Yuuri looks at her phone, a hint of worry on her face. Rina and Yuudai still haven’t come back from their talk and Yuuri’s natural worrying nature has begun to get the best of her. “What’s taking them so long..?”

“So it’s yer whole club who has issues with gettin’ round, huh?” Ranmaru says, a cheeky smile on her face to try and lighten Yuuri’s concern.

“Hay, we’ve got a good majority of tha club this time,” Mari says. “This is bettah than y’all usually get.”

“I’m not sure how those two got lost though,” Yuuri says sincerely, “Yuudai’s one of the more punctual ones…”

Akina smirks. “Maybe she dragged Yuudai off into a room to make out with him.”

Mari clicks her tongue, her ahoge drooping, “Sluggha’s too dense fer that.”

“He does have a habit of attracting that kind of girl.” Katsuki says. “Don’t you remember that crazy girl from last year?”

“Tha skanky one or tha bunny-boilin’ psycho one?” Mari asks.

“Both.” Akina says, crossing her arms, “He’s so empty-headed, he can only understand things with his body.”

Mari turns beet red, her ahoge standing at attention. Before she can say something inappropriate, her phone buzzes. She takes it out and checks the message, immediately perking back up, “It’s Sluggah! And he said Lucy caught them and took them back to our dorm!”

“Caught kissing I bet.” Akina continues.

Mari growls, “Quiet yew…”

Ranmaru stretches, “Alls’well that ends well,, we need ta hurry to get ta th’ next wonder anyway.”

“People are getting picked off one by one like a horror movie,” Katsuki ponders, “yet she’s so coolly casual…”

“So, what is next?” Hotaru asks.

“Well… there’s these strange flashing lights down at the track. Some people also sez they hear weird noises too. Problem is, everytime someone tries ta get close, they’re blinded by th’ final flash that comes up when the figures come out. And sure ‘nuff, after that, nothin’s there.”

“Aliens!” Katsuki and Yuuri shout in unison. The pair look at each other and share a giggle.

“Yew’d think there’d be men in black swarmin’ like bees if’n there was aliens here.” Mari says, tapping her chin with a finger. Her ahoge quickly pops up, “Unless they’ve already blanked our memories!”

“What exactly are we talking about now?” Hotaru asks, raising an eyebrow.

“You know, secretive government organizations that deal with extraterrestrial life and keep it a secret from the public!” Katsuki exclaims, excitedly.

“If’n yew gotta ask, yer not cleared fer it lil’ guy,” Mari says.

“And if they’re so secretive, how do you two know about them?” Kirika asks, innocently. “And what’s this about bees?”

“They can’t keep everything secret!” Katsuki says, “Obviously there’ll be whistleblowers who get free and tell the truth!”

“Un,” Mari concurs, “Ah’ve seen a ton a’ vidyas online ‘bout it!”

“So, and correct me if I’m misunderstanding this,” Hotaru starts, “There’s a conspiracy about secret government departments whose only job is to find out about, and then hide, alien life on this earth, and they also have some way to erase memories, yet their existence is posted about freely online such that a couple of high school students know about them?”

“Lil’ guy. Yer in a school fer supahpowered high schoolahs. Ah can literally do magic,” Mari crosses her arms. “An’ aliens is yer bridge too far?”

“I’ve never seen you do magic,” Hotaru says. “And there’s probably a perfectly reasonable explanation for what you consider magic anyway.”

Mari reaches in her back pocket and pulls out a plastic toy wand. She presses a button and the wand plays a tinny magical girl jingle. The heart-shaped jewel at its’ tip glows a brilliant pink as she points it to the sky and shoots a beam of light upwards. “Explain that, lil fella.”

Hotaru hemms and haws. “An aftermarket laser pointer?”

Mari grumbles and puts her wand back in her pocket.

“Yeah, pretty much.” Katsuki responds, with Mari signaling her accord. “Also, wasn’t that basically a Cerys bit?”

“She ain’t here,” Mari says, shrugging. “An’ Ah’ve been around her so long it feels weird havin’ someone not do it.”

“Y’about done?” Cuts in a weary Ranmaru, “We’ve gotta get ta the track afore it’s too late.”

Yuuri nods and Ranmaru leads the way.

***

Over past the Tennis Courts is the track. Lining the track are some stands, ready for sports day and any athletic meets the school may hope to hold. The group sits huddled underneath one of those stands, peering through the openings.

Sure enough, the light that Ranmaru speaks of does occur before their very eyes. Not once, not twice, but definitely three times. After the short speedy flash, the show comes to an end.

Yuuri peers out, looks back to Ranmaru, then scans the scene again, “Did we miss them?”

“This is usually about th’ time they show up.” Ranmaru keeps focused on the field.

“Mebbe they came early tonight.” Mari says.

“Or it was a short conversation with their home planet.” Katsuki adds.

Hotaru shakes his head, “Or there is a perfectly normal explanation for this ‘mystery’, like in most every other instance of mysterious lights.”

Katsuki mulls it over for less than a second, “That’s ridiculous. It has to be aliens!”

“Hotaru does make a point,” Yuuri says. “We could be wasting our time, wouldn’t one of the performance clubs practice with lights and effects?”

Katsuki gestures towards the field, “But there’s no one out there! Who’s practicing?”

“Flashing lights an’ no one being there? Sounds like aliens to me, Chief, former Chief.” Mari responds. “Or will-o-wisps. Or kitsune. But this place ain’t country enough fer yokai.”

“Aliens?” A voice comes from behind the group.

“The flashing lights!” Katsuki answers, “Haven’t you been paying attention?”

Akina rolls her eyes, “You are being stupid right now. More than usual.”

“I don’t know…” The voice responds, “We are a supernatural school so aliens would be possible.”

Hotaru looks over to where the voice is coming from, “I’m sorry, but who might you be? I don’t believe we’ve met?”

The rest of the group, minus Akina, turn in surprise. Standing there is a girl a few inches shorter than Mari with dark magenta eyes and short gray hair adorned with a crescent moon charm and a pinkish ball dangling from her ahoge.

“Dammit Saki, ya scared us!” Ranmaru snaps.

“Well you scared me!” Saki responds, “Why are you under the stands anyway?”

“I was showin’ ‘em the lights that appear at the track.”

Saki holds up a notepad, “How funny, I’m writing on that story as well!”

“Are you a reporter or something?” Katsuki asks.

Saki strikes a pose, with the notepad pressed against her head, “Saki Haruno! One of two reporters for the Zonzai Times!”

Katsuki stares at Saki in disbelief, “Wait, we have a newspaper? That needs two reporters?”

“Of course!” Saki puffs her chest out with pride, “We’re the best paper this school’s ever had!”

“And the only paper this school’s ever had!” Ranmaru retorts.

“Technically, it’s just a newsletter that’s posted online…” Hotaru quietly interjects.

Saki pouts, “Letters are often written on paper, so it can still be called a newspaper! Naomi and I put a lot of effort into making it good! Just the other day we had four unique page visits!”

Ranmaru ushers the group away, “We need t’ move on. If we stay here, Saki will chat with us for th’ next couple hours.”

“Hey!” Saki chases after them, “You’re right but you didn’t have to be so mean about it! Can you at least pose naturally for a found footage photo? Wait, come back—!”

***

Ranmaru has led them back to the Fashion Club dorm for the next stop.

“Thank the Gods, it’s finally over, Akina deadpans.

“We’ve only covered five.” Hotaru responds meekly.

“Yer right.” Ranmaru begins, “Wonder number six is in th’ Fashion Club.”

“Yer haunted!?” Mari says.

“Haunted clothes, possessed by a vengeful spirit? A jacket someone was wearing when their life was cut short? The wedding dress of a jilted lover who took her own life?” Kirika ponders aloud, getting more and more excited.

“Not exactly...” Ranmaru says, opening the door, “Lemme show you.”

She leads the group into the cozy Fashion Club dorm, a slight step up from their current accommodations. Ranmaru leads them down a hallway to a closed door and knocks.

“...Come in.” A wispy voice answers.

Ranmaru leads the group in. It’s a standard dorm setup with two beds, but half of the room seems to be taken over by more gothic apparel. Sitting on the bed is Fuyumi, dressed in dark-colored pajamas.

The girl shrinks away from the small group, “I-I’m sorry...I’m not really comfortable with groups of people.”

Kirika’s eyes sparkle, “She’s one of the wonders!?” She gasps.

“Absolutely!” Ranmaru beams with pride, “Th’ Fashion Club holds a Wonder!”

Fuyumi seems to shrink away even more.

Akina stares at the girl. “What does she do?”

“Asides make Kiricchi go feral?” Mari says.

“I’ll let Fuyumi tell ya herself!” Ranmaru motions to Fuyumi.

Fuyumi shuffles up on her bed, “I-I’m a vampire…”

“Does that mean yer tha protagonist inna LN?” Mari says. “There’s always a vampire protagonist in tha LNs Ah read!”

Hotaru frowns. “That’s not a nice thing to say about a pale girl with a penchant for Goth fashion…”

Ranmaru laughs and points to a nearby mirror. “This ain’t no monkey show, kid. Fuyumi, show ‘em yer legit!”

Fuyumi whines a little, then walks over to the mirror. She has no reflection.The group gasps.

“Does everyone know this!?” Katsuki asks, eyes wide.

“Only us… And now you guys!” Ranmaru sits next to Fuyumi, “Fuyumi takes great care ta not put herself in any compromising situations, like intense competitions, but…”

“But?” Yuuri says.

“Since we started here, rumors were always flyin’ ‘round that Fuyumi was a vampire. Got real dicey when we had ta rely on her abilities for one game. After that, they only worsened ‘n people were constantly swarming her.”

Fuyumi hugs her legs, a twinge of fear in her eyes.

“As y’all can see, Fuyumi don’t deal too well with people, or people knowin’ she’s a vampire. Ta help her out, we dressed Hiroko up like a vampire and had him wander ‘round campus for about a week.” Ranmaru continues.

“Why exactly?” Katsuki asks.

“If people thought th’ vampire was a man, then it would throw everyone off her trail. Genius idea, really.”

“Uh, I guess.”

“Then why tell us this?” Yuuri asks.

Fuyumi lifts her head up, “I… Want you to help us with this. If the Paranormal Club came out and said the vampire was male, then any lingering rumors about me would go away altogether… People trust you guys after cracking that murder case right?”

“People trust us?” Akina rubs her forehead.

Katsuki pumps her fist. “Hell yeah! Of course people trust us!”

“Y-Yeah!” Yuuri says, unsure of herself. “Why wouldn’t people trust us?”

“We are a pretty disagreeable lot,” Kirika says.

Akina looks over at Kirika. “And why do you think that is?”

“Prob’ly because of tha five feet of kung-fu fury crappin’ on tha rest of us, Acchan,” Mari says.

“Anyway, we’re completely trustworthy people and the Fashion Club is right to put their trust in us,” Yuuri says firmly, trying to wrangle the conversation back on track. “So, we’d be more than happy to help you out, Fuyumi.”

Fuyumi gives Yuuri a sheepish look and the ghost of a smile. “Really?”

Kirika gasps, covering her mouth, and jumps beside Fuyumi on the bed, “Do you have claws too? Do you have wings? If we are going to help you, I...I mean we have to know everything about you! Can you turn into a bat!? I have a bat named Kokoro that the school said I wasn’t allowed to bring! I miss her… Here, I can show you pictures on my phone!”

Fuyumi curls up, burying her face into her knees to escape the elf assault.

Ranmaru sighs, “Ya didn’t learn from th’ last time she hates when people do that ta her!” She grabs Kirika and leads her out the room, “Let’s leave her be and get on ta number seven.” ***

The final stop leads them to the “memorial tree,” a tall Sakaki tree next to the school, whose branches spread out well beyond the roof. A shimenawa is tied around the trunk. Next to it, stands a plaque reading “In Memory of Kyouko Kumagawa. Founder of Zonzai.”

“So this one is super new,” Ranmaru says, “And by new I mean I just saw it recently.”

“What was it?” Hotaru asks.

“Well, ‘bout two weeks ago, I was out for a walk when I heard this explosion. When I got here, all I saw was a burn mark on the ground. I came back each night, hoping to see something, anything but nothing appeared. Maybe you guys can help me find it tonight!”

Mari makes a worried noise. “Ain’t nothin’ good about a scorch mark near a sacred tree.”

Kirika looks at her sleeve to see it bespeckled with black dots. As she wipes it the spots smudge.

“Ugh, this tree is flaking!” Kirika pouts.

Hotaru notices the same specks on his jacket, “It kind of looks like ash.”

“It’s a sakaki tree tho,” Mari says.

Hotaru scrunches up his face. “Ash as in burnt tree, not the kind of tree.”

“It must be the wonder!” Ranmaru panics, “Get back, it might be dangerous!”

Just as everyone begins to pace back, the ash floats off of their clothing and toward the tree.The ash dances whimsically in the wind, swirling together into a humanoid shape. With a bright flash and a loud pop, the ash scatters, leaving a short brunette girl in its place. She brushes excess ash from her ornate blue and gold robes and her large brown witch’s hat. She holds out her hand, gathering ash until it forms into a thick wooden staff as tall as she is. She licks her thumb and rubs the bright red orb cradled at the tip of her staff until it begin

s to glow. Her back to the others, she kneels down before the tree and prays.

No one dares interrupt her prayer.

She finishes her prayers with a clap of her hands and a sharp exhale. She nods, confident in her oblations, only to turn around and come face to face with her onlookers.

“Ah-” the girl says.

“Ah-” the others say.

There’s a long, awkward silence and then the girl screams.

“Y-You guys didn’t see me, alright?! You didn’t see nothing!” She taps her staff on the ground and erupts into bright and sudden flames. They die out a second later, leaving a burn mark and another scattering of ash.

“What just happened?” Akina asks.

“I think we found a witch…” Katsuki answers.

“Or a pyromaniac,” Mari says.

“That’s it! We’ll call it th’ Mysterious Witch of Zonzai!” Ranmaru snaps her fingers.

“I guess we can check that one off…?” Yuuri says.

“Yep!” The elated Ranmaru punches the air, “Yeah we did see her! I never thought this would happen at all!”

“You weren’t expecting this?” Yuuri looks to the ecstatic girl.

Ranmaru clasps Yuuri’s shoulders. “I was just expecting more ash, maybe a fireball or something but I never thought a real ‘n true witch would teleport in ‘n leave in a fireball! This is amazin’!”

“Wow this is tha most energetic yew’ve been all night.” Mari says. “Ah didn’t think yew had a higher gear.”

“Who wouldn’t be? We saw a witch!” Ranmaru shouts, “I gotta get back to th’ others to tell them. Thanks for the fun guys!”

***

The Paranormal Club finds themselves huddled around the table, as Yuuri finishes retelling the story of the witch they encountered with Ranmaru.

Suzaka’s eyes sparkle, “Tha’ sounds awesome! I wanna go see it now!”

“Well, we don’t exactly know when she comes…” Yuuri tempers Suzaka’s expectations, “It could be awhile before we see her again.”

“If we already didn’t spook her away.” Mari adds.

Suzaka lays her head on the table, “Aw…”

Yuuri changes the subject, “How about you tell us about the rabbit Yuuma. What did it do?”

Suzaka jumps back up excited, “Oh yeah! The rabbit was super quick runnin’ in the woods, ‘n me ‘n Cerys tried to catch it but it went right through us!”

“So it was a ghost?” Katsuki asks.

Suzaka stops and goes pale white, as her mind processes this new information.

“Hey, you weren’t scared chasing it were you?” Rina tries to calm her.

“N-No…” Suzaka mutters.

“Then you conquered your fear of ghosts!” Rina pats her on the back.

“Yeh...Yeh I did!” Suzaka fists pumps.

“Not to ruin your discovery but you couldn’t get near the rabbit, you said?” Hotaru asks.

“Oh wait! Kirie caught it!” Suzaka points.

The attention at the table turns to her.

“It’s true. I just reached out and grabbed it.” Kirie mimics how she caught the creature.

“What did it do after you caught it?” Yuuri asks.

“Nothing really.” Kirie responds.

“She was talkin’ to it!” Suzaka jumps back in, “Can you talk to animals Kirie?”

“Nope! It was something I learned from my mom when we lived up north. There were a lot of rabbits and she said that staring into their eyes and talking gently calms them down. That’s all I did. Yep. That’s it.”

Akina’s eyes narrow, “Where is up north?”

“You know…” Kirie trails off, raising her hand upwards and pointing to the ceiling, “Nooooooorth.”

“But that’s up,” Yuudai says.

Akina continues to stare holes into Kirie. “Shut up Yuudai.”

“Anyway…” Yuuri turns her focus to Rina and Yuudai, “Mari said you two got caught by Lucy-”

“Lucy didn’t catch y’all kissin’, did she!?” Mari blurts out.

“T-That didn’t happen at all!” Yuudai shouts.

Rina gets flustered by the accusation, “W-What the hell did you think we were doing!?”

“I just wanted to ask Rina about tutoring!” Yuudai jumps back in, “I didn’t want to tell you but… I don’t want you as my tutor anymore…”

“B-But… Ah thought I was being a good tutor!”

“You hit me with a ruler everytime I answer a question wrong!” Yuudai answers, “I don’t need to be beat up while studying…”

Mari slouches over on the table. “Ah woulda rather you been kissing ‘er,” she mumbles.

“I-I still wanna study with you!” Yuudai backpedals, “We have the same classes so we can help each other with the tests-”

Mari tosses a notebook at him. “Yew tutor playboy!”

“Hey!” Hotaru squeaks.”that’s my notebook!”

“Ah know! It’s tha densest one we’ve got!”

The book does no damage to Yuudai as he catches it, returning it back to Hotaru, “I knew you’d be mad at me, but not this mad…”

“Ah don’t like NTR, Sluggah,” Mari mutters, “Even if’n it’s just fer tutorin’...”

“I don’t even know what that means!” Yuudai says. What did I even do wrong here?”

Mari gives Yuudai a hurt look. “Yew were one of tha first folks who relied on me ta do stuff.”

Yuuri shakes her head, “Mari, he doesn’t mean any harm by it. What happened, Warren?”

Rina leans back in her chair, “Big Guy’s right, he did ask me about tutoring on the way out and both of us got dragged back to our dorm by Lucy, but...it was weird.”

“Weird how?” Yuuri asks.

“Well, we never heard her walk up.,” Rina says, scratching her head. “It was like she appeared out of nowhere, and when I said dragged us, I meant dragged. I tried fighting back but I couldn’t stop her.

“Did she have horns, like the mystery we saw in the teacher’s lounge?” Hotaru asks.

Rina shakes her head, “She looked exactly like every other time we saw her. I mean, she did have headphones around her neck, but that was about it.”

Katsuki snerks. “Who would wear cat ear headphones at her age?”

“They have great sound quality!” Yuuri says. “But putting that aside, we’re going to be busy over the next week. The Paranormal Club will finally be doing Paranormal investigations!”

***

A light flickers on, illuminating a dingy hotel room, a short, blonde man, and his lanky, messy haired partner. The two men wordlessly change out of blood-stained jackets and sweat-stained white dress shirts into casual clothing. The short one stuffs their old clothes into a garbage bag while the lanky one does a sweep of the room. Once the clothes are bagged and the room has been combed over to both mens’ satisfaction, the two men exit into the night, stopping once to ditch the bag into a nearby dumpster.

Silence follows them as they leave behind a city in panic. A squad of patrol cars blows past them, followed by an ambulance and a fire truck. Nobody pays them any mind. They’ve done their job well. They travel undisturbed, sirens and screams fading to nothing as they reach an abandoned warehouse.

The blonde man sighs, “I guess you should know, but I’m getting out of the business.”

The taller man chuckles, breaking out into full on laughter. It takes him a minute to finally compose himself, “God I knew you were a pussy, but I didn’t think you had a death wish too!” He gasps laughing.

The short one grunts.

The taller one continues, “I can hear the old man now.” He adjusts his voice to sound raspier, “Well, we hate to see you leave us Fourteen. You were like a son to me! I will always remember you!”

The short one, Fourteen rolls his eyes and looks out the window. “Aren’t you too old for grade-school bullying, Eight. I know I am”

Eight, the lanky one scowls. “You little brat! I guess that jailbait girlfriend of yours made you too soft!”

Fourteen glares at him. “Shut up,” he says bitterly. “As long as she’s safe, I don’t care what happens to me.”

Eight grips the steering wheel until the leather cracks, “God I hope I get assigned to take you out. It would make my year to hear you choke on your words after I slit your fucking throat!”

“Since we’re airing dirty laundry.” Fourteen says, “We might as well do this now. Why do you hate me so much? Are you mad I have something to live for? Do you really get off on taking lives? Or did you get your entire personality from a shitty yakuza movie?”

“What do you think?” Eight snaps. “You’re the old man’s golden boy! All he does is brag about you to me, but I’ve seen you in the field. You’re nothing but a dirty goddamn coward. You just run around, and somehow always show up behind the target and just lop his goddamn head off! You’re a nobody!”

“Isn’t that the point?” Fourteen says, “We’re assassins after all, not celebrites. We’re fucking professionals. We clock in, we clock out, same as any other job.”

“What’s the point of killing someone if you can’t extract every last bit of joy as the life leaves their eyes?” Eight asks.

“So I got it in one, huh? You know, I may not enjoy the business, but I can tell you people like you don’t last as long as you’d think in this. How did you make it this long? Your stupid ass should’ve gotten blanked by the boss if you didn’t fuck up a mission with your murderboner first.”

Eight laughs in his face, “You got a real big mouth for a bitch! But you do have a point. We are professional killers, and I fucking love my job! Maybe if you took the stick out your ass and loved what you did like me, you wouldn’t be ditching us for some stupid hole.”

Fourteen grits his teeth and sighs as he opens the door to the warehouse, Eight cackling behind him as they climb the steps to the Foreman’s office.