=== Chuck ===

I spent a moment stilling my hands, which were shaking, before pressing my fingers into Mister Drei’s temples. I can’t believe I’m about to do this. I put a wall up to block all of Miss Drei’s emotions. She was an absolute wreck. Kari was doing better, relatively speaking. But she wasn’t processing any of this. Not yet, anyway. I tried not to dwell on her feelings for Curt. They were incredibly complicated, as everyone’s first love always is. I let out a deep breath. You’re letting yourself get distracted, a voice in my head interrupted. Because you shouldn’t be doing this. This is an evil thing. Possibly the worst thing you could do to anyone, a second voice countered. But it’s the only thing we can think of. I dug through this Curt’s mind. His entire being, tearing through every mental defense he could have had. This separate Curt had done some work to try and shore up his weaknesses against the other me, but they were nothing. How could they be? No one is ever fully prepared for what I am, what I can do. I found the core of his being. His memories are what made him who he was.

The metaphor this Curt had was an office building with a sign that read Esvanir, Inc. on the front. People were milling about. One of the defenses he chose was a projection of Kari, powerful and capable, slamming down before me. She wasn’t exactly like my Kari. Her hair was in a long ponytail, and she wore leather pants and a halter top that showed off much more of her chest. But it was definitely Kari. Her face was contorted in rage, and her green eyes narrowed at me. That gave me pause. I had never seen Kari’s rage directed at me. At least not like this. Not more than a passing comment. The mental shade threw a punch at me, and I simply walked through her. It’s easy to destroy someone; easy to take away everything they are. I started severing the attachments, carving through the metaphorical space. I tried not to think about Blanca and Scott.

Ego Drain is basically what I did to them, just on a larger scale. Just tearing away at what makes a person themself. In his mental palace, everything shuddered violently; cracks appeared on the street around the building; dust and debris shot up everywhere; car alarms went off. I took this space and crushed it all to the size of a marble, leaving behind a void. Empty white space. The absence of anything. Which is how I felt inside. The voice in my head echoed into that emptiness. This isn’t right. You shouldn’t ever do this. It shouldn’t ever be necessary. Feeling a tear trail down my cheek, I countered, speaking out loud in the empty space. “But it is.”

“Miss Drei. If you would,” I said physically. She was still cradling him and sent a shock through him that resonated in me. And the marble I had collected began to jolt and stutter around before it was just gone. I exited Curt’s empty consciousness, returning fully to my body. Kari sidled up next to me and wrapped her arm around me, squeezing tightly. I pressed into her.

“Are you okay, Chuck?” Kari asked. I opened myself up to her emotions. She was scared for Curt; angry with Miss Drei, with tinges of jealousy and even a little compassion mixed in; but overwhelming all of that was care for me. Concern that I wouldn’t be okay; a need for me to be. Not for her sake. But for mine. I found her hand and squeezed tightly. She returned it.

“Wh-what happens now?” Buck Cherry asked, her voice cracking. I turned to her and frowned.

“We wait. I’m sure Esvanir is doing everything in his power to get back to you.”

“Yeah,” Kari agreed. She smiled softly before continuing, “If nothing else, he needs to get back here to lecture me about excessive force or whatever.” The thief watched us for a moment before returning her electric blue eyes down to her husband, stroking his cheek softly.

=== Curt ===

I suppressed a shudder as Professor Mind put his hands on my temples; on this body’s temples. Even more, as he tore through everything I had spent so much time building up. I could feel him inside my consciousness. I could feel his terrible, invading presence. I could feel him tearing me apart. The first thing that faded was the general sense of pain. The dull ache this body constantly existed in. This Curt is a moron. Even if I didn’t love Kari, fighting her was possibly the dumbest thing you could possibly do. I tried to imagine not loving Kari. Not having her in my life to comfort me when nothing was going right. Not being there for her when the media was going off about some ridiculous controversy. It seemed so lonely. So terrible. Then I thought about this other Curt’s life. What I had seen of it. He has a wife who loves him.

It was difficult to imagine the cold, elusive Buck Cherry loving anyone. But she did. She not only loved him but knew him well enough to realize in just a few words that I wasn’t him. That I wasn’t her Curt. Could my Kari do that? I dismissed the thought. Then something else occurred to me. This Curt fought Kari. The thought boggled my mind. I had looked at the way he’d set up his rig. The range was more extensive. The energy usage was much more efficient in a lot of ways. The UI was trash but usable. Practical enough to fight Kari. I don’t think I could ever stand against her, even on my best days. I could disagree with her. But to actually let it come to blows. He should be dead.

Pain erupted all over my being. I felt everything close in. I couldn’t explain it. I felt a terrible mental pressure on every part of my awareness. And I crumpled. Distantly, I heard the words, “Miss Drei, if you would.” Another shock went through the whole of my existence. And I shifted away from the pain. From that body. From everything. I gazed out to an infinite cosmos. There were stars lightyears away. Two of them looked almost like eyes. Quasars were spiraling through the nothingness. It was cold here. There was nothing but empty space and darkness. But something was off about it. I shifted whatever consciousness I had, taking in more. It wasn’t infinite. Well, it was, and it wasn’t. It was a limited infinite. The space seemed to go on forever, but only in certain directions. There were walls of sorts. And as I reoriented myself, I realized the cosmos I had observed was behind this wall; behind some kind of membrane of existence. I frowned. Mentally. Then I observed myself. I was there. I existed. A vaguely translucent simulacra of my body; my body. Not the over-muscled, strained body of the other reality but the lean, capable muscle I built carefully over the years. Nothing to do now but wait.

=== Kari ===

I followed the imposter through his portals. He was off collecting a bunch of things, mostly from electronics shops. Initially, he was just taking them, but I forced him to slow down. To go back and pay. “You’re aware this isn’t my money anyway, right? It’s his. Yours.”

“Stealing from them isn’t going to help anyone. Is this always your first instinct? To steal whatever you need and everyone else be damned?”

“Only in emergencies,” he replied quickly, scooping up a bunch of wire. He used Curt’s credit card to pay for it. Well, at least we’ll get the reward points, I thought bitterly. “And right now certainly qualifies. Does this Curt have a workshop?”

“A workshop? Uh. No, not really. He used to, but he mostly commissions whatever he needs now. The thief in my husband’s body stared at me for a long time. I could see his brain trying to work through that statement. He shook his head.

“Ridiculous,” was all he muttered before teleporting back to Esvanir, Inc. I hadn’t really been paying attention to what he’d grabbed, but I looked over it now.

“Why did you get four tasers, electrical wire, and metal pipes?”

“To deal with Cin-” he paused, taking a deep breath. “To deal with Buck Cherry.”

“She’s not the big threat. Your goal was to piss off Professor Mind, remember?”

“Cherry is absolutely a big threat if you ignore her. So, I’m not going to.”

“What about Professor Mind?” I asked as he started to assemble something. I didn’t really understand what he was doing. But he seemed to. I had never really watched my Curt work before, not like this. But if it was anything like that, I would need to rectify that.

“I have a plan. But I don’t know if it’ll survive first contact,” This other Esvanir said simply. Something occurred to me as I sat down across from him.

“How do you know what to do against Buck Cherry. Is she a big deal in your world?”

“A big deal? The biggest. In many ways, she’s bigger there than she is here.”

“How so?”

“She . . . cultivated her audience more carefully.”

“Audience? Is she not a thief in your world?”

“She’s the world’s greatest thief,” he said proudly. I frowned.

“Then how does she have an audience? What kind of audience could a thief possibly have?” He laughed and shook his head.

“She’s. . . weaponized the obsession with her nude antics. She goes around, encouraging people to speculate on her and making sure that people are paying attention to her. She has a lot of fans on Twitter and Reddit, and she engages with them online.”

“She’s a celebrity thief.”

“Yeah. So am I. Mostly her doing.”

“So, you two . . . teamed up?”

“Yeah. For years. Cherry complicates things, but it’s always more fun. I have to give her that.”

“So, that’s how you know her weaknesses.”

“Well, you should always cover for your spouse, right? Isn’t that what you do for this Curt? What he does for you?” My heart skipped a beat.

“You married Buck Cherry!?”

“Had I not . . . I hadn’t.” He paused for a moment. “Yeah, uh. Got married last year. Well, we never finished the ceremony. You, the other you, made sure of that.” His voice was filled with rage at the thought. I tried to picture them together. Even this Curt, as cold and cruel as he is. I couldn’t see him doing something like ripping someone’s heart out. I couldn’t even begin to imagine them together. He interrupted the stalled train of thought with a question. “This version of Professor Mind. He’s cruel, right? Willing to throw heroes in a coma and shit like that.”

“Yeah, he’s the toughest opponent we face regularly. We’ve never managed to bring him in. We couldn’t with Buck Cherry, but she’s not a heavy hitter like him. But when they work together, they’re undefeatable.”

“I was afraid of that.”

“I thought you had a plan.”

“I do. I just don’t like it.”

=== Curt ===

It was weird being around Kari. Even if she’s not my Kari, I thought. I had finished up the countermeasures and was scrolling for any news of where either Buck Cherry or Professor Mind were. But there had been no word. Damn it. I thought that calling them out would be effective. Kari was sitting next to me, scrolling on her phone. I was bored and on edge. I’d even adjusted some of the equations this version of Curt used to do his calculations. Refining his energy usage and expanding his range. I couldn’t help it. 100 miles is pathetic. I turned to Smash Gal. “How do you usually find them?”

“We just patrol. They show up, and we try to stop them. Or at least save people from them.”

“Patrol. How does that work? Would I just listen to the police scanner and arrive wherever trouble is?”

“Sometimes. But sometimes we fly out. Sometimes we go out just to be seen. To intimidate criminals.”

“I guess that makes sense. Does this Curt have a super suit?”

“God, I wish. I keep trying to set him up with the super tailor, but he refuses. Just wants to wear that boring vest and dress pants.” I laughed, and she shook her head. “Do you wear a costume?”

“No. I tried to create a bulletproof vest, but I couldn’t move in it. And fighting you, moving freely, is way more valuable than armor.”

“And what about fighting me?” A voice came from behind as arms started to snake around me. A hand gripped my throat, and all of my nerves were on fire. All of my muscles convulsed and contorted. If I hadn’t experienced it before, I would’ve passed out. I was on the edge already. After what felt like a century, I managed to snap my fingers, and a portal opened up underneath Buck Cherry, and a taser shot forth and caught her. After her zapping, the electricity coursing through her into me was a welcome reprieve. Her hands loosened, and I barely pulled from her grip, breathing heavily. Smash Gal had shot up from her chair and glanced around. She watched Buck Cherry convulse and fall to the ground. I watched her too. She was undeniably Cherry. There were differences. Her brown hair had been dyed black and cut short. Her red cherries were black too. She was thinner. More angular. This gave the impression of increased muscle, but I wasn’t sure. My Cindi could take her. She started to reach over to pull the barbs out of her flesh, and I stepped on her hand.

Then something went through my mind, and I almost collapsed on top of her. A wave of doubt and discomfort and pain. I was paralyzed. Almost. But I was pretty angry, and this burned through whatever was happening now. I slammed my fist next to Cindi’s face and roared. And his power receded some. I demanded, “Where are you!?”

The doors slammed open, and Chuck Berry floated through in his black suit and glowing eyes. He didn’t have my Professor Mind’s swimmer body. And was thicker. He had more muscle and more weight in general. And he laughed. It had no joy in it. “Esvanir, I’ve come to answer your little challenge.” Smash Gal charged for him, and he threw out his hand. I couldn’t see what he did, but she slammed into something and grasped her head, falling to the ground, screaming. “I think it’s time to finish this. You’ve stood in my way for too long.”

“You’re too late,” I said, going to snap my fingers. But they wouldn’t move. Nothing would. That’s not exactly true. I’m still breathing. And I can still move my eyes. My eyes flicked over his body, and a portal opened beneath him and sank over his leg, tightening as it went over. He screamed out in pain.

“What are you doing!? You don-” I tightened the portal around him, and it cut through his projected suit and into his leg. I could smell the blood mixing with the seawater. He looked up at me with fear in his eyes. “You . . . You’re not Esvanir.”

“Actually, I am. Not this Esvanir. But an Esvanir much more willing to do what’s necessary.” Professor Mind sent out another wave of mental energy at me. But I cut it short by cutting into his leg deeper. Kari was watching me, mouth agape. But I didn’t care. I heard a shift and turned to see Buck Cherry starting to get up and phase through the ground. I snapped, and another line from a taser shot into her, shocking her immediately. “Now, let’s not leave the party so soon, Cin. You both just got here. And we have a lot to talk about.”

“You think this little trick is enough to stop me, Esvanir?” Professor Mind panted. I scratched my face. “You’re nothing. You’re weak, and I will rend your mind and crush your bones. Then I will go after your wife. I can’t do anything to her body, but her mind is even weaker than yours. I’ll tear through it, leaving her just conscious enough to watch me destroy you utterly. What I did to Bion will be just the start for both of you-” I cut him off again. I’d let him go on for long enough, after all. I opened another portal about the size of a half dollar and pressed it against his cheek. Then I closed it, shearing away skin, sinew, and muscle. He screamed, and blood leaked down his cheek. I didn’t take any joy in it. There was none to be had. Just what needed to be done.

“Now, Professor Mind,” I closed the distance between us, gripped his chin tightly between my fingers, and leaned in and whispered, “Chuck Berry,” before leaning back to see his reaction. Confusion plagued his features even through the pain and the blood leaking down his face. “You’ve already rent the mind from this body once. And my guess is that she,” I continued, gesturing to Cindi, who was glaring at me from the ground as her body shuddered under the voltage coursing through her, “tried to help, and you got your peanut butter mixed in with her chocolate and fucked everything up.”

“Curt! Esvanir, we can’t do this. It’s torture.” I watched her for a moment. Tears were leaking down her face. Was she actually crying over her villains? This is surreal. I chewed on her words for a moment before dismissing the portals around Professor Mind and the taser. Blood leaked out over the floor of Esvanir, Inc. I laughed and shook my head. Fitting that, I would stain this place. In the same instance, I set up backup portals that would open around them immediately if they made a move I didn’t like. I can’t think faster than Professor Mind, but I can definitely plan ahead. Buck Cherry was panting and stumbled to her feet. I watched her walk over to the couch and slump down. She was still glaring, but if she was like my Cindi, she would have difficulty doing her usual gambit for at least a few minutes.

“Who are you?” She demanded.

“I am Curtis Drei. Esvanir. Husband of Cindi Drei. Smash Gal’s enemy. And I want to go home.”

“I’ll send you to hell!” Professor Mind screamed, sending out a wave of something, and I felt myself slam into the ground harshly, and everything went black.

=== Chuck ===

Whoever this was, it wasn’t Esvanir. He didn’t fight like Esvanir. His body language was entirely different. I knew that by the way he sat next to Kari Stewart. They weren’t pressed together in the disgusting way they usually were. I hadn’t bothered listening to their conversation while Buck Cherry snuck up on them. Then he disabled her. Which wasn’t that surprising. Esvanir was intelligent and capable; even if they were on the outs, he’d still be capable of taking her out. As he overtook her, I overwhelmed them both with a discontentment wave. Something small. I could level the block with it, but it wasn’t necessary. I would prove to them and the world that they were nothing more than mild annoyances. But he cut through it. He simply let his rage cut through it and resisted it. Barely, but still. And his emotions were different from the Curtis Stewart I was used to fighting. Typically, he was calmer and more collected, meaning that when his emotions were spiraling out of control, he was easier to deal with. But this one was filled with rage and pain, and worked with it. Weaponized it against me. And it had set me off just enough for him to do something neither of the Stewarts would ever dare.

He got one of those damned portals around me and started cutting through my leg. The other side of the portal was cold and terrible, and it felt like I was being crushed. And his portal was a buzzsaw on my flesh, tearing through it. But that wasn’t enough to take me out. Even if he had grown half a spine, he was still just a pathetic hero. A kitten-saving coward. Until he said my name. A name I had long abandoned. One that I wasn’t used to hearing anymore. “Chuck Berry.” And he took a chunk out of my cheek. Whoever this was, it wasn’t Curtis Stewart. He’d never be capable of torturing someone like this. It was too brazen. Too direct. I couldn’t concentrate well enough to really read him properly. I sensed his apprehension, rage, and desperation, but I couldn’t sift deeper. I couldn’t find his fears. I couldn’t stoke anything with my leg in this vice. Then Smash Gal spoke.

“Curt! Esvanir, we can’t do this! It’s torture.” And I watched this different Curt consider her words. Not like how Stewart normally would. But how a coworker would consider a proposal. And he let me go. And Buck Cherry, who was weak on her knees. He went on about being the enemy of Smash Gal, but I didn’t care. He had humiliated me. And that won’t stand! I gathered all of my psychic power, even creating an exception for Buck Cherry, not that she deserved it, “I’ll send you to hell!”

I reached out to their consciousnesses and tore violently. I gripped the whole of Esvanir and Smash Gal’s existences and started tearing. But as I did, portals opened up around my arms, and I fell through. Around my legs. Around my head. I tried to float away, to push off, but I couldn’t. The little windows tightened around me again. This time I could see my body parts. They were floating, disconnected, around the room. Every time I tried to pull out, they would tighten around me. I cried out in pain, and blood leaked down my body at odd angles. I tried to push a forcefield in between me and the buzzing energy of his stupid fucking portals but couldn’t. It tore through them immediately, and I couldn’t focus enough to harden them. I took a few deep breaths, the circling energy cutting into my neck some. Both Smash Gal and this Esvanir were on the floor, unconscious. I hadn’t been able to finish the job. But I would kill them. Buck Cherry was floating, bisected across the room. The top half of her and the bottom half were five feet apart. “Cherry,” I called out roughly. “Can you phase through the portal?”

“I don’t know,” she croaked. “You really fucked up this time, Mind. I told you we shouldn’t take the bait. It was obviously a trap. But your fragile male ego couldn’t take a little prodding.”

“Shut up and try! We need to get out.” She started to phase through the portal and cried out. Both halves of her body jolted and stuttered around the room before coming to a rest in the same places they were.

“Fantastic! Because of your tiny dick, we’re stuck. Did you kill them?”

“No, but I will.”

“Not until they let us out of these fucking portals, you moron.”

“I could always start with you,” I growled.

“Oh. This has been a long time coming, Kid Mind.” I watched her flex her hand. I tried to work up the will to just wipe her from existence, but I was in too much pain to focus on it. She couldn’t move from her place. So we were stuck until they woke up.

=== Curt ===

Sometime later, I woke up on the floor. Berry and Cherry were both suspended in the series of portals I set up ahead of time. I got up groggily and looked around. Kari was still out. I made my way to her and made sure she was still breathing. Even if she’s not my Kari, it’s still weird thinking about caring if she’s alive, I thought. And a smaller voice in the back of my head countered, And yet you do. You’d probably even care if your Kari died. I didn’t like how it emphasized your but I had bigger problems to deal with than whatever stupid shit my mind was saying. Cindi’s doppelganger was staring at me curiously. She had Cindi’s same predatory eyes, but the sharp angles of her face made her seem more dangerous. And from what I read, she is. She spoke to me. “Who exactly are you?”

“Like I said. I’m Esvanir. Just not exactly the Esvanir, you know.”

“You said you were Curtis Drei. Where did you get that name?”

“Stole it. From my wife, Cindi.” Her eyes widened at that. Then she cackled. It wasn’t Cindi’s normal musical snicker. It was a witch’s laugh.

“You and me?”

“Not you. Cindi Drei. The world’s greatest thief.”

“So, me,” she said with a grin. Then it softened to a smirk. I knew it. It was the one she’d use on marks. “Well, husband. Won’t you let your poor, little wife out of your little portal?”

“Like I said. Not you.” I turned to Berry, who was glaring daggers at me. I could see that he was trying to steel up his concentration. So I tightened the ingresses a little, and he screamed out. “So, big guy. You ready to make a deal. Or are you going to force me to kill you?” He considered me for a moment.

“You really think you’re Esvanir.”

“I am Esvanir.”

“Esvanir never had the balls to do anything like this.”

“Yeah, well, where I’m from, the heroes aren’t so nice. They go around beating everyone close to death. Occasionally just to death. So thieves like me had to step up their game.”

“You’re a thief?” Cindi asked.

“Second greatest in the world,” I responded with a grin. “Maybe third. Depends.” She stared at me a little longer before I turned back to Professor Mind and snapped. I sighed and checked my rig’s UI. I had taxed the system pretty hard and had overspent, though. I wouldn’t be able to portal for at least three minutes. The portals released, and both he and Cherry dropped to the floor. Deep cuts lined his neck, arms, and legs. He had struggled hard while I was out. Not that it mattered. I looked back to Cindi, who had cuts on her arms and torso. They weren’t as deep, but seeing even a facsimile of my wife hurt caused my heart to ache. “Sign of good faith.” Professor Mind glared up at me.

“And you think just because you have a few tricks, you can just do whatever you want. I am a god to you!”

“Chuck, Chucky, my friend,” I began, grinning down at his seething face. Cindi had been a bad influence on me. I was mocking my enemies way more than I used to. “I’m a thief. All thieves ever have are a few clever tricks.” I kicked him in the shoulder, and he tried to catch himself before collapsing and gasping in pain. “And those are always enough to topple arrogant pricks like you.”

“Maybe I will marry you after all. Or at least keep you as a pet. Steal the only thing that matters to her,” Cindi murmured, eyes tracing over me. I laughed.

“That’s not too far off from our arrangement back home. But I prefer my Cindi. She’s less likely to tear my heart out. At least physically.” I looked between the two of them. “So, here’s the deal. You are going to do whatever you did to this body last night, again. Both of you. Exactly the same.

“You want us to attack you?” Cindi asked. “We’ve been doing that this entire time, and look at where it’s gotten all of us.”

“I want you to do the combination attack. According to Smash Gal, that’s the only new element. So it’s got to be what whammied this body and sent me to this terrible new dimension.”

“I’d be happy to destroy your mind, but I want you to suffer first,” Professor Mind said. So I stepped on one of his cuts, putting my total weight on it, and he cried out. Leaning down, I met his gaze.

“I don’t think you understand that you are not dealing with the nice, cuddly Essy you’re used to.” I cracked him in the jaw with as much force as this body could muster, and he went reeling. “This isn’t some idle request, Chuck. You’re out of moves. It’s either you do this. Or you bleed out on cuddly Curt’s floor, and I start working on Plan B. Because I don’t give a fuck if you die. Apparently, this Curt and Kari would.” He seethed at me but collapsed back.

“Fine.” I stepped off of him and smiled. Kari was up at this point, staring at me with fear in her eyes. Cindi was back to considering me.

“Is this other Buck Cherry really that much better than me?” She asked seductively.

“Yes. Because she’s my wife. And only kills in self-defense.”

“Your version of self-defense doesn’t seem very legal,” Kari muttered. I grinned at her.

“Yeah, well. What can I say? I’m just a criminal.” We spent a little time patching up the cuts on Cherry and Berry and even got them some orange juice for the blood loss. And after an hour, they were in position. Berry was still standoffish, but Cindi had pressed herself into me in an almost familiar embrace. Which was unfortunately necessary. It’s so close to being right. But this body still had goosebumps erupting all over it. The opposite of what happened when Kari was close. It seemed to know this wasn’t right. They started the process, and I felt the invading force in my mind. Something that the Chuck Berry I knew never would do. It wasn’t gentle. It tore through immediately. Buck Cherry also zapped me, and I convulsed. And I started to fade from this body. Everything became distant. And I panicked for a brief moment, worry filling me that I had made a mistake. That I was going to die. But it was too late. Before I knew it, I was in some strange expanse. Stars surrounded me. They looked almost like a person. But then I found something else to focus on. An actual person. Not just my brain looking for patterns where there weren’t any. Floating off was me. Or rather him. The other me. I caught up with him, calling out. “Hey, you! Me!” I cringed internally. God, this is weird. He turned and stared at me.

“It’s you.”

“It’s me, you.’ I said with a slight grin. “You figured it out too.”

“It was fairly obvious,” he said.

“Yeah. Only tricky part was getting everyone together to do it.”

“That was surprisingly easy on my part. Just a few phone calls. Your Kari did punch me, though. You’ve really done a number on her. She’d never punch first, ask questions later.”

“I didn’t do that. Smash Gal’s stupid sense of justice did. Your Professor Mind is a trip, though. Just tearing people from their bodies.”

“Yours is . . . Different.”

“Yeah. Nicer. Better. Oh. I modified some of your code.”

“You did what!? Why!?”

“It was energy inefficient. With the new energy use equations, your range is much larger. Also added a few more spots to your default list. Figured that will make up for the fact that I’m stealing your UI.”

“Thank god for that. Yours is terrible. How are you going to get it, though?”

“It’s utilitarian,” I countered heatedly. “I looked at the framework you were using. It’s not too different than what exists in my world, and there are ways I can rebuild it.”

“It’s crap,” he replied dryly.

“Yeah, well. I had other concerns. Speaking of. Made a bit of a mess in your office. And your enemies. Sorry about that. But maybe it’ll remind you of something.”

“What’s that?”

“That working solely in the system doesn’t fucking work. I had to go out of it to get back. And so did you if you teamed up with Cindi.”

“The system works.”

“The fuck it does. You haven’t changed anything. You’ve just made yourself into a product.”

“I worked alone before. And I got nothing done!”

“Then I’m just the better Esvanir. Shitty UI and all.”

“You’re a thief and a terrorist.”

“Yep. And I get things done. You can’t even take down Professor Mind. Took me all of six hours and a trip to Home Depot.” I looked back the way I came from, and there was a thin string trailing back that way. I gripped it and dragged it forward, offering it to the other me. He did the same. We traded. And when I touched the other trail, I felt a tug. A strong tug. And then a full pull and was being dragged back. I hit a membrane between me and the stars.

And then I was pulled through it. I felt myself rushing through the cosmos and then to Earth and then to Avalare. And finally, into my body. I slammed into it hard and took a deep, shuddering breath, my eyes shooting open. I blinked under the harsh sunlight a few times until they adjusted. I was curled up in Cindi’s lap. She had her long hair and her red cherries. I reached up and touched her face. “Cindi. It’s you.”

Through her tears, she smiled, “It’s me. Is it you, though? How can I be sure?” Kari and Chuck walked over, and I glared at her, and she stopped.

“It’s him, alright,” Smash Gal said. I pushed myself up and looked around, trying to soften his glare.

“So,” Professor Mind began. I watched him. He wasn’t in the dark blue and black costume the other one wore. Just his ordinary powder blue and white. I wonder why they still chose such similar colors. Whatever. All of this seems contrived and annoying. He continued, “Another universe. One where I’m. . .”

“A bigger dick, yeah.”

“So you met him. Me. Gods, this is weird.”

“Oh, you have no idea. I met all of you. The other yous. And they are all . . . Well, I’m glad to be back home.”

“Oh, Essy. You won’t miss the other me? I’m sure she was plenty of fun.”

“In a black widow kind of way. Very dangerous.”

“How is that different from me exactly?”

“You don’t open our conversations by choking me.”

“I could. Might be a nice role-reversal.”

“God, both of you are so gross,” Kari replied. She was trying to keep the smile off her face, though. “Were we really m-married in the other world?”

“Yeah. And apparently do some role-play.”

“R-role-play? What kind of role-play?”

“I don’t think you want to know.” I looked down at my rig. The one I had hand crafted. It hadn’t really occurred to me until just now that the other Esvanir had been made by someone else. His code was written by someone else. He let other people look at the technology. He trusted them that much. I struggled to imagine that. And I looked up to the Kari I had grown up with. My enemy. And her boyfriend. Someone who I didn’t hate. “Uh . . . Thanks for your help, Smash Gal. I . . . I don’t know what would’ve happened if you hadn’t been flexible. And you too, Chuck. Don’t go tearing people’s minds out, though. It’s fucking scary.”

“Yeah,” Berry said, sighing. I opened a portal to the hotel room Cindi and I were sharing.

“Curt,” Kari began. I turned back to her. “This doesn’t change anything. The next time I see you, I’m taking you in.”

“I know,” I said before walking through the portal, Cindi in tow.