I'm sorry that this had to come out, and I'm sorry for the delay. I can no longer continue this story.

I know it may make some of you upset, and it is indeed unfair, but I have a good reason if you would hear me out. This story focused a lot on my 9-year relationship, and we started as high school sweethearts. We had our ups and downs but always came back together; no matter how much our love was tested, it was always strong. After so much waiting, I finally proposed to her on December 10th, 2023, and she said yes; it was the happiest day of my life. I had overcome a lot of anxiety and fears of my own, and I finally felt worthy enough to be her husband; I got a well-paying job, started going to therapy, restarted my music hobby, went back to school for 2 degrees, and overall was no longer the boy who dropped out of college that she decided to give a chance out of pity.

The First Flame was that story. It was a retelling of our struggles and pain, yet how we were always stronger together than apart. I had a big climax planned for this, and it was going to be significant because the real-life equivalent of the story was massive. Every single line of dialogue, plot point, and interaction was based on a real relationship spanning 9 years. This story was one big love letter to my fiance, a love letter spanning 184 chapters, 1,612 pages, and 443,523 words. It was a love letter that told her how much she meant to me and that we would always be one complete unit, no matter our differences.

And then disaster struck. We had a petty disagreement, but it was about something important to us, so we couldn't let it go. I can't go into details, but usually, we compromise and move on, and we always value staying together no matter what. My parents had a nasty divorce, and we didn't want to repeat that. However, after this argument, she decided she had had enough and broke things off. My life revolved around her; loving her was as natural as breathing. Loving her was everything I knew, so I was devastated; I still am, and I don't think I can move beyond it.

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The First Flame was about our love story and how we would face it together no matter what struggle we encountered. I was Arylos, she was Iris. We were not meant for each other, yet we made it work despite our problems. No matter what came between us, we would love each other anyway and use it as a learning opportunity to reinforce our love. And now it's gone. I've been told to get myself together and pick up the pieces to start healing, but there's nothing to gather up and no pieces left. My whole existence was with her, and now it's all cold and empty, where I struggle to find joy in even the most simple things. I still have not healed, and I don't think I will for a long time.

Maybe at some point, I'll pick this story up again and continue the love story that should have been ours, but I need to take time alone and heal as much as possible. Right now, the pain is fresh, and everything is numb. Before, I would get giddy and excited like a smitten schoolboy madly in love when I wrote this story. Now, that boy is cold and dead.

Anyway, I'll still be on this site and might write something else later. I had a lot of stories featuring Arylos and Iris in some way, and I felt incapable of writing any other romance because I only had a sample size of one that was perfect. I have some other ideas that I might do, but those are so far out that I don't know how long it will take before I'm whole again and work on them. I'm sorry that it ends this way, and I hope I can get better again to finish this story as intended. Thank you for reading this story, and thank you for your support; even those who come back and read now and then do wonders for me, and I am beyond grateful for your support.

Sincerely,

小林ひむら