What are feelings? Why do I have them? Why are they so confusing?

~

Nate is still mad at me and to be honest I understand him. He thinks I played with his feelings and maybe I was doing that too, I don't know what I want anymore, what my feelings are. "Liam? Can I come in for a second?" What does she need now?Do I want to hear it?

"Yeah, come on in..." I stared down at my feet. "I want to talk to you about something." why can't she tell me right away what's wrong? It only gives stress. "Yeah, just tell me what's up." she hesitated for a moment. "Nate talked to me." she began. Oh no now it comes...

"He really likes you, Liam. It really is. I know he's your stepbrother, but he's not a blood relative, so basically it wouldn't be a big deal if you guys...well uh...were together. After all I also want the best for you and if you really want this, then why not." I looked at her, is she serious?

"So I thought, why don't you ask Nate out on a New Year's date. He probably doesn't have anything to do yet anyway." a smile appeared on my face. "oh yes uhm, sure... Thanks mom!" I walked over to her and gave her a hug.

But first I have to find Nate... And this isn't going to be easy since I screwed up everything. That date comes in handy, I can get my mind off things and focus on Nate. 

Nate is my everything and always will be... I think? Oh my gosh why am I still hesitating! I slapped myself in the face and walked towards the living room, maybe Nate was there.

Nope

Ofc he isn't...

Wtf why am I this stupid...

I sighed and turned around. "I screwed up nicely again" I thought aloud. Suddenly I was facing Nate. Wtf Nate how did you get here all of a sudden. "Oh..h-h-hi..." fuck. I didn't saw this coming.

"Did you have fun with Max?" I heard the irritation in his voice. I shrugged. I couldn't tell him how it really went because I know that would ruin everything. 

Anyway, I had to make Nate feel more relaxed and happier. 

"I missed you..." I admitted.

He looked at me briefly and nodded. "Mom said you talked to her, um, I actually wanted to thank you for that...Because..uh. Now I can see you whenever I want." "What's the point, you find your 'friend' probably much more fun." Nate walked past me and looked at the pictures on the wall.

"I like you." I said. I meant it too, and deep down I hoped he knew, that he wouldbelieve me and that he feels the same way about me. "I know you are angry, and I have often disappointed you and hurt you. But I really like you Nate." he paused. "Are you serious?" he's still doubting? "Yeah, of course I do!" I saw how a small smile gently appeared on his face and he nodded. "Please, Nate. Let me make it right." I begged. "How?""Go out with me on New Year." his eyes widened. "Are you asking me out now? On New Years?" he asked disbelief. 

"Yes, Nate, I do. Because I like you and I want to prove it. Only you matter for me. So please say yes." a long silence filled the room. Have I made him speechless?

It's really easy, it's either a yes or a no, why is he thinking so long? 

"yeah okay then"

I walked over to him and gave him a long hug. "Yes, yes, it's all right." he laughed . Yes! Thingswill be fine again

Finally