This person is conflicted whether to break up with their boyfriend or not.

Hello,

Sometimes, relationships don't work out the way we want them to. It's not fun, but it is a fact of life. From the sound of it, this is one of those instances.

I'd like to say, I don't normally, or at least I try not to, encourage people to end relationships without careful thought and consideration of the potential consequences. Not to say you haven't put in a lot of thought so far, but I digress. I try not to encourage ending relationships the moment something uncomfortable or upsetting comes up because that is bound to happen at some point in any relationship, romantic or otherwise. From your request, I see several red flags with your boyfriend, and I completely understand your worry.

Honestly, in my personal opinion, I think ending it might be the best option. He seems to have issues with communication, for one, which is a major red flag for any relationship. If he isn't willing to communicate his needs or insecurities with his partner, the relationship is already off to a rough start. On another note, when you asked after his emotional well-being, his defensiveness is concerning. Whether it stems from issues with vulnerability or an inability to regulate his emotions, it isn't a good thing for the health of this relationship. His secrecy is also concerning, especially considering how new the relationship is. All in all, not a good look.

Here's what I suggest. Try talking to him. Tell him how things look and feel from your perspective in as calm and composed a manner as you can manage and see how he responds. Be honest. Your feelings are just as valid and important to the well-being of the relationship as his, and they need to be communicated thoroughly and clearly. You can even try to normalize this conversation between you two by speaking about yourself first. If he hears you out and then communicates where he's coming from (i.e. the mature choice), you can start working through things together from there. If he doesn't let you talk or gets defensive or something else along those lines, then that's a pretty good sign that this relationship isn't going anywhere good, and you might as well back out before it gets to be too much to handle.

I hope this helps, love. Give it some thought, and feel free to visit us again anytime!

Best of luck to you,

The Advice Column Team