It burned like fire—in my throat, my lungs. It spread through every limb, fingertip, even the hairs on my head until suddenly it all ripped away, from every inch of my body, like my blood vessels were wrenched right out of my mouth all at once. It tore a scream from ragged lungs before it was gone, gone on the wind that whipped through the night, and I grasped desperately at air, if only to hang onto it for one more agonizing moment.

And then... it was just nothing. A steady drip of blood linked my bleeding nose to the cold, wet stone. A maw opened inside me, a deep crater that had once been full, now empty. So empty.

My unblinking eyes fixed themselves to my Animaré's corpse, the arrow in her chest like death's flag claiming her as his own.

I finally took a shaky breath that echoed in my ears before suddenly the chaos of the storm erupted around me once more. Thunder boomed in my chest and the rain pounded mercilessly on my skull. Somewhere below I heard cries, but they rang hollow in my ears. This was a nightmare, a dream gone horribly wrong, and I needed to wake up, because she couldn't be gone, she couldn't be...

I grit my teeth and somehow managed to stand, my mind swirling like the storm. The currents screamed in protest as I instinctively reached for them, refusing the call of my broken and bloodied soul. Magic so familiar recoiled at my touch, replaced suddenly by a sinister cauldron within me, hot and brimming, ready to boil over. I jerked away like I was burned, the dark mass filtering through my ribs like tattered cloth to settle in my chest.

Animaré magic always came from within, from my Bond. This was powerful and foreign, rising from some uncovered well deeper than I could ever hope to dive.

I stumbled backward from the cliff, my gaze flitting across the storm-torn rocks below without registering a single detail. The howl of the wind mingled with the crash of water on rock and I pressed my hands over my ears in search of one moment of calm, clutching the now hostile currents to my broken soul. Fear sunk its fangs into me, gnawing at my resolve until I broke.

Run.

The word barely left my trembling lips before my feet were taking me out into the night, into the rain, into the storm. The downpour blurred my vision—I stumbled along blindly, praying a cliff's edge wouldn't end my flight. At the same time, I almost wished one would.

The faster I ran, the louder I imagined footsteps behind me. Heavy treads that thudded above the rain, a looming shadow deeper than the night, putrid breath wheezing over the wind. My head was still spinning, my soul still bleeding, but I was gripped by a terror that drove me onward. I flew far away from the pain and death, the dark spring that blossomed within me, the lightning that arced through the air on my heels. All of it was chasing me, waiting to devour me the second I stopped pushing, the second I paused for one second to catch my breath.

My legs were aching and bloody, my muscles screaming louder in protest than even the wind in my ears. The rain streaked across my face and mixed with my tears, and each drop that slid down my cheeks slashed a scar on my heart.

"Lylisia..."

The name seemed to slip out of my mouth and catch on the wind, flying through the rocks and howling through the storm, until my whisper turned to a scream and my heart turned to ice.

* * *

My back was against a tree, and the sun was in my eyes.

Who knew how I got there. Maybe I ran until my legs gave out, and crawled after that. It didn't matter. I didn't really care.

The sun warmed my skin, but I didn't really feel it. I sensed the wind whispering in my ears, but the world seemed muffled. My mind should've been spinning but it was just... blank. A terrible numbness crept over my pain and I felt a shroud pull over my senses, my thoughts. I was shrinking back into the corners of my mind, barely feeling my bruised and battered body.

Her soul had ripped from mine at the seams, and now I was wrung dry like a rag thrown into the corner, filthy and bloodied. A hundred times I reached for her soul for relief, and a hundred times came up empty.

I fell asleep, and we got surrounded.

If only you had been there, you could have saved her.

Koren could have saved her, he just wasn't fast enough.

If only he had died instead.

He didn't save her.

He let her die.

Voices melded together in my head and mingled as one. Anger seeped silently into my thoughts until the voices sounded venomous and cunning. I shook my head violently.

Lightning arced through my chest like I'd never felt before, searing pain straight up my sternum. A ragged gasp escaped my throat and I doubled over, wishing all the more for the currents to respond to my touch. The feeling dulled somewhat after a while, but still ached with every movement.

Koren isn't responsible for her, I told myself firmly. The attack wasn't his fault.

Maybe it was yours then. The snide voice spoke up again.

No. Somehow it didn't sound convincing.

The sun inched across the sky. I couldn't summon the strength to rise—maybe my mind was broken. Darkness stole quietly over me, stars above ever twinkling. I didn't move.

A shadow shifted. My eyelids must have drooped, because they fluttered open, aware of the threat.

Something was watching me.

With enormous effort I turned my head. Surely if it wanted me, it could have me by now.

The shadow simply sat still, waiting. I tried to focus blurry eyes on the dim outline.

"I am afraid I was too late."

Too late? Who was this?

"My deepest condolences. How regrettable to meet under such sobering circumstances." The voice rumbled low.

"Whatever you want, just take it already."

"Such hostility. Expected... but you are different."

I couldn't help myself. "Different. How."

"Than others of your kind. Great tragedy has brought you low, but in your ashes may rise a great salvation. You are Solace."

My sharp intake of breath betrayed me. The anger rose white hot before I could stop it. My knife was out of its sheath, though I couldn't remember drawing it. Whatever darkness roiled within me fought the shroud choking my thoughts.

The figure stood slowly, an elegant movement, fluid. Sitting down in perfect shadow, it hadn't looked menacing, but now that the man stood, I realized I wouldn't stand a chance against him.

He was huge, towering well above my own full height. A large hood was up, casting his face in shadow, but the rest of the cloak flowed to the ground in full view. A huge two-handed sword, almost as dark as the night itself, dangled loosely in one gloved hand. We were both motionless for a breath.

"Solace."

The magic spiked again, a jolt to tired joints. My voice barely rose above a whisper. "How did you know that? You saw them—kill—her." The words stuck in my throat like tar.

He sank back to the ground. "The Glæ'kromb are innocent of Animaré blood. Another has so mutilated your soul—Bërrha."

I let him go on. Nothing he said made sense. The unfamiliar words had to be Baldük, but that didn't help me decipher them. What was a Baldük doing here?

"Though this man has struck you down, his own hand may seal his fate. He has primed you for revenge."

Magic purred in my chest at the thought, but I would have laughed if I could've summoned the energy. "Not anymore." I didn't know how else to say how low I'd fallen. My power was a shred of its former strength, the only magic left in me wild and uncontrollable.

"The Solace have their own ways," the man said. "You may be whole again."

I shook my head slowly, a lolling gesture side to side. "Don't feed me lies. I don't want your help, if that's what you're trying to give. And I'm not your puppet to dance for empty promises."

They couldn't have, but I swore the shadows gathered deeper around him.

"You will die from this affliction. And a great evil will walk freely among the people."

I ignored him. The shroud won out against the magic, which sank slowly into another deep sleep.

"It will destroy you, Solace, and your curse will be for nothing."

He stood again—but what could he do that hadn't already been done to me?

"You squander the strength within your very soul. Its appetite will be insatiable if left unchecked."

More words. My knife fell from my loose grasp.

With one swift motion, the figure swept up the knife and buried it up to the hilt in the solid rock at my feet. I jumped, bursting through the mind-shroud as if stung.

The voice, so cool before, turned to a snarl. "Perhaps not so different after all."

He was gone in a blink, swallowed by the maw of the night. He broke through the mist though, somehow, and woke me from the numbness that'd set in on my mind. I was awake suddenly, as if I hadn't been before, turning it all over and over.

Can I really be fixed?

* * *

I woke early when the sun peeked over the horizon. There didn't seem much reason to go anywhere, so I stared at the ground for a while. Footsteps came into earshot.

"Koren!"

My eyes didn't even refocus.

"Koren! It's Sedris! He's here! He's alive!" Andrin shouted.

Before I knew it, he'd rushed to kneel beside me and wrapped his arms around me. I let myself go limp and struggled to smile.

"I'm alive, you can let go now."

"Sedris what happened to you? We've been looking since yesterday, we thought you'd be—I mean, we just, you know..." Andrin took me by the shoulders and shook me gently. "Sedris? Can you hear me?"

"Sedris! My god, we didn't even think you'd survive, we—" Koren sprinted up and crouched beside Andrin.

"Koren I don't know what's wrong with him, he's barely responsive. Do you think it's how he is now?"

"You found him like this? Has he said anything?"

"I already said I'm alive. What more do you want?" I brushed Andrin off and stood shakily, staring determinedly off over the hills.

"Enough?! Is that—"

"Sed what's going on, we thought you were dead, now you show up here," Andrin cut in. I could feel his eyes on the back of my head. "What happened, how did you even survive?"

I took a deep breath, my eyes fixed on a random point in space. "We all watched her die. You know what happened. I'm Solace." I choked on the last word, but turned to face my friends anyway.

Andrin looked desperately to his Animaré. "I guess yes, but what, does that mean you're not you, do you just need time to...?"

I shrugged. Andrin was a step closer to me than Koren, hurt and confusion written all over his face. I felt bad somewhere deep inside. Koren stood with his arms crossed, eyeing me closely. Eventually he spoke.

"You're coming to Aelridia?"

"I..." I was going to say something angry. I wasn't even sure why. But instead I said what I was really thinking. "You still... want me to come?"

"Sed of course we want you to come, why would this change anything, we need you, especially now, more than ever."

Koren nodded along with the Baldük. "You don't have to be someone else Sedris."

A spark, in my darkened soul, a ray of light to pierce the clouds. This mist, it hung heavy over me, but maybe if I could manage a gulp of fresh air.

"Then we go to Aelridia." I didn't know what else to say. It was a one in a million chance to survive the death of my Animaré, yet here I was. The same, but... not. "I guess let's get going?"

Andrin shook his head, his usually light demeanor gone. I couldn't find a shadow of a smile on his stony features. "First we need to fix you up. Have you seen yourself? You'll need bandages, ointment, and definitely some guave." He was already reaching into all manners of pouches on his belt and hidden in his cloak. "I'd love to put that leg in a splint and both arms in a sling, and I bet you're starving, it's been a full day."

He started going on about medication, eventually talking to himself more than anyone else. I forced a smile and met Koren's gaze, nodding pointedly to Andrin. Koren continued to study me, not even raising an eyebrow.

Andrin forced me down onto a nearby rock in order to properly dress my wounds. It wasn't until I surveyed my body in the daylight that the full effect of the past 30 hours hit me. I was covered from head to toe in scrapes and bruises. There was a deep gash in my right calf and my palms looked like I'd played catch with a cactus. As Andrin cleaned my wounds, a sharp smell stung my nostrils. I winced as he gingerly dressed the gash on my leg.

"This is going to hurt."

I barely had time to brace myself before he poured what I presumed to be guave into the open wound on my leg. Tears welled in my eyes and I bit my shredded lip to keep from making noise. I searched for anything around me to keep my attention off the pain.

Were it a different situation—that is, if my Animaré was there, dressing my wounds right alongside Andrin—the view would've really been quite beautiful. We sat at the top of a tall hill with a relatively flat, rocky peak. A single tree grew to give us shade, and undoubtedly I had collapsed against it the night before. The foothills of Lisparr stretched before us. Rolls of rock swam up and down in gentle, endless waves. Far to the south I could just barely make out the trees of Lisparr, while if I strained my eyes against the rising sun, Corvel forest loomed.

Another spike of pain wrenched my focus back to earth. I needed to get away from my thoughts.

I turned my gaze away from my leg after Andrin muttered an apology. Koren, who had been standing stoically until now, crossed slowly to the place I had sat while the sun rose. He crouched in front of the knife hilt still buried in the rock, then wrenched it back out. I accidentally caught his eye and he raised an eyebrow at me.

"There!" Andrin said. "I think I've got you bandaged up as best I can. As long as you don't put too much weight on that leg you'll be just fine to walk." I cast my gaze to the ground, thankful Koren didn't say anything. "You got lucky it didn't cut all the way to bone," Andrin continued. "How on earth did you get anywhere on it anyway? You must have walked for miles to make it here from—"

"Andrin we should get going," Koren cut in. I could feel his eyes burning into my forehead. "We wouldn't want any more unwanted visitors."

Andrin faltered but seemed to catch the edge in Koren's voice. I kept my eyes fixed on the ground. "Um, yes you're right. Up you get Sedris, and we'll be on our way."

I nodded and allowed him to help me up, looking anywhere but Koren's face.

The pain in my leg grew as the day went on, but I embraced every throbbing step I took. The shroud of the previous day seemed to settle upon my soul as the darkness crept up to swallow the sun's light. With every passing minute, the allure of withdrawing into my own mind grew. I wanted to shrink back into my thoughts and shut out the world around me—to numb the loneliness, because at least then it'd be my choice. I wanted to, that is, but every spike of pain through my leg kept landing me right back in the real world.

Focus on the pain. Focus on something. Feel.

The thoughts echoed through my head for hours before we made camp and I could rest in the shelter of darkness and silence.

But all of it, the dark, the quiet, I was drowning in it. I had no idea how to escape, how to get out of my thoughts and free myself from the shroud that clouded my mind and left me confused and out of breath. My soul seemed the only one for miles, isolated and alone as the currents pressed in on me. I was afraid only the angry magic deep inside was stopping them from snuffing me out. I reached for Lylisia's presence for strength and comfort and came up with the tattered edges of my own soul.

For a while I struggled to take deep breaths. It was difficult to refocus my eyes and look around the clearing. I couldn't bring myself to speak, to beg for help from my friends. The shroud had surrounded my mind and my heart and I could barely think, let alone open my mouth.

So I sat in silence.

The sound of the forest, of my friends, the fire, it all faded slowly as I became lost in torturous thoughts. I pleaded with the world to interrupt them. I begged the currents to save me from my own broken self. No help came.

If only you had been by her side, the mocking voice said. I had no answer. It could have been you instead of her.

I lifted my eyes from the ground to the sky, tears welling up faster than I could blink them away.

If only, it sighed. You would've been faster than Koren.

My stomach twisted. I wanted to scream but couldn't find my voice. I couldn't even find a voice in my head to defend myself.

Cruel, what happened to her. You deserved to die instead.

The slightest shake of my head was all I could muster. I closed my eyes to block those words—the deadly, poisonous thoughts.

Save me, I begged. Anyone.

"Sed?"

The words seemed so far away.

"Sedris?"

Anyone.

"Sedris." Suddenly it was crystal clear. The shroud hadn't left me. Andrin stood in it with me.

I blinked back tears and locked eyes with him. "I'm here." My throat was bone dry.

"Sedris we—what's going on?" He sounded on the verge of tears himself.

His voice was my lifeline. I struggled to say anything back. It felt like such a monumental effort to manage anything more than a furrowed brow. Koren saved me from needing anything more.

"This affected all of us, but you most of all." He chose his words carefully. "We know you're still you. But what happened? We have to know what happened to you."

"Why would I have changed."

"He didn't mean it like that, we just mean this new version of you, we don't understand you, or what you've been through. We've never known anyone who's..."

"Solace." The word slid off my tongue faster than I could stop it, and as it left my mouth, a spark floated in. The magic caught and burst into fiery rage, so quickly it almost came pouring out. I held it back and pushed it down.

"Yes, Solace." Andrin's voice was a whisper.

I flinched. It was all too much. Numbness was replaced by overwhelming, nauseating rage, and the ache was replaced by searing pain. I didn't want to explode with magic. That's the way I'd always imagined Solace—mindless monsters gorged on power and hungry for more. The terrible anger in my chest testified to that.

"Being Solace doesn't make me less human." I fought to keep my voice steady.

How can you be sure? I didn't know if it was my voice or the other one. It didn't matter.

"Of course it doesn't," Andrin said hastily. "We all know that, no matter what we've heard. The thing is, we don't know if what we've heard is true. We don't want it to be true about you."

"You think I'm going to explode and attack you both? That you're going to have to kill me? That I'm going to lose my mind to power? That I'll start killing for fun?" Andrin opened his mouth but I cut him off. "You think I'm so broken without her that I'll be nothing but an empty shell, waiting to be filled with magi—"

"Sedris." Koren caught my arm. "You know we don't."

For once, his stony features melted away, his brows knit together, gentle eyes searching mine. I held his gaze angrily. He was giving me a chance to let the rage go.