《Utterly Barbaric || Harald Finehair》xlvi

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Kari did not believe in being cursed.

She believed that everyone had the right to decide where their lives would lead and what decisions they would make. When she had decided to leave her life in Northumbria and embark on a journey far from home, she knew what she had been choosing.

A life where she would not know what to expect with a new day. A life where she would have to navigate each day carefully. A life where she was someone else, a different person from the woman who dreaded seeing other people for fear of their rejection or their misguided hatred.

She had been saying goodbye to the life she had known to be faced with uncertainties and new adventures. She wanted to live a life far from the one she knew, the one her mother had lived. Though she loved her mother dearly and missed her every day, the one thing she knew was she wanted to be as far from her mother as she could be.

How ironic life turned out to be when she was left behind at Tamdrup by her husband, while she was carrying their child. After they had arrived and settled once more, Harald had told her of his plan to go to England. Though he promised to be back as soon as he could, she knew better.

He was running away. From what, she could not begin to fathom but still, no matter what she said, it did not dissuade him from what he wanted to do. The gods loved to play such games and she was the unlucky subject of their mischief.

So yes, she did not believe in being cursed but if she thought them to be real, she'd think that she was cursed by the most hateful of beings out there. No one could have had such bad luck befall them this easily.

Her old self would have sailed after Harald, demanding he return or she would push him off the boats to swim back to whatever continent he wished to be in. However, even if she wanted to, she could not.

Letting out a sigh, she sunk onto the chair covered in thick furs as she felt her back act up. It flared with pain whenever she would exert herself and that morning, she had decided to visit the docks to see some old friends.

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Only now, it seemed that the child inside her sought to punish her for embarking on such a demanding task. At least, that was one good thing about it. At least she was not alone in this.

She allowed her hand to settle on her abdomen, her condition now evident for all to see. Sometimes, she would see people look at her with pity in their eyes, seeing her as a pregnant woman left behind by her husband.

It only made her want to throttle Harald even more. Once she gives birth to this child, she had half a mind to raise him or her on her own, not involving the father who had left them whatsoever. For someone who had been excited and overbearing about the pregnancy, he turned tail not even a moon.

She had been hearing the gossip of a war being fought in England, with her husband on one side and Bjorn on the other. Frankly, she could not find it in herself to care. He wanted to fight after losing so much, alright.

He could live his own life, and choose his own decisions. However, after what he did to her and their child, she knew that it would take some time to forgive him. If she ever decided to forgive him.

He had everything. He had a child on the way. He had a kingdom full of people who loved. He had his wife. He had the home and the family. Yet that had not been enough.

None of it had been. Not even her.

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Harald fucked up.

He fucked up and he knew it. He was an idiot but he wasn't stupid, just reckless, impulsive, violent, and all the other terrible qualities that he seemed to emit when he was on his own.

He had climbed aboard a boat and regretted it. He took over a group of vikings and it did not bring him even an ounce of satisfaction. He fought a battle and lost. Basically, everything was going to shit and it all began when he left.

No matter how many times he thought about returning, he would always change his mind at the last minute. It was too late. It had been too late when he realized his mistake in the middle of the ocean.

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It had been too late when he realized his mistake in the middle of battle. It had been too late when he was lying alone in bed, dreaming of the golden-haired girl who haunted both his dreams and nightmares. It had been too late ever since he decided to leave.

From that moment on, he knew that she deserved better. Better than a coward who was haunted by the ghost of his brother's death and his failure as a brother, a husband, and a father. Maybe he was not meant to be more than a conqueror, doomed to destroy and ruin, not to build and grow.

"What's she like?" Magnus's voice interrupted his thoughts as the young man's gleeful tone rang out in the hall.

"Who?" Harald grumbled, taking a sip from his cup as the supposed son of Ragnar spoke.

"Kari Ragnardottir. My sister. I have heard that she is your wife." Magnus spoke, looking at him and expectantly waiting for an answer.

Just as the pain had started to fade away, just the mention of her name brought back an onslaught of agony to his chest.

"Kari, my Trouble, she is every bit of a viking any person could be. She is intelligent and fierce, brave and true. She's beautiful beyond words, the most beautiful woman to ever walk this earth. She's not afraid to fight for those she loves or afraid to fight you if you're wrong." Harald said, getting lost in his own mind as he recalled every single thing about her.

"I cannot wait to meet her then." Magnus grinned upon hearing the words before having his attention diverted to the entrance of the hall as his eyes fell upon a familiar man. "Brother!"

Bjorn Ironside strode into the hall, accepting the embrace from the younger man. "Magnus."

Harald grimaced at seeing the other man, anger still simmering within him as he remembered the way he saw Kari on the battlefield. "Bjorn Ironside."

"Well, come, come. Come." Magnus beckoned, pulling his brother to the throne on the dais and the king that sat upon it.

"Bjorn Ironside, how happy I am to see you. It seems that fate has, after all, brought us back together again. Who knew what the gods had in store for us?" Harald forced a smile, though his hand itched to grab his blade.

"Yes. Who knew?" Gunnhild decided to speak, seeing the intense gaze passing between the two men.

Before anyone else could say anything, Bjorn gruffly asked. "Where is Kari? Where is my sister?"

Harald answered, his knuckles turning white from how tightly he was holding the goblet. "She is in Vestfold."

Raising a brow, Bjorn questioned suspiciously. "Why has she not come with you?"

Ignoring all else, Harald threw his goblet at the wall and stood from the throne, coming face to face with the other man. "She is still recovering from the injuries dealt to her by your mother. She almost died, almost took with her the life of the child inside her."

Bjorn's expression dropped, his skin turning pale at what he heard. "Child?"

Harald reached out to draw his weapon, only for Magnus to come between them, a nervous smile on his face. "Let us not focus on things of the past. I only care that I've found my brother, Bjorn. That I am viking. That we shall reunite with my sister and attack Kattegat. All together."

Harald looked at Magnus before looking at Bjorn, anger clashing with logic as he pondered on what to do next. Kari would want him to be smart about things though that had never been one of his stronger suits, as she would say.

She was not here. She could not be there to say such things to him so instead, he would settle for the memory of her voice in his head. Until the time came for him to see her again.

"All together.

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Helloooo everyone!!! Wahhh am so excited to be publishing this chapter and starting the second part of the book. Can't wait for you all to read it!

Happy holidays to all! Sending you all my love!

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