, sweet, mouth watering chocolate cakes.

After blindly searching, a chocolate cake appeared in Cadell’s hand and for some reason, he felt like the cake was destined for this very moment-- it was The Chosen Cake.

Cadell took off his mask and sniffed the dessert. He didn’t want to say goodbye but was fully aware that, sometimes, goodbyes were a necessity, an important part of life that couldn’t be evaded. Still falling from the sky, he hurled--no. He efficiently delivered The Chosen Cake with all of his superpowered strength and undying love for delicious chocolate.

Somewhere back in London, the masked robber continued his rant, gun still pointed at the head of the trembling woman. “There’s no turning back for me! The way things are now, I might as well end everyone in this--”

SPLAT!

The robber crumpled to the ground.

“Hey, is that cake?” someone asked.