《SteelStar》Episode Three, A Natural Solution: Part One
Advertisement
On the TV show ‘Mornings with Maddie,’ the host, whose full name was Madeline Gorges, sat down to interview a superhero. Maddie herself was a middle aged woman with curly brown hair and a big smile that showed off her pearly white teeth.
Behind the stage, a superhero waited for her announcement. She mentally prepared her smile for the audience. She’d practiced in the mirror for over an hour to make sure her smile looked good for this. She could practically hear her publicity agent buzzing in her ear, telling her, Remember to smile! Remember to smile!
She’d give them a smile, allright.
“Ladies and Gentlemen,” said Maddie, sitting in a comfortable red chair. “Allow me to introduce the beautiful…the powerful…the wonderful Demigoddess!”
Showtime, thought the hero.
The superhero known as Demigoddess sauntered onto the stage. She wore a red and white leotard, a red mask over her eyes, and a diamond tiara on her head. She Normally wore her black hair in a bun when on duty. However, she let her silky locks spill over her shoulders for public appearances like this. Just as she’d practiced, she gave out her brightest smile, effortlessly charming the audience.
“Welcome, Demigoddess,” said Maddie. “It’s great to have you here. You’re looking lovely as always.”
Demigoddess sat down and shook Maddie’s hand, “Thanks, Maddie. It’s nice to have a host with good taste for a change.”
Maddie and the audience laughed as Demigoddess smiled at everyone.
“But really,” said Ellie. “It’s such an honor to interview a true hero. You’re an inspiration to us all.
“Oh, stop it,” said Demigoddess modestly.
###
One hour before the show.
“What do you mean the limo has a flat tire?!”
The superhero Demigoddess took the name Miriam Harris when not on duty. She currently had her brown hair down as she wore a plain long sleeve blouse and jeans. She was on the phone with her limo driver, and while his tone was apologetic, hers was absolutely furious.
“I don’t know how else I can describe it,” said the driver. “The limo has a flat tire. It’s going to take some time to change it.”
“I’m due at ‘Mornings with Maddie’ in an hour,” said Miriam. “I need you here now!”
“Um…can’t you...I don’t know…fly there?”
Miriam’s eye twitched. She could, in fact, fly there. Her power was a unique hormone her body could produce that made her incredibly strong and nearly indestructible. An unfortunate side effect of this hormone was that it made her body generate an intense amount of heat. Her body could produce enough sweat to compensate, and it evaporated as steam. When she used enough of the hormone, the steam could blow away anything around her within a certain radius. With practice, she’d learn to deliberately make bursts of steam to blast her enemies. She could even make jet streams of steam to fly.
The problem, of course, was that this steam was made from her sweat, and while the life of a superhero could be great, she’d always found her power kind of gross. She’d gotten used to it during hero work, of course. There was no avoiding that. Public appearances, on the other hand...
“Do you seriously expect me to show up to ‘Mornings with Maddie’ drenched in sweat? As if the smell isn’t bad enough, they have to put me in makeup for crying out loud! What other bright ideas do you have for me? Strap an air conditioning unit to my back and run there?!”
Advertisement
“I’m…I’m sorry,” the driver protested. “But it can’t be helped. Look, just get a taxi or a rideshare to the changing spot, and I’ll meet you there once the tire is changed. We can still get you to the interview on time.”
She grumbled the whole way out of her hotel room to the lobby as she used the rideshare app Wayfare to call a ride. Sadly, the wait would be long, as all nearby Wayfare drivers were currently assisting other customers. As if it wasn’t bad enough she had to use a rideshare like a common pleb. As she sat in the lobby, tapping her foot while she waited, Miriam looked out the glass doors at the parking lot and could practically see the heat rising from the concrete. She’d sweat without using her powers on a day like this.
At that moment, a man named Joseph Kimball left his hotel room and reached the lobby. Joseph was a slightly above average looking man who wore horned rimmed glasses. Upon entering the lobby, he spotted Miriam sitting by himself and paused. She was gorgeous, and it brought to mind a conversation he’d had just a few days earlier.
On that day, Joseph Kimball sat in a very old red car, a sleek, classy model from the late sixties. He sat parked on the road in the city with a friend of his standing outside the window.
“Come on, Dude,” said the other man standing on the sidewalk. “Why are you still riding this old thing?”
“You know why, Darren,” said Joseph. “I’m not getting rid of Dora’s car.”
Dora was Joseph’s wife of only three years. She and Joseph had always loved vintage cars like this. She’d been the love of his life and could always cheer him up no matter how bad his day went. She often told him to smile more. She’d say, “Honey, you give someone a smile, even a complete stranger, and see them smile back, it can brighten up even the worst day. And who knows? You might just brighten up someone else’s bad day too.” It had proven to be sound advice.
She’d died of cancer four years ago.
Darren sighed, “You know, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. It’s been long enough, Joseph. I think you need to start dating again.”
Joseph seemed amused, “Oh, come on.”
“I mean it,” said Darren. “You’re still young. You need to get out there and meet someone. Honestly, it wouldn’t hurt to get out more in general. You deserve to be happy. I know Dora would want you to be happy.”
Joseph shrugged, “Maybe.”
“Just think about it.”
And back in the present day, Joseph had thought about it. He’d never give up that car, but maybe it was time to move on, and just now, he saw an absolutely gorgeous woman. A moment after he saw her, Miriam looked around and saw him. Joseph smiled as warmly as he could.
Miriam, for her part, immediately regretted it. She’d smiled more out of habit than anything else, a habit she’d built during her many public appearances as Demigoddess. During the start of her superhero career, she'd once marched into an interview scowling after a bad day of dealing with mutant frogs. It had taken hours to get the mucous out of her hair, which put her in a bad mood. Her attitude had been terrible for her reputation that day, so she made it a point to smile whenever she was in public.
Advertisement
And now it had backfired. This man was clearly interested in her, and Miriam didn’t want to give him the wrong idea, even if she could practically hear her agent shouting in her ear that she needed to smile more. She just looked away, hoping that he wouldn’t try to talk to her.
He was sitting across from her a moment later.
“Hi,” he said. “I’m Joseph.”
She repressed the urge to snap at him. It would look awkward after smiling, “Miriam.” She continued to try and feign disinterest.
“You waiting for someone?” he asked.
“Wayfare,” said Miriam.
“Heh, good Luck,” said Joseph. “I have friends in the area. They say there aren’t many Wayfare drivers around here, and the Taxi service is terrible.”
Now he tells me, she thought bitterly.
“Say,” said Joseph. “I’m not doing anything for a few hours. I could give you a ride.”
For a moment, Miriam considered it. She was due to be late for Mornings with Maddie at this point, but she decided against it. He’d probably think he was entitled to her attention if he helped her out.
“No,” said Miriam. “I don’t accept rides from strangers.”
Joseph felt embarrassed, “Yeah, you’re right. I probably shouldn’t have offered.”
You think? She thought spitefully.
“So,” said Joseph. “You from around here?”
“Sure,” said Miriam.
“I’m moving here for work. Just got a big construction contract with the city.”
“Good for you,” she said dryly.
“Now, if only I could construct a way to get better rideshare service around here, am I right?”
Miriam cringed inwardly. He must have thought that line was so funny, but she was getting more annoyed by the minute. Joseph, meanwhile, cringed a little himself. Was that really the best joke he could come up with on the spot? He was certain he used to be better at this. Worse still, Miriam seemed to be discouraged. If only there were a way to cheer her up.
“Don’t worry,” he said. “I’m sure a Wayfare driver will come available soon.”
Miriam ignored him. Take a hint, she thought.
“Cheer up,” he said. “Why don’t you show me that smile? I think you have a beautiful smile.”
And now he wants me to smile for him, she thought. She was exhausted about smiles by now and didn’t need a reminder. She wasn’t certainly going to smile just to make this guy feel good about himself. Combine that with the fact that there were still no available Wayfare drivers nearby, and she was at her breaking point. She needed to be at that interview now, and it was time to use drastic measures to get there.
“Say,” said Miriam. “About that ride you offered…”
A moment later, they were in the parking lot, heading to Jacob’s car. When he walked up to his sixty’s car, Miriam cringed. Surely, he didn’t drive this dinosaur? But when he pulled out his keys to open the passenger side door, she felt a pit in her stomach. She supposed she was out of time and would have to roll down the windows and let the wind keep her cool should it not have air conditioning. She still begged the universe that this fossil of a car had air conditioning.
In the meantime, she unleashed just enough of her unique hormone into her bloodstream to make herself stronger. It wouldn’t be enough to make her sweat profusely, and thus she wouldn’t be too strong, but she’d still be stronger than an ordinary man.
Joseph opened the door, “Ready to go?”
“I sure am,” said Miriam, smirking. “I’m lucky I ran into you.”
Before Joseph could turn around, Miriam grabbed the back of his head and hit it against the roof of the car. Joseph fell to the concrete below, dazed, and Miriam reached down to pick up his keys. Blood trickled down his forehead as he looked around with fuzzy vision. The first thing he noticed was the engine of his car starting. As it began to drive away, he raised his hand weakly.
“No…” he said weakly. “Please…don’t…”
Meanwhile, inside the car, Miriam called her publicity agent, cradling her phone in the crook of her neck.
“Hey,” she said, “I’m going to need a new civilian identity.” After a pause, she snapped at him, “Yes, again. What do you think I pay you for?”
She hung up, then looked at the dashboard. Thankfully, this ancient vehicle had air conditioning, and she turned it on eagerly. Back in the parking lot, Joseph watched from his back, reaching his hand out as his wife’s car disappeared from view. Once it was gone, Joseph passed out.
###
On ‘Mornings with Maddie, ’ Miriam, as Demigoddess, gave her most dazzling smile.
“And once I blasted Beetle Brute away,” said Demigoddess. “I leaped into the burning building, wrapped the boy in the protective sheet to protect him from my steam, and pulled him out just as a gas line ruptured. I barely escaped the explosion, but I got the boy to safety. I tell you, people think I don’t get scared because I’m near invulnerable, but my heart was racing for that poor, innocent child.”
The audience went ‘awwwwww,’ and Demigoddess’s teeth sparkled in the studio lights. She had embellished the details somewhat. There was no explosion, for instance, and the child was kind of a brat from what she remembered, but the audience loved a good story.
“So inspiring,” said the host, Maddie. “Tell me, Demigoddess, what is the greatest thing about being a superhero.”
Miriam rubbed her chin thoughtfully, knowing her answer had to be good.
###
Meanwhile, Joseph Kimball was found in the parking lot. As an ambulance tended to his injuries, the police arrived to check things out. When he came to, he told the police that a woman with above average strength had assaulted him and stolen his car, and he gave a description. A few hours later, it was reported that his car was found in a ditch.
Joseph showed up at the police impound to identify his car, his head wrapped in a bandage. Joseph entered the garage and saw it on a hydraulic lift as officers examined it for evidence. Dora’s classy vintage car was completely smashed up. Every window was broken, and there were dents all over it. As joseph looked at his wife’s now destroyed car, his lip trembled.
“Dora,” he said under his breath.
###
“The greatest thing about being a superhero,” said Demigoddess. “Is that I can give little girls everywhere a role model to look up to.”
More ‘awwww’s’ from the audience, and Demigoddess flashed her most brilliant smile yet. The audience started clapping, and the superhero on stage felt supreme satisfaction.
Nailed it, she thought.
###
Partition City.
Cars, debris, and even dust levitated in the street, swirling around a particular tree. The creature’s psychic powers were out of control, and people ran for their lives. SteelStar, flying in his metal form, arrived at the scene and approached cautiously. The mutant was a small animal, so it was probably just scared. He knew he’d need a delicate touch for this.
When SteelStar thought of saving kittens stuck in a tree, this wasn’t what he usually pictured.
The little tabby kitten’s eyes were glowing, so it was obviously the source of this telekinetic event. As SteelStar got closer the kitten hissed and a car flew at SteelStar. He let it smash into him and bounce off. The attack wasn’t strong enough to hurt SteelStar with his magnetic reinforcement, so he approached slowly and non-threateningly.
“It’s okay little guy,” said SteelStar.
The kitten hissed but hesitated to throw something else since the last attack had been so ineffective. Closer and closer SteelStar flew until he was within arm’s reach. SteelStar removed one of his gauntlets and held out his metal hand. The kitten scratched at it, but naturally the claws did nothing to the metal flesh. SteelStar held his metal hand in place for a moment, and when the kitten hesitantly started sniffing, SteelStar turned part of his skin organic to give it a scent.
He had to turn it to metal quickly a couple of times when the kitten tried biting and scratching. Eventually, though, the kitten called down enough to let SteelStar scratch it behind the ears with organic fingers. As the kitten leaned into the scratches, it began to purr, and the objects levitating in the air slowly drifted down. By the time SteelStar had the kitten in his hand, it had stopped using its powers, its eyes ceasing to glow.
“There,” said SteelStar. “I’m not so scary now, am I?”
Now that things had calmed down, SteelStar looked around. The few people who watched from a distance just turned and walked away now that the excitement was over, and SteelStar frowned. He’d seen constant videos of superheroes stepping in to help and being met with applause when everyone was safe. No one applauded SteelStar these days, not since the Spectramancer incident. Online, some people supported him behind anonymous accounts after learning about what really happened that day, but few people seemed willing to support him openly.
“Not so scary,” SteelStar muttered as the kitten in his hands continued to purr.
###
An hour later, the kitten was given to caregivers to be taken to a mutant reserve. Steelstar grabbed a cheeseburger for lunch and flew up to billboard where no one could interrupt him. As he sat there in his grey skinned organic form eating, looking out over the city, he began to reflect on how much of a grind being a Superhero could really be.
Every day there was something to deal with. Almost every other day, there would be a mutant animal to deal with, each with a different mutation. That gave him some variety, but if he’d seen one robbery or mugging, he’d seen them all. On top of that, a lot of people hated him, so he got all the grind and the tedium of being a superhero without all the praise that usually came with it. He wasn’t even making that much money on Herofund. He’d hoped to have his own apartment by now, but that wasn’t going to happen any time soon.
SteelStar sighed and kept eating, but after a moment, he stopped, sensing something. Looking up, he felt an electromagnetic signature approaching, and it was moving fast. SteelStar stood, ready for an attack, but it proved unnecessary. The figure flew up and stopped just in front of SteelStar, wearing a blue, white, and black costume. SteelStar grinned excitedly upon seeing him.
“Paramount!”
“Hey, SteelStar,” said Paramount. “You said you wanted to help us find out who destroyed Redwell City. Well, we have a lead, and we could use your help.”
###
SteelStar contacted his parents to let them know he’d be going, Celerity so she’d know she’d be protecting Partition City solo for a while, and Brian to tell him they wouldn’t be hanging out later. Once all that was done, SteelStar and Paramount flew out of the city.
“So, who’s the suspect?” asked SteelStar, his metal face gleaming in the sunlight.
“Actually,” said Paramount, his hair rippling in the wind. “I didn’t want to mention this in the city where someone might hear, but we actually have two. The first is Sister Nature, an eco-terrorist who believes humanity is a plague that will destroy the Earth. She has an obvious motive, and we have evidence of her using explosives with a similar energy signature to the one that destroyed Redwell City.”
“Okay, who’s the other?”
Paramount was reluctant to say it, “Elementus.”
“Elementus?” asked SteelStar. “Really?”
“I know,” said Paramount. “I have trouble believing it as well, but we have reason to believe he was in Redwell that day and lied about it.”
SteelStar had trouble believing it. He was familiar with Elementus’s career, and he always seemed so nice.
“Anyway,” said Paramount. “He’ll be investigating with us, but just keep an eye out. Oh, and another hero has announced that she’s going after Sister Nature, and she’s…well…hard to work with.”
“Who’s that?”
Paramount hesitated, “Have you ever heard of Demigoddess?”
Advertisement
Lineage Saga (Kingdom Building Fantasy)
[participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge] The continent of Erdenia is in flux, nations large and small move to swallow their neighbors. Roving bands of marauders pillage the countryside, and the seas are choked with piracy. Against this backdrop upon the central island of Syroneika exists the Mercan League, an alliance of city states ruled by the Archon from his seat in the Capital, Merlabria. Yet all is not well beneath the surface. The Archon’s health is waning, while the House of Mercan appears on the verge of conflict. Both princes vie for the Archonship, with the aristocracy close behind looking to settle old scores. In the immediate west the Althai Federation is in a state of civil war, the conflict spilling over the border into the League, while nobles’ squabble over petty slights. In this time of growing conflict, the Archon has summoned the warlord of the southern frontier, bulwark against the horrors of the dark forest, and former Grand Scholar of the court. Behind the scenes pieces are in play, and the Scholar possesses numerous enemies, many still envious of his meteoric rise to power. A simple trip to the capital may be more than it appears. However, the branches of fate are fickle things, a single encounter could change the course of history. Or perhaps that is simply the will of fate, and nothing has changed at all, who could know? Could the meeting between a simple slave and a warlord truly be fate’s bough? And if so, where could that lead? Read this if you like: Army Building Rational Combat War and Strategy Gritty Violence in a Dark unforgiving world Realistic and engaging characters Medieval/Classical Economics and R&D Do not read if: Looking for OP MC (power gain is gradual) Last minute Deus Ex Machina moments Want Evil enemies who are evil just to be villains Can't stand Slow Development and extensive world building You can join the Discord here: Lineage Discord Channel Cover Art created by: Illusstation Check out their work: Illusstation's page Updates Monday-Thursday (Guaranteed) [more chapter releases per week are possible depending on buffer and as rewards for events I announce]
8 289The Remedy: Catalyst; Static
How can anyone escape, when time is held in your enemy’s grasp? Stalked by a monstrous bird-like wizard, with the power to manipulate time, fifteen year old Phynley Okie has never known safety. Staying alive only because of the warnings of a strange brown eyed boy and an extraordinary ability of her own, she has lived on the run. Caught in the crime life of Tetrad, Phynley delivers a letter that has her stumbling onto a brewing conflict. Talk of impending doom and secret alliances; the world is never quite what it seems. As the dark forces move she is caught in the cross hairs. Thrown into a fight she isn’t ready for and a destiny she doesn't want, Phynley has to decide if she will run away once more or face the very thing she fears the most. Becoming a hero is a difficult thing. After all, picking up that sword means you might die by it…. (Book 1) Catalyst: Complete (Book 2) Static: Complete
8 84The Curio Shoppe
Kellan Klein is an ordinary college student with an average, if traumatic and painful past. Everyone grows up grappling with depression and anxiety that seem to be genetic in a house with parents that, while loving, fight all the time and have weird ideas about what kids should and shouldn't do, right? Everyone deals with bullying, racism, judgement on their romantic inclinations and their family's economic status and just general shittiness, right? All of Kellan's friends sure did, and for all of them, entertaiment media were a welcome escape from their painful, dreary lives. After all, who wouldn't want to sail the seas with Monkey D. Luffy and the Strawhats, or help Meng Hao con increasingly powerful and influential people, or join Cecil Harvey and his friends on their weird journey to save the world, or make friends with Peter Parker while pretending to not know he was everyone's favorite wall-crawling superhero? Kellan certainly wanted to, and while he pursued college to seek out a career he saw himself enjoying, something felt inexplicably empty about his life. So when a decidely sinister force kidnaps him and the prettiest man he's ever seen saves his life and offers him his wildest dreams, Kellan becomes the shopkeeper of a mysterious, dimension hopping shop, complete with a system that helps him acquire items. abilities, materials, and other cool shit to stock it with, as well as some other neat perks. Will Kellan become a boring overpowered MC, like the kind from web fiction that he reads to sate his boredom? Will he keep his generally kind, sweet nature despite the shit he's gone through and will go through, or will he inexplicably become a scary, violent, irrational arrogant douchebag? Will he use his newfound abilities to explore the multiverse and improve the lives of himself and others, or will he become his own antithesis, a purely mercantile jerk obsessed with money and profit, with no concern for anything that doesn't help or hurt his business? Find out in The Curio Shoppe! Author's note: Please suggest possible setting he could visit in the comments. I'll gather ones i'm familiar with, and at the end of every arc, a poll will be held to decide the next location he visits. There will be polls for other purposes, and I might not always go with the poll winner if I feel one of the other options is more fun to read/write about. I will not use the settings of other RRL writers without their permission.Do not ask for that, unless the author in question gives permission. Most settings he visits will be slightly AU in some way or another, but please remind me if I drift too far from canon unintentionally or characterize a character wrongly. This work will eventually fit all tags I selected once he visits universes suited to those tags, so don't ask when or where a given tag is coming. I do not own the cover art, it belongs to Nicholas Belanger Thiel, and I will stop using it if he asks me to. Kellan doesn't look like the old man on the cover, though once he acquires a disguise-type ability he may occasionally use that appearance. The tapir, however, will be a thing, as despite looking like a failed attempt at an elephant, tapirs are cool and this dragon finds them to be kinda cute. The art, along with more of Nicholas's pieces, can be found at https://www.artstation.com/artwork/51bXz
8 196Beyond Tomorrow
The galactic war has shaken the galaxy since prehistory, but mankind knew nothing of it. Like most of the truths of the universe, it was kept secret. Among the travelers arriving in New Westminster in 1879 is Cylas Renford of Indiana, a man seeking his fortune after trying a long string of trades. His new friend and companion, Morninghawk, warns him of strange occurrences in the wilderness and the myth of a secret people, but Cylas fails to heed the warnings. An innocent walk in the woods and a series of coincidences will bring Cylas face to face with criminals, monsters, startling weapons, the secret people, and will culminate in being propelled Beyond Tomorrow. Written in the tradition of American dime novels of the 19th century and the planetary fantasies of Edgar Rice Burroughs, Beyond Tomorrow is a pulpy first person tale of adventure in a future where the world itself has become an alien place. This LGBTQ adventure has a gay male protagonist and is non-explicit, in keeping with 19th century pulp writing. This work has been broken into sub-chapters for its posting here and will be updated regularly.
8 87Adam & Eve: A Romantic Sci-Fi
After hundreds of years traversing the vastness of interstellar space, the ship's artificial intelligence begins gestating frozen embryos. It will raise and educate the men and women who will colonize a new world. Unfortunately, the gestation chamber fails after only two children are birthed. With questions to homeworld requiring years for an answer, the AI is uncertain how to continue the mission as their destination looms closer. Meanwhile, alone on the ship, the two children grow into adults under the watchful eye of the AI and its robotic avatars. ------------ Release Dates Prologue — 2022 June 24 Chapter 1 — 2022 June 24 Chapter 2 — 2022 July 01 Chapter 3 — 2022 July 07 Chapter 4 — 2022 July 14 Chapter 5 — 2022 July 21 Chapter 6 — 2022 July 28 Epilogue — 2022 August 04 [end] STEM Puzzles — 2022 August 04 Copyright © 2021, Mark Wilkinson. All rights reserved. No part of this book shall be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means, electronic, mechanical, psychic, copying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher. Published by MarkWilx, MarkWilx and the MarkWilx logo are trademarks owned by Mark Wilkinson. Cover image: Composition by Mark Wilkinson via Affinity Designer by Serif; background, “GOODS/ERS2 FIELD,” by Hubble Space Telescope; public domain; credits: NASA, ESA, R. Windhorst, S. Cohen, M. Mechtley, and M. Rutkowski (Arizona State University, Tempe), R. O’Connell (University of Virginia), P. McCarthy (Carnegie Observatories), N. Hathi (University of California, Riverside), R. Ryan (University of California, Davis), H. Yan (Ohio State University), and A. Koekemoer (Space Telescope Science Institute). Text: Title text is Edwardian Script by International Typeface Corporation. Header text is Myriad Pro (sans-serif) by Carol Twombly and Robert Slimbach, Adobe. Body text is Minion Pro (serif) by Robert Slimbach, Adobe; and Courier (fixed-width) by Howard “Bud” Kettler, IBM. Font appearance may vary in electronic presentations. Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. The author does not imply an interpretation of, nor does he contest, the account of Adam & Eve contained in Genesis, The Holy Bible, which can be found at the website for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints or other Christian faiths. He invites all to read and ponder this book of scripture, and to seek divine inspiration in discovering its teachings. Disclaimer: This book is also available for purchase as a DRM-free ePub or Mobi from Amazon Kindle, Apple Books, Barnes & Noble, Drive-Thru Fiction, Google Play, and Rakuten Kobo.
8 321Write Better: Tips and tricks
The guide for aspiring fiction writers who want to improve, sharpen, review, and/or learn. Warning! This book encourages editing and contains many tips that often require revision. Practice makes perfect, and it's good to workout your mental muscles. The more you do now, the better your writing will be later (because you'll correct yourself *before* you get it on paper). If you think your writing is perfect or you're lazy or unwilling to try new shoes on your baby, just turn away now. You'll find this guide about as useful as hoarding frozen peas.
8 202